That Crazy Arse Carbunkle Trumpet

Losers Lounge Tribute to Fleetwood Mac

The first weekend of June the Losers and the Joe McGinty 7 assembled one last time before the summer break. This show was to showcase the songs from Fleetwood Mac. This time we were joined by UWS Girl and Z Squared along with the other malcontents. No assless chaps like we saw at the George Michael show which probably scared EGP but there was a good duet.

IMG_0984I need some Bongo’s! Everything is better with Bongos!

IMG_0988I pretty much peed down my leg laughing from this duet.

IMG_0983Yes she is wearing a Kaftan and probably sporting a “bump it” too!

IMG_0994Joe McGinty closing out the set

IMG_0991Why is my bartender from Max’s behind the drums?

It was a great time and this October we will be jamming to…THE M’Effin Bee Gee’s!

 

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“I would rather go to Afghanistan than to see Eddie Money with you.”

Relax to some new of my FB friends who we met down in the DR. *who am I kidding, nobody reads this shit* Carbunkle doesn’t kiss and tell. For you 9 readers who have wondered where the hell I have been, we just returned from a quick trip to the Dominican Republic. We went down with some friends from PA and some of their invited guests. We had a blast and look forward to seeing them again at the Philly BBQ Bash this summer.

I had decided that I wasn’t going to snap a lot of pictures this trip for a couple reasons. First of all I needed a mental break. Secondly, other than S&K and Virgil I didn’t know anyone else in the group. I mean, they love that I sell tour bus tickets to tourists in the UES but someone may lose their shit like if they just found out that their child was on the roof of their home if I posted some proprietary stuff from that weekend. Here are a couple pics that I did snap.

IMG_0736Yes we are New Yorkers, Yes we are in the Dominican Republic, Yes those are Bud Red Top Beers, Stop yelling KLC Man. The Presidentes were hot that morning.

IMG_0741No I was not vacationing with the owners of the Kooky Canucks, this little fella starting drinking on Thursday morning and got more obnoxious every hour since then and hadn’t stopped. *picture taken on Sunday afternoon. #Blessyourheart #nahGoFeckYourselfdude

IMG_0740Laugh all you want at my drink but I saw these take down the ticket holder of some Eddie Money tickets late this week.

IMG_0739Overachiever Alert!

IMG_0738They didn’t have Shrimp Sticks or Sushi on Thursdays.

IMG_0743Remember the pic of the Canadian Maple Leaf towards the top? Here is his girlfriend who wanted to celebrate her 30th on the 30th in the DR. I don’t see her making it to her 40th. #blessyourheart

I will do better, I gave my work wife my Met Gala Passes since we didn’t get back till late on Monday. Hopefully she has some great pics.

 

A Dive Bar Find – Trailer Park Lounge & Grill

So my twitter friend @Brizzyc tweeted last weekend about being at an bar establishment that was at in Chelsea saying that New York really has it all.  I made note of it in Yelp as I am always looking for a great establishment on this island that we call home. On Sunday Mrs. Trumpet and I ventured down to The Chelsea Market but were greeted with a “Sorry Folks, Parks Closed” because they were closed for a private event. The weather was crappy on Sunday; cold and rainy and it reminded us of visting in England. Translation – we needed a drink and wanted to watch the basketball games. I found a bar on 8th Avenue on Yelp and we trudged uptown to Flight 151. The bar was somewhat busy but paying $7 for a Bud Light seemed a little steep. Add to that the bartender was not that engaged (aka probably tweeting how outlandish that United was for kicking off some non-rev 10yo girls for wearing leggings) and we started looking into finding another joint to watch the Kentucky game.

I recalled Brizzyc’s tweet and looked into how far the joint that she visited was from our current location. Turns out that Trailer Park L&G was 9 blocks away, so we took out a small loan and paid our tab. Walking up to the joint I noticed the Toilet/Ashtray out front and recalled that I had walked by it at one point. Walking into it was like walking into a time machine. You always know when you find a good bar when they are jamming B52’s Love Shack and the establishment is lit by neon and Christmas Tree Lights. Words really don’t give this joint justice so I will stop now and post the pictures.

