Work work work

Pics of The Week

Sorry I have been slacking as of late. This job thing is really getting in the way of my blogging. Oh wait, this sucker doesn’t pay for shit so you may see about 2 posts a week. Anyway here are some good pics from the past couple of weeks.

IMG_1672Always good to see Murph in the Big Apple. Murph and I both worked for a small University back in the day. That means that we didn’t make much money when we worked there but when we die we automatically get a  “get into heaven free” no questions asked pass. Well…..Murph will get in, I may have to do some ‘penance’

IMG_1607Couple pic of us from the Pipes and Drums Prom

IMG_1676Here I go taking up for Bodegas and one bends me over for a 6 pack

IMG_1661Went to Trader Joe’s for Vino

IMG_1588Pic on the left is Momma on her first day of School. On the right is our child on his first day of the 5th grade. Me and the dogs are pretty proud!

I have some extra pics and will try to post at lunchtime today! Have a good weekend!

 

 

 

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Weber, My Shit be Broke!

Sorry for the vulgarity this early in the morning, I had to quote former All American “Big” Freddie Childress.

Welp it was bound to happen. 47 year old feet supporting a svelte 175 pound frame that is averaging about 5 miles a day walking in Manhattan and something has to give. I started having some ‘heel’ pain about a month ago and was hoping that it was just plantar fasciitis and not something worse like a stress fracture. I limp around the UES for a couple days until the pain was so great that I had to find a podiatrists who specialized in sports medicine. That is the great thing about New York, there are more podiatrists in Manhattan than there are Irish bars and I now understand why.

When we moved from Memphis to Gotham our mileage went from 0 to about 4 miles a day and there was little to no ‘ease in’ period. If you aren’t wearing shoes that are designed for walking then you are asking for trouble. When BD & SD were in town B was telling me how he wore a pair of leather soled shoes to make sales calls on a trip up here. The next morning he awoke with shin splints. Anyway after almost 2 years of living up here my right foot finally gave out and the tire went flat.

I meet with Doc B and he is one of the podiatrists who is on staff for the NY Knicks. Apparently basketball players have this ailment all the time. Doc looks at me and tells me that rest (yeah like that can happen) is the best treatment but I will have to undergo Physical Therapy. Pretty much that is Ultrasound, deep tissue massage, exercises and a tape job. He fits me for some orthotics and sends me on my way. Now for you Memphians who are wondering what the big deal is having plantar fasciitis is for a guy who walks instead of driving to make sales calls. Try driving your car with 4 fucking flat tires. This shit hurts!

ds00508_im00939_r7_fasciitisthu_jpg

Here is what happens when you suffer with this ailment. AKA This shit hurts each and every step.

 

IMG_1018Waiting for my time in the chair!

IMG_1020Don’t worry this won’t hurt me one bit

IMG_1019The Bad Wheel, it would cost too much to cut it off according to the doc

IMG_1021It only cost me a small fortune for these things and they make my feet feel worse till they get broke it.

IMG_1023Tape Job while I am walking around the city. It helps but still this stuff hurts

Have a good weekend. I still have a bunch of posts that I need to work on over the weekend. I will do better.

Stuff we ‘used’ to think was odd -19 months living here

Yesterday marked 1 year and 7 months living here on this island called Manhattan. We celebrated it by having our favorite Russian from the UES over for Brunch and then Momma studied for her midterm this week. The time really has flown by and I would say that we are slowly becoming New Yorkers. No, my accent is still in tact and people still ask what part of Texas I am from. Mrs. Trumpet on the other hand threw out a “Are you Fucking Kidding me?” to me when I drank all of her Tea before I left for the Cigar Inn. As we look back on these 19 months I guess some things that we at first seem foreign are staring to seem normal. Now for those Memphians who have never visited up here you may have that ‘hamster wheel is spinning but nobody is home’ look as you read this list.

