So we will finish the week with some final pictures from our week down in the Redneck Rivera. Like I said, we had a blast and we look forward to next years trip. I figure by then maybe Knuckleheads #1 & #2 will be able to fetch Uncle Robo and Uncle RJ some cold pops! Captain can you start teaching the kids how to make Painkillers for next year.
Next week we will return to normal NYC Shenanigans. One should always get out of the city for a couple of days. We had fun with all of these jokers.
So when I left you I was peeing in the Gulf of Mexico with RJ. The rest of the week we pretty much stayed close to home. We did make a trip on a boat one day and that was a lot of fun. During that 3 hour boat tour some folks got White Girl White Claw Wasted and it was good to hang with our friends. Like I said before; for 2 people who don’t have children who freely want to vacation with 2 other families and their children says something. But then again these kids are pretty good and the only real tears shed that week was when we had to leave on Saturday to go back to the real world. Well that was until Expedia Fucked me.
Those were the two questions a couple of Thursdays ago from my non kosher eating brother from another mother and fellow Tina’s Cubano lunch eating cohorts. Yep the Trumpets were taking the show on the road and heading down to the Gulf Coast of Alabama and Florida. What was puzzling my work cohorts was that we were vacationing with 2 other families and their children…..ages 2 – 8 & a 16 year old. Now It is no secret that we celebrate the fact that our only human child is an invisible one and the other one is 4 legged. We figured that since we have been around the parents a couple of different times and on vacation that it only made sense that we could probably hang with their kids too. Still it was a gamble. No doubt that S(Squared) and D.E. were placing bets if I would come back early and send a case of cigars to my urologist for performing my vasectomy.
We rented a 5 bedroom house so that the 3 sets of adults could have their own room, we put the 16 year old in her own room and the 4 knuckleheads had the playroom. So here is the honest truth about the week. We had a blast! The kids were great. The were well behaved and listened to directions and hopefully didn’t learn all the words that Uncle Trumpet muttered as he drank his “Robo Juice”.
I recall it like it was yesterday. The first text came from GrainbinGirl at like 7:AM (6:AM Memphis Time) then the next came from Pepe. “Anthony Bourdain was gone and by his own hand.” *Disclaimer – I have lost many a good friend and family member by their own hand. This post is not in any way shape or form trying to speak of this horrible disease. Sadly it takes too many good people*
So the loss of Antony Bourdain has bothered me for a while. Now that I have just finished up on a whirlwind tour with Shawna (yeah, I am serious when I use real names) I miss him even more.
For this post I plan on speaking about some of Tony’s quotes that I hold dear to my heart. His friend Jose Andres said it best in his latest book in the tribute;
“To our friend Anthony Bourdain, who
spent his life planting seeds”
That man put a bunch of seeds in my head and I owe it to him to make them grow and experience some of what he got to see. Let’s be honest….the Cock Sucker had the best life in the world and I am so grateful that I can try to do as much as I can!!! Enough with the chatter. Here are my favorite Bourdain Quotes in no sequential order and some notes;
changes you. As you move through this life and this world you change things
slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life — and
travel — leaves marks on you.” –
Loved my trip to a small town in Switzerland. You don’t get the same experience
in the larger towns. Here I was just an American who couldn’t speak French and
didn’t know I needed to bring a bag.
you’re twenty-two, physically fit, hungry to learn and be better, I urge you to
travel – as far and as widely as possible. Sleep on floors if you have to. Find
out how other people live and eat and cook. Learn from them — wherever you go.” – Or if you are 49 years old do this
and load up on the ADVIL! I am not going to lie, the travel I did to see Shawna
was tough but I look back and loved every minute of it!
“The journey is part of the experience — an expression of the seriousness of one’s intent. One doesn’t take the A train to Mecca.” – I landed at Heathrow exhausted but figured out the Tube Schedule, walked my ass through the rain and got to the hotel. I could have wimped out and paid a King’s Ransom for a Black Car but what is the point if you aren’t going to see and experience Rush Hour into London on a Friday?
