Weekend fun

14 days can make one two week…..

I know I should keep my day job because of that groan’r. No it isn’t Lent just yet as my yearly Lenten tradition of providing you with corny kid jokes on The Book of Face. For 14 days (hopefully ending today) in a row we have had below freezing temps in Gotham. This past weekend it was BSC (Ball Shrinking Cold) as with the wind chill from the East River temps were below freezing and were -1 to -15 degrees.

Yes I know that Memphis had some cold weather and there are some who have to pay a plumber and even some of my San Pedro folks were bitching but give me a break. When you have to put more layers than an onion to take the dogs out you know it is cold. Hopefully today (Tuesday) the temps get above freezing and we break the streak. We had snow last Thursday and for all of you who think that the snow in New York is so pretty have obviously never been here a couple of days after it snows. The snow turns into New York Snow aka dirty and smelly.

IMG_2532You know it is going to be bad when they send out alerts because of weather.

IMG_2519What the Hell are These Things Used For?

IMG_2524Thanks to UWS Holly for this Gem of information. Get you a cheap pair of snow goggles during a Cyclone Bomb. Blowing Snow into your eyes sucks but wearing these helps.

IMG_2523Oh look how pretty 1st Avenue is. Yeah it sucks!

53677705979__45D17950-2FF6-4AF6-B990-81795E5E223FSnow on our window.

IMG_2537Afterwards the sidewalks are shoveled but normally you lose a couple feet to the piles of snow. This makes for lots of bottlenecks during rush hour. Especially at the corners which aren’t plowed.

IMG_2546It can be a mess if you are parked on the right side of the street. That’s where the plows push the snow. Aka your car will get blocked in! Recall that shovel in the earlier picture?

IMG_2535This dog loved the snow. Our dogs…not so much!

IMG_2538Here is what sucks about plowed streets. I can’t jaywalk as easy unless I want to mountain goat up and over the ice mountain.

IMG_2520Best Part of Thursday during the snow storm!

Hope you had a good one!

 

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Merry New Year – Beef Jerky Time!

Hope that you had a great New Years Eve and New Years Day. I am currently enjoying poor health (not from alcohol you jackasses) because 300 gallons of snot is being produced in my head so my throat and nose have been on overdrive today. The joys of living here in the North.

Anyway I am going to try to catch up with this post so my next post (probably towards the end of the week) will be current. With that here are some pics on my iFoam.

IMG_2443Son, I don’t care if you are from the Fucking North Pole, it is winter here in New York City and the floors are NASTY. Put some fucking shoes on! Oh and this is the same guy who pulled my (still in the dryer and on the cool down cycle) laundry out and put it in a basket. He may be missing some clothes…..

IMG_2432Our WiFi name is “Penny Get Your Own Wifi” from Big Bang Theory. I am glad to know that there are some Seinfeld fans out there still!

IMG_2455Shout out to my favorite Hoosier Work Wife!

IMG_4077So glad these two knuckleheads came into town and I was able to meet up with them for a drink. I need to get out to Colorado for a trip.

IMG_7873Let this be a lesson to you iFoam people. If you have your ‘airdrop’ app thing on then people can put pics on your foam. Thankfully it wasn’t a hammer pic like I understand is the all the rage on the subways but some girls who were at the next table to us. They were cute and had a blast.

IMG_2486W46th Street between 8th and 7th Ave. Or as I told my father – the closest that I wanted to get to the silliness of Times Square.

IMG_2483Looks like I will never have to cook another meal while living in New York City. *unless we go visit Lightbulbs parents and I have to smoke meat* Momma got her an InstaPot. The problem is that I am not a big fan of yogurt.

IMG_2509Zsquared on New Years Eve #theyweresober

IMG_2510The Trumpets on New Years Eve #wewerenot

Hope you had a good laugh and had a great New Years Eve.

As a friend of mine said there are 365 days in a year so we have 365 chances. Go Make A Fucking Difference! If 2017 wasn’t your year then change your circumstances. Don’t bitch!

 

 

 

2017 in Review – What did What?