I can see a trip to this joint when A Cup and Double Birds come up here this summer. Trust me, put this bar on your short list. The only downside to Trailer Park Lounge & Grill is that instead of ass-raping charging you $7 for a Bud Light they only charge $6.50 but you won’t mind paying this because of the décor. By the way @Brizzyc – let me know when you are heading back there. Anybody who appreciates this type of a joint has to be a good soul.

IMG_0553The Joint is on W23rd @ 8th Ave. It is hard to miss to say the least.

IMG_0554Got to love it when people think that they can charge their iFoam

IMG_0555The front room resembles a bowling Alley and is a riot!

IMG_0556No Trailer Park is complete w/o Snookie, Anna Nicole, and Tammy Faye Baker

IMG_0557Tons of Elvis stuff here too!

IMG_0558I still can’t believe that I lost my Velvet Elvis to a bad breakup. I miss that more than the bad relationship.

IMG_0559If you need to work on your BeeHive they have a dispenser in the waiting room of the Rest Rooms

IMG_0560Pocket Combs? That is new to me!

IMG_0561Love the Cigarette hanging out of the Mannequin’s mouth.

IMG_0562Tonya Harding, she put the Capital T in Trailer Park Trash

IMG_0563Yep that is an old time Airstream on the wall.

IMG_0564The Grill – They have Tater Tots and Cheese! If the former Neighbor makes it up here we will have to take her here for sure.

IMG_0566The Bar Proper

IMG_0567The view of the joint from the back of the house

IMG_0568I wonder if the bird drinks beer here too

IMG_0569The bar is an old Bowling Alley Lane

IMG_0570Seriously I need to find me a Velvet Elvis Tapestry. I would hang it over the bed!

I have a feeling that the next time we find our way in Chelsea this will be on the short list to visit again. Brizzyc – have you ever visited Rudy’s on 8th Ave? You need to put that on your short list.

 

A unique way to ask for money

Between New Orleans, Memphis and New York I think I have seen and heard it all when it comes to people panhandling. No I am not talking about Social Media panhandling for free tickets, those people are now unfollowed and I don’t see their feeds anymore. I am talking about panhandling for money, food or some just come out and say they need a beer or dope. Truthfully, I am more inclined to give those guys a beer than I am a buck. Sorry sparky, Carbunkle don’t do “The Dope” it is a work thing.

In New Orleans the scam way back was “I bet that I can tell you where you got your shoes” and it was targeted towards the tourists. The correct answer is “on my mudda fucking feet” and “piss off!” Probably the worst were the guys under I-10 or as I always referred to “Needle Park” these guys were pretty aggressive and thankfully the cops came by to clean it out daily.

In Memphis down in the entertainment district there is a problem where the panhandlers prey on tourists, normally foreign, and let me tell you these guys network. Back when the Mississippi Queen would dock at River Landing I would see bums all lined up from  Riverside to Beale. They would prey on the foreign tourists and it got kind of bad. Back in the day my brother Mike King led a huge campaign on cleaning up the streets and getting the bums off the street. It had traction but like any campaign flickered out. Paul Ryburn does a good job on his Blog giving tips and blowing the whistle on their latest scams. Truthfully, there needs to be someone to clean them out and make it difficult for them to throw a scam and then they will move on.

Here in New York you have 2 types of bums. Those on the street with the signs in the high tourist areas and those in the subways. Seriously it is amazing that we don’t have any bums here in the Upper East Side. Do we pay extra to ship them to Times Square? Nope, up here it is more residents and the panhandlers know that they can’t get as much money from resident New Yorkers as compared to the tourist areas. If you are going to duck hunt, would you rather hunt in a field or the lobby of the Peabody Hotel? You see what I did there?

Anyway in the trenches of the subway you get to hear all kinds of stories. “My wife is 9 months pregnant”, “I have XXX disease and need help”, “I lost my job and I need formula for my baby” I mean some of these stories are heart wrenching. But here is the thing, if you give them money then they keep on and it keeps feeding the vicious cycle. Mrs. Trumpet keeps a couple granola bars in her purse to give them food. It is harder to trade food for drugs or booze than cash is our rational.

