Work work work

Happy Friday! I didn’t have to Kill Anyone……Yet! Pictures of the Week(s)

We Made it! We didn’t have to push anyone off a subway platform this week. So right now I am heading into the city to bang out some work. This early evening I am heading down to Low Country for the weekend. Me and the MoHo’s will be hanging out and Lawd knows everyone else.

First off – Shout out to my Saucer/Farmers Market ‘Stalker’ aka reader #7 of this worthless dribble. I appreciate the hello and glad to know that you are assimilating to living in the 38103.

So *Disclaimer* – I was in Memphis for about 24 hours last week. I was there so quick I really didn’t announce it as to upset anyone. It was a work trip. The purpose was for additional training on how to sell tickets on those double decker tour buses while we have to impose Tariffs. So if you are reading this worthless dribble (Oh btw – LJZ called my ass out last week because she actually does read this thing) I apologize but we will be back in November for Thanksgiving.

Anyway here are some pics I snapped.

If you got this then you have known my upbringing of the nephew
PNG Mike – You got a model number on this sucker?
*as seen during UN General Assembly
Who knew that Nova and Farmer Ted had their own Rubs.
Have you ever seen a subway floor so clean and those legs are sporting some fresh ink too!
I may be shorter than you two boys but I make much more money than you do.
Oh and I know places in Manhattan for you to get a Fake ID.
So Fucking Lay off and Respect Tio Robo!
Two hundred Fucking Degrees on a Friday! And these Jackasses are wearing Vests. Oh and How long is the Rental Car Ramp….
See you in November!

Have a good weekend folks.

Pictures of the Week – We worked a Full Week this week and we lived to tell about it!

I was wondering why my ass was dragging this morning, then I realized it. Hell, this is the first time in the past 3 weeks that I have had to drag my ass into the city 5 consecutive days. For those of you who do read this worthless dribble and happen to be on Metro North, LIRR or NJT I expect you to fully tell me to “GFY CBT” I get it, you have a longer commute. (NON NEW YORK READERS) – I only have to take 1 to 3 subway stops to get into the city. Seriously, I have the easiest commute in the world.

So New Year, New Me right? Believe it or not, I am actually trying to clean up my act. I am nearing the 49 trips around the sun anniversary. After 50 trips I have to really be careful because I may break a hip or have to go to Canada for free healthcare. Ok enough silliness, here are the pictures that I have had on my iFoam for the past couple of days.

Can’t recall where I snapped this pic but I love that it is our former hood.
EGP is showing me her mad selfie skills.
Sent this to Mary Louise while she was in Spain on the 4th. Her comment back to me was “Did he die?” She isn’t a fan due to a long night Jam session one night at 595.
My Boss – You want to grab a drink? Me – Can’t I am studying for my Blood Test again. She then asked what day I was on my Juice Cleanse.
RJ and Fuck-Tard – You would love our building for obvious reasons!

Hope you have a good weekend and it isn’t as cold as it is going to be here. We are heading to Northwest Arkansas this weekend to see family and friends.

Also Shout out to the Pirate/Beatnik and Time Square Performer who happen to read this worthless dribble. They just completed an important milestone in their ‘remodeling’ project.

LVD This One is For You – “THAT IS A HARD NO, SIR.”

Last week while I was at work I met up with my brother from another mother, S(Squared) to go over some work stuff. To my fellow Times Square Double Decker Tour Bus Ticket Sales Reps that is not code for bar. We were actually in a FDX Office so LAY TF OFF! Walking to our next destination (now it was bar time) we encountered a fellow heading south on Ave of Americas.  S(Squared) and I noticed that ‘skillet’ was wearing a rather tight pair of pants with his suit jacket. When I say tight, well let us just say that the Mother Fucker was wearing Jeggings and a suit jacket.

Trust me that there was a conversation being held about skillet by S(Squared) and I while we walked down the street. Let me put it this way, if anyone ever came to S(Squared)’s door trying to court one of his daughters while wearing that get up…..that shit that isn’t going to happen.

