Upper East Side

This Town Sucks!

I mean there is not shit to do here in the summer! I am kidding because if you didn’t find something to do this past weekend then you really weren’t fucking trying. Friday afternoon we decided to meet up with UWS Holly for drinks. Now back in the days of us living and working in the UES it was kind of easy finding a place. But with momma coming in hot from Dirty Jersey, me being down in the West Village and Holly being in the UWS we figured that the Top of the Metropolitan Museum was only fitting.

The weather on Friday was prefect. Not too hot, not too cold and we didn’t have any rain on Friday! It was a win-win! Now there is a big ass disclaimer on attending any rooftop in New York City. Bring an ass-load of cash! Seriously it costs a lot of money to catch your buzz overlooking the city. I won’t go into detail on what a round of two glasses of wine and a specialty drink cost you but it does create a moment of pause when you think that you want to get your swerve on the top of the Met. It was fun and if you are here in the city during the summer I suggest you put this on the list.

IMG_3431It has been a while since I was in the proper Museum and we never went to the Greek Wing to get to the rooftop. We need to head back.

IMG_3428Looking towards Midtown

IMG_3429Notice that the folks on the rooftop dress up just like the Peabody Rooftop bars.

IMG_3430Looking towards the UWS and the Dakota is in the distance. Or is it the Ghostbusters building. I need to work on visiting the UWS more often.

IMG_3432Damn Nova even has her own building up here. She has the cool president, free healthcare, a building with her name on it but she doesn’t have Bud Light. So take that!

More tomorrow as Saturday we cranked up the Damn Volume and Ripped off the Knob!

 

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Random Ass Pictures from Philly, Memphis and some current ones

In a months time we have;

  1. Gone to Philly for a 3 year olds birthday party.
  2. Gone to Memphis for a 1 year olds birthday party and baptism.
  3. Moved from the UES to Downtown Brooklyn.
  4. Mrs. Trumpet got a graduate degree from NYU.
  5. Mrs. Trumpet started a new job and career.
  6. Found a couple bars here in Brooklyn that serve Bud Light.

That’s a lot of shit if you ask me! Here are some pictures from those exploits in no particular order.

IMG_3032Downtown Philly

IMG_3038This is why Philly can’t have nice things. They cracked their bell

IMG_3034No this is not where we got our Cheese Steak Sandwiches

IMG_3045The Bar in Glenside, PA

IMG_3092Andy you mind if I get some beers? Go ahead, I am on my coffee Break!

IMG_3093Bar 595 – Never heard of it!

IMG_3097Now you Assholes do realize that we are all going to be getting on the same flight and they call you by groups right? Sit your asses down!

IMG_3098Packed Memphis Airport on a Monday

IMG_3134The Boat Dive Bar in Cobble Hill

IMG_3136Carbunkle is happy!

IMG_3181Momma and her wings! She did inform me that she really liked the Doctorial Robes and considered going for that. I don’t see the humor in that.

IMG_3186After Graduation, Lunch, and some shopping we decided to take a little nap.

Hope that everyone is recovering from BBQ Fest.

933 Days and I got it done!

What did I do that took almost 2 and half years to accomplish you ask? I am proud to report that I have the Entire Upper East Side of Manhattan (North of E60th Street to E96th Street,  West of 5th Avenue to the East River) speaking Southern!  It is a thing of beauty, I have everyone saying “hello” and “good morning” on the streets. Snapple and fizzy water has been replaced with freshly brewed Lipton Iced Tea. Bacon Lettuce and Tomato with Pimento Cheese has replaced the Gyro carts on the streets. And Finally the first Friday after Memorial Day everyone will be wearing Seersucker!

I am pretty proud of myself, I didn’t think I could do it. Hell, I even have my work family now issuing “Bless Your Heart” to people instead of saying “F You!”  So what is next for Carbunkle Trumpet you wonder? WE ARE TAKING OUR SHOW IN THE ROAD TO DOWNTOWN BROOKLYN! Yep! We are moving out of the UES and heading to the borough of Brooklyn! Home of Jay Z, Manbuns and Hipsters and I am putting all of you on notice! Ok, so the real reason could be that Momma has taken a new job so we have to move out of her employers housing but we are excited for the new adventure.

