Upper East Side

Snow In New York

We had some snow a couple of weeks back that took me by surprise. Actually that isn’t true, it took everyone by surprise. What was supposed to be a light dusting actually turned into about 6 inches in the city and over a foot upstate and in Westchester & Rockland Counties. Mary Louise was out of town in Japan (recall this POST) so it was me and the dog. I learned something about the loss of Monkey Head Maddy when it snows. Maddy didn’t really care about snow and would plow through it with reckless abandon and Maya would follow her steps. It appears that Maya is a fancy girl and does’t like snow on her undercarriage. 

I can’t really blame her but my dumbass was wearing probably the worst shoes next to flip flops when all of the snow hit. Rubber soled driving shoes. Yep my commute back to Downtown Brooklyn was wet sock filled.  The snow wasn’t just bad on my subway commute. My boss took her over 7 hours to get home and one of my work co-horts took 4 hours getting home. Thankfully the snow was melted by Friday morning and Flights got back to normal by Saturday for Mary Louise’s arrival home. 

Taken about 3:00PM
Taken about 4:30PM and you can see the snow is on the roads now. 
My shoes are already moist (don’t you just love that word) and I have a substantial snow storm to trek home in. I might as well enjoy my Cigar from my current perch. 
Thanks a Lot Uber. Way to Stick it to the folks. This is normally a $30.00 cab ride home. 
Beware of the Slushy Water. I had to George Costanza Jump to clear this. 
Like a Beacon in the Harbor My Favorite Store Was Open. I didn’t really need anything but you can bet your sweet ass I bought something.
No idea that what she is in for
Where is that White Dog when I need her. This sucks! 
Make a Deal with you. I promise not to pee in the house if you promise not to bring my ass down here again. 

Trust me when I hear that they forecast snow my ass will be wearing correct shoes. 

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The Week in Pictures – Marathon, Fi’s Birthday Party, & Dog Abuse

I have a couple of posts that I am working on so I will probably share them with you next week. Next week Mary Louise is ‘again’ leaving my ass. What does that mean for me and the dog? Couch time and farting in my BVD’s.

IMG_4573Whomever did this is my hero. This is perfect Ina and Jeffrey.

IMG_4556Hello A.S.P.C.A. I have a compliant to file

IMG_4593Good to know that we live on Mile 8 of the Marathon. We still miss living in the UES on Marathon day. Trust me when I say it is electric

IMG_4596Thunder Alley is so great. Come off of the Ed Koch Bridge where it is quiet and cold and experience Thousands lined up on 1st Ave and its loud! So much Fun!

IMG_4600Poor Lightbulb (his nickname was already in place before he was born) done burned out at the party.

IMG_4602Fi &  C-Man watching “The Wizard of Oz”

IMG_4603Not sure if this practice was taught by The Asian Fireman or the Asian Real Estate Rep.  Anyway that was a virgin Mimosa aka straight OJ.

Supposed to be cold as balls this weekend. Time to break out the Canadian Goose Coat.

The New York City Marathon 2018

What the? Carbunkle is posting on a Sunday? Hell, that fat fucker hasn’t posted in a week and now he is posting on Sunday? Ease up folks, we have been busy.

When we moved from 1st Ave btw 71st & 72nd to Brooklyn I realized that we were losing a prime Marathon watching spot. Thankfully I just found out we are a block from the Marathon route so I may swing by and yell for complete strangers in a couple of hours. I can’t hang all day because I have a prior engagement this afternoon. Don’t judge but I am attending a 7 year old’s birthday up in the Bronx so I will miss a lot of the Marathon shenanigans today. If you are wondering what I am talking about, please peruse this worthless dribble post.

Before I start to drone on. Best of luck to Mary Louise’s former work buddy J(squared) aka “Jolly Pocket” and my work buddy Kai who are running today. I am sure that there are others running but best of luck to the both of you. I ran a half marathon one time and I still am still limping because of it. 26 miles on these shitty New York Streets….You Da Real MVP!

