North Vs South

What do you do for groceries?

You would be surprised how many times we get asked that question. I swear that some people think that just because we don’t have a car or Kroger in Midtown we are starving up here. Granted we do have a grocery store right across the street but I am not a fan of Anal Rape and don’t like paying 100 bucks for 4 items that should cost 20 bucks in the suburbs.

We do have Fresh Direct and Peapod food delivery services but they don’t carry everything so we are forced to go out to hunt and gather. The Morton Williams across the street is ok for things you need in a pinch but they cost more than Whole Foods or a bodega and I prefer Fairways Grocery. A couple of weeks back my former boss, Ernie Mellor, posted a Grilled Corn and Butter Bean summer salad that we used to enjoy. I was craving that so I decided on Sunday morning I would venture up to E86th Street to get provisions. Now the Fairways is about 18 blocks away and schlepping groceries isn’t the easiest in New York if you don’t have a buggy. I bought one a couple years ago and it is great for carrying stuff to and from.

I jump on the Q to E86th street and thankfully the store wasn’t mobbed as one would normally expect. I credit this to lots of people being out of town and that it was rather early in the morning. I get my groceries and lug my cart back to the apartment and get to work on grilling some corn and make the salad. Dinner was excellent by the way.

IMG_1172Here is the recipe for those of you New Yorkers who wish to have something different.

IMG_1179Here is my little Cart while we wait for the Sunday Subway schedule

IMG_1180Fairly Quiet on E86th Street this morning.

IMG_1181Front of the store on E86th Street

IMG_1182Prepared Fruits Section

IMG_1195I knew that the little clip I picked up at Home Depot would come in handy. I can hang my buggy on the shopping cart.

IMG_1196The Produce Section is killer here.

IMG_1197Anybody need 40 pounds of Garlic?

IMG_1198This joint has a serious Butcher and Fish Monger Station.

IMG_1199Not going to lie there are about 20 different species of fish that I am not familiar with when I come here

IMG_1200A Casino Clam?

IMG_1203Went with Crab Cakes in honor of some former Memphian’s that are now new Baltimorean residents

IMG_1202Oh Look, the Gluten Haters have their own section.  Yep, I am going to take some shit from UWS Holly for this one. I have always poked fun of Gluten Free people and or Vegetarians saying that they were the new Al Qaeda because people used it as the new diet. UWS Holly actually is gluten intolerant and can’t digest it. Personally that sucks because who doesn’t love Jiffy Cornbread? Oh yeah, I am getting a text message for this one.

IMG_1201They love some Goya Canned Vegetables up here. Would it kill you to carry the Glory Brand?

IMG_1210Joker is packed to the gills ready to head back to E71st Street.

IMG_1211Here comes the Q Train

IMG_1212Just one subway stop. There were lots of people heading to Midtown to the Pride Parade

IMG_1213Taking Stairs with this cart is a pain in the ass. Thankfully they have lots of escalators on the new Second Avenue Subway line.

IMG_1214Finished the Corn and Butter Bean Salad (used a different version of cherry tomatoes to give it a different color)

Note to self – You are a fool if you don’t use one of the grocery delivery services for having bottled water, mixers or other heavy ass items delivered to your door.

 

 

 

Random Pictures on the iFoam – Memphis Edition

Some of these are pretty good. Then again some of these are pretty bad depending on how you look at them.

IMG_0908Someone (not me) was enjoying their “Soul Burger” on the walk from home into South Bluffs

IMG_0926Had to snap a picture of my first downtown condo. Why the hell We didn’t keep that sucker is a mystery to me.

IMG_0941Me and A-Cups on the porch Sunday. We don’t have porches here in New York, we have stoops.

IMG_0934I took some major shit from the NYC boys for my “Preakness” Attire. I had to wear a jacket to Weed’s party and it was kind of warm so I broke out the shorts too. That was my first beer too!

IMG_0909Hadn’t seen this knucklehead in years. She is all grown up! We will have to add her and her sister to the CARL LIPBALM MEMORIAL SCHOLARSHIP list.

