Rut-Row CBT is proclaiming again

Downtown Brooklyn/Brooklyn Heights is Resting

Saturday was a little heavy for us so we stayed in and didn’t really want to get on any of the chat apps. I watched some Insta Stories and one of my favorite nowadays is Michael Rappaport. He had posted a now viral post where he tells parents to keep their kids at home. Saturday he reposted a video of a bike messengers wearing Go-Pro’s going about their way in Manhattan. Talk about strange seeing everything void of people and cars. The name of it was “New York is Resting” and I encourage you to go find it. It is pretty neat stuff.

So on Sunday I was dispatched to go get Easter Beer and some items I couldn’t carry from my Grocery store trip. I decided I would walk down to the Duane Reade on Fulton Mall. Guess what? That location is now closed so I had to walk my ass down to Brooklyn Heights. I left out early in the morning so that I didn’t have that much interaction with people as I knew a lot were going to virtual Mass.

To say the streets are empty is an understatement. Check out my 20 block walk.

Livingston Street – I mean guys this kind of shit never happens.
Flatbush and Nevins – This is like Germantown Road at Poplar Avenue.
This is looking back up Flatbush at Nevins towards the Barclay’s Center. Again Empty!
I mean you would normally have a guy begging for money here. Not anymore. There isn’t anyone riding the subways.
It reminds me of South Main with all the quiet buildings. BUT IT IS NEVER LIKE THIS!
One of the Urgent Clinics here that I am guessing have temporarily closed due to COVID-19. A lot of the urgent cares are being understaffed due to people quarantining or getting sick. To combat that they are closing urgent cares and sending staff to other locations.
Dekalb Market – There should be over 100 people sitting around this flower garden. Empty!
Over on Hoyt Street
I actually could hear the most famous 6 words said – “Stand Clear Of The Closing Doors” from here!
and S/O to my Kentucky readers!
This is the place who said it was ok to have 1 dog that weighed up to 75 pounds but having 2 dogs that a total of 12 pounds is unacceptable. The leasing agent said it was ok then they said nope. And they tried to keep our deposit.
I want to say this place opened in early March.
Yeah this place never made it to open. Seriously folks the restaurant framework here is going to be changed forever.
So here is where The Asian Fireman and AB the LSU Fan sit back and laugh.

Hey Bill (Debasio) how about you stop fucking riding from the UES to Prospect Park (in Brooklyn) in your NYPD detail to have an afternoon stroll and you close some city streets down here?

Explain to me how the in the World I am to walk here and maintain social distancing?

Oh and for those of you who don’t know but Gracie Mansion in in the Upper East Side and guess what is right next to it?

A New York city park. He is a bum I tell ya!
I have a feeling these guys won’t be back.

Hope you enjoyed the walk with me.

Would the Alumni Members of the Ambergris Caye Message Board Please Stand Up (if they can)

I have to start out by giving mad props to Otteralum (I know that is a rather strange code name but he gave it to himself) because that magnificent bastard just pulled off one helluva ACMB Reunion. Pugwash quit swearing at the laptop, your time will come….

So, we just returned from a trip to Belize, but let me go back in time for some of you younger stalkers of this worthless dribble. Before Tic Toc, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, even Myspace and Friendster there was a thing called a “Message Board” Here people could come to it and ask questions about a vacation place or rant about their favorite sporting team. In this case the Message Board was for Ambergris Caye down in Belize.

For those of us who had visited the island a number of times we would chat on either threads or in mini chat. Like I said, Social Media hadn’t launched yet and there was not a lot going on. As with any group of child like adults (much like on social media) you had some ball busting, some fights, some got kicked off and so on.

I met the bulk of the ACMB (Ambergris Caye Message Board) on one of the Boogie’s in February. I want to recall it was a poker run that TacoGirl put together and IsleNutt made bracelets with everyone’s name. Needless to say it was a great trip and then Myspace moved to Facebook so sadly the message board lost steam.

So about 2 and a half years ago Otteralum put out a “Save the Date” for his 50th birthday in Facebook. I saw it was in early November and went to put it on the calendar. But something wasn’t kosher. First of all I thought that he and I were closer in age. Then I noticed that the dates didn’t coordinate with the days of the week. Did he start drinking early and forget his birthday? Nope he sent out the invite 2 and a half years in advance. Talk about an over-achiever.

