North Vs South

And then it happened…….

So the Bar Wife/MILF and I would tweet each other this football season how much we hated football. Primarily this exchange was because our beloved Razorbacks sucked worse than Tennessee. Side note – I do worry that Bar Wife/MILF is introducing her daughter to all kinds of new curse words but only time will tell. I was telling her that she can become a Hockey Fan and I would even get her a New York Rangers sherzie if she wanted one. So far she is still sticking to her guns and not giving up on the Hogs. Before I go any further do you recall this POST when I called myself out for not watching much college football?

Well I did it again and this time I fear that I may be banned from Max’s Sports Bar because of it. Over the Thanksgiving holiday the work place had the suite in MSG. The event was for Red Hot Hockey which is Boston University vs Cornell in Men’s Collegiate Hockey. I invited some customers who actually were excited to attend the game (I found out that it is actually called a game instead of a match) and I got to take Mrs. Trumpet also.

As we were heading to the Garden I get a text from Utah TS asking me if I was watching the Iron Bowl (for you Yankees that is Auburn vs Alabama football game) and I had to call myself out. I wasn’t watching the game and was choosing ice hockey over college football. I know, I am kind of ashamed to admit it and I think that I may be also turning into the Las Vegas Canadian. #letsgoRangers

IMG_2272I am kind of ashamed to admit it to anyone but the Hockey was pretty good. And trust me when I say that the Fans get into it!

IMG_2258Since the Grizz are the new dumpster fire, I may officially become a fan of these guys.

IMG_2265Here is a cool thing that the Garden does. On the walls of the suite level they have pictures of past performers that have visited the garden. Yes that is Sting, Annie Lennox and Lenny Kravitz back stage.

IMG_0059Johnny and June Carter Cash

IMG_2266Elvis’ 1972 visit to the Garden. You got to represent!

IMG_2260Mrs. Trumpet – “man it is cold sitting in the seats”
Me – “Ice is cold honey.”

IMG_2262As usual the Garden was packed!

IMG_2263Fun Fact when Cornell scores they taunt the visiting goalie by chanting “It’s all your fault!” That didn’t go over too well with my work momma who’s son is on the 8th grade hockey team and is the goalie.

So hopefully when I visit Max’s Sports Bar in December the will serve me beer. I promise not to ask if we can put on the Rangers or Islanders if they are playing. I promise.

I hope you had a good laugh today.

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Maine is for Lovers – CBT takes his show on the road

One of Mrs. Trumpet’s work people took a trip up to Portland Maine this fall and was telling her about how neat the trip was. We have been sitting on our hands for a while since momma’s school schedule has been fairly tough and we were ready to get out of town for a weekend. I was in when I was told two things that peaked my interest; cheap beer & cold water lobster. We decided on the second weekend in November knowing that the weather was going to be a crapshoot.

Yeah it was cold on Friday and Saturday in Maine. But you know what, it was cold as balls in New York last weekend too! Hour long flight and we were at our hotel in downtown Portland. We made our way to the local bar and then headed to one of the places that was highly recommended for a proper Lobstah dinner. Now it has taken me 47 years and momma 29 years (see what I did there KLCMan) to come to a stark realization; we actually prefer Cold Water Lobster over Caribbean/Warm lobster. Here is another one that Mrs. Trumpet came to the realization on this trip. She prefers New England/salt water oysters over gulf oysters.

Now let me further set the records straight. Portland Maine fucking rocks! The people up there well…..they do speak funnier than New Yorkers but talk about some of the nicest folks! The price of beer and food is much cheaper than what we find here in New York but so is the cost of living. The little shops that we walked into had items that weren’t “New York Priced” and that can be contributed to the lower cost of rent and taxes. We found the shop owners to be pleasant and very helpful. Naturally the question of where we were from was asked as they picked up on our accents but that is ok. I never said that I had to take a Wicked Pissah!

IMG_2159Pro Tip – Always take a picture of your room number so when you come back “tired” you don’t look like a schmo when trying to recall your room.

IMG_2160Pay no attention to that Bud Light on the left of the pic. I had local beers, I promise

IMG_2167This was a nice touch during the Veterans Parade. Take a hat if you needed one!

