North Vs South

Carbunkle Trumpet’s Friendly Suggestions for Tourists Visiting Gotham This Winter

Please note that I am trying to clean up my act because there is enough ugliness on Twitter right now. I mean would you have really clicked on this worthless dribble if the title were “You will probably get called an Asshole by a New Yorker if you do this.”  Do you recall way back to the first Holiday Season when I posted about some ladies who stopped short in Times Square? Sadly I have turned into more of a bitter New Yorker and Marathon Sunday was the tipping point. 

Marathon Sunday we were to venture up to Woodlawn in the Bronx for Wee Fi’s “Wizard of Oz” Seventh birthday. In order for us to get Metro North we have to get to Grand Central so we have to jump on a 4 Train at Nevins Station. Normally that isn’t a big deal but on this Sunday the 4 Train was packed tighter than a pair of pants at an all you can eat buffet. The train is full of Marathon Spectators who are in deep need of reading this list. Rather than have a full on Fucking-Come-Apart on a jackass who thinks that wearing a packed backpack doesn’t bother anyone else…..so I chose to come up with this list. 

Below is the short list of suggestions that I would like to extend to anyone who is thinking of visiting New York. AKA – Don’t be this Asshole or you may get yelled at.

  1. Walking on our City Streets, Subway Stairways,  and Common Area Walkways  – please remember these Two Fucking Rules; NEVER EVER stop in the middle of the above mentioned while in New York. I assure you will get run the hell over by a New Yorker who is walking at top speed. Second, and this goes without saying; LEAVE YOUR FUCKING PHONE IN YOUR POCKET! You don’t text and drive in your hometown, why do you you think you can text and walk up here? Too many people get yelled at on the streets for updating their Facebook updates. Step to the side if you have to text your cousin that you just saw someone famous. 
  2. While in cramped spaces (Subway, Elevator, walking into the Garden) take that backpack off of your back and just hold it in your hand. I promise that it may seem foreign reading this in Memphis or other parts of the US but it is a major No-No here in New York. Especially on the Subway! You will get yelled at. 
  3. While walking on our streets do us other people don’t walk side to side if you are a family of four. Want to really piss off some folks on the streets? Walk hand and hand. Oh and if you have strollers, you can only do that in Park Slope not in Manhattan during holiday season. 
  4. Asking Directions – Again this is going to seem foreign but try to know where you are going before you step out onto our streets. It isn’t so much about addresses it is the cross street and what direction is this sucker on the dividing line aka 5th Avenue. In other words know the lingo; East = East side of 5th Avenue. West = do we really have to do this? Uptown = North of 60th street. SoHo = South of Houston Street. Also Google Maps is your friend when trying to negotiate the subway. Trust me.
  5. Be a Boy Scout – aka – be ready to act. This applies to when swiping your Metro Card at the Subway Turnstile. You don’t want to be digging in your pocket while at the turnstile. Ordering a bagel at a bodega….let me tell you that you will get a Soup Nazi comment from the deli worker or a “Can you hurry the Fuck up” from someone standing on line behind you. 

 

Getting Around The City on Marathon Sunday Can Be Difficult
See The Disdain on the Face of The Woman Exiting The Subway? She is About To Break Bitch on These Picture Taking Tourists. Its a Fucking Coffee shop!
This Makes My Ass Twitch Every time I see it! I Want To Play Red Rover/Red Rover Send Carbunkle Right Over! 

Trust me when I say that It isn’t that New Yorkers are Rude, we are just in a Hurry. Hope that you had a good laugh and please don’t be “That Guy/Gal”!

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When in Red Hook Brooklyn…

Actually this isn’t a BBQ post because Hometown BBQ is located in the heart of Red Hook. Nor is this an Ikea post because Red Hook is where all of Manhattan goes to get their Swedish multi density fiberboard furniture.  Nope in Red Hook is a Fairways Grocery where one can get pretty much all that you need when formulating a grocery list. Due to space and size limitations lots of grocery stores can’t carry everything on your shopping list. Take our local Brooklyn Fare grocery store 3 blocks from our apartment. Great selection but we can’t get a lot of the ‘southern’ fare items due to space restrictions. Trust me when I say that I have been searching for dried Black Eyed Peas for weeks.

For you Non-NYC readers let me give you some comparisons. Fairways Grocery in terms of Memphis grocery stores; Remember the old Seessel’s then Schnucks Grocery Stores? Well add Charlies Meat Market Butcher and then Destin Seafood for fresh seafood. That is what Fairways Red Hook is for you Non-New York folks. Anyway after an hour visit to the grocery store I loaded up my “Old Lady” cart and decided that I needed to bring back lunch to Mary Louise and crew.