Thanks to Jensized on a great post. Do yourself a favor and go over and check out what she accomplished in 2017. Talk about an overachiever! I mean the little shit ran 3 half marathons. Hell my old ass got tired watching the one outside my apartment and I was drinking beer and smoking a cigar! No in all seriousness great job Jen on your accomplishments. You got me beat in that I could cook pretty much anything under the sun except my pancakes making skills stink.

Anyway with out further fanfare here is Carbunkle Trumpet’s List of stuff that I, we or as a group did in 2017 in no particular order.

  1. Rode the pretty new shiny Q on Years Day from the Upper East Side to Coney Island to watch the Coney Island Polar Bears plunge into the Atlantic Ocean! You can kiss my ass if you think I am going to do that tomorrow. It is supposed to be in the low teens and the wind will be blowing like a bitch!
  2. Ate at some nice restaurants this past year to name a few and we drank a couple beers in some killer dive bars too; The James Beard House, Peter Lugar, ABC Kitchen, Boulud Sud and Boulud Bar. Sadly we missed Jean Georges due to the shomits and were out of town for Per Se’ this year. For the Dive bars we went to a bar on recommendations from Andi and had killer frozen drinks, found the Trailer Park Bar and the Murphranks took us to a couple fun bars. Not too shabby if you ask me. I can already hear Grainbin Girl cursing me. Hey Allison, we are going to make a go of it at Rao’s. I will let you know how it turns out.
  3. Mrs. Trumpet and I celebrated 20 years of marriage! I think we may make it, I guess we need to talk about having kids now.
  4. Saw some stuff that I still could not explain to my parents/priest/doctor. I am still trying to wrap my head around the Coney Island Mermaid Festival and let’s not forget Elegant Elliot!
  5. Got to dust off the Passport and got off the island. Dominican Republic (during rainy season) and Rivera Maya/Isla Mujeres
  6. Visited 2 new cities this year and had a blast; Portland Maine and Gulf Shores Alabama.
  7. Got to welcome Wilhelmina & Light Bulb into the world and got to see little baby Kristy get married this year! More kids to eventually wipe our asses when we get old.
  8. Mrs. Trumpet powered through Grad School and only has 1 class left in 2018. Then her arse will be hanging a masters from NYU on the wall. I am very proud of her for undertaking this.
  9. We made not 1 but 2 trips to the New York City beaches this summer. And its not as bad as one would think. Thanks work wife and Andi!
  10. We dressed up a couple times this year for fun. NYPD Pipes and Drums Dinner, Marine Prom, Pigs and Pints during Food and Wine week!

img_0148God Love these folks. It will be cold as balls tomorrow!

IMG_1586Kicking Ass and taking names since she got up here!

IMG_1875I have been watching Robert Irvine’s shows now. He is great!

1408906_1280x720Love me some beach! And it only takes an hour train ride on either LIRR or MTA

IMG_1082The Mermaid Parade. LZ was a good sport and wore that heavy arse crown all day long!

IMG_0940Lisa Marie and her little sister!

img_0425You got plenty of time to have kids Doctor Kristy. We are so happy for you guys!

img_0338I still say that I won Valentines Day! Had 2 smoking hot dates that night! Hopefully I get to see the one on the left minus all these coats (get your head out of the gutter you pervs) this February down on another island below the 17th parallel.

IMG_2181Lobster Mac and Cheese? Why yes I will!

IMG_1288I go from Lobster Mac and Cheese to Waffle house. By the way does any of my NYC readers know if there is one up here? And it doesn’t take 3 subway transfers, a bus transfer and a burro ride?

IMG_0553This was a fun bar, it is a time machine and defiantly was staged but nevertheless it was fun. Oh and the Tots were killer too!

 

Happy New Year and may your 2018 be a good one! Thanks for reading!

Special Saturday Post – Go Tigers Go

Been busy since getting back from Memphis. We just left town as the Flu Bug was arriving and have been overdosing on Airborne and all kinds of old wives tales on how to stay healthy. Anyway it was a good trip and we tried to see as many people as we could in such a short time.

I plan on ‘borrowing’ an idea from JENSIZED and post something similar to her 10 things she accomplished probably tomorrow. Right now it is snowing, I have to go get the dogs from the groomer and there should be cigars smoked this afternoon with the boys.