Fast forward to yesterday. I am on the packed 4 Train and I see a tweet by LVD about fashion. I always have considered LVD a fashionista and accidentally included her on numerous texts when I would text Z(Squared). I inquired to LVD about ‘skillet’s’ attire from last week and in her words….”Hard No”.

The Point of this worthless dribble – It keeps me grounded that I get confirmation from both a Staten Island & Bluff City Resident when some jackleg plays the game of “let’s see if I can get away with this crap today”!

IMG_4460This is the exact picture of said “Skillet” and his get-up while walking on 6th Ave. Big Spoon – I bet you wear this every day don’t you?

IMG_4508The first tweet exchange

IMG_4509Oh good I am not going crazy and still have normal fashion morals.

 

What can I say. It was a slow week last week and I am trying to keep up. Have a good Thursday folks!

 

 

 

 

The 242nd US Marine Corps Birthday

Being a tour bus ticket seller to the tourists I have some killer perks. In addition to all the office supplies that I can steal I get invited to some really neat events. This time we were invited to sit at a table in our fancy clothes for the 242nd Birthday of the Marine Corps. I was able to get a ticket for Mrs. Trumpet so she got her fancy dress on too. It was a great event and although I can’t publish all the pictures (work people) I will share a couple great ones with you. Happy Birthday Marine Corps.

IMG_2139The US Marine Corps Band

IMG_2149Here are some of the fellas posing for a picture. Wait something looks out of place….

IMG_2151Yep, here is Mrs. Trumpet photo bombing the boys!

Have a good day!

Pics of The Week

Sorry I have been slacking as of late. This job thing is really getting in the way of my blogging. Oh wait, this sucker doesn’t pay for shit so you may see about 2 posts a week. Anyway here are some good pics from the past couple of weeks.

IMG_1672Always good to see Murph in the Big Apple. Murph and I both worked for a small University back in the day. That means that we didn’t make much money when we worked there but when we die we automatically get a  “get into heaven free” no questions asked pass. Well…..Murph will get in, I may have to do some ‘penance’

IMG_1607Couple pic of us from the Pipes and Drums Prom

IMG_1676Here I go taking up for Bodegas and one bends me over for a 6 pack

IMG_1661Went to Trader Joe’s for Vino

IMG_1588Pic on the left is Momma on her first day of School. On the right is our child on his first day of the 5th grade. Me and the dogs are pretty proud!

I have some extra pics and will try to post at lunchtime today! Have a good weekend!

 

 

 

Weber, My Shit be Broke!

Sorry for the vulgarity this early in the morning, I had to quote former All American “Big” Freddie Childress.

Welp it was bound to happen. 47 year old feet supporting a svelte 175 pound frame that is averaging about 5 miles a day walking in Manhattan and something has to give. I started having some ‘heel’ pain about a month ago and was hoping that it was just plantar fasciitis and not something worse like a stress fracture. I limp around the UES for a couple days until the pain was so great that I had to find a podiatrists who specialized in sports medicine. That is the great thing about New York, there are more podiatrists in Manhattan than there are Irish bars and I now understand why.

When we moved from Memphis to Gotham our mileage went from 0 to about 4 miles a day and there was little to no ‘ease in’ period. If you aren’t wearing shoes that are designed for walking then you are asking for trouble. When BD & SD were in town B was telling me how he wore a pair of leather soled shoes to make sales calls on a trip up here. The next morning he awoke with shin splints. Anyway after almost 2 years of living up here my right foot finally gave out and the tire went flat.

I meet with Doc B and he is one of the podiatrists who is on staff for the NY Knicks. Apparently basketball players have this ailment all the time. Doc looks at me and tells me that rest (yeah like that can happen) is the best treatment but I will have to undergo Physical Therapy. Pretty much that is Ultrasound, deep tissue massage, exercises and a tape job. He fits me for some orthotics and sends me on my way. Now for you Memphians who are wondering what the big deal is having plantar fasciitis is for a guy who walks instead of driving to make sales calls. Try driving your car with 4 fucking flat tires. This shit hurts!

ds00508_im00939_r7_fasciitisthu_jpg

Here is what happens when you suffer with this ailment. AKA This shit hurts each and every step.