We looked at a number of different locations on this rock and other rocks and decided that we needed the following things;

  • One or two subway stops back into Manhattan and easily walkable
  • Multiple Subway Lines for when there are delays, cancelations or weekend repairs
  • Full Service Building so they can accept our Vodka & Wine fruit & vegetable deliveries
  • Office or business center shared space in common area
  • Outdoor space and maybe an outdoor grill for daddy to burn red meat
  • Had to be cool and have a neighborhood tavern (or two)

Downtown Brooklyn checked all the boxes so we started to find a new home in that area. We looked into one building but they would only allow one dog and since we have two that collectively weigh 11 pounds that was out. We found another joint that is just as good and pending the vetting process we are in. We are shooting for next week to move so don’t be surprised if this sucker is quiet next week.

data=2M2OiB_yxfn5DcdjDRgvI6wr69jNRy3suS-zfNpCNuuMB_IbWMxsjfy6d2reA7Kcv5tiy7Pqdj1XX4k_InfgQqIgpJBUQt63NdtgsnjRhj--JFktXUBjgvOMCIXHj8hTyuyOWe are smack dab in the middle of everything. Walking distance to the Barclays Center, right next to a University that we may know the head men’s basketball coach, it is a quick Subway ride to the Murphranks and there is an IHop on the Fulton Mall!

IMG_3004Roughly 13 subway lines I can jump on to get into the city!

imagesHere is the front of our Non-Hipster Building

Dattner-Architects_HubOasisAll186_web-1-840x580I mean this isn’t too bad for those 30 nice days of summer for us to enjoy!

IMG_3011Maya is saying “Wait, I like the UES! People tell me that I look cute and want to pet me! I don’t even like the Beastie Boys”

IMG_3012Maddy is looking forward to taking a wiz on the artificial grass in the dog run that they have. Yep she will peeing on Brady Bunch Astroturf!

IMG_3070This part sucks, basically because we don’t have much room to put shit

IMG_3069Office and Holiday Crap is in boxes!

IMG_3068You will notice that the Cigar Humidor and the Steve Bartman Bobble Head are still here. I will pack those last of course!

IMG_3067Blue Dogs are packed and ready to move to Brooklyn

IMG_3065Not to say that we don’t have a lot to offer but do any of your future residents make Logo Cornbread? Please accept us and can you make it quick, we are starting to get nervous!

We will keep you posted, till then I will be busy growing out my hair for the Man bun!

 

Hey CBT, I got something for you….

That was a text message that I got from LJZ last week.

****Disclaimer, I was in a foul mood that afternoon. Seriously, I would have just as soon masturbated with a cheese grater than visit the home office during business hours that day. Regardless, I pulled up my socks, put on a fresh smile, and agreed to swing by to get “said gift.” When I arrived I found out that my boss was there…..I found out that her boss was there……I found out that her wanted-her-to-be boss was there..

Seriously, I would have just as soon sat in the backseat of an un-air conditioned station wagon between two 15 month olds kids in car seats sucking on pixie sticks of sugar than be there. Did I mention that I was on a 14 hour road trip to Florida and said kids hadn’t been out of those chairs for 7 hours? It was that bad of a day for me.

Hopefully I have given you enough imagery to tell you how pissed I was that fateful day when LJZ asked me to come to the home office for a gift she made for me.

IMG_2953This was the gift that LJZ gave me. *SECOND DISCLAIMER – No I don’t use elicit drugs, I got 99 other problems than this one. (booze, beer and cigars are still ok right?)

IMG_2962I was floored. I loved it!

The fact that LJZ cross-stitched this in the airport on a work trip makes gift so much more special. Oh what is the big deal about “Not Doing Coke in our Bathroom” you ask? (see next picture and comment)

img_0267This is the original cross-stitch that sits at a bar a couple of steps away from our soon to be former apartment and we have a funny story about it. I guess Shobo and I need to go back into the bar business.

HEY RJ – You listening…… #NextYearCoozie

For those of you who are wondering what storyline you missed please don’t read to much into this post. I appreciate this gift for a many reasons.

Thank you LJZ you really are a treat!

 

What do you do when you circle the Sun 48 times?

You celebrate it just like you came into this world: Naked, Confused, and Hungry.

One of the positive things about Facebook is that Facebook Birthdays ARE FRIGGIN AWESOME! I have been having a love/hate with this social media platform as of late but to all those who sent me a message (even some of inappropriate ones) I appreciate you and them!

