Uncategorized

Bonus Post since it is Friday! #CBTCares

IMG_1580What did they do to Jack outside this bar? Sacrilege I tell you

IMG_1583We took a boat trip over the Labor Day weekend. Hey Schmalls my dingy is bigger than your whole boat.

IMG_1582Quaint little boat town and only if we could have known where we were.

IMG_1584We found a Mexican bar after our boat ride

IMG_1585All was right with the world after I got me a “EM Special”

Shout out to my bar wife on the birth of her first child.

 

Advertisements

How Many Effin Times do I have to tell you…..

I am not from fucking Texas, I am from Memphis!

This happens to me at least 3 times a week. I will be speaking to someone for work, pleasure, whatever and they ask me the same question. “So what part of Texas are you from?” Don’t get me wrong, Texas is having a going through a bunch of shit right now and my thoughts are with you. But can someone from the South explain to me in 140 characters or less why everyone thinks I am from Texas?

It happened to me just yesterday when I went to The Cigar Inn Robo Daycare. I went for a break, a cigar, and some light ball busting with the boys. One of the Goombas *Editors note – I am a 4th Generation Italian and have earned the right to ‘politely’ but also ‘respectfully’ bust the chops of my fellow Italians chops within reason* asked me if everything was ok at home. I asked him what he was referring to and this was the exchange;

Paulie – “Kid, I figured you were from Texas and that’s where that Hurricane hit.”
Me – “Hey Paulie (not his real name) what makes you think that I am from Texas?”
Paulie – “Kid, you mean that accent isn’t from Texas? Where you from? You say Sir and Mam like you were raised by Dominican Nuns with a 3 foot yardstick.”
Me – “I originally from Memphis, but why does everyone think I am from Texas?”
Paulie – “We never met anyone from Memphis who put up with our shit and didn’t piss us off at the same time. Hey kid, if you ever want to come to the Trump back room let us know. Just wear slacks and ignore Joey Pots and Pans.”

Now I could fill this worthless dribble with numerous stories like this but I acknowledge that I would lose my 12 readers. That and since UWS Holly is moving WAY south, I need to keep it real. First of all, my thoughts, prayers, good ju-ju to all my friends in Texas, Louisiana, and all parts south. May God Bless the Cajun Navy and all volunteers who have driven south with a boat in tow to help a complete stranger in dire need. It makes my heart happy seeing things like this.

*cutting to the chase now*

Now depending on when you read this worthless dribble….Friday is sadly the ‘unofficial’ end of summer with the Labor Day weekend starting at noon. In Memphis all of the old school attorneys *looking at you Ziggy* would gather dressed in their finest Seersucker suit at the Peabody Hotel to have a ‘libation’. I have always believed that any true southern gentlemen should possess a Seersucker suit and if it isn’t ruined by Labor Day one should wear it with pride. *FZ – you taking notes* For on Friday I shall celebrate my southern upbringings, funny sayings but most importantly……By Gawd…..Get ready for Southern College Football.

Below is a meal we cooked this past Sunday for no other reason than to celebrate the south!

IMG_1545Shout out to my favorite Food Photographer for this killer recipe.

IMG_1541Had to make this one for Nanny. She will be missed and we are glad to have known her.

IMG_1543Rock-Mo is going to give me some shit because I am not using freshly ground meat but I was in a bind on Sunday. At least I labeled the seasoning….

IMG_1542Roasted Corn and Long Island Tomatoes with Balsamic Vinegar and Fresh (like 4 hours old) Mozzarella Cheese

IMG_1547So yes, I am adding Ashley’s Pimento Cheese with Rock-Mo’s Burgers and Russell George’s Sautéed Onions. You fuckers in the south can eat Panchos Cheese Dip everyday and have Fried Green Tomatoes.

 

IMG_1548I am not going to see my GP doctor for a couple weeks after eating this meal.

Have a good Labor Day Weekend.

 

Closed until further notice

You read about it all the time up here. “After X years of faithful business we regret to inform you that we are closing.” I am fully aware that the margin to operate a restaurant is razor thin. You have the pressure to have a consistent menu, a decent wine list, servers that won’t sabotage you, and bartenders who won’t rob you. Then you have to worry about the health department scores and if you are a fancy restaurant those pesky Michelin Star ratings can make one a tad crazy. But now you have to worry about rent that can go in upwards of 60K a month depending on your location. Yes I said 60K, that is rent for one of the mega chain restaurants in Times Square.