IMG_2168Anyone need some funny socks? This was a whole store devoted to funny socks!

IMG_2169There is a ton of pride for the residents of Maine. I now get it!

IMG_2171Had some neat nik-naks in a lot of the stores

IMG_2174No Nova there wasn’t any fecking snow on the ground!

IMG_2178Man they love some oysters up there! Best ones that we had that weekend were Pemaquid, Flying Point and John’s River

IMG_2183To say that the seafood was fresh is an understatement.

IMG_2192I mean who doesn’t love cheap oysters!

IMG_2195Rather strange to see, they used half gallons instead of liter bottles.

IMG_21963 bucks a beer! RJ you see this!

IMG_2200Bruised and battered and we are heading home!

Yep KLCMan, we will be back in the summer and we may bring TQ with us too! We had a blast!

Lady Killer and Ba Take Manhattan 3.0

So back when we told the family that we were moving up to Manhattan there were mixed reactions. Naturally The Lady Killer, nephew, was luke warm at the thought of visiting us up here. Granted the kid was 10 but his list was pretty much the same as a lot of first time tourists;

  • Empire State (nope)
  • Jimmy Fallon Show (sorry dude you have to be 18 to see the show)
  • Ice Skating at Rockefeller Center (we ain’t visiting the ER this trip dude)
  • Statue of Liberty (how about a trip on the Staten Island Ferry instead)
  • 9/11 Memorial, Wall Street, Stock Exchange, Bull (think we got 2 of 4 knocked out)
  • Times Square (you must want a punch in the throat)
  • Nike Town (oh someone must have been on “the google”)
  • Gap in Times Square (just seeing if you are still paying attention)

Since this trip was the 3rd trip for Ba and the Lady Killer we had added trips to Stadium Goods and Fight Club. If you are not sure what those stores are, get a load of this shit. If you want to find a pair of those Patrick Ewing Georgetown Nike’s that were all the rage back in 1985? I am sure one of these stores has them but you better bring your wallet because you are going to pay a pretty penny for them. This trip Lady Killer didn’t get any fancy old school shoes but he did swing by The NBA Store and NikeTown to get some swag.

IMG_1979Tortured J-Bob a little in saying that it was going to be closed during the weekend for cleaning. He didn’t buy it!

IMG_2009Lady Killer and Cuz AL (in addition to shaving that shit off his upper lip we are going to work on his smiling)

IMG_2010How can I snub someone who came to Patrizias to celebrate their birthday. I may be an asshole but I am not an insensitive one. *photo credit to AL

IMG_1999Lady Killer and “My Aunt Bette” – Again dude why no smile? Oh and next trip we are cutting the Bama Bangs a little.

IMG_2002Bacon and Tomatoes – What else do you eat at Peter Lugar?

IMG_2004Oh yeah, I had a mild chubby when they brought this sucker to the table. Pro-Tip – save some bread for the meat juice.

IMG_2005The View of one of the shoe walls at Flight Club. Please note that this picture was taken while I was sitting my big ass on a bench.

We had a fun time! Come back next summer and we can take you to Coney Island!

“Hey Memphis, you call XXXX at Patrizia’s on Broadway and you tell them Ritchie from Brooklyn sent you!”

So two Sunday Fundays ago we ventured over to Hell’s Kitchen and revisited Rudy’s Bar. While the Giants were going to lose on a last minute field goal to a Memphis kid we made friends with a guy from Brooklyn. “Ritchie” *not his real name* figured out that even though I looked Irish, spoke like I was from Texas but really was Italian turned into my best friend. We watched the Giant’s dreams get crushed and go 0-3 *S/O to Gurleygurl who may have a gun to her head b/c the boys in blue are now 0-4* Ritchie pretty much explained to me the better Eye-Talian joints here in New York. He recommended a joint in Williamsburg named Patrizia’s.

The comment that made me take his name and number down was epic; “Hey Memphis, you like Family Style service with pitchers of beer and bottles of wine? Then you need to go to Patrizia’s and forgettaboutit!”  I made a mental note that this place had to be on my short list and we needed to visit it. Editors Note – I realize that I will not be able to give this place proper justice because how can you describe an Italian Sing-a-long joint with food so good that you can’t get anywhere in Memphis? Well, I ripped the Band-Aid off. So here is where I am going to piss off some serious Foodies in Memphis.