IMG_0940Lisa Marie and her little sister Willimena Esmerelda (she was born on Willie Nelson’s birthday) also do you not see her giving me an a Elvis pose? 

Don’t worry, that is all for the pictures from Memphis so relax.

Want to freak out a New Yorker in the Elevator or on the Street?

Being a former Memphian here in the Big Apple I have been told by some of my New York friends that I stick out. Now I try daily to blend in. My suits are dark, my long ties (no bowties up here) are conservative and my attire on the weekends normally is dark w/o much fanfare. I leave the apartment each morning, give instructions to the kitchen staff on what we would like for dinner and make my way to the elevator. I get on the elevator and normally it is already occupied with either people heading to work or Nannies with kids in tow and here is where ‘Memphis’ comes out. “Good Morning, how is everyone doing?” The look that I get from them is like I have just farted loudly and the night prior I drank gallons of cheap draught beer. It is silent as a Trump Supporter at an immigration hearing in that elevator.

I can see it in their face, they don’t know how to respond. They saw my lips move but didn’t hear the words come out of my mouth. Finally the ice is broken when a 2 year old who is being shielded by their nanny says “I am going to the park to play. What are you doing today?” Needless to say the next 9 floors are ridden in silence and everyone files out of the elevator like the Mustard Gas is about to overtake them. I get into the lobby and thankfully Richard, Paul, Bobby or Bradley, the buildings doormen, are there and will exchange small talk with me. Normally the topic of discussion is the weather since it has been cold as balls up here as of late. I make my way to First Avenue and head to the subway.

My buddy Aziz who runs the newsstand on E71st and First is my go-to guy for a quick hello and a fist bump. I have to admit, I actually am kind of disappointed with Aziz. We have been up here for a year and 7 months and he still has yet to get the Memphis Flyer or the Northwest Arkansas Times for me. Down E71st I head to 2nd Avenue past my dry cleaner/alteration lady to the Subway shop. God bless Ms. Wen because her English is worse than her Spanish and when her delivery guy isn’t there it can take 30 minutes for me to drop off my shirts to her. Normally her delivery guy knows how to spell my last name, knows that I take heavy starch and will pay cash upfront to get the discount.

Here is what slays me. On my trip from the apartment to the dry cleaner I may have traveled a full block. What strikes me as funny is that I am normally the only fucker making an effort to speak to people. It is like 75% of the people in the damn building are mute or are afraid that I may pull a gun on them. My boy Aziz is the friendliest person in the world and his smile is beaming inside that little ass newsstand. Ms. Wen works her ass off but she will always make a point to say “heyrow” and always thanks me for being her customer.

What is ironic to me is that in the first 6 months of us living here I get on the elevator one morning with the dogs to take them out for their morning pee. There is a gentlemen in a suit and he immediately strikes up a conversation with me. We talk about the dogs and he is quick to address the pink elephant in the elevator….my accent. I explain to him that Momma is the reason that we live in the building. You see to live here you have to work at the joint on York and E70th streets. Because I am the only one who knows how to program the DVR she lets me live here with her. We make our way to the lobby and I notice that Robert who was behind the desk was quickly moving to the front door where Paul was already manning the door. They open both of the doors for my new elevator buddy and I and we make our way onto First Avenue. I head left to E71st while my buddy heads to get into a waiting black car. Yep you guessed it…..the CEO of the hospital lives in our building and he was chatting it up with me. I bet not one person speaks to him in the elevator on a daily basis and he is the signature on their checks.

IMG_8871You got my Northwest Arkansas Times Aziz? Damnit Man!

Coleman TowerThe front of our building. Here is Bobby manning the door.

Let this be a lesson to you. Treat the Janitor just like you would treat the CEO because you never know who you are riding in the elevator with.

 

That is cute and everything but when is this shit going melt?