 

IMG_1018Waiting for my time in the chair!

IMG_1020Don’t worry this won’t hurt me one bit

IMG_1019The Bad Wheel, it would cost too much to cut it off according to the doc

IMG_1021It only cost me a small fortune for these things and they make my feet feel worse till they get broke it.

IMG_1023Tape Job while I am walking around the city. It helps but still this stuff hurts

Have a good weekend. I still have a bunch of posts that I need to work on over the weekend. I will do better.

Stuff we ‘used’ to think was odd -19 months living here

Yesterday marked 1 year and 7 months living here on this island called Manhattan. We celebrated it by having our favorite Russian from the UES over for Brunch and then Momma studied for her midterm this week. The time really has flown by and I would say that we are slowly becoming New Yorkers. No, my accent is still in tact and people still ask what part of Texas I am from. Mrs. Trumpet on the other hand threw out a “Are you Fucking Kidding me?” to me when I drank all of her Tea before I left for the Cigar Inn. As we look back on these 19 months I guess some things that we at first seem foreign are staring to seem normal. Now for those Memphians who have never visited up here you may have that ‘hamster wheel is spinning but nobody is home’ look as you read this list.

  1. Stoops – Forget about sitting on the front porch like you do in the south, here you are lucky if you have an outdoor space. Remember when I was jealous as crap of the Murphrank’s Roof Deck? Well sadly unless you plunk down 10+M for a UES brownstone that you still will have to renovate you have a stoop instead. Oh and forget about being protected from the rain like the porch at 595. Here you get your ass wet.
  2. Kids Playing outside – If it isn’t raining or sleeting in the winter you will always find kids playing in neighborhood playgrounds or even on city streets. I remember when I was younger and if it was below a certain temperature then Recess was held inside, not here. You will see kids playing their hearts out with rosy cheeks and frozen snot on their faces. Hey you got to tire those fuckers out because it won’t work in a less than 1K square foot apartment.
  3. Comfortable Shoes – Forget those leather soled Johnston & Murphy’s lace ups. Get you a pair of good rubber soled shoes and prepare to rotate them out. I walk roughly 10K to 15K steps a day for work. I have 3 pair of black shoes that I have in my rotation and a pair of brown for some suits that I wear. My international counterpart ‘wife’ normally is rocking a pair of flats or some pair of low heel shoes as we make our way about the city. Anything higher than 3 inches and you are crazy. *EGP – when you come for Easter, leave those 9 inch F-Me Pumps at college. Don’t worry you will turn heads w/o wearing those barbaric things.
  4. Shoe Repair Store – You got to have a great Shoe Shine/Repair “guy” in New York! I think that there may be 2 repair guys in Memphis and that was when Mr.Galtelli still had his shop on Union. Shoe shine guys in Memphis? Only one I knew about was in the lobby of the Peabody. In Gotham they are all over the place and you have to have a good one. Case in point this past Saturday. Momma’s boots were looking like crap and she needed them to get cleaned up and poste haste. I go see my buddy on 2nd Ave at Artistic Shoe Services and ‘David’ (he is Pakistani so it is easier for him to introduce himself as David) gets them shined, repaired and back to me in 2 hours. I see David each week on my way home from work on Friday’s to get my shoes cleaned up. You got to look good when you are walking the streets.
  5. Random Ish on the side of the Street – Pretty much you can furnish a house with the crap that you find on the streets of New York. Someone moves out of an apartment chances are you will find some of their furniture on the street. Let me tell you, people will fight over the good stuff. I saw a couch get dumped on W23rd street and before I could finish the Instagram post it was already nabbed.
  6. Coffee is King – Before I moved to New York I only drank coffee if it has booze it. You do some crazy hours here and need a pick me up. At first it was a diet coke or Red Bull but that really wasn’t good for me. Then I started having a double espresso after a meal. Now I am hooked on that ish! I love it Hard, Strong and Black – and that is just how I take my coffee! Maria gave me an espresso pot for my birthday and that sucker is in use all the time. Who would have thought that CBT is now a fan of the Java.
  7. How Deep Are We Going Here? – Go ahead and say it – That’s What She Said…… No I am not going there, I am referring to the depth of some of the Subway platforms. Our new Q line is pretty deep. I think at E72nd station it is 11 stories below the surface. Getting down there can be a challenge for those who don’t like heights. Mrs. Trumpet hates the escalator so we always are using the elevators which are nicer than some buildings. Just close your eyes and enjoy the ride and try not to think that there is rushing water coming down the tube instead of a train.
  8. Do you Deliver – If you think that I am going to schlep a case of wine sparkling water down the street you are crazy as hell. Yep, thank God for Fresh Direct Grocery service and Astor’s Wine and Spirits. It is a lifesaver!
  9. Wind-chill sucks – 20 degrees as a high in Manhattan? If there is no wind then it is cold but manageable. But you add the wind and then it pretty much sucks balls. Recall when I survived that Noreaster? I sure as hell do. Put it this way, when the wind starts blowing down those streets thanks to the tall ass buildings…you get the picture.
  10. Not having a car really doesn’t bug us – Nope, we don’t miss driving and messing with a car at all. Crazy huh?