Please tell me where you can get a 10 course top notch meal with free refills of wine, beer, sangria, coffee service with Sambuca and costs $60 bucks per person. Shall I type that again for you? 10 fucking courses, endless bottles of Red, unlimited bottles of White, Pitchers of Sangria, Peroni Beer and it only costs you Sixty Bucks Per FUCKING PERSON! Yeah I am going to have some people give me hate-mail for this one. Guido, feel free to come up and stay with us. Trust me, It is THAT good!

I do realize that there maybe some old Memphis Giovanni’s alum readers out there so get a load of this menu from their pre-fixe menu;

  • Burrata with tomatoes
  • Eggplant Parmigiana
  • Margherita Pizza
  • Fried Calamari
  • Baked Clams, Mussels and Grilled Baby Octopus
  • Lobster
  • Fried Squid with Shrimp
  • Homemade Pasta
  • Lamb Chops or Chicken Scarpariello
  • Assortment of Italian Desserts

Did I mention that we drank bottles of wine, pitchers of beer and it was perfect Italian Restaurant sing-a-long joint too?

IMG_1769We sent this picture over to Travel Queen/3 Day Traveler the day we walked in!

IMG_1770That;’s not Ritchie but doesn’t this guy look like Percy who used to live in Memphis?

IMG_1793Let’s start with some drinks shall we?

IMG_1797I did had pictures of previous courses but for some reason I was too drunk to find them can’t find them. So here is my Entrée course of chops and pasta purses.

IMG_1795This place screams Family Style!

IMG_1796Its your Birthday! Its your Birthday!

1463320772220So Lady Barrister is going to bust me out because she realizes this is a stock photo I am posting. Yes I did steal a pic because we had too much fun the night of for me to take a pic.

IMG_1804Yeah, we paid 120 bucks for 2 people and we had a fridge full of food. It was comical when we were trying to settle up the bags with Lady Barrister.

So who wants to come up here and hang out at an Eye-Talian Chuck E Cheese Joint?

 

 

Carbunkle Trumpet Takes his show to the West Side

Sorry for the dead airspace, I have been kinda busy as of late. First of all, best of luck to UWS Holly as she heads ‘south of the border’ on Friday. We had a couple of Umqombothi’s last night to celebrate her new address. Anyway, now that Summer is over (literally I was debating wearing a puffy vest to the bar for Holly’s going away party) and the weather is supposed to be low 70’s this weekend I guess we will put those beach chairs away that we bought away for the winter.

This past Labor Day Weekend we had a couple crappy days of weather but decided to head over to the West Side for 2 reasons. One to head to Zabars Grocery on the West Side so that I could purchase a replacement gasket for my Eye-Talian coffee pot and to look around. And secondly because Mrs. Trumpet has never visited Zabars so we decided to make it a family trip.

Once again Zabars did not disappoint as we walked up and down the aisles avoiding the throngs of people trying to get a ‘smidgen’ of smoked mussels from what I hear is “To Die For!” After deciding that we could not afford the FDNY fine for having an open flame in the UES for a proper grilling party we headed further north. So you have heard us talk about the Murphranks right? So Lady Barrister went to undergrad at Columbia on the UWS so we decided to give that a look. We understand that they have a pretty good football team and are in the hunt for the National Championship. Funny thing is that we never found a football stadium but the Quad was pretty effin sweet.

I hear that they can beat Bama…..

IMG_1569So I have lived here for 2 years so I needed a new pair of “hipster hooves” as Mrs. Trumpet calls them. She is just jealous that I am not as puffy. #prayforRobo

IMG_1551Look above the bottled Water on that cart – You see that people have ordered charcoal to be delivered in the UWS. Where are they doing this grilling? Can a brother get an invite? Hello…..Is this effing thing on?