The other day I read where Philippe Lanjaunie closed the downtown Les Halles restaurant where Anthony Bourdain got his fame. He closed the one on Park Avenue about a year and a half claiming soaring rent. I looked up some stats and the cost of running a restaurant in New York as compared to in LA and it was shocking;

  • Rent in New York costs roughly $120 a square foot as compared to $52 a square foot in LA.
  • Produce and Meat is more expensive here in Manhattan as owners of restaurants in both LA and NYC say that it is 44 percent less to operate in California.
  • Hiring staff is a bear here in NYC, the average salary for a cook in NYC is about $30K where in LA it is about $25K. With minimum wage going up you can expect margins to go even tighter.

IMG_1272I know that GrainBin Girl died a little the day that this sucker shut their doors.

10583294_GYou would be surprised how many of these you see up here.

Bottom Line – Go out and eat Local. Tip your server and send back a $20 for the dishwasher too!

 

 

 

 

The 40th Dead Elvis Week

I was with one of my colleagues yesterday and he glanced at my personal iFoam and asked who the guy in the funny glasses was. I literally stopped in the middle of 5th avenue to ask them if he were joking because one does not mock “The King”. They didn’t know and I really felt sorry for this person because not only did he not know who Elvis was he didn’t realize that today starts Dead Elvis Week. I explained to my friend about all of the pilgrims and the ETA’s (Elvis Tribute Artist)  and that they prefer that term instead of Elvis Impersonator. I explained about the ETA’s that come from all over the world from El Vez, to Indian (dot not feather) Elvis and everywhere in between.

So welcome to Memphis my fellow Pilgrams, Save travels to Georgia Peach  as she makes her way to Memphis today and hopefully it won’t be hotter than 2 rats fucking in a wool sock hot next week.

IMG_1417My Jam on the Q train the other day!

IMG_1421Happy Anniversary to my Bar Wife/soon to be Bar Wife MILF.

IMG_1422One of the better pics I took at Graceland many moons and pounds ago!

11888084_10153739786199928_7891063820881814216_nWho doesn’t love Midget Elvis. And yes I will be wearing my TCB ring next week too!

Elvis has left the Building!

 

Memphis and MiniBar

So Memphis got Minibar Booze Delivery Service, if I may please issue a word of caution to my 10 readers from the Bluff City.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not a professional on delivery services. I still drop off and fetch my dry cleaning. I still do my own washing of clothes in the communal washing room (stop yelling LZ). I still go down to the corner produce stand and pick out my tomatoes but the rest…I let ‘my guy’ handle the heavy lifting. Here are the top 10 rules for Booze and Food Delivery in my humble opinion;

  1. If you are ordering for a booze/beer delivery to a pool party you may want to re-think this. Fireball, the comment “Hey Y’all watch this” and deep water don’t always mix.
  2. Uber Eats is a great service but do you really need someone to bring you 30 dollars of Taco Bell?
  3. If you only order a 6 pack of Bud Light and a slim Jim then we can’t be friends. No seriously, get the fuck off this page. We are done.
  4. Yes the prices are going to be higher than what Josh at Busters or Dan at Arthurs can offer you but you have someone bringing your hooch to your front door. Get your lazy ass up if you are just going to bitch about it. We (not so much me but the knuckle heads at the Cigar Inn) order high end bottles of scotch and bourbon all the time while we are enjoying a cigar. The rule is simple – If you have to ask the price then you can’t afford it.
  5. Tip the Dude and if he knows your house number by your order then you may have a problem.
  6. Seriously if you have your booze/food delivery guy’s cell number programed in your phone you may want to get out a little bit more and stretch your legs.
  7. Don’t bitch if it is raining or there is an event downtown (for my downtown readers) and dude is late. Don’t be that guy.
  8. For you females/soccer moms – If you have more than 2 Rose deliveries to a ‘house party’ in one day then you may want to get a case.
  9. Same goes for Sangria and Chips & Salsa.
  10. Enjoy your newest additional service in your quest to never leave the house. But it wouldn’t hurt to get out every once in a while and get some exercise or off the couch.

And no I am not looking at you Grainbin Girl, Theo’s Momma or even you Bender. Well yes I am going to judge you RAB if you can’t stumble down the alley to get your brown water.

#CarbunkleCares

Pictures of the Week! And its Restaurant Week Too!