stoopsSure Sarah Jessica Parker hung out on her stoop but she also drank for free b/c she put out.

img_0450Yep here in the UES we block streets so the kids can play outside. First base is the Volvo and 3rd base is the Bentley.

img_0460When they are balder than Telly Savalas then it is time to throw them out!

shoe-shineHey Guys, anybody see that naked girl run down the street? Guess not! And you don’t fool us, we know you are looking at Carbunkle’s Corny Joke of the Day on Facebook.

img_0457It did have a ‘slight’ odor from 5 feet away.

cooffeeI may have a problem with my Java intake.

img_0451Pay no attention to the Jason D. Williams portrait above the escalator down to hell!

fresh-direct-billDo you really think I am going to schlep 2 cases of drinks down the street? Yeah me too!

img_0458When you get this text message you know that it is going to be a bitch outside.

Hope that you had a good weekend and enjoyed reading. We return you to your regularly scheduled show.

 

Things you learn in a Blizzard

What can I say, 2017 is a year of firsts for Carbunkle Trumpet. No I am not talking about the new president, that was yesterday. What I am talking about is this jacked up weather. Seriously would the person who called Mother Nature a Crack Whore please apologize? Earlier this year I survived the Nor’easter and let me tell you, that sucked. This week they were calling for ‘a significant snow event’ for New York and Long Island. They were calling for a blizzard or white out conditions in the city and we should seek shelter at times. I am sure that you are reading this in Memphis wondering what the hell that means. So did I until yesterday. Anyway here are some things that I learned yesterday during the Snowpocalypse.

  1. Forget that heavy wool coat, get that ski jacket out of the closet. Wet heavy snow and wool are not the greatest combination.
  2. Boots, Boots, Boots – If they aren’t waterproof you might as well wear flip flops.
  3. Seeing is overrated during a blizzard. I saw a bunch of people wearing ski goggles yesterday and it makes perfect sense. I may look into getting a pair.
  4. Some dogs love snow, our dogs…..not so much. I don’t blame them. The snow was high that they had belly rubbing.
  5. If one does not have children then you are instructed to head to the nearest bar. That actually is a law.

img_0269Maddy don’t care about snow, she has to poop!

img_0270This one however, what a diva!

rockyI knew that Rocky over in Park Slope would be a happy pup today!

img_0264Broke out the shit kickers earlier in the week when we had biblical rains.

img_0274Made it into the office for a couple hours so I could say that “I made it in” and promptly went to reward myself.

img_0275W41st street was not looking good. The sidewalk was fine but the street needed some help.

img_0272Wonder why I take Lipitor? This would be the reason.

img_0276Are you F’ing kidding me guys? Closed because of the snow? This would be a perfect day but no! Somebody has to be a P word and stay home.

img_0268I mean even the Chinese restaurant on 2nd Ave was open for Christsake!

img_0267Got to love that someone cross stitched this.