Anyway a total of 42 folks came down from the US and a good number of them were from the ACMB. It was good to see some faces that I haven’t seen in a couple years. Even as Pugwash and I spoke at breakfast about todays agenda he remarked that it was probably the first time we ever were civil to each other. I told him it was because we were both still sober but Tim knows I don’t have a beef with him. He is just a big ole hairy Teddy Bear. But with a funnier accent other than mine. Love ya Pug and Jane!

I must have been in the bathroom when they took this picture. Pretty much the whole gang!
Me and Reaper (who technically doesn’t live in the States but in Costa Rica)
Me and Tia Chocolate – (the nose above picture is a staple Carbunkle Trumpet Selfie method) Nobody wants to see my whole face.
Me and Travel Queen
Me and Muppets Go Wild
The Birthday Boy aka Otteralum (his handle is a mix of his college and that he is an alum)
Fucking Spurs and Mr Spurs! – This picture automatically put a smile on my face when I saw it. It was so great to spend time with you and Bobby. Love ya Kid!
Yep even he was amongst us too.
For those of you wondering that is a shark vertebrae anklet and it was worn by KC Jayhawk. It was gifted to me by his wife because we lost Colin 4 years ago. Oh and we all still miss the big goof he was one in a million. I am not crying, you are crying.
I got you Bro!
Travel Queen and Dita
Two Former Memphians sit at the same table on a Sunday night. What are the chances.
For those of you who don’t know this is Elbert Greer and he owns the White Sands Dive Shop. Every morning he posts the weather report for San Pedro. It keeps my sanity when we are having Cold Ass Nor’easters.
She wasn’t on the island but as I am having my last beer I notice the picture of SweetJane with Jet. We got to throw her into the mix!
Love these two! Isla this summer?
Who has two thumbs and has two beautiful women by his side as we are heading in?
This Guy!

Like I said, This was a magical trip and I am so thankful that Otter invited Geranium and I to this event. Between this group of malcontents along with Otter and Mrs. Otter’s group of friends it was one helluva party. To those who couldn’t make it, you were missed.

While in the South….

One should always pay proper homage to their southern roots. What does this mean folks???? A trip to the FloraBama and Waffle House!

Recall when Sean Brock and Anthony Bourdain went to Waffle House and these words were muttered?

“You don’t come here expecting the French Laundry,” Brock says. “You come here expecting something amazing.” “This is better than the French Laundry,” Bourdain replies.

No disrespect to Thomas Keller (Landlord and Mr. 3 First Names – Cover your eyes) but in the south the Waffle House kicks the shit out of French Laundry and twice on Sunday Morning! After a quick trip to the Florabama RJ and I asked our driver if they would drop us off at the Waffle House for a small meal. We arrived just before midnight and after a brief wait were ushered to a seat at the counter.

In proper respect to Sean Brock & Bourdain, I ordered a Pecan Waffle as an appetizer which puzzled RJ and settled for the 2 eggs fried, Scattered, Smothered, Covered X 2, Bacon and toast breakfast. I believe that RJ chowed down on a Philly Breakfast plate but when I recalled looking over there it was gone!

Maria – is there a Waffle House around these parts? I see a couple in PA.

The Florabama was warm and very GOP’ish to say the least!
Talk about a dick move by the Florabama. You ain’t in Brooklyn Bitch, you in the South!
It is about to go down!
Yes Please
The Nerve Center of Waffle House – The kitchen
Now that I look at this sober I realize we got screwed!
Oh my Cholesterol is hitting high Triple digits!
RJ’s Plate – Now I know why he was singing Ring of Fire the next morning – Jalapeno Peppers!
Wonder why I was so thirsty!
I am ashamed of the bill. It was high!
The Next morning I had a party scar and I was eating Imodium like it was Pez

Again apologies to Jenn for forgetting the hashbrowns in the Uber. I blame RJ for leaving it!

We may have lost the war….