Well all that changed last week when I have to say even I was impressed by this technique. I am sitting there on a very wide open subway train heading to a lunch meeting and someone puts a pack of Kleenex next to me with a note. I glance down and see that rather than “Excuse me Everybody…..” this person did it quietly and without interruption.

I gave the guy a buck and gave him his Kleenex back.

IMG_0479Very non-confrontational and something unique. Worst case is he uses that buck for more toner.

1447342403-postcoverYeah, this is why I don’t give money. Dude is making more money than I am  in an hour!

If you want to give money to the homeless, give to a shelter or a church. Don’t give it to them directly, they probably are a scam artist and using it for drugs or booze. Me, I work hard for my booze money! And as far as drugs, I guess you can call Cigars my drug of choice!

Planes Trains and a 40 Uber Ride

Let me just say this for the record. I know that when one travels stand-by you live by the sword and you also die by the sword. Let me also go on record saying that if I still lived in Memphis I would be lobbying for Kevin Kane, the Memphis Convention and Visitor Bureau President, to get a damn raise. If Kevin can get a group to come to Memphis with the overpriced bend you over without lube airfare costs then he is a hero. Seriously it costs the same to go from LGA to Memphis as it does from JFK to Heathrow Airport in London. Now that you know the back story you now understand why I would choose to fly stand-by to MEM from LGA.

Getting there is normally a breeze. Not many people are flying on the late Thursday night flight so I always guaranteed a seat. On Sunday’s the best chance to get back to LGA is the 6:30AM Delta flight since not many people want to head to New York on Sunday. Well the flight that I was to take got downgraded. Translation – My ass got bumped off the flight by 1 seat.

So there I was; working off of 3 hours sleep and I just paid 40 bucks because of a surging Uber so going back to South Main was not in the cards. I decided to head to Atlanta and try to get back to New York that way. This was because the one that I got bumped was the only flight to New York that day. Seriously, Kevin Kane deserves a huge fucking raise! What carrier has 1 flight a day on the weekend?

So I get to Atlanta, sit on standby for 3 “sorry the flight is closed but we moved you to the next flight’ flights and reach out to Pearl’s Daddy. You see, Pearl’s Daddy knows ‘a guy’ and he tells me to fly into a ‘back city’ to get home. I get on my iFoam and find that I can get to LGA from Norfolk, VA. I hedge my bets and get to Norfolk. End of story I get home some 13 hours later.

img_0436Reason Number One why I was ‘tired’ for my trip home.

img_0428Reason Number 2 why I am ‘tired’ for my trip home. Bender you have a pass.

img_04374 flights home = worth it!!!

img_0438Last message I sent to Momma. She was starting to wonder if I was going to Belize.

img_0439Hello JFK!

img_0440Love the E to the Q to get home!

All in all it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Thankfully I got home and got to see the Monkey heads.

Robo for the Valentine’s Day Win

Sorry to piss upset off my readers from Maine and Nova Scotia who were shoveling snow. Not to mention our friends were down in Belize looking for ‘a chicken’ and keeping the Belikin Beer supply in check. Last night  CBT not only had his smoking hot wife, Mrs. CBT, on his arm but the World Famous Travel Queen made a jaunt through the Holland Tunnel for a Happy Hour drinks. Yep, I win!

Hope that everyone’s Val-in-Times was a good one and you didn’t wake up in a chocolate hangover. It was great to see 3 Day Traveler and catch up. If you ears were burning then you were being spoken about you affectionately. Well except for you Pedro, but I did preface one story by “With All Due Respect.”  (I am kidding) Hopefully we can see Travel Queen this late summer in some far away distant location. Or she comes up here and crashes on our couch. Either way is good for us.

img_0338Go ahead Reaper and show me more pics of how beautiful living Pura Vida is. I win today wearing a heavy coat!

Have a good Hump Day!