First and foremost, My hats off to KLC Man, Nova, Farmer Ted and anyone who lives in the ‘snow belt’. I now know what you go now through from October to June. Remember back last year when New York got the 30 Inches of Snow. What you didn’t know was that right after the snowstorm my ass headed to Memphis for 2 weeks so I didn’t have to deal with the aftermath. Do you know how much of a bitch it is to move around the city with snow that is piled up on the sidewalks? Trust me, it is a pain in the ass. And you are talking about someone who only has had to endure roughly 2 major snow storms since living up here.

Tuesday we got Snowstorm ‘Stella’ and it was supposed to be a snowstorm and a Nor’easter at the same time. The city prepared for it by cancelling school on Monday, announcing that exposed subway lines would be closed and the 3 airports cancelled flights like it was nobody’s business. Monday night the snow was to start and as we were walking the dogs on their evening Pee/Poop I kept telling them “enjoy that sidewalk, the shit is about to get real’ tomorrow. Thankfully Manhattan didn’t get the 18 inches it was supposed to get but we did get 9 inches of snow and ice. Hats off to NY Sanitation because with a travel ban they were able to get the main streets cleared and New York was able to get out of ‘limp’ mode fairly quickly. By the way ‘limp’ mode in New York would have been ‘Full Fucking Stop’ in Memphis or anywhere in the south.

Now if you are reading this in Memphis or parts south of the Mason Dixon line this may not be a big deal to you but when a plow pushes snow to the side of the street it piles up. Sadly there isn’t a ‘snow fairy’ who comes in and waves its magic wand and makes it go away. This stuff packs in and is harder than a high school oil boy at a Hawaiian Tropic Swimsuit competition. You see what I am getting to here? Eventually someone with a tractor makes ‘curb cuts’ to allow pedestrians to make their way across the street. The passageway are maybe 2 feet wide if that and with all the people walking around, you get the picture. It is a pain in the ass.

I am going to show the pictures to give you an idea of what I am talking about. I assure you that this southern boy is ready for spring and summer because trudging in this crap sucks. Maria, I am now bitching about the snow and weather do I get the next New Yorker badge? I guess you need to take me to your favorite Pizza place next. Enjoy the pictures. 

IMG_0503This was on Tuesday Morning when I came down to bring the dogs out to Pee. Pay no attention to Paul’s arm on the left side of the picture. He is laughing at me because I was saying to myself “At least it isn’t rain, at least it isn’t rain!”

IMG_0504Traffic was light on First Avenue on Tuesday Morning to say the least. Notice the street, they already plowed it earlier in the morning.

IMG_0505See the path on the sidewalk? That was Manny on the John Deere Tractor/snow plow who made that to push some sidewalk snow onto the street.

IMG_0506Hard to tell but the snow by the curb is about a foot deep. This was taken about 9AM on Tuesday and we had a full 8 hours of snow and sleet after that!

IMG_0501Here is my little snow bunny about to head to work on Tuesday. She is giving me ‘the look’ because my ass was in pajama pants and was checking to see what time the cigar joint opened that afternoon.

IMG_0509This poor Bastard got stuck on the shore during the storm on Tuesday. He getting rained on and the wind was a bitch. I bet that he was late to a staff meeting so they gave him this duty.

IMG_0510Wednesday they were digging out cars and this is reason number one that I am glad that we don’t own a car here. E72nd @ 2nd Ave

IMG_0511Call the ACPCA on my ass, I don’t care. If I had to put booties on the Monkey Heads they would bite me and it would be more trouble than what it is worth. Here this is the norm with dogs.

IMG_0512Taken on E73rd as I was…..wait for it….coming back from the Cigar joint.

IMG_0514Imagine 40 people coming and going trying to walk past in this little ass path in under 15 seconds.

IMG_0513This is a great way to make sure your bike doesn’t get stolen. Bury it in snow.

IMG_0515No curb cut? This is why we wear hiking boots in New York during snow days.

IMG_0520I see one of my work cohorts on Wednesday in a shared building and he takes one look at me and says “You going to work at Texas D Brazil?” I am fine with losing cool points, at least my feet are warm compared to your frozen toes.

IMG_0522Makes it damn near impossible to Jay Walk when we have snow piles.

