my brothers and sisters in arms

So Who in the Bloody Hell is Cindy V. and or John Robo and why are they still saying these groaner jokes.

If you are not on the book of Face this entry is going to be somewhat of a boring post. You see many moons ago for lent one year I decided that I would give up good jokes and post each day a ‘dad’ joke. A number of years ago my friend Cindy V would also join in and it started as a contest on who could post the worst/groaner jokes. This year we started back on the jokes and then COVID-19 happened and we all had to shelter in place. Traditionally when Easter happens Cindy and I ease up and we stop polluting your timeline with our jokes. Well some of you messaged me and Cindy asking if we would press on. Then a couple of weeks Cindy had to go to the mainland for a couple days at the hospital. Personally I can’t believe that she got a boob job during the middle of a pandemic. But to each his own. While Cindy was away I had some of my friends fill in for her and post on her behalf.

Naturally some of my friends have inquired as to who in the bloody hell is Cindy V? I also have noticed some extra friend requests from people on the island. Since I am going to tag Cindy on this post we both took a question and Answer Survey.

So without Further Adieu I present Tink’s Mom.

Why is she doing Ja Morrant Goggles?

Who are you – Cindy V. a.k.a. Tinker’s mum.
Where were you born – Bournemouth in the UK. Where all have you lived – United Kingdom, Monaco, France, Egypt, Mexico, Belize

How many Different Countries have you visited in your lifetime – 37 – I had to get an alphabetical list up on google. Do you know how many times I got interrupted during that exercise? Where are you currently sheltering in place – North San Pedro, Belize. It’s hot, humid, remote and the power keeps cutting out.

Tell me about your family – The other half is The Commodore (that isn’t his real name even though he thinks it is). I have 2 geriatric monochromatic pets, Molly Polly the most evil old lady dog ever and a fat cat with half a tail called Basil. He was named after my favourite football player, Basile Boli. And a very tall 7.5 year old evil genius child – ask her to do her evil laugh, we’re not joking…. What do you do for a living – A lot. I exhaust my friends and family.

How did you meet Carbunkle Trumpet – Clueless but it probably involves Tacogirl. Most of the trouble in my life involves Tacogirl. Where would you rather be sheltering in place – In a pub.

This gets over and done with where are you first traveling – A quick check in with the family (UK and France) and then off to Asia.
What is the one thing that you miss going through all of this – my savings.

What is the most powerful thing that you read, watched, or listened to during this – My daughter break her wrist really chuffing badly and watching her bravery and resilliance. She is a rock star but man can she scream really loudly. Toilet Paper Roll Over or Under – Who cares as long as there’s some close to hand.

We all have talked about our Secret Silly thing we have done during this Pandemic, spill it – I watched Tiger King. What is the one thing that you wish you could be eating and in their restaurant what is it? – Fresh artichoke carpaccio made by my brother, in the upper garden next to the pool in Peillon.

Who is the first person you are going to thank when you can – My friend D. Feathers (name changed) for giving us non-stop help when we ran dry of booze, when we broke our wrist, when we lacerated our foot (man can I scream really loudly too), when we were forced into another 2 week strict quarantine further to medevac, for bringing us shopping, for forcing her friend into being our gopher and standing in lines when we weren’t allowed to, and the rest, and the rest. She has ordered me to stop saying thank you or she’ll stop helping. Boxer, Brief, Granny Panties, Thong, or Commando – It’s too hot for any clothes let alone undies.

Black and white is better when you are chubby.

Who are you – John Robo/Carbunkle Trumpet

Where were you born – Hospital of course….Oh Memphis TN in hospital that is now part of St. Jude Children’s research hospital.

Where all have you lived – Memphis, Fayetteville, Arkansas, Downtown Memphis (It really is two different places) Upper East Side of Manhattan, Downtown Brooklyn and coming in July Hudson Yards back in Manhattan!