I hope that everyone had a great Christmas break and for those of you still on break, I hope that you are staying warm.  While I was waiting for my Buttermilk Biscuits to proof and my nephew’s hoverboard to burst into flame I ran across this ARTICLE. This hit home for a couple of reasons; first I was glad that I wasn’t the only person who still did about 75% of these things and second, I get hazed on a daily basis for some of these by my New York coworkers.  Now before you are about to say that I am inferring that all New Yorkers are assholes, I am not saying that. New Yorkers, about 90% of them, practice good manners and play by the rules. I normally get singled out the moment when I say “mam” or “sir” following a “yes” or “no” statement. That is when the “Hey we got someone who is from the South” alarm sounds and they realize I am not from around these parts. Case in point; one of my coworkers could not wrap her New Jersey mind around the fact that I was going to send a Thank You note via the USPS to a vendor for a favor she gave me. “Why don’t you just text her or email her” she asked? I told her that any good southern gentlemen always writes a handwritten note in ink thanking them and you could see the wheel spinning but the hamster was on vacation. Anyway, I have attached the list as a reminder for my 3 readers in the hopes that on Easter Sunday we will have New Yorkers wearing Seersucker.

Here are a few Southern Gentleman Traditions that should still apply today:

A gentleman will …

1… open her door
In old days, it was seen as a sign of his protection and strength, when a gentleman would help a lady up into the carriage. Their dresses were often long and heavy, so the gentleman would open the door for her so she wouldn’t have to drop her dress in the dirt. Today, opening a door for her is not a sign of weakness towards her, but a gesture of affection.

2… let her walk through the door first
Women should always go through the door first. Even ardent feminists will admit to this. It’s not an acknowledgment that women are the weaker sex — it’s perhaps an acknowledgment of women as the stronger sex.

3… pull out her chair
In old days, it was common for the gentleman to pull out her chair and allow her to face the open room. Today, the gentleman pulls out her seat, and sits facing away from the crowd and the TV. Why? Because he doesn’t need to be distracted — she needs to be the center of his attention, not a football game.

4… pick up the check
A gentleman always picks up the tab, especially on the first date, and with no expectations.

5… hold the umbrella when it rains

When raining, a gentleman will hold the umbrella over her. No, he does not mind getting a little wet.

6… stand to her outside, closest to the street, when walking
Symbolically this might be seen that he’ll always be by her side, through thick and thin, and will protect her from anything. But this does have historical merit to it. Before today’s sewage systems, a man would stand on the outside of the sidewalk to protect a woman from the dust and sewage that could splash up from horse-drawn carriages. The notion of the man laying his coat over a puddle meant he was protecting her feet from fecal because sewage was common in the streets. Today, a gentleman might stand in the way of puddles splashing up the street, or in the event a car veers onto the sidewalk.

7… help her put on and take off her coat
Up through the early 1900s, women often wore multiple layers, making movement difficult. A gentleman would help his lady put-on and take-off her coat due to these restrictions. And while those multiple layers are less common today, men should still offer to help.

8… never walk ahead of her
Another reason with historical relevance. Because ladies often wore long dresses and could trip on them, a gentleman would stand behind them when climbing a staircase. Today, because of long heels or a long dress, a gentleman should follow the same etiquette. This is another sign of him protecting her.

9… walk her to her car / door
Because he’s concerned for her safety, a true gentleman will walk her to her car or home to this day

10… carry her bags
A gentleman will help her carry her bags — whether they are groceries, packages, or she needs help with her luggage when flying.

11… give up his jacket
A gentleman will always pay attention. When she starts to shiver, he gives her his jacket.

12… give up his seat
If there are no other seats available, a gentleman offers his seat to a lady.

13… tip his hat
Tipping a hat to a lady is good form. If he’s at a dinner table, a gentleman will always take off his hat — cowboy hat, baseball hat, or otherwise.

14… stand when she walks into the room
As a sign of respect, men used to stand when a lady, dignitary, or elderly person walked in the room. Today, when a woman comes into a room, or to the table, a gentleman should stand up to acknowledge her. Period. Standing for her shows they are attentive and they care.

15… never laugh for the sake of attention
Loud, unruly laughter is the characteristic of recklessness and bad-manners. A gentleman commands attention through his character, not his volume.

16… sit after she sits
She’s the guest — a gentleman will allow her to sit first.

17… he listens to her
There’s etiquette to listening: If a woman is talking, be quiet. Just shut up. To be a good listener is as important as to be a good talker. Simple enough, right?

18… always on time
A gentleman is only as good as his word. He should plan in advance and don’t ever keep her waiting. Traffic is not an excuse for being late.

19… be complimentary of her
Even if is she is late, she spent a lot of time getting ready, so compliment her. Don’t play on her insecurities, either. Insulting her is petty.