IMG_1570Have you ever tried to walk through Zabar’s grilling section with a raging hard-on? That was me this past Saturday…

IMG_1573Ahem RJ – You may need to check on the Asian Fireman. He is either slipping, cleaning the guest house, or preparing for Lightbulb. I gave him a reminder on my Quality Check. #robocares

IMG_1571The Walk of Champions at Columbia University

IMG_1572No that is not the Jefferson Monument in DC – That is the library at Columbia

142988855028617067891128_f27ec907fc_b-720x480So we also ventured to Streetbird. I don’t know if you have heard of a guy by the name of Marcus Samuelsson and his visit to Memphis but he had a blast. We figured that we would give him equal props. Blog Post to follow later.

IMG_1575Here you go you Gluten Free/BBQ Grill hating Work Husband Bastard. Hope you had a great poop because of these. FYI – These taste like shit.

Have a good day and Best of Luck to my Bar wife as she expels a child today!

 

Who does a guy have to feck to get some southern staple foods up here?

I get asked all the time what are the downsides to living up here in New York? It hasn’t changed since we moved up here;

  • You never have enough time.
  • If you are not careful you can run out of money.
  • The weather can be lousy.

I was reminded last night of that there is another downside to living up here. To go shopping for southern dishes you can’t just run to one store to get everything.

Case in point last nights dinner. We finally had a break in the weather and yesterday we enjoyed some below 80 degree weather. Mrs. Trumpet and I were discussing what we were going to cook for dinner and I suggested a veggie plate.

*For my Northeastern readers – we have a number of places that serve “Meat and 2” plates meaning a southern protein (meatloaf, chicken fried steak, ect) and some traditional southern veggies (mac & cheese, greens, black eyed peas, ect)*

We decided on the Veggie Plate (which is isn’t vegetarian by any means) and we texted a couple of different menu items. Mrs. Trumpet ordered some items from Target.com and one of the items she added to the shopping cart to get free shipping was Glory Brands Turnip Greens. I was craving some Fried Green Tomatoes since somebody on Facebook asked where they could get some Green Tomatoes. Next on the list was Black Eyed Peas since the last time I ate them was New Years Day. I was excited about the menu and was looking forward to whipping this one up in the kitchen.

I head out to my local fruit and vegetable ‘guy’ on the corner of 69th & 1st and he didn’t have any Green Tomatoes. Next I headed to Morton (Just bend over and hope they use Astroglide this time) Williams and here is where my anger began. First off, they don’t carry Glory Brands, they only carry Goya. Goya is a great company and I don’t mean any disrespect but come on! They don’t have any Black Eyed Peas. They didn’t have any frozen, didn’t have any dried, and didn’t even have them in a can. As I am talking to a friend of mine about my shopping fail they inform me that I should head to 110th and Lex as they have a store that carries a lot of those items. Who da Feck has time to visit 3 stores for one meal? I can’t believe I am about to say this but I miss Gangster Kroger!

goyaNo disrespect to Mr. Goya but come on, can we get rid of the pink beans and maybe sell black eyed peas or have some more ‘southern ethnic’ brands?

glory brandsNipped this off the internet, I would kill to play less than a dollar for a can of veggies.

IMG_1374Since nobody carries Green Tomatoes, I went with Jersey Tomatoes and decided on making a Tomato Pie

IMG_1373Cup of Sharp Cheddar, Cup of Swiss, Cup of Mayo, Green Onions with Salt & Pepper is the ‘goo’ that makes the pie so good.

IMG_1377Of course I went with some skillet cornbread!

IMG_1375White Beans and that isn’t what Mr. Goya calls them. Oh and if you look closely you can see bacon in that pot. Bacon gives it flavor!

IMG_1376Sweet and Sour Turnip Greens! And no Morton Williams doesn’t carry fresh Turnips either!

IMG_1378Mater Pie, it wasn’t as good as Momma Mellor’s but considering I am up here fending for my southern life, I think it was just fine!

Have a good day and please if you can swing by the Cupboard or Little Tea Shop and tell Charlie and Sue respectively that Carbunkle misses them!

 

 The Great Philly Smoke Out

BBQ – The art of cooking meat via indirect heat and smoked wood
Grilling – The art of cooking meat via direct heat over an open flame.