You may recall my post way back when we landed here back in August of 2015. As I walked out of Fairways I remembered Defonte’s Sandwich was here back when the Asian Fireman took us there. On that Saturday we were experiencing a wonderful Nor’Easter so I was looking forward to getting me a chicken cutlet Red Hook Sandwich. Trust me when I say that this Italian Sandwich Shop didn’t disappoint at all.

56235645640__7C6025D2-F9CD-483C-A29E-B39575373CC1Success! I got me some Black Eyed Peas. Now if I can get Glory Brand…

IMG_4558“What you need a menu? You can’t read the wall?”

IMG_4560The smells coming from this steam table can’t be described.

IMG_4562Pretty Much every cast member of the Soprano’s has eaten here and left an autograph

IMG_4563Center of the pic, yep that is the cast with Christopher in the center.

IMG_4564Reminds me of the old pictures of Ronco Pasta

Sorry I have been busy with no posts last week. I was busy.

Past Due Post – Herman’s Ribhouse

So 2 weekends ago Mary Louise and I made a trip up to Fayetteville, AR to spend time with some good friends. There was also a football game going on but that is beside the point. We flew in Friday evening and hung out at the house and had some fellowship and food.

Saturday after a wonderful 11AM kickoff and a through arse kicking we decided that a trip to a ribhouse was in order. If you have ever visited Fayetteville you know what I am talking about. Herman’s Ribhouse on College Ave. I am happy to report that not much has changed from Hermans since our last trip some 10+ years ago. The menu is untouched and they still have my favorite football coach’s picture on the wall. The steaks are grilled on a flattop grill and the seasoning and sauce is to die for.

IMG_4414Leaving LGA for XNA. No it wasn’t him. I figure it was one of his cabinet appointees or the First Lady

IMG_4260What has 108 diamonds, outsourced Ruby’s and Sapphires and still makes me harder than a diamond in an ice storm? Yep that is the World Champions Chicago Cubs ring. We ran into one of my college buddies who is on staff with them. And no I can’t get you fucking tickets. Go buy your own.

IMG_4420Here you go Jennie – the best part of of being in Razorback Stadium on that Saturday. We did stay for the entire game. Albeit it was having some ‘fellowship’ but we were there.

IMG_4424UWS Holly – They wear Midtown Uniforms on the Hill too.

IMG_4433Herman’s Rib House

IMG_4431Picture doesn’t do this justice. This sucker is delicious!

IMG_4435Mary Louise with Bruno and Bubba The twin Doodles.

IMG_4440When I die I want to be a Davis dog.

IMG_4444This picture sums it up perfectly. To the right I am at least cheering, Mary Louise on the left is confirming her reservation to Germany. Rae(Squared) is to my lower left and she is counting the minutes till she can go back to the Delta Shelta and get back in the rack. She may have been at Maxine’s International Tap Room (a tear is forming in my left eye right now) making her father and mother proud. It was good to see everyone at the game!

56095859133__9B6222BB-320F-44D5-8C91-09FA3E237E38Maya was not pleased to find out that she was replaced that weekend by 2 doodles. She showed Mary Louise. She peed in her new shoes.

Thank you to our hosts and sorry if we didn’t get to see everyone on the trip.

Finding Memphis Food in New York – Some of you are a bunch of Titty Babies!!!!

Yeah I called you a snowflake, snowflake. I mean come on Memphis….You let a silly 5 year old tweet and article get your panties all in a wad because someone threatened your beloved BBQ? I mean lets talk about some serious fucking issues……

I am kidding folks, slow your breathing. Now that the ‘preview’ part on my two social media platforms picked up those three sentences I can come clean. Much like that ill fated tweet I do hope that I can get a bunch of clicks by people who actually think I was serious. Sorry if some of you think that I was serious about that. I have said it before and I will say it again;

“Trying to Find Memphis Barbeque in New York City is much like trying to find a New York Bagel in Memphis.”

That tweet on Sunday was a perfect segway into my point today. We love eating up here in New York. The different cuisines, the different flavors, the 3 Michelin Star restaurants it is something that you can’t explain in 500 words or less. One such cuisine that we have not really found up here is Cajun/NOLA Food. We tried a Bourbon Street joint near restaurant row a couple years ago and it was horrible. On each trip back to Memphis we would immediately head straight to Bayou Bar and Grill or Second Line to get our fix but there had to be a good option here in New York. 2 weeks ago we were Sunday Funday’ng up on Second Avenue and were talking to some fellow patrons and they recommended a joint up the street at Second Avenue and 90th called The Infirmary.