Hope everyone in Memphis is trying to stay cool. I am not going to lie, it felt pretty nice this week not sweating into my socks after our rainstorm earlier in the week. The Kid in the puffy coat still takes the cake, bless his heart. We are starting New York’s summer restaurant week that runs till August 18. In other words this is my Graceland or otherwise its like a fat kid eating cake!

daniel-profile-860x574Oh Grainbin Girl is going to be pissed now. Yep we are going to be dining with this man at not one but 2 of his joints for restaurant week.

IMG_1372I think it was best when Rebecca said that this person must be from Belize. It was 70 degrees out folks.

IMG_1365Shout out to Sandy and Rick our former Rowing Coaches – That is big balls rowing right there folks. That isn’t some little lake, it is the Hudson River! #Power #thatswhatshesaid

IMG_1363Need to make it over there one time. I hear it is nice

IMG_1366Now that folks is a Bar!

IMG_1360Went on a boat ride last Sunday. Nice shot of the Brooklyn Bridge and Lower Manhattan in the background.

IMG_1364Some Bitch in the Harbor! And S/O to Boris my new barber! My hair game was on point this past Sunday!

IMG_1368Well we do have the Bakers Dozen shows of Phish at MSG going on now.

IMG_1362Freedom Tower on an overcast day

I will let you know how Dinner was! #donthatetheplayerhatethegame

 

If it is on the Internet then it must be true

I have had a couple of my readers call me out and say I was full of shit regarding the Cross Dressing Jogger from my SWINGING POST earlier this week. First of all, I am not full of shit (stop laughing), I am always sincere (I said stop laughing) when I post things on the worthless dribble of a blog. (I will wait for you to go clean up your screen on your monitor or tablet b/c you blew coffee all over the screen.) Yesterday when Mrs. Trumpet and I were returning from having a drink going to church I asked Bobby the Doorman if the cross dressing jogger had been by yet. He said no but it was very close in the hour for him to jog by in his boudoir attire and running shoes. And you wonder why the doormen in our building love it when I come walking up, you don’t know what you are going to get.

We were speaking with one of the other doormen (Bobby’s English is so-so) and Freddy was telling us the cross dressing jogger’s story. “Elegant” Elliot Offen was a regular on the Howard Stern show till he got banned from the Sirius building in 2006 for punching a hole in the wall. He lives up in the Upper East Side and prefers to jog in attire that is traditionally not associated with road races. He has been known to be somewhat abrasive and has yelled at people while jogging. This sadly has also led to a couple of altercations with people and naturally the media calls it a hate crime. Freddy also told me that he speaks to Elliot from time to time and he is a stand up guy. Granted Freddy and I do admit that that Elliot’s outfit are on the racy for a reason. Hey everybody has got to work out don’t they?

IMG_1350You go Elegant Elliot! You go on with your bad self in your red satin nightie, green gloves, black elbow sleeves and eye black. Its a jungle out there on the streets of the Upper East Side.

Now before anyone starts dialing me up saying that I am casting aspersions on cross dressing or anything like that let me stop you right now. I love that I live in a city that if you want to put on an outfit like Elliot and it doesn’t break any laws or civil codes then by all means have at it. As long as he or anyone for that matter goes about their day and isn’t vulgar or offensive to young children then go get you some. Personally I have to give Elegant Elliot props;

  1. He is jogging in the worst part of the day when there are all kinds of heat advisories going on.
  2. The long hair in this humidity, I would be wearing that shit in a pony tail if I were in his Nikes.
  3. His choice of clothing may be considered strange but I bet he will be singing a different tune if he is wearing the associated crotch-less undergarments with that red teddy. Talk about some swamp ass!

I hope you have a good day and have a good weekend.

Pictures on a Thursday?

Yeah I get that I haven’t done much this week in terms of blogging. I have been kinda busy and trying to sew up some loose ends. We leave out for the Redneck Riviera very soon. For those readers who live in Memphis you know where I am talking about don’t you? The mention of this location to my fellow New Yorkers comes with many puzzled looks and or questions.

  • Q – Why don’t you just go down to Miami or Orlando?
  • Q – Aren’t you afraid of getting eaten by a shark?
  • Q – Why do you call it the Redneck Riviera? Why don’t you just call it the pan handle?

For my Northeast readers let me let you in on some information regarding our beach destination. According to Mr. Google the Redneck Riviera is roughly 5 counties along the coast in the Panhandle area. I traditionally have always considered the Redneck Riviera starting at Pascagoula, MS and ending in Panama City. What makes it be called the Redneck Riviera you ask?  Think beer bongs, spring break destination, naturally Jimmy Buffett and trashy girls wearing confederate flag or Budweiser logo’ bikini tops. Pretty sure I am going to catch some shit from my 30-A reader Chase the Chihuahua lover for that comment. For those of you wondering why I am trashing it I want to keep some of the best beaches to myself.  Anyway we will be in Orange Beach near the Florida/Alabama state line. Or for those of you who are familiar with it. The World Famous FloraBama Bar. Talk about Dive Bar heaven! I promise to have some good stories when I get back.