20… be trustworthy
A gentleman will always keep a secret, especially one entrusted to him by the woman he loves and cherishes. Should the relationship end and a break-up happen? The gentleman should still be trusted.

21… never look inside her purse
Whether he is invited or uninvited. A gentleman should simply refuse. Bring her her purse, don’t fish around in there. A gentleman doesn’t need to know what’s in there, and they don’t want to know.

22… never guess her age, or her weight
A gentleman should never even talk about weight in front of a woman. It’s rude and disrespectful.

23… keep his appointments
A big part of being a gentleman is respecting other people’s time. When a gentleman tells someone they’re going to help them with something, they help them. When a gentleman promises they’ll have a project done by a certain date, they meet the deadline. Not only does this build trust, it helps build self-trust, a crucial-yet-underrated form of trust for a gentleman.

24… send a proper thank you note
What constitutes a thank-you note? Don’t use technology as a crutch. Text messages are impersonal and e-mails should be forbidden. I believe the old adage that the sooner you write a thank-you note, the less you need to write. Here is a simple formula: Start with a first line thesis statement. The second line is designative. The third is a kind of an affirmation. Close with something uplifting.

25… pick up after himself
A gentleman keeps a tidy office, home, and car. It shows he takes himself seriously, and takes pride in what he’s worked hard for. No one looks up to a slob.

26… never hit a woman
No matter the reason or the circumstance, a gentleman never hits a woman…no matter what.

27… sends his mother-in-law flowers on his wife’s birthday
His mother-in-law will always be the one who helped his wife when she was sad, skinned her knee, and kept her safe. For that, he should always be grateful. Showing appreciation to a mother-in-law and her sacrifice is a great way to tell a spouse ‘Happy Birthday.’

28… ask her father for her hand in marriage
In Victorian days, a gentleman would have to show his ‘credentials’ to her father to show his worthiness. Today, a gentleman asks her father for his blessing because it shows a sign of courtesy and respect to his future father-in-law.

Next week we will work on saying “Well Bless Your Heart” instead of saying “Go Feck Yourself”


Mind The Boobs, Balls and Butt!

Now that I have your attention, please allow me to break from my normal satirical rant and get up on my soapbox (so I can be normal height) for a minute. You see last Sunday when my college football coach was driving his Harley with a certain paid staffer ala Ted Kennedy marked an important anniversary for the Trumpets. It was one year ago that Mrs Trumpet went to have her yearly mammogram that we later found out we would be kinda busy kicking Breast Cancer in the Ass for the next 9 months. I know that this is kind of a macabre anniversary for me to remember but in the reality it saved her life. Like I have said before, we were lucky in that we caught the Cancer early and rather than having a lumpectomy that the surgeon recommended, Momma went for the gusto and had a double Mastectomy. She is doing great for those of you wondering and sometime this spring/early summer we will be sporting a brand new shiny rack that will have to be showcased with a Rebel Flag bikini top!
We just found out that some friends of ours also caught breast cancer early and rather than joining her grandmother and mother by being breast cancer casualties she also kicked Cancer in the ass. They caught it so early that she doesn’t have to endure Chemo or Radiation which as I told her husband can really suck. We have friends of ours who lives down in Belize also were able to catch Prostate Cancer early and other than having a yearly PSA test they are living a normal life. If you are wondering where I am going with this, it is a simple plea to all those who are still reading to please get a fucking Mammogram, Colonoscopy or Medical Physical on a regular basis. I know of many who have not had this done and for whatever their reason is, this is something that you don’t need to mess with. It scares the crap out of me for my friends who live in Latin America that don’t have regular check ups and sadly I have lost many a friend who when they did find the Cancer it was too late.
Now please don’t think that I am sitting here all high and mighty acting like I am perfect because I was just as bad. I think it was 4 years back when I went to get a physical and sure enough I was overweight (still am) but I had high blood pressure and my cholesterol was all kinds of jacked up. The doctor put me on 2 medicines and had me take all kids of OTC drugs (CoQ10, Slo Niacin, and a bunch of other stuff) and I felt like crap so I stopped taking them. Well guess what happened when Momma found out that my blood pressure was 180/110 when a friend asked to take my BP? Yep I might as well have been Bobby Petrino on that bike with the 25 year old paid staffer because I caught all kinds of Hell. I have changed my ways, took my ass chewing from my cousin who is my internist and now maintain a normal BP and better cholesterol levels. We won’t talk about my liver enzymes because that is another blog entry.
Last year when people would find out that Mrs CBT was being treated for Breast Cancer they would ask if there is anything that they can do my response was for them to get checked out by a doctor because we plan on having them around for a while. Sure I know that we are not going to live forever but why not extend some good times for a couple more years by taking care of yourself? My counterpart at work has breast cancer in her family and even though she is younger, every time I ask her about it she gives me the “I never have time to schedule an appointment.” My friends who live in Belize openly say that they get nervous around the time when they go for the PSA test but so far so good and talk about having a weight lifted off of your shoulders.