“I’m a big believer in winging it. I’m also a big believer that you are never going to find perfect city travel experience or the perfect meal without a constant willingness to experience a bad one. Letting the happy accident happen is what a lot of vacation itineraries miss, I think, and I’m always trying to push people to allow those things to happen rather than stick to some rigid itinerary.” – This was 100% Barcelona! I only had a list from The Notorious NFG but it was going to be a total wing it. I love that town. I want to go back and I want to go back now.
heavily with locals whenever possible.” – No Comment
learn a lot about someone when you share a meal together.” – Loved our visit
with English Mike & Ellie as well as our visit with The Tour Agent and Curly
Sue in Switzerland. I know that our paths will cross again and when it does. I
plan on picking up from where we left off.
body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.” – It is very well documented that I
smoke cigars, drink alcohol on occasion, and need a cholesterol pill. Sure, I try
to keep myself leaning towards the cleaner side of life but what’s the point of
living if you can’t slide down butt naked on a sheet of ice. Yes, I ordered the
damn goose liver and I loved it!
“I learned a long time ago that trying to micromanage the perfect vacation is always a disaster. That leads to terrible times.” – I am hoping she never reads this but I so disagree with Z-Squared and her guerrilla vacation tactics. I love her to death and will be that “3AM phone call guy to come bury a body” guy but I can’t vacation with her. Let that shit roll off the back.
And will I finish with this one. I will always have the deepest respect and love for Ernie and Lynn Mellor for giving an out of work carnie a job.
“Barbecue may not be the road to world peace, but it’s a start.” – Nothing is better than standing over a hot smoker busting balls and or discussing life. I am always appreciate of the visits with the Asian Fireman in Woodlawn.
So, if you have not figured out by my already 900 words this is telling you to go out and explore. It doesn’t have to be in a different country. It can be in a different part of your home town.
All you have to do is be friendly, be respectful and always be humble.
Rest in peace Tony. I am still pissed I didn’t get to drink with you at Billy Mark but that is more for a selfish reason.
To honor you I will try to see as much of this world as you did.
To my 7 out of 15 readers who are not from Memphis; there is a DJ in Memphis who would scream her battle cry “Its Friday Bitches!” on Fridays when she opened her show. Naturally “The Lady Killer’s” best buddy, Christopher Blaine Jarman would bring it down a notch and just say “It’s Friday Snitches” because he was the afternoon guy and he knew that kids were in the cars at that time. Shout out to the Jar!
I have had a couple of people ask me what the hell is going on since I have been on a Blog writing tear lately. What can I say, when Geranium is back in town the world revolves better. Thank you to all of you who commented on my Say No To The Bag/Styrofoam post because that has been on my mind for a couple of days since my return from Switzerland. Actually last night I went down to Target to get a couple of things and naturally I brought my Old Lady Cart and LL Bean bag. The cashier informed me she is required to put scanned items into a bag because it is a security issue. This is going to break TCB’s Mom’s heart but Target is a huge contributor of plastic bag waste. Even though I was putting the bagged items in my buggy the bitch still double bagged it. I counted 16 plastic bags after I got home. They got to do better!
Anyway here are some pictures that I have taken for the past 3 weeks.
Now I have to come clean with you 15 readers. I really enjoyed my trips over to Spain and Switzerland to see Mrs. Trumpet. But what I am about to tell you may shock some of you. I really enjoyed being somewhere that has their shit together when it comes to the environment. Relax, I am not going to be chaining myself up to any trees or will get involved in the ongoing debate about Tom Lee Park in Memphis. I am referring to the way that in both Spain and Switzerland they have their shit together with recycling and the banning of plastic and Styrofoam.
Case in point – my corner deli and frequent breakfast haunt. While
I was living the bachelor life I would head down there and get me some eggs,
bacon and sausage. I would get a single use Styrofoam to-go container, take the
container to be weighed and would have to almost yell at the cashiers; “I don’t
need it in a bag or any utensils” and they would look at me like I told them I
wanted to sleep with their sister. All I was doing was walking upstairs to eat
it at the apartment and I have all that shit here. Why do I need to create more
waste if I don’t need to?
If I got a San Pellegrino, they would be trying to put that in
a plastic bag and also throwing in napkins and a straw too! I can’t fault them,
they are ingrained that everyone wants a bag and everyone needs a knife, fork,
spoon combo kit. Seriously, how many of your offices have that drawer with all
the ketchup, utensils, soy sauce and millions of napkins. The worst are the
food delivery guys. You are delivering to a residence, I bet if you had an
option to not get all that crap with the order maybe they would knock 50 cents
off the order. Whole Foods does that if you BYOB.