  1. Stoops – Forget about sitting on the front porch like you do in the south, here you are lucky if you have an outdoor space. Remember when I was jealous as crap of the Murphrank’s Roof Deck? Well sadly unless you plunk down 10+M for a UES brownstone that you still will have to renovate you have a stoop instead. Oh and forget about being protected from the rain like the porch at 595. Here you get your ass wet.
  2. Kids Playing outside – If it isn’t raining or sleeting in the winter you will always find kids playing in neighborhood playgrounds or even on city streets. I remember when I was younger and if it was below a certain temperature then Recess was held inside, not here. You will see kids playing their hearts out with rosy cheeks and frozen snot on their faces. Hey you got to tire those fuckers out because it won’t work in a less than 1K square foot apartment.
  3. Comfortable Shoes – Forget those leather soled Johnston & Murphy’s lace ups. Get you a pair of good rubber soled shoes and prepare to rotate them out. I walk roughly 10K to 15K steps a day for work. I have 3 pair of black shoes that I have in my rotation and a pair of brown for some suits that I wear. My international counterpart ‘wife’ normally is rocking a pair of flats or some pair of low heel shoes as we make our way about the city. Anything higher than 3 inches and you are crazy. *EGP – when you come for Easter, leave those 9 inch F-Me Pumps at college. Don’t worry you will turn heads w/o wearing those barbaric things.
  4. Shoe Repair Store – You got to have a great Shoe Shine/Repair “guy” in New York! I think that there may be 2 repair guys in Memphis and that was when Mr.Galtelli still had his shop on Union. Shoe shine guys in Memphis? Only one I knew about was in the lobby of the Peabody. In Gotham they are all over the place and you have to have a good one. Case in point this past Saturday. Momma’s boots were looking like crap and she needed them to get cleaned up and poste haste. I go see my buddy on 2nd Ave at Artistic Shoe Services and ‘David’ (he is Pakistani so it is easier for him to introduce himself as David) gets them shined, repaired and back to me in 2 hours. I see David each week on my way home from work on Friday’s to get my shoes cleaned up. You got to look good when you are walking the streets.
  5. Random Ish on the side of the Street – Pretty much you can furnish a house with the crap that you find on the streets of New York. Someone moves out of an apartment chances are you will find some of their furniture on the street. Let me tell you, people will fight over the good stuff. I saw a couch get dumped on W23rd street and before I could finish the Instagram post it was already nabbed.
  6. Coffee is King – Before I moved to New York I only drank coffee if it has booze it. You do some crazy hours here and need a pick me up. At first it was a diet coke or Red Bull but that really wasn’t good for me. Then I started having a double espresso after a meal. Now I am hooked on that ish! I love it Hard, Strong and Black – and that is just how I take my coffee! Maria gave me an espresso pot for my birthday and that sucker is in use all the time. Who would have thought that CBT is now a fan of the Java.
  7. How Deep Are We Going Here? – Go ahead and say it – That’s What She Said…… No I am not going there, I am referring to the depth of some of the Subway platforms. Our new Q line is pretty deep. I think at E72nd station it is 11 stories below the surface. Getting down there can be a challenge for those who don’t like heights. Mrs. Trumpet hates the escalator so we always are using the elevators which are nicer than some buildings. Just close your eyes and enjoy the ride and try not to think that there is rushing water coming down the tube instead of a train.
  8. Do you Deliver – If you think that I am going to schlep a case of wine sparkling water down the street you are crazy as hell. Yep, thank God for Fresh Direct Grocery service and Astor’s Wine and Spirits. It is a lifesaver!
  9. Wind-chill sucks – 20 degrees as a high in Manhattan? If there is no wind then it is cold but manageable. But you add the wind and then it pretty much sucks balls. Recall when I survived that Noreaster? I sure as hell do. Put it this way, when the wind starts blowing down those streets thanks to the tall ass buildings…you get the picture.
  10. Not having a car really doesn’t bug us – Nope, we don’t miss driving and messing with a car at all. Crazy huh?

stoopsSure Sarah Jessica Parker hung out on her stoop but she also drank for free b/c she put out.

img_0450Yep here in the UES we block streets so the kids can play outside. First base is the Volvo and 3rd base is the Bentley.

img_0460When they are balder than Telly Savalas then it is time to throw them out!

shoe-shineHey Guys, anybody see that naked girl run down the street? Guess not! And you don’t fool us, we know you are looking at Carbunkle’s Corny Joke of the Day on Facebook.

img_0457It did have a ‘slight’ odor from 5 feet away.

cooffeeI may have a problem with my Java intake.

img_0451Pay no attention to the Jason D. Williams portrait above the escalator down to hell!

fresh-direct-billDo you really think I am going to schlep 2 cases of drinks down the street? Yeah me too!

img_0458When you get this text message you know that it is going to be a bitch outside.