Things you learn in a Blizzard

What can I say, 2017 is a year of firsts for Carbunkle Trumpet. No I am not talking about the new president, that was yesterday. What I am talking about is this jacked up weather. Seriously would the person who called Mother Nature a Crack Whore please apologize? Earlier this year I survived the Nor’easter and let me tell you, that sucked. This week they were calling for ‘a significant snow event’ for New York and Long Island. They were calling for a blizzard or white out conditions in the city and we should seek shelter at times. I am sure that you are reading this in Memphis wondering what the hell that means. So did I until yesterday. Anyway here are some things that I learned yesterday during the Snowpocalypse.

  1. Forget that heavy wool coat, get that ski jacket out of the closet. Wet heavy snow and wool are not the greatest combination.
  2. Boots, Boots, Boots – If they aren’t waterproof you might as well wear flip flops.
  3. Seeing is overrated during a blizzard. I saw a bunch of people wearing ski goggles yesterday and it makes perfect sense. I may look into getting a pair.
  4. Some dogs love snow, our dogs…..not so much. I don’t blame them. The snow was high that they had belly rubbing.
  5. If one does not have children then you are instructed to head to the nearest bar. That actually is a law.

img_0269Maddy don’t care about snow, she has to poop!

img_0270This one however, what a diva!

rockyI knew that Rocky over in Park Slope would be a happy pup today!

img_0264Broke out the shit kickers earlier in the week when we had biblical rains.

img_0274Made it into the office for a couple hours so I could say that “I made it in” and promptly went to reward myself.

img_0275W41st street was not looking good. The sidewalk was fine but the street needed some help.

img_0272Wonder why I take Lipitor? This would be the reason.

img_0276Are you F’ing kidding me guys? Closed because of the snow? This would be a perfect day but no! Somebody has to be a P word and stay home.

img_0268I mean even the Chinese restaurant on 2nd Ave was open for Christsake!

img_0267Got to love that someone cross stitched this.

Have a good weekend. We are going to be meeting up with UWS Girl this weekend to go to a silent disco.

2016 The Year in Review

Let me start right now and say that 2016 was a great year for the Trumpets. Sure our presidential candidate didn’t win but we didn’t ‘take to the streets’ protesting or putting up post it notes in the Union Square Subway station. If you don’t like the outcome you have one option – Move the Fuck Out!  As far as celebrity deaths; yes we will miss David Bowie, Nancy Reagan, Frank Jr., Prince, Leon Russell, and even Father John Francis Mulcahy but that is the life cycle. We won’t miss Fidel or even Harambe the Gorilla! Ok, enough with my political and current event posts.

2016 was welcomed with Jimmy Buffet and good friends in Brooklyn and it turned out to be a great one. It was great professionally for the both of us and even Mrs. Trumpet is currently (as I type this) studying for her NYU class right now. 2016 found me a permanent home selling tour bus tickets in the Upper East Side with a great team. Hell, I am even now sending money via Vinmo so I guess I am getting hip. We made trips to Belize, Tulum, Isla Mujeres (RJ has heard it both ways), Boston, and even Chicago to see the World Series. I made 3 trips to Memphis and Mrs. Trumpet snuck into Memphis too. There were trips to the other boroughs, trips to Atlantic City to see The Damn Neighbor, Philly, Fayetteville, AR, and Grand Rapids.

One of my former “Daddy’s” (boss) welcomed into the world his first son, my cousin had a girl, the Sparks have a boy with some wild ass hair, my fellow Snookie lover Chelsea & Josh welcomed a child into the world and I am sure I am missing some others. Even my fellow beer soft drinking buddy RJ got something in the water in Mexico and is going to welcome into the world another girl in mid May. That puts more on the line up to help wipe our asses when we get old so kids consider yourself on the Carl Lipbalm Scholarship List since we don’t have kids.

We got to see some really cool shit ish this year too. Have you ever seen 30 inches of Snow? Yea us neither, it was AMAZING! We got to see a guy from Long Island play at Madison Square Garden by the name of William Martin Joel who is the consummate performer. We saw a little America’s Cup Boat Race and even though we didn’t understand it, I hear the US team kicked the shit out of the other teams. I heard that they even said “Bring on Bama” between champagne chugs. I got to finally meet one of my top 5 Chefs when I got the book signed for Ms. Cat Dresser Upper in Dumbo. And we even got some Pool Time in Wantaugh with some friends of ours.