So do yourself a favor for CBT, your family and for yourself get checked out. From what I hear from my friends who are over 50 getting the colonoscopy doesn’t turn you gay. I guess if you keep on scheduling it for each month after you have the first one you may have a problem though. Last week was CBT’s birthday and I told friends that I am not getting older I am just getting one year closer to my date with Doctor Jelly Fingers and Mr. Scope. Till then I keep going for my regular check ups and sorry I plan on being around for a couple more decades or until they run out of good rum and beer.

Take care of yourself or at least until December 21, 2012 when the Mayan calender runs out or Snookie gives birth.



Hi My Name is Carbunkle Trumpet and I am an addict

Yeah, what about that 2012 is going to be the year of CBT doing more blogging eh? Well stop yelling at me, I have been busy as of late with getting hair out of the shower drain and curing shin splints, but more on that later. So this morning after I got out of bed, stole the neighbors newspaper and made sure the dog peed and pooped, I naturally, got on my iFoam to see what was happening in the world according to Twitter, Facebook and see what spam emails I had to delete. After determining that yes Joe Patterno did indeed pass away (Way to go @CBSSports for screwing the pooch on that) I got on the ole treadmill to put in my 30 minute of huffing and puffing. Yes you read that correctly, CBT is now a jogger, who would have thought that eh? Anyway after accumulating a gallon of sweat in my socks and shirt I promptly sat in the floor of the bedroom and after half-arse stretching I again, out of habit, checked to see if anything was different on Twitter.
Mrs Trumpet, who was sitting in the bed reading her newspaper and drinking her coffee (that I fetched, I might add), was quick to say to me “You really can’t put that damned thing away can you?” My first comment was “Oh not me, I can quit anytime!” but she was spot on, I have a problem and I have no one to blame but myself. I informed Mrs Trumpet that I was trying to verify that Joe Paterno was indeed dead but there was no doubting that she busted me. I informed her that I would put the iFoam away and not use it today to which she said good and mentioned something about breakfast. Stubbornly, I put the phone back on the charger and felt the social media fingers tightening around my throat for a minute but that was just my out of shape telling me that I am fat. After a quick shower and a thorough washing of my 220lb body (and you wonder why I am now jogging) I dressed and worked on that breakfast that was mentioned earlier.
After breakfast and some other chores I then realized that I had gone almost 2 hours without checking Email, Facebook, or even *Aghast* Twitter and I hadn’t burst into flames. I may actually survive this! What did I do in the meantime you ask, well I read the daily newspaper. I confirmed that un-subscribing to it was a good thing and even glanced at some of the magazines that we have at the house. It was then that it got me a thinking and for someone who one brain cell away from being the girl who does the “My Drunk Kitchen” that it was like I was on vacation. Now before I get raked over the coals by some of my fellow snarky 38103 residents no, I am not referring to Bill Murray in “What about Bob?” and his ‘vacation from himself’ I am referring to the feeling of not being in touch with the world.
You see when CBT and Mrs CBT goes on holiday I make it a point not to try to ‘keep up with the world’ and just chill out and let things happen. Belize, CA back in the day was a great example in that we didn’t have TV’s in the room, our cellphones were useless and the only TV in the hotel was on either the Weather Channel or Soccer and I loved it! Talk about stepping off the grid, you were literally out of touch with society and it was this that I enjoyed…and the beer…and the rum,,,ok and the food and the people too! Now when we visit “that shitty little island” we only use the cellphone for texting each other and don’t surf the net or check FB or Twitter. When we head up to Dale Hollow Lake during Labor Day weekend our cellphones are out of range and to be honest, I really enjoy it. We have all seen that car commercial where there are 4 guys in an SUV and they keep checking to see what you originally think is “I am out of Range” when actually he is searching to be out of cellular service. That is what I am talking about.
So rather than Jonesing to see what bar my friends are checking into, looking at pictures of a friend’s vacation that he/she is still on, and I have to say that it is a welcome feeling. I guess I can blame my ADD and bad habits but I really need to start working on this. You probably have seen the “No Cellphones at the Table” game (Probably on Facebook or Twitter) where everyone at the table stacks their cellphone on the table before dinner and the first one who reaches for his/hers has to pay the tab. It is a simple game and yet when I go to a friends house, go watch a game at the bar or have dinner, I am as bad as the next guy.
Maybe this is a good thing, maybe I need to stop reading people’s stupid rants about not having fast service at a restaurant and stop to smell the coffee. Who knows, maybe CBT may go back to brick phone….
Keep it light and get off the damn phone!