When in Switzerland on Saturday morning I ventured out to get
hydration supplies. Traveling 10 hours and then drinking enough booze to sedate
a small city does tend to make one thirsty. I walked out onto the plaza and found
the Coop supermarket. 3 big 1.5 L of water, 2 Coke Lights and I was ready to
go. I get to the cashier and she looks at me asking if I had a bag. With my
limited French and her lack of English she informed me that they don’t have
bags and I have to bring my own. Try carrying 5 big bottles with a Class 3
Hangover two blocks and not drop anything. Was I kinda steamed? Yep. Why don’t
you carry bags Coop Supermarket? Oh, wait why is the Ugly American bitching?
Shut the Fuck Up Carbunkle Trumpet and do better.
When they announced the ban on bags here in New York you should have heard the people bitching. “What do you mean I have to pay for a bag? This is an outrage!” Personally, I think that we should all adopt the Aldi Supermarket model. Use a quarter to rent a cart and you bring your own bags or buggies. Think about it, for all of you bitching about the Kroger on Union Avenue how nice would it be with no carts being left in the parking lot? Sure, the number of bums waiting to take your cart would be epic but that solves a lot of problems there. The plastic bag issue….I now carry a couple of the plastic shopping bags that can be balled up into the size of a pack of golf balls. This also limits me on picking up all the big stuff and I am making the environment better. Now I can feel no remorse when I am clubbing the hell out of that baby seal!
Ok, I am nearing 650 words and I know that some of you are losing interest.
Since we made the trip to Barcelona during Beale Street Musicfest I decided that I would head to see Geranium while The World Championship Barbeque Cooking Contest would be going down. My plan was to again fly out on Thursday and take the Red Eye into Geneva, CH. Geranium was staying in Neuchatel which is about an hour and a half by train from Geneva’s airport. Zurich is 2 hours and my return trip would have been a pain in the ass.
Cleared Customs by only getting my passport stamped and rolled over to the Train Station which is in the airport. Was able to get on a train that was leaving in 5 minutes so off I went. I was texting Geranium who had to go to Bern to do a training so we were probably going to miss each other. Thankfully I got to see her and grab a quick kiss before I had to find the apartment in town.
Neuchatel is a quaint little town on the lake. Naturally it was raining when I arrived *Papa New Guinea – I think all it does in the EU is rain!* I found the apartment and Marco was nice enough to let me in and show me around. The place was nice, hell it was bigger than both of our New York Apartments combined! I showered and made my way to search for some breakfast/food. So with smaller towns in Switzerland they really don’t cater much to tourists so trying to find a menu written in English can be a challenge. In Neuchatel the primary language is French. I took Latin so I was fucked. I did find a nice Brasserie and the waiter was nice enough to speak English to me. I asked her to bring me the most ordered item on the menu. When the food came I was about to eat a fucking Cheese Burger. Oh well, next time maybe.
I was losing steam so I figured I would swing back to the apartment and grab a quick nap before Geranium returned. When she returned we headed out and had a couple drinks and bounced around town finding some of her haunts. Had dinner at an Italian Pizzeria joint and finished up having last drinks near her apartment.
Saturday we were to go over to Lausanne to meet up with one of Geranium’s work peeps and his wife. They live in town about 10 minutes from the lake and have a killer view of the French Alps. They are here for a short term relocation which probably will end up longer. Whereas I sell double decker bus tickets to tourists, Geranium and K-Man “The Travel Agent” sell cleaning solution for bed pans. He and Curly Sue have a very nice 4th floor walk up apartment and we enjoyed a nice afternoon drinking the local refreshments.
We left Lausanne and arrived back in Neuchatel, found a place to grab some take away food, and promptly went for last drinks. Sunday morning I arose and you know how my travels back to see the Monkey head went. It was a good visit and I was glad to see where Geranium had been living and meet some people she has been spending time wiht.
Again thanks to Curly Sue and The Travel Agent for a lovely afternoon on Saturday and for showing us around town. I could get used to Switzerland but I really need to experience the two major cities to give a proper evaluation.
What is the old saying, you ride her until she bucks you or you don’t ride her at all. (I am talking about riding a horse you sick fuckers) That is what happened to me on my last leg of my 3rd international trip in the past 60 days. That my friends is a good damn run if I don’t say so myself. Let me explain.