I made a mental note and this past week I was in the area and popped in for a quick bite. The Menu was straight Cajun/NOLA, they had poboys, catfish entrees and even had Abita beers. The bar reminded me of the old “Sleep Out Louie’s” and Original “Bayou Bar and Grill” white marble and it didn’t smell of stale beer and bleach so that was a plus. The food was killer and we will be back!

IMG_2769Bar and yes they have Frose for you fancy people – Old SOL Alums – recall the frozen Margarita Machine?

IMG_2771You have to respect a joint that has not one but two Absinthe vessels.

CajunInfirmaryNYCRoastBeefPoBoy.0I mean have you ever tried to eat a poboy with a raging hard on? It was fierce I tell you!

IMG_2773“Brunch is Bitches Robo” Alex from the Cigar Inn

IMG_2772Catfish, Fried Chicken, Oysters, PoBoys, Shrimp and Grits, its all there folks!

IMG_2770Cloth napkins, Crystal Hot Sauce – Life is good my friends.

IMG_0917 (1)So they lack Sides and don’t believe in proper sandwich buns, some of you guys are just mean I tell you! They do have a good smoked Pastrami up here that is pretty good.

Hope you had a good laugh and got to the bottom of this post before you are blasting me on Social Media.

 

Shopping in New York City….Who do I have to F&*K to get Cajun food up here?

So Mrs. Trumpet was hosting her Christmas party last weekend. I know what you are saying, its mid January. Her menu was to include BBQ Sliders and Muffaletta Sandwiches as well as some other party food items. I was dispatched to get the Olive Salad needed to make the sandwiches and I figured this would be an easy task right? Well the cost of shipping Central Grocery’s Olive Mix is cost prohibitive so I figured I would make my own. First I needed a bottle of Giardiniera which is picked vegetables (cauliflower, carrots, banana peppers, pepadew, and olives) and is the base of any good olive salad.

After 4 trips to different stores, bodega’s and specialty stores produced absolutely ZERO Giardiniera. How in the world can New York not have Giardiniera or anything similar? I have talked a couple times how we struggle finding good Cajun food up here. I am starting to think that this is a conspiracy. Needless to say after all my trips to the stores I created the best I could do of an Olive Salad. Thankfully because all of these New Yorkers have never had a Muffaletta it was a hit and they loved it.

MZ_Product_GIARDINIERANow some of you are going..Oh so that is what he is talking about

IMG_2578Yeah I kind of made a bunch, oh well at least it won’t go bad!

IMG_2589It was a hit to say the least!

I guess me finding a Shrimp PoBoy or a good Roast Beef Debris Sandwich is going to be futile up here too.

Fun during a Memphis Snow Storm

“Hey Kid, you are from Memphis right?”
“How in the hell can 3 inches of snow shut down a city?”

Yeah I took some serious heat for the Memphis Snowstorm last week.

IMG_2588All the kids in Memphis can thank Uncle Carbunkle for keeping the tradition alive!

IMG_2585PJ’s inside out, slept with a spoon under my pillow and poured ice in the toilet each night! Worked like a charm!

IMG_2546And the kids still went to school the next day up here in Manhattan!

IMG_2527It was cold last week. I am not a fan of this at all.

 

Theo and some others better be singing my praise. Of course their parents are hating Uncle Robo!

 

And then it happened…….

So the Bar Wife/MILF and I would tweet each other this football season how much we hated football. Primarily this exchange was because our beloved Razorbacks sucked worse than Tennessee. Side note – I do worry that Bar Wife/MILF is introducing her daughter to all kinds of new curse words but only time will tell. I was telling her that she can become a Hockey Fan and I would even get her a New York Rangers sherzie if she wanted one. So far she is still sticking to her guns and not giving up on the Hogs. Before I go any further do you recall this POST when I called myself out for not watching much college football?

Well I did it again and this time I fear that I may be banned from Max’s Sports Bar because of it. Over the Thanksgiving holiday the work place had the suite in MSG. The event was for Red Hot Hockey which is Boston University vs Cornell in Men’s Collegiate Hockey. I invited some customers who actually were excited to attend the game (I found out that it is actually called a game instead of a match) and I got to take Mrs. Trumpet also.

As we were heading to the Garden I get a text from Utah TS asking me if I was watching the Iron Bowl (for you Yankees that is Auburn vs Alabama football game) and I had to call myself out. I wasn’t watching the game and was choosing ice hockey over college football. I know, I am kind of ashamed to admit it and I think that I may be also turning into the Las Vegas Canadian. #letsgoRangers

IMG_2272I am kind of ashamed to admit it to anyone but the Hockey was pretty good. And trust me when I say that the Fans get into it!