Go Tigers and if you are sitting on the couch right now and have Liberty Bowl Tickets get your ass off the couch. Go put on your bedroom comforter coat and get your ass to the game! We can’t let Iowa State show us up!

IMG_2460This is Monkey Head Maya’s sister. As you can see Maxi is much larger than Maya but we love them both.

IMG_2462Lady Killer – “Uncle CBT you paying for dinner tonight.”
Me – “Yeah but keep it light, I may be living in New York City but I don’t want to be reminded of those costs down here.”
Lady Killer – “No problem, Um Sir (*to the waiter) I will have the Surf and Turf!”

IMG_2463This is just F’d up! Why have wine in the grocery store if you can’t buy it on Sunday.

IMG_2466And for those of you wondering, no that dress that Mrs. Trumpet is wearing is not meant to be serious. It was her Tacky Sweater outfit that she got from China for $10.00 and took 6 weeks to arrive.

IMG_2468Yes, I even went to Mass on Christmas Day with my mother, wife, EGP, & EGP’s Dad. And no the church didn’t fall down either.

IMG_2467Because when you go to Mass you never know what you will see in the Nativity Scene. Take a look at one of the Wisemen that I put in the center of this pic. Is that M’effer wearing a pimp hat? I think so! Oh and if you laughed then you will join me in hell too! Welcome aboard!

IMG_2469Ziggy in the House!

IMG_2470Going to be disappointed that I can’t drink beer with this guy on New Years Day like we did last year!

IMG_2480Well I have always said that if it is going to be this cold it might as well snow. What an asshole I am!

 

Have a good Saturday and Thanks for reading.

Pictures of the Week – Mexican Style

I really need to make plans to go somewhere warm again very soon! This being cold is for the birds! Birds I tell you!

IMG_2317Shout out to my Minion Jason for this nugget of knowledge. “Always take a picture of your room number when checking in.” You have no idea how many times one would forget what room they were in.

IMG_2324Wonder why I was so thirsty on the Morning of Day 2. I need all the Water Por Favor!

IMG_2329My Mother has a philosophy that she never trusts a culture that doesn’t put cheese on their food. It makes perfectly good sense to me if you think about it!

IMG_2330Boy nothing make me harder than diamond in an ice storm than a flat top of grilled vegetables.

IMG_2332“I think there is way too much cheese on that!” – said no man ever!

IMG_2333Deep Down Ford is jealous that I am wearing my red shorts and that he and K don’t have kids because if they did then they would get some Maracas at Christmas from the Trumpets! #robocares

IMG_2334I am now a fan of the Hemingway Daiquiri. I had one a day. Stop Laughing. Seriously stop it!

Have a good weekend folks, it is supposed to be cold and snowy this weekend in Gotham!

 

 

 

The Trumpets Take on Mexico!

Aww, some of you guys actually missed me….ok so maybe not some but I know that reader number 4 sent me a message asking when I was going to get back on the keyboard. So we took off last Thursday for The Riviera Maya for 4 nights and one night on Isla Mujeres. The trip was for fun but also to see if one of my fellow tour bus ticket sales reps would ‘outkick his coverage’ and get married.

We stayed at the Iberostar Paraiso Maya resort which is one of 3 on the property. The weather was perfect by New York standards. Sure there was an overcast day with moderate winds and temps in the low 70’s but for the locals it was Ball Shrinking Cold. Shout out to my buddies in Belize who were 200 miles south of us who were bitching about the fringed temps. Suck it up Buttercup! Yesterday it was a low of 9 degrees and only got to 20 as the high but the winds were a bitch. Talk about a weather culture shock!

Anyway enough about me, congrats to JR(squared) on getting married. We wish you much happiness and enjoyed meeting both of your parents.

IMG_2316We got our seats at check in. They informed us that we had the comfort seats but we would be sitting behind each other. 20+ years of flying with Mrs. Trumpet and I finally get a Window Seat. Normally I am either in middle or we take 2 aisle seats.

IMG_2321Proof that our old asses made it to the disco at least one night while at the resort. Thanks to Romper Dude because I thought that this silly fad was just that. A fad.