IMG_0524Clearing the snow on 5th Avenue. They happen to have a little parade today and the Asian Fireman, Mr. 3 First Names, AB, and Skippy don’t want snow tickling their balls as they walk up the street in their kilts.

IMG_0525Yeah your ass ain’t getting your smart car out anytime soon bud.

IMG_0499As seen on Monday when I was making 19 calls to offset being home on Tuesday. I should have asked these guys on Monday if they needed anyone to sell Tour Bus Tickets on the Beach instead of Manhattan.

I will probably post some pics this weekend from the weekend’s festivities. Happy St. Patrick’s day folks. We are going to The Yonkers St. Patrick’s Parade on Saturday with Zsquared, Enimily the International Charleston Belle, Mel the IU Fan, and DC.

 

 

Stuff we ‘used’ to think was odd -19 months living here

Yesterday marked 1 year and 7 months living here on this island called Manhattan. We celebrated it by having our favorite Russian from the UES over for Brunch and then Momma studied for her midterm this week. The time really has flown by and I would say that we are slowly becoming New Yorkers. No, my accent is still in tact and people still ask what part of Texas I am from. Mrs. Trumpet on the other hand threw out a “Are you Fucking Kidding me?” to me when I drank all of her Tea before I left for the Cigar Inn. As we look back on these 19 months I guess some things that we at first seem foreign are staring to seem normal. Now for those Memphians who have never visited up here you may have that ‘hamster wheel is spinning but nobody is home’ look as you read this list.

  1. Stoops – Forget about sitting on the front porch like you do in the south, here you are lucky if you have an outdoor space. Remember when I was jealous as crap of the Murphrank’s Roof Deck? Well sadly unless you plunk down 10+M for a UES brownstone that you still will have to renovate you have a stoop instead. Oh and forget about being protected from the rain like the porch at 595. Here you get your ass wet.
  2. Kids Playing outside – If it isn’t raining or sleeting in the winter you will always find kids playing in neighborhood playgrounds or even on city streets. I remember when I was younger and if it was below a certain temperature then Recess was held inside, not here. You will see kids playing their hearts out with rosy cheeks and frozen snot on their faces. Hey you got to tire those fuckers out because it won’t work in a less than 1K square foot apartment.
  3. Comfortable Shoes – Forget those leather soled Johnston & Murphy’s lace ups. Get you a pair of good rubber soled shoes and prepare to rotate them out. I walk roughly 10K to 15K steps a day for work. I have 3 pair of black shoes that I have in my rotation and a pair of brown for some suits that I wear. My international counterpart ‘wife’ normally is rocking a pair of flats or some pair of low heel shoes as we make our way about the city. Anything higher than 3 inches and you are crazy. *EGP – when you come for Easter, leave those 9 inch F-Me Pumps at college. Don’t worry you will turn heads w/o wearing those barbaric things.
  4. Shoe Repair Store – You got to have a great Shoe Shine/Repair “guy” in New York! I think that there may be 2 repair guys in Memphis and that was when Mr.Galtelli still had his shop on Union. Shoe shine guys in Memphis? Only one I knew about was in the lobby of the Peabody. In Gotham they are all over the place and you have to have a good one. Case in point this past Saturday. Momma’s boots were looking like crap and she needed them to get cleaned up and poste haste. I go see my buddy on 2nd Ave at Artistic Shoe Services and ‘David’ (he is Pakistani so it is easier for him to introduce himself as David) gets them shined, repaired and back to me in 2 hours. I see David each week on my way home from work on Friday’s to get my shoes cleaned up. You got to look good when you are walking the streets.
  5. Random Ish on the side of the Street – Pretty much you can furnish a house with the crap that you find on the streets of New York. Someone moves out of an apartment chances are you will find some of their furniture on the street. Let me tell you, people will fight over the good stuff. I saw a couch get dumped on W23rd street and before I could finish the Instagram post it was already nabbed.
  6. Coffee is King – Before I moved to New York I only drank coffee if it has booze it. You do some crazy hours here and need a pick me up. At first it was a diet coke or Red Bull but that really wasn’t good for me. Then I started having a double espresso after a meal. Now I am hooked on that ish! I love it Hard, Strong and Black – and that is just how I take my coffee! Maria gave me an espresso pot for my birthday and that sucker is in use all the time. Who would have thought that CBT is now a fan of the Java.
  7. How Deep Are We Going Here? – Go ahead and say it – That’s What She Said…… No I am not going there, I am referring to the depth of some of the Subway platforms. Our new Q line is pretty deep. I think at E72nd station it is 11 stories below the surface. Getting down there can be a challenge for those who don’t like heights. Mrs. Trumpet hates the escalator so we always are using the elevators which are nicer than some buildings. Just close your eyes and enjoy the ride and try not to think that there is rushing water coming down the tube instead of a train.
  8. Do you Deliver – If you think that I am going to schlep a case of wine sparkling water down the street you are crazy as hell. Yep, thank God for Fresh Direct Grocery service and Astor’s Wine and Spirits. It is a lifesaver!
  9. Wind-chill sucks – 20 degrees as a high in Manhattan? If there is no wind then it is cold but manageable. But you add the wind and then it pretty much sucks balls. Recall when I survived that Noreaster? I sure as hell do. Put it this way, when the wind starts blowing down those streets thanks to the tall ass buildings…you get the picture.
  10. Not having a car really doesn’t bug us – Nope, we don’t miss driving and messing with a car at all. Crazy huh?