To get to Geranium over in Neuchatel Switzerland it goes down like this;
Subway from Brooklyn to Penn Station
New Jersey Transit to Newark International Airport Train Station
Air Train to Terminal C
United Flight from EWR to GVA (That is Geneva for you non airport people)
SBB CFF FFS Train from Geneva to Neuchatel
Walk down a ridiculously steep hill that you will now worry about on your return trip into town.
Boom you are there. Total Travel Time – 10 hours give or take
So my return was a little tricky. The flight from GVA to EWR was at an hour that would have made me get up at an ungodly hour on Sunday and the SBB CFF FFS Train was running local so it would have been worse. I found a GVA to Washington Dulles that wasn’t bad and the commuting flight from IAD to EWR was still open. There was another direct flight from GVA to JFK but it was fairly booked so that was my back up plan if I couldn’t get on the Washington DC flight.
So the return trip looked like this;
Bus up ridiculously steep hill from town to Neuchatel train station
SBB CFF FFS Train from Neuchatel to Geneva
United Flight from GVA to IAD
Clear Customs walk to the gate for IAD to EWR flight.
Find out that you are in position #20 and there are only 8 available seats. TRANSLATION – YO ASS AIN’T GETTING ON THIS FLIGHT
Find that there are only 2 remaining flights from IAD to EWR/LGA and they look fairly full.
Uber from IAD to Union Station to take Amtrak.
Amtrak from Union Station to Penn Station
Find out that original flight is now delayed 55 minutes due to weather
Arrive Penn Station at roughly the same time I would have if I actually got a seat on that booked flight.
Subway to Nevins Street
Hug and Kiss Maya! Total Travel Time – 19.5 hours and out train ticket ($200.00) and Uber Pool to Train station ($40.00)
Folks that is a win in my book! I told my former Domestic Work Wife that you have to get creative when traveling. Not only do you have to find additional flights and where hidden cities are you may have to rely on back up cities and train back in. We are talking seeing the Matrix kind of shit here folks.
Long Story Short – be flexible and always have a plan for back up. It was great seeing Geranium even if it was a short trip. I got to see Neuchatel. We went over to Lausanne on Saturday and met up with some of her work peeps who are Ex-Pats here for at least 3 months. Oh and we drank some beer! Thankfully Geranium returns this Thursday!
Incidentally did you know that this movie was one of the only few movies that John Cusack didn’t also work with his sister Joan? What you think that all I do is sprinkle the word “Fuck” and take half ass selfies? I have another side of me. I just can’t see it because I am too fucking fat.
Regarding the title of this worthless dribble I am referring to the the weather. I was on the phone with someone from the home office in Memphis yesterday. There were some issues with some Double Decker bus tickets that I sold last month and I was trying to get it handled. While we were waiting for her computer to finish the report we were talking about the weather. She said that it was raining in Memphis yesterday and I said of course it is raining. It is Memphis in May and it always rains during Memphis in May.
The person from the home office laughed and didn’t realize I used to live in Memphis. I told her that there are 3 times in Memphis when you could predict the weather;
The Hottest day of the year – Dead Elvis Week.
The Coldest day of the year – The Liberty Bowl Game
100% Rain on a certain day – Any Memphis in May Event Day
Now I would like to add a 4th Sure Thing to that list;
Want to know when it will rain in New York – Just wait till Friday! It always rains in New York on Friday!
Enough words, here are some pictures from the past 2 weeks that have been in my iFoam.
Have a good week I am going to try to get over this sinus infection that I got from flying to the EU last weekend so I can do it all over again next weekend!
As I previously mentioned HERE we were really blown away by how great Barcelona was on our long weekend trip. What really shocked both of us was how good all the food was. From simple cut fruit cup in the market to tapas at one of the celebrated tapas restaurants we never really encountered a bad meal there.
First of all one needs to visit La Boqueria on Las Ramblas. Don’t worry Cay-Kee, I have a list ready for you. Same for you Tay-Tay, I got you boo. No seriously La Boqueria is a 500 stall open air market that offers pretty much any type of food that you can find in Spain. We figured that if anyone who lives in Barcelona that they would shop for at least one or a lot of your weekly meals. The food was that good.
Ok enough with the words. Let me Ashley B’s the crap out of this post with some pictures. Oh and if you are a fan of Gin Tonic’s or cheap good red wine then you need to put Barcelona on your list. Enough Said!
Like I said, you need to put Barcelona on your short list if you like good food and drink.