Earlier this week my buddy @Brizzyc was inquiring on the book of face about a good vantage point to watch the marathon. I referred her to a bar on 1st Ave at 63rd Street. I may have visited it a couple of times when we lived in the UES…… I further went so far as to recommend a “slinger of the spirits” to seek out at said bar. Hopefully Mermaid A will be working this Sunday. Christ, that woman has been out of the office more than Trump, Marsha Blackburn, or Brian Kelsey!

Brizzy, one of these days we need to grab a beer. Then again it is probably best that you and G-Man haven’t met up with Me and Mary Louise. The establishment that we were visiting probably would have run out of beer.

IMG_4591This is our slinger of spirits and also good friend Mermaid A. Don’t you hate her? Cute, can balance on a long board, but she can’t text “come to the bar for shots” that well. BTW Mermaid A. – when are you working again?

IMG_4590Finish the Race Kai and beat yesterday! you go this!

IMG_4588Go get them Jolly!

And as always, thank you to the Runners, The Volunteers, and all those who will protect the runners, the volunteers and the spectators.

 

 

 

You Really Have To Love E67th Street Btw Mad & 5th During Halloween

We have finally gotten some cooler weather up here in New York. Just like in Memphis the first couple days of cooler weather make people break out heavy coats and or sweaters. I for one, am happy that we have gotten to this time of the year. I can wear a full suit and tie without sweating to death and the subway platforms aren’t “Gold Bond” hot. It really is the best time of the year. With the cooler temps we now welcome the Bodega’s selling Mums, Apples and Pumpkins. Rockefeller Center goes into ice skating mode and the airlines being Ass raping patrons for flying to Memphis at Christmas. Delta Airlines can go suck it by the way. Also with the fall we welcome Halloween.

Recall my post a couple years back about HALLOWEEN up here? Trust me when I say that New York goes all out and then some.  This week I had to visit a customer who buys my tourist trap double decker bus tickets in the ‘Bougie’ Upper East Side. *Notice how I have turned on the UES now that I live in Brooklyn?* I was walking to their location on E67th and I come across some brownstone Halloween Art. This isn’t any normal Halloween Decoration Art Folks. To my favorite Tattooed Former Bartender who now sells games; get your cute little Halloween loving arse up here for next year, this shit is on!

On 67th Street there is a Halloween show that rivals anything that I have ever seen. Between the stationary displays and the animated ones (if you we are Insta-Friends you know what I am talking about) this is so cool and probably costs a fortune. Anyway below are the pics from East 67th between Madison and 5th Avenue. *Theo’s Momma – send your friends to the blog and they can find it then* #CBTusingTheBlogforHits

IMG_4551I just long to own the marble steps that lead to this beautiful brownstone. Probably costs north of 10M

IMG_4540This Gargoyle should sit atop an entrance but for this exercise he is street level. Wing Span is over 8 feet long btw

IMG_4541These pictures don’t do it justice. This thing is full Disney Animated!

IMG_4542That “planter” is all man made. Seriously whomever made this went all out!

IMG_4549This is where an 8 foot Grim Reaper (Not the Costa Rican One) comes out of the hearse. See the faux hood? Someone paid a lot of money for this.

IMG_4550Mr. 3 First Names – Feel Free to Fire Away on this Uber Driver

IMG_4543Next Brownstone they are doing this. *Supposed to Nor’Easter Rain this weekend. I hope it doesn’t get destroyed* They did a great job on this brownstone

IMG_4544If I were a FedEx or “Other Guy” I would give a big ole Nope

IMG_4545I can see Ron (Old Next Door Neighbor when we owned 595) being the Scarecrow here. *Val-O-Rie can you please show them this post please*

IMG_4548This really is a great display. I hope it doesn’t get destroyed this weekend when we get ASS FUCKING rain!

IMG_4546Like I said, this brownstone may not have animation but they went all out!