Now that we have gotten that out of the way….again! Let me tell you about a great weekend we had in Glenside. You recall the BOOGIE DOWN BBQ we had last year? Well this year we headed to Philly for the similar event. The Memphis, Atlanta and Ft. Lauderdale contingent all represented well and naturally I hitched a ride with the Asian Fireman from New York. The menu was Pulled Pork, Ribs, Beef Brisket, and Beef Ribs along with some great sides and drink.

It was great seeing everyone and to see how all of the kids have grown. We all know that the adults have grown…..out and it was great to catch up with everyone.

IMG_1323Trimming the Pork Butts

IMG_1318Working on the Ribs

IMG_1319The Scraps Pan – That will get thrown away! Sorry LB’s Momma

IMG_1330Oh get used to a lot of uncomfortable things there Asian Fireman!

IMG_1325Beef Ribs waiting to get juiced and covered

IMG_1336Good Thing that Lisa Marie is only in 6 inch deep water – No Lifeguard on Duty

IMG_1338And that is when it went downhill – The Kona Ice Slushie Cart

IMG_1322All shined up and ready to cook!

Good to see everyone!

Pictures from the Week – Redneck Riviera Style!

I have one more thing to say about this pasts week trip but I am behind the 8 ball and heading to Philly for the annual Northeast BBQ extravaganza. We missed the Philly Boogie Down 2 years ago because “we were busy packing for our move to New York City!” *that still feels weird typing that*

Anyway have a good weekend, wish me luck. I am going to be drinking with my boy RJ. If we get him juiced like a Ferrari we may find someone to perform that vasectomy this weekend.

IMG_1266Friday night before we left for LA we went to the Cyclones game

IMG_1269The Park out on Coney Island is nice

IMG_1278You can’t beat the beaches on OBA

IMG_1282No I didn’t take this pic to be a perv (I made Mrs. Trumpet take it) these girls came out at sunset for the perfect light and spent 45 minutes taking selfies and snapchats. Naturally I photobombed one of them and they wanted my Instagram handle. I declined because I didn’t want to be a hashtag. #creepyolddrunkguy

IMG_1287These guys took 1:45 to set up everything. I timed them as I smoked my morning cigar.

IMG_1292Want to make a 9yo talk to you. Take their picture, post it on Instagram and then they will ask you how many likes they got. *do me a favor, find this pic in my Instagram feed and like it would you? L(squared) will get a kick out of it if we top 100

IMG_1297J-Bob – “How Many Cigars you going to smoke Uncle CBT?”
Me – “How many times you going to ask me stupid questions kid?”

IMG_1259Kitty came in town before we left out and we got to spend some time with her.

IMG_1303If you look above the “R” in Pershing you see the blonde in the red top? UWS Holly was trying to play Paparazzi on the sunset. I saw it and texted it to her. I told her that this is what happens when you venture on the east side of 5th Avenue.

Have a good weekend and we will see you on Monday.

Get Up Boys, We Are Going To Dine At An Epicurean Institution!

So I returned from The Redneck Riviera the other night. The trip was fun and it was great spending time with family and seeing some friends while in LA (Lower Alabama). One morning I awoke and decided that it was time to broaden the gastric horizon of my two nephews. I slapped them on the leg as they lay on the couch and told them to get dressed as we were going to have breakfast. One of the nephews wasn’t sure what the hell I was talking about but they both agreed since I told them that they didn’t have a choice.

Now you have heard my past foodie exploits here in New York; Dinner at Per Se (twice), Blue Hill at Stone Barns, Peter Lugar (twice), and a number of other great eating establishments. Now sadly New York does not have the Gastric destination that you can find everywhere south of the Mason Dixson line (or I haven’t found it yet) that is pretty much a staple in the Gulf Coast. The destination that I speak of you ask…..Mudda Effin Waffle House!

One cannot become a food snob without a deep admiration for the Waffle House. I mean just look at the cult classic move “Tin Cup”;

Molly: I’ve got money from the bet. Let’s go somewhere fancy and celebrate.
Roy: There’s nothing to celebrate. Besides, these are my people. I’m a Waffle House guy. Got to stay in touch with that.