stoopsSure Sarah Jessica Parker hung out on her stoop but she also drank for free b/c she put out.

img_0450Yep here in the UES we block streets so the kids can play outside. First base is the Volvo and 3rd base is the Bentley.

img_0460When they are balder than Telly Savalas then it is time to throw them out!

shoe-shineHey Guys, anybody see that naked girl run down the street? Guess not! And you don’t fool us, we know you are looking at Carbunkle’s Corny Joke of the Day on Facebook.

img_0457It did have a ‘slight’ odor from 5 feet away.

cooffeeI may have a problem with my Java intake.

img_0451Pay no attention to the Jason D. Williams portrait above the escalator down to hell!

fresh-direct-billDo you really think I am going to schlep 2 cases of drinks down the street? Yeah me too!

img_0458When you get this text message you know that it is going to be a bitch outside.

Hope that you had a good weekend and enjoyed reading. We return you to your regularly scheduled show.

 

Pictures of the Week – Memphis and NYC

This additional duty of doing a daily Corny Lenten Joke and my other job as an amateur tattoo artist is tough on a guy so I apologize for this not getting posted yesterday. Here are some pics that ended up in my phone from last week’s wedding (some I don’t have a clue how they got there) & some I snapped here in Gotham.

img_0395Only in Memphis on Cleveland at Poplar do they have this awning.

img_0396Mommy, why is that strange man who daddy calls Robo taking a picture of me and don’t the courts say that he has to be 50 feet from me? Love me some Lisa Marie (not her real name) and next trip she will be making my bloody Mary’s for me!

img_0397Sure, let’s go to Wet Willies on a Friday afternoon on Beale Street. What could go wrong. Hey Chicken F*cker (I don’t know if she reads this worthless dribble) – remember when you used to get Call A Cab’s delivered to the pool by your minions? It is amazing that you gials graduated from Rhodes and we didn’t go into liver failure.

img_0399Here is where Rocky at Alex’s Tavern and Josh may fight because both say they are the oldest family owned bar/tavern in the city. I am not getting into the middle of this fight, I love both joints.

img_0400So Happy that this place is Non-Smoking now! Great to see Max knocking the cover off of the ball with this joint!

img_0401Big Spoon/Little Spoon – What goes on in Vegas and in Woodlawn stays in Vegas and Woodlawn. #Idonotcarethatyouhaveacramp #youaregoingtodie

img_0405Love me some Melzie W!

img_0432RAB rocking the old department store label!

img_0422Just about to enter the Matrix and show off her Elaine dancing skills. Great to see you A-Cups! You and ‘The Carol’ need to come up again! Just after March 30th!

img_0446So let me get this straight – I fill this out ‘right’ and I won’t be called for jury duty?
But if I fill it out ‘wrong’ then I get picked and get to hang with the troglodytes of New York?
Hey Big Al – What’s your mailing address?

img_0443Happy Fat Tuesday!

img_0447We kept on wondering why Maya was chewing up all of our stuff. Then we realized that she had destroyed all of her toys. A quick trip to Petco and Maya is a happy dog. Maddy – She couldn’t give 2 F*cks!