IMG_1233Mudda Effin Duane Reade ran out of my favorite Hillbilly Ale on July 4th.

IMG_1242Snapped this the other day after a bad afternoon rain storm

IMG_1235Cost a small fortune to get this chub of Bologna.

IMG_1248Hey EGP he is young, wet behind the ears and no signs of being married

IMG_1234This warmed my heart when I saw it last week. Godspeed Keenan you were one of the good ones!

See you guys when we get back!

World Famous Food Carts – Halal Guys on 6th Ave and 53rd Street

I have been slacking as of late and I apologize. You would think that all I ever do up here is eat fancy food and smoke expensive cigars. Sure I do that but not all of my meals are from 3 star Michelin restaurants. I mean some even come from food trucks. Now there are those who think that Food Trucks and Food Carts are disgusting and you risk getting food poisoning if you eat from them. Personally I don’t think that anyone serving food from a food cart would want to kill off their paying guests.

Back when we were in Mexico last summer. You know the trip I am talking about, it was the one that RJ knocked up Mallory. During the trip RJ and I were walking down the street and found a line of people at a food cart. I naturally get on line and RJ looks at me like I am crazy. I tell him that the universal sign of a good food cart is a long ass line. As far as the meal I ate in Mexico, it was damn good and pretty cheap. (Shout Out to my Boy RJ on the anniversary of him circling the sun. Lot of good shit has happened in 4 years since he turned 40.)

If you are ever on 6th Avenue at 53rd street you will find a similar line pretty much every damn day and at all hours of the day and night. This line that you wonder about? None other than The World Famous Halal Guys. The story goes that back in 1990 the majority of the cab drivers were Muslim and they were always looking for Halal Food Meat and Rice dishes. Traditionally the only carts in New York were Dirty Dishwater Dogs but 3 guys; Mohammed Abouelenein, Abdelbaset Elsayed and Ahmed Elsaka (yes I looked this shit up from the website) started cooking on the first halal meat food truck at 53rd and 6th Ave. Basically it was the first drive thru since the cars would pull up by the Hilton to get a taxi.  Demand was great and naturally this menu became a very popular late night drunk food (I have no idea what you are talking about) and next thing they knew Boom, the Halal Guy’s Food Mania was born.

Now while I was getting some backstory on this they actually have franchise rites so I will make a deal with someone in Memphis. If you talk to someone who would open up a Gus’ Fried Chicken Franchise up here I will help get 38103 a Halal Guys Food Truck. As far as the food from the cart. It is damn good. Even if you are stone cold sober on a Monday at lunch.

IMG_1163The line was relatively light on the day that I visited it this past Monday.

thg_foundersThe Founders and Owners

IMG_1164So good and only 8 bucks for a platter like this but a word to the wise – Go Easy on the Hot Sauce. It is burn your ass hot!

258sBeware guys, this isn’t your normal Hot Sauce. The White Sauce is pretty good too!

Have a good day and next time you see a food cart or truck go support them.

The Trumpets go to 161st street

One of the perks that Mrs. Trumpet has at work in addition to all the free office supplies she can steal is that she can get free New York Yankees tickets on occasion. This past Friday we got some tickets and invited the Asian Fireman and his family. This was the first Yankees game for Fee and C-Man and they were pumped to say the least. We headed up on the 4 train and were greeted with an hour and 45 minute rain delay. The kids were great and only cost their parents a couple hundred bucks with Yankees Swag, junk food and naturally cotton candy. The game was not much in terms of offense but the kids had a great time. We got to hang out with the Asian Fireman and Asian Fireman’s wife and catch up.

19424438_10155475772549764_179133934817604610_nNeedless to say there were some upset Philly Fans by this picture. Wee Fee also graduated from Kindergarten earlier in the day and had her first Subway ride in the day too!

IMG_1166The Tarp was still on the field but thankfully Mrs. Trumpet got our tickets out of the elements.

IMG_1170Play Ball!

19420845_10155584014923783_8798188607574298526_nHeading home. C-Man and Fee had a blast. And for those of you wondering, we are National League fans so being a Yankees fan is ok. Unless the Cubs or the Cardinals play the Yankees then it is game on!