Please trust me when I say that these pictures don’t give these exhibits justice.

More later on Halloween!

 

 

Don’t Rock The Boat – Losers Lounge takes to the Hudson

You have heard about our many visits to Joe’s Pub to see The Losers Lounge. During the summer the Losers traditionally take a break and don’t perform but kick back up in the fall months. The next show is next month but there was a special performance that Vivian and Stone had purchased tickets and suggested that we attend. The show was a Disco Themed and it was on the Circle Line boat.

Joe and the Losers didn’t disappoint at all! Playing all the hits and with the backdrop of Manhattan you get the picture. It was cool as crap!

IMG_4341Fun Times with the Gang!

IMG_4311Still never gets old looking at this view

IMG_4319But First Let’s take a Selfie!

IMG_4315Of Course they had Karaoke Set up!

IMG_4321Aunt Terry I can’t believe you didn’t even acknowledge us!

IMG_4332Brooklyn Bridge Shot

IMG_4331Connie and Katia

IMG_4326Great show and lots of fun!

IMG_4334Nice “Action Shot” of the Empire State Building from the West Side

Thanks to Vivian and Stone for suggesting we do this. It was lots of fun

Strike up the Band We have lived on these Rocks for 3 years!

Wow! Another Year has come to pass and yet here I am still banging away on this laptop. I celebrate this milestone because I haven’t gotten hit by that crosstown bus or fallen ass over teacup down a bilco door. Sadly, I celebrate this 3rd birthday solo while right now Mary Louise is heading on a Ferry to another island down in Mexico with the MoHo’s. No I am not bitter about this one bit. I promise.

In her absence I have been writing this post in my head for a couple of days and I  have to say how humble I am that we are still plugging along in a city that could possibly eat us alive. I have always said that there are two things here in The Empire State that I always run out of; time and money. This year has been a whirlwind and I can’t believe it has been 3 years from when we rolled up to 1300 First Avenue and emptied our contents into the UES. This year there have been some major changes to our lives this year and l have always said that sometimes change is good.

In the past year some of our friends have also followed suit and made moves from familiar Memphis surroundings and dipped their toe into new cities and regions. I always tell them from our experiences that right now there may be tears of uncertainty but each day and week things will normalize and level out. I still look back and say to myself that if you told me 3 years and change that I would be living in New York and love each day of it I would have told you that you are crazy as hell. I am serious when I say that this was the best thing that we have done in our adult lives. The experiences and things that we have and continue to learn about have been amazing. Much like Anthony Bourdain told us on each show was that we need to explore and try out new things. Do the uncomfortable and you will be amazed at to what you learn and it will make you a richer person internally. I still miss that fucker. His story wasn’t finished.

People still ask me how I like living here I always tell them the same response. We love it and should have done this sooner. I am in no way dogging Memphis or our friends back there but Mary Louise and I always had an ‘explorer’ gene in us that was dying to get out. New York is a strange city and has a lot of people from many different walks of life. Much like a child we are always asking questions and seeking information. You know what we found out. They may be from a different country, have a different person that believe in or vote for but we are all children playing in the same sandbox and we better find a way to get along. Call me crazy but the first thing that I ask the yellow cab driver, after I tell them *in my best New York Accent*, is where they are from and “Tell me about yourself.” People love telling their story to strangers. There is a lot of pride in those words and I cherish each and every one.