Have a good weekend!

Be kind to each other this weekend.

Taking my ish on the road this weekend. I may be hooked up to the last picture by the time you finish reading this.

img_0348I ‘know’ a guy who has the same name and it didn’t get me anywhere on National Margarita Day!

img_0345So that is why traffic is jacked up

img_0343Not sure what they were shooting but it wasn’t Law & Order. Sorry A Cup

img_0185Funeral Mass procession

img_0189Me – “You got an Asian Fireman working today?” Fireman who about pissed himself because I ripped open the back door – “That Sorry SOB hasn’t worked in forever. He must be on the AB plan!”

img_0361Thanks to little baby sister for the V-Day gift. Better than a gold dipped rose!

vodkaGood thing I know a Baby Nurse and a Spinal Nurse who live downtown. They can hook me up to this Friday afternoon. I would ask my wife but her ass left me for Mickey Mouse !

Have a good weekend!

Hell to the Yes! 10 years

The past couple of days we have had some big anniversary milestones for Mrs. Trumpet and myself. First on Sunday it marked a year and a half of living here on this rock called Manhattan. Now for the couple of you naysayers who secretly said “You will never make it” I do have some good news for you….I guess. On Monday as I was walking back from Madison Avenue to First Avenue I walked past one of those construction scaffoldings. I got a little too close to a bolt (that I might add should have been covered with a plastic tip) and ripped my suit pants and part of my Barbour hunting coat. The bad thing about this is that this incident occurred right next to a convent where some nuns were standing outside. Yep, I issued a Mudda Fecker in front of a couple nuns. Sorry about that Sister.  How about that, we have survived living up here for a year and a half. Who would have guessed it. It really has flown by.

Now today being that it is the Tuesday following the Super bowl it marks our 10 year anniversary of stopping smoking cigarettes and for Mrs. Trumpet dipping. Ok, I am kidding but 10 years is fucking impressive. So for all of those of you who are dealing with stopping smoking or a bad habit, keep it up. You can do it! We both chose to quit the Tuesday following the Super Bowl because we knew that February would be slow and we would hole up in our house to ride out the first month.

More later but who would have guessed that 10 years ago we would have been celebrating stopping smoking and dipping in New York City. Now if my favorite tailor down the street can fix my jacket and my pants…..

img_0257We also went to Bryant Park this weekend to check out the Winter Carnival

img_0259And they also had Curling. Who knew that Colgate had a Curling Team

img_0258Such a silly sport

img_0260It is like Shuffleboard or Bocce but for Northern People who live on frozen ponds

Keep it light on a Tuesday!

Hey Kid…..

Bonus post today considering that it is Super Bowl Sunday. Ahh yes the only day of year where eating your face off on wings, pizza, and cheese dip is perfectly acceptable while downing a gallon of beer. Since I really don’t have a NFL team that I call my own. I mean I do pull for the Jets over the Giants because they are the Cubs of the NFL. But what I do care for on Super Bowl Sunday is the score was because I got money on a couple of football boards.

Football boards are as American as Apple Pie and Facebook debates on if the president is doing a great job or not. When I was in Memphis pretty much every bar that I would frequent would have one for the ‘big game’ and pay in was typically a buck to 20 dollars depending on the establishment. I remember back in the day when Rocky would have the 100.00 board and you thought of that as big money. They would have payouts at the end of each quarter but still the chance to win 2K was always fun.