Now I lay me down to Sleep, if I…..

EDITORS NOTE – THERE IS NOTHING WRONG (well I can’t speak for my mind or liver) WITH ME.
One of my fathers Consigliere’s from the days of Ronco Pasta passed away this past week after a vicious battle with cancer and thankfully went peacefully with his family at his side. Out of respect to his great family I attended the wake as I remember MB as a very nice gentlemen and that he always had peppermint candy that he would always share with me. In talking with one of the daughters at the wake, she was upset that people would remember her father in a sickly state as it was an open casket service and honestly he didn’t look like himself. As I was driving home I recalled another funeral in which again the deceased didn’t look like themselves. This got me to think for when the day that CBT kicks the bucket so here is what I would like for my final wishes;

  1. No open casket – Burn my arse up and I want my ashes spread over the second largest barrier reef in Belize on a Catamaran with all my friends in attendance.
  2. No sappy music for me, I want Elvis’ Trilogy to be played as they are scattering me and I expect every glass/bottle raised.
  3. My assets – give some money to my surviving family, The Poor Clarie’s, and the rest to pay for the bar tab at my memorial service.
  4. No tears, I want everyone to start a comment with “You remember when Crazy arse CBT……”
  5. I expect the Arkansas Fight Song to be played at some time during the party
  6. The Finest Cigars should be smoked.
  7. A Beach BBQ should be in order.
  8. Maybe a beer pong table also.
  9. I would like for there to be a CBT Memorial Horse Race at Oaklawn Racetrack and for there to be at least one Grey horse in the running. Pink Silk for the Jockey would be a bonus.
  10. I want a good time and everyone wondering “Do you think he has cold beer in Hell?”

Again, there is nothing wrong with me I just want to get that stuff settled and out of the way. Ok onto the South Main Oktoberfest to drink beer.

It is just strange that they have him buried in the backyard just like a pet hamster.

I mean who wouldn’t want to be scattered there?

Yep I will be kicking it with Paisano once again.

I have to say this is one of my most Macabre posts that I have ever done.


Hey Big Man, let me ax you a question……

Here we go again, CBT is breaking his own mantra and going to throw his hat into a debate that is going on right now in Downtown Memphis. No it isn’t skillet that adopted the Russian baby and then tried to Wal mart return the little kid by buying him a one way ticket home but the downtown panhandling problem. Being that I have been a downtowner since 92 I have had a unique outlook on the panhandling problem here in Memphis. When I moved into 38103 back in the early 90’s there were few panhandlers and for the most part they were friendly, they knew that I didn’t smoke and wasn’t going to give them money even if all they needed was a quart of oil to get to St. Louis.
Then the Atlanta Olympics happened in 96 and thanks to a quick “what are we going to do with our homeless problem”they rounded up all the homeless and shipped them to Memphis which created some more ‘aggressive’ panhandling. Add to that Katrina and other problems and guess what, we have some panhandlers who are scaring the shit out of tourists and females. I know that I have friends who have businesses downtown and it is affecting their bottom line as people have a conception that downtown is full of bums and is dangerous when really it isn’t. I don’t know if the answer is ‘banning single beer sales’ or ‘panhandling zones’ but whatever is decided I say we need to follow it through.
Here is what I mean…If I were to go duck hunting would I have better luck at finding ducks in a field on President’s island or at the Peabody hotel which has ducks swim in it’s fountain from 11-5 daily? I have been spending some time down in our Entertainment district lately and you can recognize the tourists like they were wearing a big ole sign that says “Come heckle me” and here is where we need to watch over these people because they are the easy targets. Who do you think that the panhandler is going to try to hit up – 1. a tourist from Tacoma Washington or 2. a short fat blond haired fellow that they have seen many times downtown and will not allow them to get into his personal space? Yep poor Tom Tacoma is going to get heckled and if the panhandler is ‘off his meds’ will probably scare the shit out of them and guess who loses….We all do. If there is to be a No Panhandling zone then it needs to be enforced – Period! Single Beer sales – If they can’t get a quart of beer then the bums may be working harder to get more money to buy a ‘Big Ass Beer’ that is sold up and down the street. Bottom line is this isn’t a quick fix and we may need to find out how some other cities are handling this problem.