How many Different Countries have you visited in your lifetime – Well over 20

Where are you currently sheltering in place – Brooklyn New York. Not the most enviable place given the current environment but I can always now say that I am a New Yorker and I have lived through hell.

Tell me about your family – Wife is Geranium (that isn’t her real name but we go by alias’ here) we have a 7yo dog named Maya and we have an invisible child called “the little bastid” He is 17 and still in the 5th grade

What do you do for a living – I am an out of work stripper who drives the tour bus at Graceland (I am happily employed but I don’t talk business on this media)

How did you meet Cindy (Carbunkle Trumpet) – I think that I virtually met her when her and (Name Deleted) were living together with Molly the dog. They were friends with TacoGirl and (Name Deleted but the same name too) and were featured on her blog. We became friends on FB and then I think the first (in real life) met her when she was working the bar at Pedro’s. I think the bond that brought us together was when Geranium was going through her bump in the road with Breast Cancer. Cindy also was doing a bump in the road and we kind of felt like kindred spirits. When we started the Lenten Jokes it was tongue and cheek. Last year when Notre Dame in Paris burned, I asked Cindy (we were going into Holy Week and that is when I turn my jokes into somewhat tacky Catholic jokes) should we stop or pause. Her comment was “Press on! Churches are old and they burn! We shall Keep Going!”

Now we are going through a Pandemic and coming soon are Murder Hornets – Cindy are we the cause of all this shite?

Ok, now lets have some fun

Where would you rather be sheltering in place – If it were domestically I would say New York but with a bigger place and a place to smoke my cigars – Internationally I (stop it) I would be ok living in a big place in Belize with Cindy, Andrew, Mum and Tink with all of our dogs. At least I could spoil the ever loving shite out of Tink and teach her how to speak southern.

This gets over and done with where are you first traveling – I want to go see the clear canals of Venice before we F them up again.

What is the one thing that you miss going through all of this – Sitting in a Dive bar in the East Village and enjoying the smells of stale beer, bleach and urine from the bathroom.

What is the most powerful thing that you read, watched, or listened to during this – The Last Sunday of Jazz Fest WWOZ played past performances of artists. They re-played Bruce Springsteen when he did Jazz Fest following Hurricane Katrina. Then to double down they played The Neville Brothers  on the Gentility Stage and Aaron Neville sang “Amazing Grace then 3 little birds”.

Toilet Paper Roll Over or Under – Always Over!

We all have talked about our Secret Silly thing we have done during this Pandemic, spill it – Yes I ironed my sheets and smoked a cigar in the middle of a Nor’Easter

What is the one thing that you wish you could be eating and in their restaurant what is it? – In Paris there is a French Bistro near the Eiffel Tower that has the best French Onion Soup I have ever had. Going there!

This answer is going to be different because thankfully the Pandemic didn’t hurt the Country of Belize as it did US (So Cindy feel free to change it up)  – Who is the first person you are going to thank when you can – The frontline healthcare workers and the ones who came to New York to care for us. The ones who have to ride the subways scared to death. The ones who were just as scared as the patients they were caring for. I (and I doubt visitors will ever be allowed in hospitals again) am bringing food, drinks, flowers, bottles of Jameson to each one of them and hugging them and thanking them. I mean this is going to be to the point of Financial Uncomfortableness for me, they and the Police, Sanitation, Delivery Guys, Grocery Store folks, anyone who is Essential you are getting love from Robo! . Then I am going to sit my shrinking ass on the Canyon of Heroes with my Cowbell when we have the biggest Ticker Tape Parade For Them.

Ok So I can’t leave you with a Tear Jerker – Boxer, Brief, Granny Panties, Thong, or Commando – You first Cindy!

So I hope you had a good laugh and distraction. Thanks Cindy for playing along.