Who can’t argue with that logic? I mean they serve Waffles, Eggs, and have a secret code for ordering hash browns. So I take the boys for Waffles and naturally I take control and order some Pecan Waffles for the table as an appetizer. They look at me like I have 3 heads. I order my breakfast of 2 eggs medium, side of bacon, toast, hash browns scattered, smothered and DOUBLE covered for my entrée. Shout out to the Neighbor on telling me about double covered (extra cheese) on my hashbrowns.  Naturally I can’t leave the table without a proper dessert so I order a big ole glass of Ice Cold Whole Milk.

*Pro Tip – It helps having 2 teenagers with you so you don’t look like the gluttonous pig that you really are because they only ordered simple breakfasts.

maxresdefaultYou have to appreciate that Bourdain ate at a Waffle House

IMG_1289I mean who doesn’t love a menu that also doubles as your placemat

IMG_1290I have no shame, I ate the entire effin meal!

 Have a good one and if you are near a Waffle House swing by and pour some syrup out for those who can’t eat there.

What do you do for groceries?

You would be surprised how many times we get asked that question. I swear that some people think that just because we don’t have a car or Kroger in Midtown we are starving up here. Granted we do have a grocery store right across the street but I am not a fan of Anal Rape and don’t like paying 100 bucks for 4 items that should cost 20 bucks in the suburbs.

We do have Fresh Direct and Peapod food delivery services but they don’t carry everything so we are forced to go out to hunt and gather. The Morton Williams across the street is ok for things you need in a pinch but they cost more than Whole Foods or a bodega and I prefer Fairways Grocery. A couple of weeks back my former boss, Ernie Mellor, posted a Grilled Corn and Butter Bean summer salad that we used to enjoy. I was craving that so I decided on Sunday morning I would venture up to E86th Street to get provisions. Now the Fairways is about 18 blocks away and schlepping groceries isn’t the easiest in New York if you don’t have a buggy. I bought one a couple years ago and it is great for carrying stuff to and from.

I jump on the Q to E86th street and thankfully the store wasn’t mobbed as one would normally expect. I credit this to lots of people being out of town and that it was rather early in the morning. I get my groceries and lug my cart back to the apartment and get to work on grilling some corn and make the salad. Dinner was excellent by the way.

IMG_1172Here is the recipe for those of you New Yorkers who wish to have something different.

IMG_1179Here is my little Cart while we wait for the Sunday Subway schedule

IMG_1180Fairly Quiet on E86th Street this morning.

IMG_1181Front of the store on E86th Street

IMG_1182Prepared Fruits Section

IMG_1195I knew that the little clip I picked up at Home Depot would come in handy. I can hang my buggy on the shopping cart.

IMG_1196The Produce Section is killer here.

IMG_1197Anybody need 40 pounds of Garlic?

IMG_1198This joint has a serious Butcher and Fish Monger Station.

IMG_1199Not going to lie there are about 20 different species of fish that I am not familiar with when I come here

IMG_1200A Casino Clam?

IMG_1203Went with Crab Cakes in honor of some former Memphian’s that are now new Baltimorean residents

IMG_1202Oh Look, the Gluten Haters have their own section.  Yep, I am going to take some shit from UWS Holly for this one. I have always poked fun of Gluten Free people and or Vegetarians saying that they were the new Al Qaeda because people used it as the new diet. UWS Holly actually is gluten intolerant and can’t digest it. Personally that sucks because who doesn’t love Jiffy Cornbread? Oh yeah, I am getting a text message for this one.

IMG_1201They love some Goya Canned Vegetables up here. Would it kill you to carry the Glory Brand?

IMG_1210Joker is packed to the gills ready to head back to E71st Street.

IMG_1211Here comes the Q Train

IMG_1212Just one subway stop. There were lots of people heading to Midtown to the Pride Parade

IMG_1213Taking Stairs with this cart is a pain in the ass. Thankfully they have lots of escalators on the new Second Avenue Subway line.

IMG_1214Finished the Corn and Butter Bean Salad (used a different version of cherry tomatoes to give it a different color)

Note to self – You are a fool if you don’t use one of the grocery delivery services for having bottled water, mixers or other heavy ass items delivered to your door.