IMG_2326I should have brought chalk to mark the walls. I never figured that place out. Granted I was sauced the majority of the time but still why can’t Iberostar have better signage?

IMG_2328There is nothing better than reading this email while you are waist deep in a pool smoking a cigar and drinking a Miami Vice boat drink!

IMG_2331Kuddos to the Iberostar for adapting this policy. No Popote Por Favor!

IMG_2337Tell me that those readers who were down there didn’t think it was odd with all the Mayan Porn in the bar?

IMG_2336Back when we went to the Barceló with ‘Lady Killer’ 3 Spring Breaks ago he would put Nutella on his waffles. He also would put all kinds of other shit on them but I tried it one day for breakfast. It wasn’t halfway bad.

IMG_2339JR(squared) made it official! I was disappointed that they did the “You are buying a goat” part in Spanish without the use of the microphone. They did the American Version first and then did the Spanish part very quickly following that.

I probably will do 2 more posts with the material I got downloaded on my phone. Some Good and a whole lot bad! FZ(squared) be afraid!

Pictures of the Week (oh boy)

I am actually going to break this up into 2 pics of the week because if I am going to go to hell I don’t want to be judged because I also made fun of Christmas Trees. This past week was a wild one. I ran into Elegant Elliot twice, I saw a huge violation with the MTA and a bunch of wild stuff happened too! On a personal note, I love living in this city. It is quirky, weird, has strange people living here and it has embraced me with open arms.

IMG_2291I do love the “failing” media up here. Nothing is sacred!

IMG_2280Yes that is a bucket of KFC on the Queens Bound F Train

IMG_2241Soak it in Folks, Soak it in! Technically this dog is in compliance of being in a bag or kennel

IMG_2270And Here is LZ’s customer, I should have called these guys for the aforementioned picture

IMG_2224Very Strange to me, who can leave their clothes in the laundry room for 2 weeks and not need them. I would run out of undershirts after a week.

IMG_2267I love me some of this Little Brown Woman! She and I Snapchat all the time during Sunday Fundays

IMG_2290You know how wonderful it feels to have to purchase Suntan Lotion in December? Mexico bound next week!

IMG_2294Happy 5 years of having this little Monkey Head! I ran the Memphis Half Marathon 5 years ago and we went over to my dad’s house and they got her for me. They asked me what we should name her and this was the year the Mayan calendar was to end. I run a half marathon and the world should end – Hello Maya!

Be on the lookout for a noontime post! And have a good weekend!

Pictures from Thanksgiving Week (didn’t take a lot of pics)

Had a lot of fun with friends who were in town over Thanksgiving Weekend.

IMG_2255It was kind of chilly and the crowds at Holiday Market on Union Square made my butt twitch so I needed a warmer and something to calm my nerves.

IMG_2243Walked to get EGP at Penn Station and snapped this picture. This is the front of Macy’s where they show the parade.

IMG_2244The Camera and Viewing Station for the Macy’s Parade

IMG_2247Best View of the Parade on Thursday. From the comfort of the couch with a coffee and on the couch.

IMG_2253Christmas decorations at Lillie’s on 17 Street. Hey RJ – We drank there!

IMG_2254If you don’t get into the holiday spirit after drinking here you have something wrong with you.

IMG_2250I thought that EGP was going to have a stroke when I purchased a Tall Boy Bud Light for the Train ride to Woodlawn. I told her it was tradition.

Hope you had a great Thanksgiving.

And then it happened…….

So the Bar Wife/MILF and I would tweet each other this football season how much we hated football. Primarily this exchange was because our beloved Razorbacks sucked worse than Tennessee. Side note – I do worry that Bar Wife/MILF is introducing her daughter to all kinds of new curse words but only time will tell. I was telling her that she can become a Hockey Fan and I would even get her a New York Rangers sherzie if she wanted one. So far she is still sticking to her guns and not giving up on the Hogs. Before I go any further do you recall this POST when I called myself out for not watching much college football?

Well I did it again and this time I fear that I may be banned from Max’s Sports Bar because of it. Over the Thanksgiving holiday the work place had the suite in MSG. The event was for Red Hot Hockey which is Boston University vs Cornell in Men’s Collegiate Hockey. I invited some customers who actually were excited to attend the game (I found out that it is actually called a game instead of a match) and I got to take Mrs. Trumpet also.