Do Not Mock What You Have Not Experienced Firsthand

So when I posted a couple weeks ago (was it March or was it that long time in April, hell I can’t recall) about my ironing and starching of my bedding linen I got some looks. Not trying to call anyone out, Mrs. Otteralum, but I told this person that until you have slept on this then you can’t snicker at my secret pandemic behavior. Oh she is going to throat punch me when this is over. LULTU#1

Ty Middelton was correct, this is great therapy and it keeps me from drinking at 9AM on a Saturday.

So here is a brief tutorial on how to properly iron and starch your bed linens. Enjoy and smile because you are about to read a blog from a guy who blogged about ironing his bed linens. Oh and this is the Third time I have referenced ironing bed linens.

After washing and drying slide the pillow case in between your ironing board.
Align the seam on one side of the board. This is your reference point.
Hit the shit out of that steam button as you press this.
When Done pull it out (TWSS) and get the top and re-iron each side.
You got to get that stuff stiff (that is what she said)
You have to spray a lot of this shit on the linens.
Get the whole side done and then repeat.
Flip it over and get the other side.
Fold that sucker up and press it like you do Hankerchiefs
Folded and ready to go.
Ok so I don’t really get the fitted sheet ironed. I mean I can barely fold it.

Let me know when you do this. I promise you will love it. Thanks Mrs. Otteralum for playing along.

Downtown Brooklyn/Brooklyn Heights is Resting

Saturday was a little heavy for us so we stayed in and didn’t really want to get on any of the chat apps. I watched some Insta Stories and one of my favorite nowadays is Michael Rappaport. He had posted a now viral post where he tells parents to keep their kids at home. Saturday he reposted a video of a bike messengers wearing Go-Pro’s going about their way in Manhattan. Talk about strange seeing everything void of people and cars. The name of it was “New York is Resting” and I encourage you to go find it. It is pretty neat stuff.

So on Sunday I was dispatched to go get Easter Beer and some items I couldn’t carry from my Grocery store trip. I decided I would walk down to the Duane Reade on Fulton Mall. Guess what? That location is now closed so I had to walk my ass down to Brooklyn Heights. I left out early in the morning so that I didn’t have that much interaction with people as I knew a lot were going to virtual Mass.

To say the streets are empty is an understatement. Check out my 20 block walk.

Livingston Street – I mean guys this kind of shit never happens.
Flatbush and Nevins – This is like Germantown Road at Poplar Avenue.
This is looking back up Flatbush at Nevins towards the Barclay’s Center. Again Empty!
I mean you would normally have a guy begging for money here. Not anymore. There isn’t anyone riding the subways.
It reminds me of South Main with all the quiet buildings. BUT IT IS NEVER LIKE THIS!
One of the Urgent Clinics here that I am guessing have temporarily closed due to COVID-19. A lot of the urgent cares are being understaffed due to people quarantining or getting sick. To combat that they are closing urgent cares and sending staff to other locations.
Dekalb Market – There should be over 100 people sitting around this flower garden. Empty!
Over on Hoyt Street
I actually could hear the most famous 6 words said – “Stand Clear Of The Closing Doors” from here!
and S/O to my Kentucky readers!
This is the place who said it was ok to have 1 dog that weighed up to 75 pounds but having 2 dogs that a total of 12 pounds is unacceptable. The leasing agent said it was ok then they said nope. And they tried to keep our deposit.
I want to say this place opened in early March.
Yeah this place never made it to open. Seriously folks the restaurant framework here is going to be changed forever.
So here is where The Asian Fireman and AB the LSU Fan sit back and laugh.

Hey Bill (Debasio) how about you stop fucking riding from the UES to Prospect Park (in Brooklyn) in your NYPD detail to have an afternoon stroll and you close some city streets down here?

Explain to me how the in the World I am to walk here and maintain social distancing?

Oh and for those of you who don’t know but Gracie Mansion in in the Upper East Side and guess what is right next to it?

A New York city park. He is a bum I tell ya!
I have a feeling these guys won’t be back.

Hope you enjoyed the walk with me.