While I sit here smoking a Perdomo stinking up my work laptop I recall all the things we did. They are in no particular order include;

  • Mary Louise completes and graduates with a MBA from NYU and this better complete her higher education quest. We don’t have any fucking room in closet for a Doctoral Robe and all that crap. (I am very proud of her for this)
  • Mary Louise takes a new job and a whole bunch of new responsibilities that I don’t doubt she will do great in.
  • Made a trip to Philly and got me an authentic Cheesesteak.
  • We moved from the Upper East Side to the Gritty Hipster streets of Downtown Brooklyn. That wasn’t easy folks, oh and moving sucks here in New York City.
  • One would think that downsizing from 1300 square feet to 535 square feet would be easy but try to move to another studio that is configured differently. Thankfully Ba made a trip to Brooklyn and helped us with the move.
  • I made Senior at my work so I am now a Senior Sales Rep for selling tourists tickets on those double decker buses.
  • We made a trip to Maine for Lobster.
  • We made a trip to the Riviera Maya of Mexico for a work counterparts wedding and made a one night trip over to Isla Mujeres in December.
  • Made a trip back home for Christmas and got to see our friends and family.
  • Had to check in on Kitty down in Belize in February and to get warmed up from the 4 Nor’easters we had this past winter.
  • Were honored to become Godparents for Willimena in April and now have another one who will possibly wipe our asses when we get older.
  • Reconnected with Vivian Longstreet and Stone and enjoyed a great weekend with them Upstate.
  • Had to make yet another trip to Mexico and insure that RJ and Mallory didn’t have tres children. (still unknown but we will see in 9 months if that was a success)
  • Mary Louise made a trip to The Hamptons while I smoked meat on Katonah Avenue in the Bronx.
  • Mary Louise currently is down in Mexico right now with the MoHo’s and will return on Monday.

Yep we had a blast on this island and on a couple other islands. Rather than collect stuff we have decided to collect memories and passport stamps. I am nearing 1000 words and will end with a quote that I always love. “Travel is the only thing that you buy that makes you richer”

IMG_2489Much like Black Eyed Peas and Greens on New Years day if you celebrate New Years eve wearing a Bowler hat you will have good luck. *taken 2 blocks from Times Square on NYE

IMG_1883New York Food and Wine Festival Event

IMG_1641Pipes and Drums Prom. Who knew that Mary Louise and Lady Barrister wore the same color dress.

IMG_0059Madison Square Garden Event – here Mary Louise is saying “W.T.C.B.F. Carbunkle Trumpet, LZ goes to all the good shows and you take my ass to a Collegiate Hockey match? You better step up your game and start bogarting the good tickets too!”

IMG_2151Funny I don’t hear her bitching about this one. Aboard the USS Intrepid for the Marine Corp’s Birthday Celebration

IMG_3427Willimena is going to be a handful I can already tell.

IMG_4024 (1)Who has 2 thumbs and completes her MBA from NYU in 2 years while working full time and interviews for a new job. This one! Seriously though. This is it for higher level education.

IMG_2821Right before we move out of the UES they open a bonafide Queso Mexican Restaurant Joint and we find a great Cajun place too! Thank God we have the Q Train!

IMG_3128Boerum Hill is pretty cool. If you walk across the street from our joint you are in Boerum Hill neighborhood. If you make a left and walk across Flatbush you are in Fort Greene. You walk 3 more blocks and you are in Park Slope. Confused yet?

IMG_1262So glad to see Kitty when she made a trip up to the Big Apple.

IMG_0501This is the face of a woman who is about to walk out into a friggin Northeast Nor’easter. 50 MPH Winds with below windchill temps and Snow. I ‘worked from home’ that day!

IMG_8491And here was the first pic when we moved in. 3 years later and we are still here and I may or may not be a liberal democrat.

Thanks for reading and for following this worthless dribble. Now pull that band-aid off and go out and make yourself richer and happy 3rd Anniversary to us!

This Town Sucks!

I mean there is not shit to do here in the summer! I am kidding because if you didn’t find something to do this past weekend then you really weren’t fucking trying. Friday afternoon we decided to meet up with UWS Holly for drinks. Now back in the days of us living and working in the UES it was kind of easy finding a place. But with momma coming in hot from Dirty Jersey, me being down in the West Village and Holly being in the UWS we figured that the Top of the Metropolitan Museum was only fitting.