We did some great eating this past year. No I am not going to rehash the trips to Peter Lugar, Blue Hill at Stone Barns, Delmonico, Per Se, or some of those other fancy joints. I am going to talk about some good ole Memphis BBQ that we had at The Boogie Down BBQ in the Bronx with some Memphis Pitmasters. It was a good time this year and we didn’t even have to get another script of Lipitor.

2016 brought us some great friendships that blossomed over this year. I am not going to go over the names because it may confuse you aka THE ASIAN FIREMAN isn’t really ASIAN folks but you know who you are.

Lastly, we survived living on this rock for one year. We Look Back and it has blown by. We look forward to what 2017 brings us. I certainly appreciate the readers and the comments that you have said either on this thing, Facebook or in person. This worthless dibble gives me a chance to categorize and verbalize what is going on in our life. For those of you who got the chance to come visit us we appreciate it and hope to see some more of you this year. 535 square feet isn’t that bad folks, I promise.

Ok, so here are some pictures that probably didn’t make the posts but are funny to say the least.

img_5528Made the trip into Memphis in September and ran into T-Rex’s daddy and LVD. Good Times on South Main.

img_1892Sober as New Orleans Judges. At least Tucker got the smart idea to wear glasses. My dumbass have them on my head.

IMG_1902.JPGPay no attention to Mrs. Trumpet’s cans. This was right before the Grand Rapids Po-Po came by and told us “Creepy Old People” to go inside. I think they were afraid we would break a hip.

img_2045Attention Single Irish Men of Manhattan. This one is making her virgin trip to Manhattan in early April. No she won’t be wearing the monogram tank top, I know that this ‘ish’ don’t fly here.

img_2393Took LZ to the floor of the Stock Exchange because she pretty much saved my ass during my RSP days. Told her about the unwritten rule that on your first visit if the market closes up then you will have good luck for the year. By the way – ask her who is kicking arse in ticket sales to tourists in the Garment District.

img_5539Flew up one of our dog sitters when we went to Belize because a flight was cheaper than boarding them in the UES.

img_1603Maya – “No I am good, I am going to stay here with all those drunk eye-talians around”

img_1757Did you know that people come to New York for their vacation just to sit on line for the ‘chance’ they get a ticket for Hamilton. #poorbastards

img_01212016 was the year of the Coffee Drink! Or as Rock-Mo calls it “that coffee drink with the green stuff on it.”

img_1820I have to admit that the Garden is a pretty fucking cool venue.

img_1659Brother Joel McGraw, FSC wasn’t lying when he made us pray to Our Lady of Victory

img_5537Carbunkle Trumpet, no matter how famous you are with your blog you will never be as famous as this dog. This dog is UGA, the mascot for The University of Georgia Bulldogs.

img_1500My first celeb sighting in the West Village and who is it? Effin Anne Burrell.

Happy New Year, if 2016 wasn’t the best for you then I hope that 2017 is you year. Me, I plan on killing it; professionally, personally and in dive bar conquests.

 

 

 

 

 

Does yelling “Roll Tide” really mean “I sleep with my cousin?”

Cheap shot but hey, show me a Bama fan who isn’t more obnoxious than a Tennessee fan and I will let you ride my unicorn! Thanks to DD and Martha for putting me up  at the casa de Dewey a couple weeks back. Yes the guest room I slept in was bigger than my apartment, my next door neighbors and 2 more down the hall. It was great to see you and a whole bunch of others.

img_2430Goats, yes those are Goats and that is the residence of the Dean of The Agriculture Department. “DD the only goats I see in NYC are on a spit and roasting by a fire!”

img_2421Great to see my old boss Dean Weber. Oh and DW, you got this! You have put up with more shit than this to knock you down! I will see you in Dallas next year for the A&M game!

img_2427If this was open when I was in college I would have weighed 300 pounds. Granted the 10PM Casa Taco Cheese Dip runs didn’t help my waist line but damnit man!

img_2413Great to see my other boss Dave England and Zim-Bob!

img_2417It still gives give me chills to see this, not to mention to run through it!

img_2414Great to see my friend Pig!

fullsizerender-2Sorry, cheap shot to the Ole Miss fans but hey, I got to take every win where I can!