Pics of the Week Live From Belize!

Too Many Good Pictures not to post somewhere.

You Coming or Going? The Old Veteran Jet Holland!
Oh He is getting Bouchy!
Slow Your Role Tropic! It isn’t even the 15th of November and The Tree is UP?
Such a great addition to the island. Great Staff and Owners!
If you have to have a sign then there must have been an incident.
Over Achievers!
Good to See the Bronx Representing!
Note To Self – Only get on Boats that Have Bars on them!
View North from CV
The Famous Shrimp Sticks from Blue Water Grill!
Catching Up with CNN Belize Felipe!
Geranium – Please take a picture of that for me.
Me – Ok, I will but may I ask why?
Geranium – I want to make that my signature on inner office emails.
Me – Good Call
Did you know it was his birthday?
And that he is the same age as Belikin only makes it better!
View of the Pool from CV

It was a great trip!

“Should we return to our roots and go to a Redneck Show in Queens?”

Shout out to BK who is a faithful follower of this “Worthless Dribble” of a blog! (putting this here so it will appear in the header of my Social Media posts)

Regarding the Title…that was the body of the text message that I got from (Name Withheld To Protect our Northern Values) about 6 weeks back. So it would appear that Hank Williams Jr was doing a show with Lynyrd Skynyrd in a farewell tour for Skynyrd at Forrest Hills Stadium. Now before I sell out the person who sent the text message I doubled down on them. I informed (said) person that I will have to check. I told them I know “a guy” who works on the Hank tour and I would message him to see if 1- he still was still on tour and 2 – he could get us some better seats.

BK responded back to me saying that he could take care of us and get us some tickets (he knows I am not a ticket mooch) because I wanted to see him and hang out. For those of you wondering who this BK guy is…..well… we served time together. I am not talking about Federal “Pound You In The Ass” Prison, I am talking something much worse…. A month long festival that included a 3 day Music Festival, Rednecks with Smokers and then KC & The ‘Mother Fucking’ Sunshine Band! Oh did I mention that we also had an almost Tornado hit the park so on night 2 of the Music event we evacuated >30K people? Yep, BK and I may have been different ships at sea at the time (I was fun-employed, he was about to get married the following January) we respected each other and played well with others which made it easier to deal with that crap……Well…..Except for the WCBCC Volunteers. We both would choose Communism over them! (that may take a hit on the blog but nobody reads this shit anyway)

Say what you will about Social Media and Facebook. I don’t post much on FB except to plug this worthless dribble but BK and I kept up with each other via this platform. When his (Saint of a wife,I might add) posted that she needed some birthday cards for BK’s monumental celebration how did she get the word out? Facebook. Anyway this was the mode of keeping up with our lives for the past 9 years.

Flash forwarding to the show. Let me tell you (sorry Maria) but Forrest Hills Stadium FUCKING ROCKS as a venue! Holy Shit and it is fun as crap too with the Food Trucks and the booze! The fact that its nestled in the middle of Forrest Hills Queens (MEMPHIS FOLKS – Think Cross between Mud Island Theater Seating but in the midtown are like the Levitt Shell Location) it blows my mind. Oh and the line up this summer isn’t that too fucking bad either.

So before I go into the pictures; Thank You BK. Thank you for tickets and thank you for following this worthless dribble of a blog. But most importantly thank you the fact that one of these days I won’t have to come to your office so we can hang out have some laughs. “Play it Loud” runs at the Met till the fall so come on up! If not I welcome a trip down south and we can giggle at some of the stuff we have seen over the past 10 years. Thank you.