Moving up here betting is on steroids. Not only do they have 5 dollar boards they also have hundred dollar, thousand dollar, two thousand dollar and yep even a ten thousand dollar board. There is a rumor that one of the big investment banking firms downtown has a million dollar board but I haven’t confirmed this. The cigar joint that I frequent has a couple of them and rather than pay out after each quarter they pay out at the end. Talk about a nice day at the track, who wouldn’t want to win 10K on a stupid football game? (psst – don’t tell Mrs. Trumpet but I am in on that board and even splitting another square with a buddy of mine)

Even my boss gets in on the action. Now gambling is frowned upon at the tour bus company but she was getting in on some action for her son’s baseball team for a fund raiser called 50-50. She wasn’t too sure where to pick her square so I told her that she should either go 4 across and 3 down for her birthday (same as mine I might add) or go X across and 10 down because she is hitting a big birthday this year. Both squares were already taken so I suggested she put her anniversary date.

So for me, I really don’t give 2 shits on who wins the game, well yes I do. I want the Falcons to win just because everybody up here hates the Patriots. But all I want is for the final score to be with the last numbers to be Falcons 3 and the Patriots 9. That way we will be getting paid at Baker Street. Also I hope that Jo’s numbers come in too because she went BIG BALLS and is playing the 2K buy in at the pub across the street from Baker Street.  Me I get a text from AS who works at SP and he asked me if I wanted in on a 1K board. Thankfully the squares were sold out before I could talk Justin in half with me. ?

0409501001484255879_filepickerDid you know that there is more money wagered on the Coin toss than the whole game?

img_0262-1 5K payout if we win! Hell to the yes!

Have a good day and don’t be a P word and call in sick tomorrow. Nobody likes a quitter!

PSA from CBT – New Year’s Day Food for the Residents of the Northeast

Well it finally happened today. Actually it happened yesterday but since today is New Years Eve we are busy heading down to Times Square. Why you ask? We are heading to get into one of the Corrals to watch the ball drop. Anyway on Friday I was sitting in my corner office overlooking Wall Street having a discussion with one of my fellow ticket sellers about what we were doing New Years eve. This other ticket seller was telling me that she was going to have a house party with her friends. Because I am a fat kid at heart we went over the menu that she was to serve. One of the dishes that she mentioned was “Pigs n the Blanket” and immediately my ears perked up.

I asked her if she was going to have any other ‘Southern Food’ but that was pretty much it. What she was missing on the menu were the staple dishes that are served by Proper Southerners on New Years day. I asked her if she was to have Black Eyed Peas, Cabbage, Greens and I get the blank “hamster is dead” look. I try to explain to my Northeast friend the importance of these staples on New Years day and it is not sinking in. *YO RZ aka Savanah Rae’s Momma  – What the hell did you do when you lived here? Do I have to educate all these Yankees on my own?*

I  get done with my explanation of these foods and my friend tells me that she is going to have grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato bisque. I asked if she was going to have Pimento Cheese as an option and you guessed it – Negative! I start to explain what Pimento Cheese is and she interrupts me saying she has seen it in the grocery store in Southern Jersey when she goes to the shore. I tell her that no self respecting southerner would ever serve store bought pimento cheese and get on the horn with Mrs. Trumpet. I ask Mrs. Trumpet to please send me Iuka Mississippi’s world famous Pimento Cheese recipe that we have. Like a good wife because she realizes that I am the boss of her, obliges.

Now I can’t bust TG’s chops too bad here, she isn’t the only one who has never heard of Pimento Cheese. My Tiffany’s Shopping buddy LZ also never heard of Pimento Cheese either. *Hey West Side Girl – You do have the UWS speaking southern right?* I forward the menu over to my New Jersey friend and inform her that this pimento cheese will be best if it sits overnight. I do hope that her guests enjoy some South in Yo Mouth courtesy of Ashley who hailed from Iuka Mississippi!!!!

dacusHey AB – We need to hang with you because I think that I have used this pic of you now 3 times.  Love ya and Happy New Year!

peas-and-ham-450x337Not so much the ham steak will be on our plate but you get the idea.

img_0120-1Kiss My Ass if you think I am going to post this full recipe! It is worth it’s weight in gold I tell you!

Happy New Year to all my friends!