Great to see everyone and thanks for the hospitality.

 

From Isla Manhattan to Isla Mujeres & Back

So about 3 years ago we were vacationing with RJ and Mallory down in Mexico. We booked a Whale Shark excursion which we absolutely loved. After our swim with the Fishes the charter boat takes you to the shallow waters of North Beach at Isla Mujeres for lunch and a beer. North Beach is pretty cool so later in the week we took the ferry over to Isla and rented a golf cart for the day and hung out. There was something about the island that reminded us about San Pedro Belize so 2 years we stayed a couple days on the island prior to a week at one of the larger resorts where we kicked it with Papa New Guinea Mike and his family. On that trip we sought out more of the island and again enjoyed ourselves.

Last year, well one couple had a child which drove the other couple to move to New York so there wasn’t a Trumpet’s/RJ & Mallory yearly trip but we planned extra hard for this year. A duplex house was rented with a pool and 6 couples headed down to Isla Mujeres for a weeklong jam fest. One of the houseguests probably said it best with a post she did on her Face Crack Page. I will paraphrase it here;

Isla Mujeres is a hidden gem. The waters were clear, and peaceful (except when traveling in a small boat to swim with the whale sharks- I’ll discuss that shortly). I feel like the majority of the island was post card worthy. I mean, where else can you go and eat impeccable dishes for a portion of the price paid stateside?
E. and I went with a fun group, most of which we didn’t know. Each day was a new adventure. We would typically hop in the infinity pool and then go out for the day. Some of us would go shopping, while others went to explore.
I would recommend some time at North Beach. Sunday’s are the best if you want to witness a first-hand fiesta… Or a singer in 6 inch platforms breaking it down for hours in an itty bitty bikini. That lady had some mad skills, or at least from what I remember. The drinks were cheap and delicious!

I read her note while I was in a cab heading across town and I thought to myself “She gets it” She went on one trip with us and she nailed it on the head. Not many people can travel to an island that primarily has locally run restaurants, English isn’t the predominate language and you don’t flush the toilet paper. I get back to the office from vacation and had a couple people ask me what we did. When I told them that we hung out and didn’t do much some got it and some looked at me like we did nothing but stay drunk and not apply sunscreen. Yeah we did that too!

It was a great trip, we got to hang with our friends for a week. We ate tons of great food that wasn’t that expensive. Drank just a couple beers each day (stop laughing AB, EB, SN, SG, KC, JL, LA, RA, RJ & Mallory) and maybe had a vodka drink…or two.

IMG_2012“CBT just give them your damn Drivers License. It isn’t like you drive up there in New York anyway!”

IMG_2014No we aren’t already burnt, the umbrella was red and cast a weird color on us. Well we were drinking pretty heavily on Sunday.

IMG_2015Me and Mallory

IMG_2023The Cuban Band on Sunday-Funday at Playa Norte! You cannot beat this at all! KLC Man if you want the pic of ‘the bathing suit the lead singer wore just email me. It was impressive!

IMG_2035This was the “after” picture from being at North Beach. Funny thing is that we only rented one cart!!!

IMG_2042Had dinner here one night, the Crab in the Garlic Sauce is to die for! Die For I tell you!

IMG_2044There was a line 3 deep to get breakfast from this lady. I had no idea what I was ordering but told her that I wanted 4 of them. They were beef tacos that was killer and only cost 2 bucks.

IMG_2048View of our Casa from the roof deck.

IMG_2055Another Gem of a joint that we ate at.

IMG_2116This was last night’s meal. Killer and we sat on the street to boot.

IMG_2129Last Sunrise of the Trip. We will be back!

Needless to say, a good time was had by all and the only causality was a monogramed hat!