IMG_2258Since the Grizz are the new dumpster fire, I may officially become a fan of these guys.

IMG_2265Here is a cool thing that the Garden does. On the walls of the suite level they have pictures of past performers that have visited the garden. Yes that is Sting, Annie Lennox and Lenny Kravitz back stage.

IMG_0059Johnny and June Carter Cash

IMG_2266Elvis’ 1972 visit to the Garden. You got to represent!

IMG_2260Mrs. Trumpet – “man it is cold sitting in the seats”
Me – “Ice is cold honey.”

IMG_2262As usual the Garden was packed!

IMG_2263Fun Fact when Cornell scores they taunt the visiting goalie by chanting “It’s all your fault!” That didn’t go over too well with my work momma who’s son is on the 8th grade hockey team and is the goalie.

So hopefully when I visit Max’s Sports Bar in December the will serve me beer. I promise not to ask if we can put on the Rangers or Islanders if they are playing. I promise.

I hope you had a good laugh today.

Maine is for Lovers – CBT takes his show on the road

One of Mrs. Trumpet’s work people took a trip up to Portland Maine this fall and was telling her about how neat the trip was. We have been sitting on our hands for a while since momma’s school schedule has been fairly tough and we were ready to get out of town for a weekend. I was in when I was told two things that peaked my interest; cheap beer & cold water lobster. We decided on the second weekend in November knowing that the weather was going to be a crapshoot.

Yeah it was cold on Friday and Saturday in Maine. But you know what, it was cold as balls in New York last weekend too! Hour long flight and we were at our hotel in downtown Portland. We made our way to the local bar and then headed to one of the places that was highly recommended for a proper Lobstah dinner. Now it has taken me 47 years and momma 29 years (see what I did there KLCMan) to come to a stark realization; we actually prefer Cold Water Lobster over Caribbean/Warm lobster. Here is another one that Mrs. Trumpet came to the realization on this trip. She prefers New England/salt water oysters over gulf oysters.

Now let me further set the records straight. Portland Maine fucking rocks! The people up there well…..they do speak funnier than New Yorkers but talk about some of the nicest folks! The price of beer and food is much cheaper than what we find here in New York but so is the cost of living. The little shops that we walked into had items that weren’t “New York Priced” and that can be contributed to the lower cost of rent and taxes. We found the shop owners to be pleasant and very helpful. Naturally the question of where we were from was asked as they picked up on our accents but that is ok. I never said that I had to take a Wicked Pissah!

IMG_2159Pro Tip – Always take a picture of your room number so when you come back “tired” you don’t look like a schmo when trying to recall your room.

IMG_2160Pay no attention to that Bud Light on the left of the pic. I had local beers, I promise

IMG_2167This was a nice touch during the Veterans Parade. Take a hat if you needed one!

IMG_2168Anyone need some funny socks? This was a whole store devoted to funny socks!

IMG_2169There is a ton of pride for the residents of Maine. I now get it!

IMG_2171Had some neat nik-naks in a lot of the stores

IMG_2174No Nova there wasn’t any fecking snow on the ground!

IMG_2178Man they love some oysters up there! Best ones that we had that weekend were Pemaquid, Flying Point and John’s River

IMG_2183To say that the seafood was fresh is an understatement.

IMG_2192I mean who doesn’t love cheap oysters!

IMG_2195Rather strange to see, they used half gallons instead of liter bottles.

IMG_21963 bucks a beer! RJ you see this!

IMG_2200Bruised and battered and we are heading home!

Yep KLCMan, we will be back in the summer and we may bring TQ with us too! We had a blast!

Lady Killer and Ba Take Manhattan 3.0

So back when we told the family that we were moving up to Manhattan there were mixed reactions. Naturally The Lady Killer, nephew, was luke warm at the thought of visiting us up here. Granted the kid was 10 but his list was pretty much the same as a lot of first time tourists;

  • Empire State (nope)
  • Jimmy Fallon Show (sorry dude you have to be 18 to see the show)
  • Ice Skating at Rockefeller Center (we ain’t visiting the ER this trip dude)
  • Statue of Liberty (how about a trip on the Staten Island Ferry instead)
  • 9/11 Memorial, Wall Street, Stock Exchange, Bull (think we got 2 of 4 knocked out)
  • Times Square (you must want a punch in the throat)
  • Nike Town (oh someone must have been on “the google”)
  • Gap in Times Square (just seeing if you are still paying attention)

Since this trip was the 3rd trip for Ba and the Lady Killer we had added trips to Stadium Goods and Fight Club. If you are not sure what those stores are, get a load of this shit. If you want to find a pair of those Patrick Ewing Georgetown Nike’s that were all the rage back in 1985? I am sure one of these stores has them but you better bring your wallet because you are going to pay a pretty penny for them. This trip Lady Killer didn’t get any fancy old school shoes but he did swing by The NBA Store and NikeTown to get some swag.