So for this birthday I decided to cash in on one of my personal days and I am really glad I did because the weather sucked balls. I started the day off by heading over to the West Side for some work shoe shopping. Following that I decided to pamper myself and got myself a “Royale Shave” from my barber Mark. I figure that I started shaving around 14ish so 34 years is about time to have someone else give you a decent shave and hold a straight razor at your neck. For those of you who are wondering what all this is, it is pretty much a facial but with a shave. Any my face feels fabulous!

When you have a 48 year old face that feels like a baby’s butt after a shave what do you do then? Why you get a cheeseburger at Finnegan’s Wake! I have heard ramblings that this Irish UES joint in addition to serving a proper pint of Guinness also has a great burger. It didn’t disappoint.

To finish out the afternoon I headed up to Adult Daycare on E73rd street where I was welcomed by some of the boys while we watched the Yankees Home Opener. I smoked a $30 dollar stick, drank a Nespresso and busted balls with the best of them.

I assure you that a Royale Shave, Burger from Finnegan’s Wake and fancy cigar and all of your shout outs was the best damn birthday I have ever had! Thank you!

Oh and I have 2 more years on the warranty until I have to start to find a General Practice doc who has the smallest hands in Manhattan! Anyone got the number of “The ASSMAN”?

MW40_40ZC_03_COLE_HAAN_BROWN_SETI got to be hip is what they told my old ass today at the shoe store. They look funny and my former boss is laughing at me right now!

best-world-wide-barber-Old-School-Barbershop-tattoo-ink-Gdynia-PolandLie back and have a hot towel on your face while you DGAF > a good day at work

5887911559_7c6b1da84b_o.0We drank here one time and for some reason it didn’t click. Granted half of the patrons are old(er) than us but they serve some good food here.

IMG_2912Disclaimer – I attempted to get a full Pastrami sandwich but I forgot that it was RAB’s holiday!

IMG_2914Cigar Inn on a cold rainy afternoon with the boys watching the Yankees Game while smoking a $30 stick and (allegedly Embargoed) cigar from a country that is 90 miles from our border KICKS THE ASS OF YOUR DAY!

IMG_2907I miss my favorite Mixologist who is older than me by 1 day. This was the greatest!

Again Thank You for all the E-Mails, Texts, Calls and Obscene videos!

Happy Easter Spud! CBT, Mrs. CBT, EGP & Cali-SAB went to Easter Service.

Some of you are expecting an off the cuff comment but let me stop you right now. We went to Catholic Mass on Easter Sunday. Let me say it again for those of you who are in disbelief….. Carbunkle Trumpet Esquire attended High Catholic Mass on Easter Sunday.

What I have failed to mention to you for those of you who are still reading and not in complete disbelief please follow along… We attended church at The Church of St. John Nepomucene down the street from where we live. Were you not raised Roman Catholic or have Brother Joel McGraw for class let me help you again. John Neopomucene was the patron of Czechoslovakia, where he is invoked against floods and against slander.

No big deal right? Well make sure you don’t slurp your morning coffee for this next paragraph. The High Mass that EGP, Cali-SAB, Mrs. Trumpet and I attended was said in the Slavic language. Yes for an hour and a half we sat in full Catholic Mass not knowing a spoken word that was being said. Put it this way, EGP leans over in my direction and mouth whispers; Whisky Tango Foxtrot!  Regardless of the fact that we didn’t know any of the responses or were too petrified we did find out that we were in the company of the Arch Bishop who led this service.

Yep we had the Big Brass for the Slovakian Mass. What did you do on Easter Sunday?

197A5221-Version-3Here is the Church on First Avenue at 66th Street. Didn’t THIS BLOG POST back when we were on our way to the bar and ran into The Pope. This happens to be the church we stood by when he rolled by.

HOLYWEEKNote the Easter Sunday, April 1st service and see the 10:15 offering…Yep Full Slovak Mass I guess we should have paid attention to that.

IMG_9072But we saw The Pope almost 2.5 years ago from this church and walked by it a million times to go see Andi, Jo and Ryan at Baker Street and never did we think to take a look at the mass times….

 

Happy Easter!