Have a good weekend. We are going to be meeting up with UWS Girl this weekend to go to a silent disco.

The Week(s) in Pictures

Going to put together a “greatest hits” compilation of pics from the past two weeks.

IMG_0381Got to love the West Village Bathrooms and their Graffiti!

IMG_0381How does one bring in a paint brush and do this? I can’t even keep up with my house keys

IMG_0387I asked the boys in the Rig if they had an “Asian Fireman” and they said he was off. #howodd

IMG_0388We had snow on one evening and then the next day we had 50 degrees and rain.

IMG_0394Wine Bottle down! Wine Bottle Down!

IMG_0404They hate each other, yeah right…

IMG_0353Showed them the previous pic of the dogs and they giggled at me.

IMG_0409I do love me a lox and cream cheese bagel from these guys.

IMG_0411This picture just makes me happy! It is my new screen saver on my iFoam.

Have a good weekend! We are supposed to have killer > 55 degree weather tomorrow!

 

 

Start Spreading The News!

Well, I am back! I  survived the intensive training for Tourist Bus Tour ticket sellers and I am ready to go. *editor’s note – No that is not my true profession, I do have gainful employment but I choose to keep some shit private. If it bothers you that much then “Bless your heart!”* The training was good and I met some of my fellow tour bus ticket sellers and we compared notes. The training was in my old home town so it was kind of strange being back in town but because this was a ‘work’ trip and I couldn’t act a damn fool like some of my cohorts did. I was able to get out a tad on the weekend and it was good seeing some old friends. I am still disappointed that my favorite bat wielding bartender wouldn’t put the Rangers game on for me when the Tigers and the Grizzlies were playing on Saturday night, but I digress.
While we were nearing the end of the training one of my classmates asked me if I was ready to get back to the island called Manhattan. I looked at him and with a struggled look on my face I said that sadly I was, and I kind of felt bad about it. He said that he understood what I was referring to as he is originally from Vietnam but calls Southern California home. My cohort went back to the motherland at Christmas and said that he also enjoyed his visit but he was ready to be back on the Left Coast. Below are some of the things that I was missing from the city so famous they named it twice.

  • The fast and hurried pace on the streets, talk about some slow walkers in M-Town – Got Dayem!
  • The foul smells from the subway – did he really just say that? Who is this fecker and what did he do to our friend Carbunkle.
  • The constant beeping of car horns while driving down the road. I do apologize to that carload of nuns who I cut off and told that they were Number 1 on Central.
  • The Traffic – I got caught up in 240/Poplar at rush hour traffic the other day, it reminded me of home.
  • The different accents and dialects that you hear from people speaking on the streets. Sorry but Ebonics doesn’t count.
  • My beer drinking buddy, Mrs. Trumpet. She informed me that she felt like a single mom taking care of the monkey heads for 2 weeks.
  • My 535 Square foot apartment. I think the bathroom at my hotel was bigger than my kitchen, bathroom and closet.
  • Not having a car – It was rather strange having a car again and I noticed that I fell into that old habit of “Oh I can just whip over there to get this/that.”

 IMG_0277Had to walk 8 blocks in the friggin snow for that woman. And did I even get to see her? Hell NO! Don’ worry Rhonda, I will make sure that I get you some fresh ones. I still can’t believe that your ‘partner’ wouldn’t save you one.

IMG_0305That is a damned good bagel

IMG_0291Always a pleasure to see my Bethlehem Buddy and the woman who introduced me to kcoffee cups

IMG_0287What you didn’t expect me not to get some of this crack? I heard that Andrew Zimmern did a show on Pancho’s cheese dip.

So don’t worry folks, I will be back to normal scheduling soon and I am glad to be back home.