In our travels abroad we run into panhandling as well and traditionally in the Latin America countries it is kids selling bracelets or Chiclets which in my opinion is at least fair trade. Sure I have a desk drawer full of crappy beaded necklaces but at least I feel better knowing that my 10BZE was in trade for a shark necklace that I will never wear again. Again the same businesses who hate these kids have the same rules but the un-written rule is “you don’t pester the tourist, then you can stay”. Hell I know of a kid that lives on the island of San Pedro who has a CBT radar because the moment I walk off the plane (with the band playing I might add) there is Alex! That kid is going to be mayor of San Pedro when he grows up, I promise you! Yep we have run into a couple of more aggressive panhandlers but when you offer to buy them a burger or go pay their light bill, they fold so shame on you!
Anyway back to topic – I will support whatever is decided on addressing the aggressive panhandling, I just hope that we follow through with it. Kind of like that dumbarse Panhandler permit that was passed a couple years ago, we need some teeth to make this work because something needs to happen.

Can he take me back to when the Cubs won the World Series or at least into next week so I can see what the powerball number are?
So that is where all those Star War fans go

Harry Potter anyone?
Take it light and remember “Just say no!”

May I take your order?

Back when I was in college and with the tennis team (no snickering peanut gallery) we had a player from one of the Scandinavian countries. I recall him telling me that before he came to college he spent a year in the army as that was required of all 18 year old men. I am thinking to myself that must have been an eye-opener but then I started to realize that I have never heard of a Scandinavian country ever declaring war but still I bet that left a mark on him and he learned a lot.
It was this little non-beer riddled brain cell that made me think of that while I was watching my home boy Anthony Bourdain’s No_Reservations this past week named “obsessions” The show was about a guy who has a hard on for a 26 dollar burger made from the best aged steaks, an Australian who raises Wagyu beef and a chef who loves cheese that I actually copied one of his recipes that made my own doctor divorce me. Meanwhile during this whole episode Anthony is butchering a pig as that is what he declares is his obsession – Pork. The show moves along and it is pretty good and then you get to the the bloggers….
Don’t get me wrong I am a huge an of blogs and I chose to read/follow those that make me happy as I life is too short to get all fired up some stupid comment but these guys take the cake. I won’t go into great detail but as they are taking pictures of the plates (I hate that BTW!) they are telling Anthony that it led to a break up of a partnership and let me tell you those guys are angry! One of them had more cholesterol than blood and is now forced to eat rabbit food and another bitches about leaving a 400K job to write about food. Um hello boys you may need to see professional help or better vodka.
Anyway to my point and scroll back up to the top if I have lost you in my dribble….(I can wait) I think that everyone should work in a restaurant at one point in their life. I have to be honest I loved putting my thumb into soups, standing over an ice bin hungover so bad that the smell of the waitress spill mat was about to make me hurl and the knowledge of how a restaurant ticks. To me the best part was watching a kitchen tick in that the took a raw product and made a meal, and they did it over, and over, and over again.
It was these bloggers made me ask the question, I bet they have never set foot into the back of kitchen and seen guerrilla warfare at it’s best while diners are getting annoyed that their salad with the Sauce on the Side is taking too long. Now I am not saying that one should be subjected to crappy food, a server who needs to check the attitude at the door, or an owner who is more concerned with making cash over customer satisfaction because I wouldn’t. I think that you will find people who are former restaurant servers, cooks, bartenders are a little bit more understanding if there is by chance a problem and their head won’t spin off axis if the mushroom risotto isn’t properly seasoned correctly.
Now here is my problem with Food Bloggers and those bad experience tweeters on restaurants (oh dear CBT is on the soapbox) is that these people who blast a restaurant or meal never made one comment to the management/owner or never worked in one. That to me is wrong and cowardly because if you are going to have the stones to tweet “I had a meal at XXX and it sucked, the service was slow and I am never coming back and think everyone should not go there!” and yet walk right by the owner/manager and not say a thing then shame on you! If you happened to catch the show you will know what I am talking about.
Last summer I recalled a trip report on a message board from a friend of mine who visited a new/upcoming restaurant on “that crappy island I love” and he kind of drug it in the mud. This owner of the restaurant was not a frequenter of the message board but one of her friends who owns a B&B on that “crappy island” was and she forwarded the review to the owner. Sure enough my friend who originally wrote the review made a retraction on his trip report in that the owner had apologized for the bad experience and the next trip back to please come visit her again and see if she can make amends. To me that is the way one should handle complaints and I caution those who are about to be ugly please put yourself in their shoes for a second.