IMG_1979Tortured J-Bob a little in saying that it was going to be closed during the weekend for cleaning. He didn’t buy it!

IMG_2009Lady Killer and Cuz AL (in addition to shaving that shit off his upper lip we are going to work on his smiling)

IMG_2010How can I snub someone who came to Patrizias to celebrate their birthday. I may be an asshole but I am not an insensitive one. *photo credit to AL

IMG_1999Lady Killer and “My Aunt Bette” – Again dude why no smile? Oh and next trip we are cutting the Bama Bangs a little.

IMG_2002Bacon and Tomatoes – What else do you eat at Peter Lugar?

IMG_2004Oh yeah, I had a mild chubby when they brought this sucker to the table. Pro-Tip – save some bread for the meat juice.

IMG_2005The View of one of the shoe walls at Flight Club. Please note that this picture was taken while I was sitting my big ass on a bench.

We had a fun time! Come back next summer and we can take you to Coney Island!

“Hey Memphis, you call XXXX at Patrizia’s on Broadway and you tell them Ritchie from Brooklyn sent you!”

So two Sunday Fundays ago we ventured over to Hell’s Kitchen and revisited Rudy’s Bar. While the Giants were going to lose on a last minute field goal to a Memphis kid we made friends with a guy from Brooklyn. “Ritchie” *not his real name* figured out that even though I looked Irish, spoke like I was from Texas but really was Italian turned into my best friend. We watched the Giant’s dreams get crushed and go 0-3 *S/O to Gurleygurl who may have a gun to her head b/c the boys in blue are now 0-4* Ritchie pretty much explained to me the better Eye-Talian joints here in New York. He recommended a joint in Williamsburg named Patrizia’s.

The comment that made me take his name and number down was epic; “Hey Memphis, you like Family Style service with pitchers of beer and bottles of wine? Then you need to go to Patrizia’s and forgettaboutit!”  I made a mental note that this place had to be on my short list and we needed to visit it. Editors Note – I realize that I will not be able to give this place proper justice because how can you describe an Italian Sing-a-long joint with food so good that you can’t get anywhere in Memphis? Well, I ripped the Band-Aid off. So here is where I am going to piss off some serious Foodies in Memphis.

Please tell me where you can get a 10 course top notch meal with free refills of wine, beer, sangria, coffee service with Sambuca and costs $60 bucks per person. Shall I type that again for you? 10 fucking courses, endless bottles of Red, unlimited bottles of White, Pitchers of Sangria, Peroni Beer and it only costs you Sixty Bucks Per FUCKING PERSON! Yeah I am going to have some people give me hate-mail for this one. Guido, feel free to come up and stay with us. Trust me, It is THAT good!

I do realize that there maybe some old Memphis Giovanni’s alum readers out there so get a load of this menu from their pre-fixe menu;

  • Burrata with tomatoes
  • Eggplant Parmigiana
  • Margherita Pizza
  • Fried Calamari
  • Baked Clams, Mussels and Grilled Baby Octopus
  • Lobster
  • Fried Squid with Shrimp
  • Homemade Pasta
  • Lamb Chops or Chicken Scarpariello
  • Assortment of Italian Desserts

Did I mention that we drank bottles of wine, pitchers of beer and it was perfect Italian Restaurant sing-a-long joint too?

IMG_1769We sent this picture over to Travel Queen/3 Day Traveler the day we walked in!

IMG_1770That;’s not Ritchie but doesn’t this guy look like Percy who used to live in Memphis?

IMG_1793Let’s start with some drinks shall we?

IMG_1797I did had pictures of previous courses but for some reason I was too drunk to find them can’t find them. So here is my Entrée course of chops and pasta purses.

IMG_1795This place screams Family Style!

IMG_1796Its your Birthday! Its your Birthday!

1463320772220So Lady Barrister is going to bust me out because she realizes this is a stock photo I am posting. Yes I did steal a pic because we had too much fun the night of for me to take a pic.

IMG_1804Yeah, we paid 120 bucks for 2 people and we had a fridge full of food. It was comical when we were trying to settle up the bags with Lady Barrister.

So who wants to come up here and hang out at an Eye-Talian Chuck E Cheese Joint?