The current Line Up for Forrest Hills. Hey GurleyGurl, Dessert Buddy & Geranium’s Sushi Buddy, and naturally Doty – September 11th. Come Up! You Got a Guy!
Pic of the Venue from Sound World
Like I said, Small Venue but its fun and lots of history!
Venue from the Food Trucks/Tents
Tons of Food and Drink – Bring your wallet!
Seriously, Thank you Billy! I might add we still look good for all that clean living too!
Hank Jr Baby!
The ICON and his son.
Oh these Knuckleheads tagged along too!
So did these Knuckleheads too!
This actually is one of the greatest live Concert Pictures that I have ever taken from an iFoam. And the Fact that Jethro in front giving us Double Hook em Horns is even better!
As expected, I didn’t post a picture of us at the event. I promise we were there. I need to work on those Robo Selfies!

What a great Sunday in Queens. Anyone want to come up for September 11th. I want to go see Willie……

One Year Ago Tomorrow – We Lost A Great Traveler

I recall it like it was yesterday. The first text came from GrainbinGirl at like 7:AM (6:AM Memphis Time) then the next came from Pepe. “Anthony Bourdain was gone and by his own hand.” *Disclaimer – I have lost many a good friend and family member by their own hand. This post is not in any way shape or form trying to speak of this horrible disease. Sadly it takes too many good people*

Best Friends

So the loss of Antony Bourdain has bothered me for a while. Now that I have just finished up on a whirlwind tour with Shawna (yeah, I am serious when I use real names) I miss him even more.

Tunisa

For this post I plan on speaking about some of Tony’s quotes that I hold dear to my heart.  His friend Jose Andres said it best in his latest book in the tribute;

To our friend Anthony Bourdain, who spent his life planting seeds

That man put a bunch of seeds in my head and I owe it to him to make them grow and experience some of what he got to see. Let’s be honest….the Cock Sucker had the best life in the world and I am so grateful that I can try to do as much as I can!!! Enough with the chatter. Here are my favorite Bourdain Quotes in no sequential order and some notes;

  • “Travel changes you. As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life — and travel — leaves marks on you.” – Loved my trip to a small town in Switzerland. You don’t get the same experience in the larger towns. Here I was just an American who couldn’t speak French and didn’t know I needed to bring a bag.
  • “If you’re twenty-two, physically fit, hungry to learn and be better, I urge you to travel – as far and as widely as possible. Sleep on floors if you have to. Find out how other people live and eat and cook. Learn from them — wherever you go.”Or if you are 49 years old do this and load up on the ADVIL! I am not going to lie, the travel I did to see Shawna was tough but I look back and loved every minute of it!
  • “The journey is part of the experience — an expression of the seriousness of one’s intent. One doesn’t take the A train to Mecca.”I landed at Heathrow exhausted but figured out the Tube Schedule, walked my ass through the rain and got to the hotel. I could have wimped out and paid a King’s Ransom for a Black Car but what is the point if you aren’t going to see and experience Rush Hour into London on a Friday?
  • “I’m a big believer in winging it. I’m also a big believer that you are never going to find perfect city travel experience or the perfect meal without a constant willingness to experience a bad one. Letting the happy accident happen is what a lot of vacation itineraries miss, I think, and I’m always trying to push people to allow those things to happen rather than stick to some rigid itinerary.”This was 100% Barcelona! I only had a list from The Notorious NFG but it was going to be a total wing it. I love that town. I want to go back and I want to go back now.  
  • “Drink heavily with locals whenever possible.”No Comment
  • “You learn a lot about someone when you share a meal together.” – Loved our visit with English Mike & Ellie as well as our visit with The Tour Agent and Curly Sue in Switzerland. I know that our paths will cross again and when it does. I plan on picking up from where we left off.
  • “Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”It is very well documented that I smoke cigars, drink alcohol on occasion, and need a cholesterol pill. Sure, I try to keep myself leaning towards the cleaner side of life but what’s the point of living if you can’t slide down butt naked on a sheet of ice. Yes, I ordered the damn goose liver and I loved it!
  • “I learned a long time ago that trying to micromanage the perfect vacation is always a disaster. That leads to terrible times.”I am hoping she never reads this but I so disagree with Z-Squared and her guerrilla vacation tactics. I love her to death and will be that “3AM phone call guy to come bury a body” guy but I can’t vacation with her. Let that shit roll off the back.