Take it light and make sure you tip your server!

I love that guy, one of these days we are going to have to sit down and drink some beer!
Notice I don’t take pictures of plated food, I take pics of just cooked food!

See if I never spent time in the kitchens of Chez Philipe, Aubergine, Kings Palace, Tap House or Cielo I wouldn’t have known how to do this.

Oh and if you wonder that pic above is one of my obsessions! And chicken, and pork, and red wine, and (ok I will stop)

See I am glad that those pesky food bloggers or Tweeters didn’t see this or they would have blasted me for not pulling enough kitchen string.
And I dare you to!
Oh and for those of you who are wondering when I am going to get back to my normal ‘making fun of stupid people’ blogging just wait…..

So what do you want to be when you….

grow up?

I recall that question being asked of me when I was way younger and I think I said I wanted to be a marine biologist or something like that. Glad I didn’t waste a bunch of money going to school for that because that whole science thing was kind of hard when I was a wee lad. Anyway as I have matured (notice I didn’t say grow up) I would say that I want to be a mixture of 4 people and it wasn’t till last night that I realized I needed to squeeze one more person into this 5 foot 5 inch body.

I had always I said I wanted to have the musical talent of Harry Connick Jr as I can’t even play Rock band—I suck that bad. Remember that plastic recorder that you had to play in the 3rd grade? I was so bad that asked me to ‘fake’ play when we had our band concert.

Next I would say that I would love to have the respect of other cultures like my homeboy Anthony Bourdain. I am a huge fan of his show No Reservations and I love his thirst for life and desire to experience everything there is about a country. Oh and that he also has an acid tongue and his cooking skills are pretty good too!

Now who doesn’t love the Gonzo love for life like Hank Moody from Californication? I don’t agree with his extra marital affairs on the show but you have to love a guy who treats every day as his last.

Rounding out my list was to be able to ‘thin the heard’ like Dexter Morgan. Who doesn’t love a serial killer who takes out bad people? Don’t get me wrong and I am not trying to break one of my own mantras but don’t you wish there was a way to {Control, Alt, Delete] some of the jackasses you see on the TV? The world would be a better place if we put a wood chipper at the banks of the Mississippi River and we round up the bad people you know????

Last night I was watching the Olympics dressed in my feathered Vera Wang skating outfit someone made mention about the great Italian Men’s downhill skier Alberto ‘Bomba” Tomba. Tomba is great, the guy would win Olympic medals and when a reporter would ask him how he felt, he would say that he feels horrible because he doesn’t have a good looking woman by his side or that he is a little fuzzy because he drank too much wine the night before. Tomba is the kind of guy who would ski a Super G and then do beer bongs with the fans in the stands. My later grandmother was a huge fan of Bomba, and this was a woman who attended church every Sunday and never imbibed except for a ‘touch’ of bourbon with her Holiday Egg Nog.

Anyway so who do you want to be when you grow up?

Yep sucks to be HCJr you know?
I am going to have to meet that man one of these days! I am sure I have said it before but if you have never read his books DO IT!

Between this Dexter and mommas love of the Tudors, there really isn’t anything good on Showtime you know?

Seriously though how does he afford a boat on a blood spatter expert you know?

There is a red haired woman up in heaven who is going to watch the Olympics next week as I hear Tomba is going to be making an appearance in Vancouver.

Aww ain’t I cute?

Sorry I had to lighten up the mood, I know that my 3 readers don’t want this to turn into a sappy blog! Keep it light folks!