The weather on Friday was prefect. Not too hot, not too cold and we didn’t have any rain on Friday! It was a win-win! Now there is a big ass disclaimer on attending any rooftop in New York City. Bring an ass-load of cash! Seriously it costs a lot of money to catch your buzz overlooking the city. I won’t go into detail on what a round of two glasses of wine and a specialty drink cost you but it does create a moment of pause when you think that you want to get your swerve on the top of the Met. It was fun and if you are here in the city during the summer I suggest you put this on the list.

IMG_3431It has been a while since I was in the proper Museum and we never went to the Greek Wing to get to the rooftop. We need to head back.

IMG_3428Looking towards Midtown

IMG_3429Notice that the folks on the rooftop dress up just like the Peabody Rooftop bars.

IMG_3430Looking towards the UWS and the Dakota is in the distance. Or is it the Ghostbusters building. I need to work on visiting the UWS more often.

IMG_3432Damn Nova even has her own building up here. She has the cool president, free healthcare, a building with her name on it but she doesn’t have Bud Light. So take that!

More tomorrow as Saturday we cranked up the Damn Volume and Ripped off the Knob!

 

Random Ass Pictures from Philly, Memphis and some current ones

In a months time we have;

  1. Gone to Philly for a 3 year olds birthday party.
  2. Gone to Memphis for a 1 year olds birthday party and baptism.
  3. Moved from the UES to Downtown Brooklyn.
  4. Mrs. Trumpet got a graduate degree from NYU.
  5. Mrs. Trumpet started a new job and career.
  6. Found a couple bars here in Brooklyn that serve Bud Light.

That’s a lot of shit if you ask me! Here are some pictures from those exploits in no particular order.

IMG_3032Downtown Philly

IMG_3038This is why Philly can’t have nice things. They cracked their bell

IMG_3034No this is not where we got our Cheese Steak Sandwiches

IMG_3045The Bar in Glenside, PA

IMG_3092Andy you mind if I get some beers? Go ahead, I am on my coffee Break!

IMG_3093Bar 595 – Never heard of it!

IMG_3097Now you Assholes do realize that we are all going to be getting on the same flight and they call you by groups right? Sit your asses down!

IMG_3098Packed Memphis Airport on a Monday

IMG_3134The Boat Dive Bar in Cobble Hill

IMG_3136Carbunkle is happy!

IMG_3181Momma and her wings! She did inform me that she really liked the Doctorial Robes and considered going for that. I don’t see the humor in that.

IMG_3186After Graduation, Lunch, and some shopping we decided to take a little nap.

Hope that everyone is recovering from BBQ Fest.

933 Days and I got it done!

What did I do that took almost 2 and half years to accomplish you ask? I am proud to report that I have the Entire Upper East Side of Manhattan (North of E60th Street to E96th Street,  West of 5th Avenue to the East River) speaking Southern!  It is a thing of beauty, I have everyone saying “hello” and “good morning” on the streets. Snapple and fizzy water has been replaced with freshly brewed Lipton Iced Tea. Bacon Lettuce and Tomato with Pimento Cheese has replaced the Gyro carts on the streets. And Finally the first Friday after Memorial Day everyone will be wearing Seersucker!

I am pretty proud of myself, I didn’t think I could do it. Hell, I even have my work family now issuing “Bless Your Heart” to people instead of saying “F You!”  So what is next for Carbunkle Trumpet you wonder? WE ARE TAKING OUR SHOW IN THE ROAD TO DOWNTOWN BROOKLYN! Yep! We are moving out of the UES and heading to the borough of Brooklyn! Home of Jay Z, Manbuns and Hipsters and I am putting all of you on notice! Ok, so the real reason could be that Momma has taken a new job so we have to move out of her employers housing but we are excited for the new adventure.