Carbunkle O’Trumpet’s St. Patrick’s Day Report

Don’t get your hopes up folks, we were pretty tame on the Feast Day Celebration of St. Patrick. We started off with a traditional Irish fare of Corned Beef and Cabbage, Fish and Chips and naturally Guinness Beer. Mrs. Trumpet was able to join in the full shenanigans this year since it fell on a Saturday. Lady Barrister, UWS Holly, Holly’s friend and us started the afternoon at 5 Mile Stone in the UES. The joint was packed and after we ate we promptly headed to St. Ignatius Loyola grade school for some ‘merriment’.

First of all a huge thank you to the Asian Fireman, Mr. 3 First Names, The Gnome Lover, Skippy, My UConn Twitter Buddy and others for the hospitality and spending time with you guys on your holiday. The drinks were flowing and I even nibbled on some Irish Soda Bread (that wasn’t as bad as I thought) and we got to enjoy some Kitchen Beer towards the end of the evening.

IMG_2838Once Again I peeped the Band from the warmth of a bar. It doesn’t make you a bad person folks

IMG_2839Yeah Liam doesn’t look to happy walking on 5th Ave

29342288_10160367060855599_4058328705326894732_nAll Hail Caesar! FYI Can you see over Skippy’s head? Yep they had a small electrical fire at the school so they called in one of the only sober engine companies to investigate. Talk about pressure they never had 200 folks tell them they were doing it wrong!

29313302_10160364266510599_98311120442347841_nThe Band circling up

IMG_2843What can I say, those boys like to drink some beer.

IMG_2849What is a Saint Patricks Day without an Irish Car Bomb? This was taken on Sunday at Allie Way and no this wasn’t ours.

Hope you had a great weekend and are not reading this from your attorney’s office because your dumbass got a DUI.

 

 

Finding Memphis Food in New York – Some of you are a bunch of Titty Babies!!!!

Yeah I called you a snowflake, snowflake. I mean come on Memphis….You let a silly 5 year old tweet and article get your panties all in a wad because someone threatened your beloved BBQ? I mean lets talk about some serious fucking issues……

I am kidding folks, slow your breathing. Now that the ‘preview’ part on my two social media platforms picked up those three sentences I can come clean. Much like that ill fated tweet I do hope that I can get a bunch of clicks by people who actually think I was serious. Sorry if some of you think that I was serious about that. I have said it before and I will say it again;

“Trying to Find Memphis Barbeque in New York City is much like trying to find a New York Bagel in Memphis.”

That tweet on Sunday was a perfect segway into my point today. We love eating up here in New York. The different cuisines, the different flavors, the 3 Michelin Star restaurants it is something that you can’t explain in 500 words or less. One such cuisine that we have not really found up here is Cajun/NOLA Food. We tried a Bourbon Street joint near restaurant row a couple years ago and it was horrible. On each trip back to Memphis we would immediately head straight to Bayou Bar and Grill or Second Line to get our fix but there had to be a good option here in New York. 2 weeks ago we were Sunday Funday’ng up on Second Avenue and were talking to some fellow patrons and they recommended a joint up the street at Second Avenue and 90th called The Infirmary.

I made a mental note and this past week I was in the area and popped in for a quick bite. The Menu was straight Cajun/NOLA, they had poboys, catfish entrees and even had Abita beers. The bar reminded me of the old “Sleep Out Louie’s” and Original “Bayou Bar and Grill” white marble and it didn’t smell of stale beer and bleach so that was a plus. The food was killer and we will be back!

IMG_2769Bar and yes they have Frose for you fancy people – Old SOL Alums – recall the frozen Margarita Machine?

IMG_2771You have to respect a joint that has not one but two Absinthe vessels.

CajunInfirmaryNYCRoastBeefPoBoy.0I mean have you ever tried to eat a poboy with a raging hard on? It was fierce I tell you!

IMG_2773“Brunch is Bitches Robo” Alex from the Cigar Inn

IMG_2772Catfish, Fried Chicken, Oysters, PoBoys, Shrimp and Grits, its all there folks!

IMG_2770Cloth napkins, Crystal Hot Sauce – Life is good my friends.

IMG_0917 (1)So they lack Sides and don’t believe in proper sandwich buns, some of you guys are just mean I tell you! They do have a good smoked Pastrami up here that is pretty good.

Hope you had a good laugh and got to the bottom of this post before you are blasting me on Social Media.