As we were heading to the Garden I get a text from Utah TS asking me if I was watching the Iron Bowl (for you Yankees that is Auburn vs Alabama football game) and I had to call myself out. I wasn’t watching the game and was choosing ice hockey over college football. I know, I am kind of ashamed to admit it and I think that I may be also turning into the Las Vegas Canadian. #letsgoRangers

IMG_2272I am kind of ashamed to admit it to anyone but the Hockey was pretty good. And trust me when I say that the Fans get into it!

IMG_2258Since the Grizz are the new dumpster fire, I may officially become a fan of these guys.

IMG_2265Here is a cool thing that the Garden does. On the walls of the suite level they have pictures of past performers that have visited the garden. Yes that is Sting, Annie Lennox and Lenny Kravitz back stage.

IMG_0059Johnny and June Carter Cash

IMG_2266Elvis’ 1972 visit to the Garden. You got to represent!

IMG_2260Mrs. Trumpet – “man it is cold sitting in the seats”
Me – “Ice is cold honey.”

IMG_2262As usual the Garden was packed!

IMG_2263Fun Fact when Cornell scores they taunt the visiting goalie by chanting “It’s all your fault!” That didn’t go over too well with my work momma who’s son is on the 8th grade hockey team and is the goalie.

So hopefully when I visit Max’s Sports Bar in December the will serve me beer. I promise not to ask if we can put on the Rangers or Islanders if they are playing. I promise.

I hope you had a good laugh today.

Maine is for Lovers – CBT takes his show on the road

One of Mrs. Trumpet’s work people took a trip up to Portland Maine this fall and was telling her about how neat the trip was. We have been sitting on our hands for a while since momma’s school schedule has been fairly tough and we were ready to get out of town for a weekend. I was in when I was told two things that peaked my interest; cheap beer & cold water lobster. We decided on the second weekend in November knowing that the weather was going to be a crapshoot.

Yeah it was cold on Friday and Saturday in Maine. But you know what, it was cold as balls in New York last weekend too! Hour long flight and we were at our hotel in downtown Portland. We made our way to the local bar and then headed to one of the places that was highly recommended for a proper Lobstah dinner. Now it has taken me 47 years and momma 29 years (see what I did there KLCMan) to come to a stark realization; we actually prefer Cold Water Lobster over Caribbean/Warm lobster. Here is another one that Mrs. Trumpet came to the realization on this trip. She prefers New England/salt water oysters over gulf oysters.

Now let me further set the records straight. Portland Maine fucking rocks! The people up there well…..they do speak funnier than New Yorkers but talk about some of the nicest folks! The price of beer and food is much cheaper than what we find here in New York but so is the cost of living. The little shops that we walked into had items that weren’t “New York Priced” and that can be contributed to the lower cost of rent and taxes. We found the shop owners to be pleasant and very helpful. Naturally the question of where we were from was asked as they picked up on our accents but that is ok. I never said that I had to take a Wicked Pissah!

IMG_2159Pro Tip – Always take a picture of your room number so when you come back “tired” you don’t look like a schmo when trying to recall your room.

IMG_2160Pay no attention to that Bud Light on the left of the pic. I had local beers, I promise

IMG_2167This was a nice touch during the Veterans Parade. Take a hat if you needed one!

IMG_2168Anyone need some funny socks? This was a whole store devoted to funny socks!

IMG_2169There is a ton of pride for the residents of Maine. I now get it!

IMG_2171Had some neat nik-naks in a lot of the stores

IMG_2174No Nova there wasn’t any fecking snow on the ground!

IMG_2178Man they love some oysters up there! Best ones that we had that weekend were Pemaquid, Flying Point and John’s River

IMG_2183To say that the seafood was fresh is an understatement.

IMG_2192I mean who doesn’t love cheap oysters!

IMG_2195Rather strange to see, they used half gallons instead of liter bottles.

IMG_21963 bucks a beer! RJ you see this!

IMG_2200Bruised and battered and we are heading home!

Yep KLCMan, we will be back in the summer and we may bring TQ with us too! We had a blast!