We looked at a number of different locations on this rock and other rocks and decided that we needed the following things;

  • One or two subway stops back into Manhattan and easily walkable
  • Multiple Subway Lines for when there are delays, cancelations or weekend repairs
  • Full Service Building so they can accept our Vodka & Wine fruit & vegetable deliveries
  • Office or business center shared space in common area
  • Outdoor space and maybe an outdoor grill for daddy to burn red meat
  • Had to be cool and have a neighborhood tavern (or two)

Downtown Brooklyn checked all the boxes so we started to find a new home in that area. We looked into one building but they would only allow one dog and since we have two that collectively weigh 11 pounds that was out. We found another joint that is just as good and pending the vetting process we are in. We are shooting for next week to move so don’t be surprised if this sucker is quiet next week.

data=2M2OiB_yxfn5DcdjDRgvI6wr69jNRy3suS-zfNpCNuuMB_IbWMxsjfy6d2reA7Kcv5tiy7Pqdj1XX4k_InfgQqIgpJBUQt63NdtgsnjRhj--JFktXUBjgvOMCIXHj8hTyuyOWe are smack dab in the middle of everything. Walking distance to the Barclays Center, right next to a University that we may know the head men’s basketball coach, it is a quick Subway ride to the Murphranks and there is an IHop on the Fulton Mall!

IMG_3004Roughly 13 subway lines I can jump on to get into the city!

imagesHere is the front of our Non-Hipster Building

Dattner-Architects_HubOasisAll186_web-1-840x580I mean this isn’t too bad for those 30 nice days of summer for us to enjoy!

IMG_3011Maya is saying “Wait, I like the UES! People tell me that I look cute and want to pet me! I don’t even like the Beastie Boys”

IMG_3012Maddy is looking forward to taking a wiz on the artificial grass in the dog run that they have. Yep she will peeing on Brady Bunch Astroturf!

IMG_3070This part sucks, basically because we don’t have much room to put shit

IMG_3069Office and Holiday Crap is in boxes!

IMG_3068You will notice that the Cigar Humidor and the Steve Bartman Bobble Head are still here. I will pack those last of course!

IMG_3067Blue Dogs are packed and ready to move to Brooklyn

IMG_3065Not to say that we don’t have a lot to offer but do any of your future residents make Logo Cornbread? Please accept us and can you make it quick, we are starting to get nervous!

We will keep you posted, till then I will be busy growing out my hair for the Man bun!

 

Hey CBT, I got something for you….

That was a text message that I got from LJZ last week.

****Disclaimer, I was in a foul mood that afternoon. Seriously, I would have just as soon masturbated with a cheese grater than visit the home office during business hours that day. Regardless, I pulled up my socks, put on a fresh smile, and agreed to swing by to get “said gift.” When I arrived I found out that my boss was there…..I found out that her boss was there……I found out that her wanted-her-to-be boss was there..

Seriously, I would have just as soon sat in the backseat of an un-air conditioned station wagon between two 15 month olds kids in car seats sucking on pixie sticks of sugar than be there. Did I mention that I was on a 14 hour road trip to Florida and said kids hadn’t been out of those chairs for 7 hours? It was that bad of a day for me.

Hopefully I have given you enough imagery to tell you how pissed I was that fateful day when LJZ asked me to come to the home office for a gift she made for me.

IMG_2953This was the gift that LJZ gave me. *SECOND DISCLAIMER – No I don’t use elicit drugs, I got 99 other problems than this one. (booze, beer and cigars are still ok right?)

IMG_2962I was floored. I loved it!

The fact that LJZ cross-stitched this in the airport on a work trip makes gift so much more special. Oh what is the big deal about “Not Doing Coke in our Bathroom” you ask? (see next picture and comment)

img_0267This is the original cross-stitch that sits at a bar a couple of steps away from our soon to be former apartment and we have a funny story about it. I guess Shobo and I need to go back into the bar business.

HEY RJ – You listening…… #NextYearCoozie

For those of you who are wondering what storyline you missed please don’t read to much into this post. I appreciate this gift for a many reasons.

Thank you LJZ you really are a treat!