 

Oy Vey……

*In order to get the full effect this should be read aloud in a Jewish Mother’s accent – “You never take me anywhere, I come home from work, slave away in the kitchen to make your dinner and you never appreciate me.” No Mrs. Trumpet didn’t say it exactly like that but it was along the lines of “we used to always have Super Bowl party plans.” Now before half of you readers start in on my ass with the “Yeah Cheap Ass Carbunkle Trumpet, why don’t you take the little lady out on the town.” We are leaving this Friday for some much-needed warmth and binge drinking so lay off!

We already had some plans going into the Cold Ass Weekend. We were going to see a play that our cousin was working in at her school. And another thing, it is cold as Balls up here, do you know how exhausting that is? Friday afternoon when we both got home we both took a nap and that hasn’t happened in a long time. After our nap we walked up the block to Manhattan Marymount where our cousin AL attends. AL is a fulltime student getting a degree in theater performance and double minor and when she isn’t doing all of that her little butt seeing every Broadway show known to man! She is a good kid and even will keep our Monkey heads when we sneak out of town.

The play was “Punk Rock” written by Simon Stephens and is based 6 student who attend an English Private School. AL told us on the front end that there would be some language and mature content and I am always down for some cursing and ‘awkward touch’ but this was a really good performance. It was dark and what I always appreciate about seeing something like this is that it makes you think afterwards. Hell, even at our dinner on Saturday night we were discussing the play. So thank you AL for the invite and please keep us on line for any future shows.

Saturday morning I had to take the Monkey Heads to the groomers and got some chores done. Earlier in the week Time Out Magazine mentioned that there were still some tickets available for Losers Lounge’s Tribute to Barbara Streisand. Maria was unavailable and because there were a small number of seats available (like right in front of the horns section) it was just me and Mrs. Trumpet. The show was great and as usual Joe and the gang killed it.

Afterwards Mrs. Trumpet and I went big balls and dined at the famed Le Coq Rico or as I called it “a chicken joint.” I will post separately about this joint because one can’t appreciate the meal that we had and I am nearing my 500-word limit.
So which one of you bastards wants to call me out for not taking Mrs. Trumpet out on the town? A play, a concert, a fancy dinner, plenty of good drink… Yeah That’s what I thought!

IMG_2649_LI (2)The Program from the play on Friday night. And until she wins a Tony or turns 21 whichever comes first you don’t need to know her name. We are very proud of her and know that she will be a success.

IMG_2660My view Saturday night at the show. Yeah my right ear is still ringing from this dude’s trumpet but it was a great show.

IMG_2669 (1)The Cast from “Punk Rock” from the program. It is neat knowing that at least 1 if not all will be preforming on Broadway or somewhere similar down the road.

IMG_2668I see that face and can’t stop thinking of “Meet The Fockers”

IMG_2663Sorry Grainbin Girl – Yes this is Chicken Stock Risotto with Shaved Parmigiano Reggiano and Black Truffles. It was decedent and good to the last drop!

Image-1It is always nice to know that Babs “Does Bring Me Flowers” as she sent this to Joe and the band!

So what did you Fuckers do this weekend? You still suffering from “Ring of Fire” from eating too many wings last night watching the Super Bowl?

Shopping in New York City….Who do I have to F&*K to get Cajun food up here?

So Mrs. Trumpet was hosting her Christmas party last weekend. I know what you are saying, its mid January. Her menu was to include BBQ Sliders and Muffaletta Sandwiches as well as some other party food items. I was dispatched to get the Olive Salad needed to make the sandwiches and I figured this would be an easy task right? Well the cost of shipping Central Grocery’s Olive Mix is cost prohibitive so I figured I would make my own. First I needed a bottle of Giardiniera which is picked vegetables (cauliflower, carrots, banana peppers, pepadew, and olives) and is the base of any good olive salad.

After 4 trips to different stores, bodega’s and specialty stores produced absolutely ZERO Giardiniera. How in the world can New York not have Giardiniera or anything similar? I have talked a couple times how we struggle finding good Cajun food up here. I am starting to think that this is a conspiracy. Needless to say after all my trips to the stores I created the best I could do of an Olive Salad. Thankfully because all of these New Yorkers have never had a Muffaletta it was a hit and they loved it.

MZ_Product_GIARDINIERANow some of you are going..Oh so that is what he is talking about

IMG_2578Yeah I kind of made a bunch, oh well at least it won’t go bad!

IMG_2589It was a hit to say the least!

I guess me finding a Shrimp PoBoy or a good Roast Beef Debris Sandwich is going to be futile up here too.