And will I finish with this one. I will always have the deepest respect and love for Ernie and Lynn Mellor for giving an out of work carnie a job.

  • “Barbecue may not be the road to world peace, but it’s a start.” – Nothing is better than standing over a hot smoker busting balls and or discussing life. I am always appreciate of the visits with the Asian Fireman in Woodlawn.

So, if you have not figured out by my already 900 words this is telling you to go out and explore. It doesn’t have to be in a different country. It can be in a different part of your home town.

All you have to do is be friendly, be respectful and always be humble.

How cool would it be if you were having a lunch on this beach?

Rest in peace Tony. I am still pissed I didn’t get to drink with you at Billy Mark but that is more for a selfish reason.

To honor you I will try to see as much of this world as you did.

The Week in Pictures

It was a good week last week. Here are some of the pictures from last week.

Have a good week and we will see you next week.

What in the world is Carbunkle Trumpet

up to besides being 5 foot 7 inches tall….

Maybe Taco Girl is getting some new undies from Rump Shaker, or maybe Taco Boy is getting a new thong from CBT….
Dear 9lb, 8oz Baby Jesus lying there in your Ghost manger, please don’t let it be the picture of Pedro on the steps at Lime….

TTK!

Bucket List (and I stole every one of these pics too)

A couple of days back I posted on my FB status update to pick what one thing that was true and it read like this;

  • Imagine that it is raining in Memphis on a Friday
  • I was fixing to board the plane for San Pedro to bring Laurie and Lara stripper wigs and a birthday present for Mary G.
  • After I drank my weight in beer I was going to head up to Playa del Carmen and celebrate Dia de los Muertos as I do realize that I probably am going to that ‘warm’ place but you have to get a little religion when you can.
  • that I just had my C.B. & S. waxed for my brand new sequined thong.
  • Or some bad comment about banging an octogenarian like a screen door in a wind storm.

Well actually other than the first and the last those in the middle are true. The hotel that we always stay in Belize has a Halloween party that is off the chart and from the pics that I stole off of FB it looks like the rain didn’t spoil any fun. One of these days!

Good to see that TG got her wig in time, she was cutting it close according to her texts
Hey Maya did you know that it was Mary G’s birthday? Look at the 21 year old, isn’t she cute!
I can’t bring myself to post the picture that is making this guy wear that outfit but I will just say that I am NUTS over Sir Peter! And I pissed myself when I saw the picture too!
As you can see I stole this from Dorian but the costumes are serious down there!

Stole this from Michelle from last years celebration in MEX
Again stole this from Dorian but you have to love the religious influence!

Maybe next year! (if we don’t go to Voodoo Fest with DCG and KLC Man!)

TTK!

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Let’s see I am 2 weeks behind on posts, the main pooter that I use is acting up so I am on the work laptop and that has more security than a nun in charge of nymphomaniac, hormone riddled 8th graders girls who are going to have a lock in with the boys school. (some of you are laughing uncontrollably right now!)
While I am on the work pooter and not posting pictures I would like to wish best of luck with the move to a new city to Ramblings and Shane as they move from our fair city to 3 hours closer to NOLA. These two were the first one who ‘slightly spooked’ me at Musicfest by walking up to me cold and asking “Hey aren’t you CBT?” I have since recovered and have lost horribly to them at Trivia down at Calhouns. 38103 is going to miss you two.
This weekend we also have the return of RxBambi in town for her High School reunion. I will just say that it is amazing that all of us got out alive and other than the occasional ‘case’ of wine we all lead normal lives. This is considering that we went to all-boys schools and all-girls schools! Rx your poor husband and my poor wife should write books about us, they could make some good money!
Ok, I will stop now but tune in soon folks, I promise I will be back to my normal self!

TTK!