Hope that you had a good weekend and enjoyed reading. We return you to your regularly scheduled show.

 

Things you learn in a Blizzard

What can I say, 2017 is a year of firsts for Carbunkle Trumpet. No I am not talking about the new president, that was yesterday. What I am talking about is this jacked up weather. Seriously would the person who called Mother Nature a Crack Whore please apologize? Earlier this year I survived the Nor’easter and let me tell you, that sucked. This week they were calling for ‘a significant snow event’ for New York and Long Island. They were calling for a blizzard or white out conditions in the city and we should seek shelter at times. I am sure that you are reading this in Memphis wondering what the hell that means. So did I until yesterday. Anyway here are some things that I learned yesterday during the Snowpocalypse.

  1. Forget that heavy wool coat, get that ski jacket out of the closet. Wet heavy snow and wool are not the greatest combination.
  2. Boots, Boots, Boots – If they aren’t waterproof you might as well wear flip flops.
  3. Seeing is overrated during a blizzard. I saw a bunch of people wearing ski goggles yesterday and it makes perfect sense. I may look into getting a pair.
  4. Some dogs love snow, our dogs…..not so much. I don’t blame them. The snow was high that they had belly rubbing.
  5. If one does not have children then you are instructed to head to the nearest bar. That actually is a law.

img_0269Maddy don’t care about snow, she has to poop!

img_0270This one however, what a diva!

rockyI knew that Rocky over in Park Slope would be a happy pup today!

img_0264Broke out the shit kickers earlier in the week when we had biblical rains.

img_0274Made it into the office for a couple hours so I could say that “I made it in” and promptly went to reward myself.

img_0275W41st street was not looking good. The sidewalk was fine but the street needed some help.

img_0272Wonder why I take Lipitor? This would be the reason.

img_0276Are you F’ing kidding me guys? Closed because of the snow? This would be a perfect day but no! Somebody has to be a P word and stay home.

img_0268I mean even the Chinese restaurant on 2nd Ave was open for Christsake!

img_0267Got to love that someone cross stitched this.

Have a good weekend. We are going to be meeting up with UWS Girl this weekend to go to a silent disco.

The Week(s) in Pictures

Going to put together a “greatest hits” compilation of pics from the past two weeks.

IMG_0381Got to love the West Village Bathrooms and their Graffiti!

IMG_0381How does one bring in a paint brush and do this? I can’t even keep up with my house keys

IMG_0387I asked the boys in the Rig if they had an “Asian Fireman” and they said he was off. #howodd

IMG_0388We had snow on one evening and then the next day we had 50 degrees and rain.

IMG_0394Wine Bottle down! Wine Bottle Down!

IMG_0404They hate each other, yeah right…

IMG_0353Showed them the previous pic of the dogs and they giggled at me.

IMG_0409I do love me a lox and cream cheese bagel from these guys.

IMG_0411This picture just makes me happy! It is my new screen saver on my iFoam.

Have a good weekend! We are supposed to have killer > 55 degree weather tomorrow!

 

 

Start Spreading The News!

Well, I am back! I  survived the intensive training for Tourist Bus Tour ticket sellers and I am ready to go. *editor’s note – No that is not my true profession, I do have gainful employment but I choose to keep some shit private. If it bothers you that much then “Bless your heart!”* The training was good and I met some of my fellow tour bus ticket sellers and we compared notes. The training was in my old home town so it was kind of strange being back in town but because this was a ‘work’ trip and I couldn’t act a damn fool like some of my cohorts did. I was able to get out a tad on the weekend and it was good seeing some old friends. I am still disappointed that my favorite bat wielding bartender wouldn’t put the Rangers game on for me when the Tigers and the Grizzlies were playing on Saturday night, but I digress.
While we were nearing the end of the training one of my classmates asked me if I was ready to get back to the island called Manhattan. I looked at him and with a struggled look on my face I said that sadly I was, and I kind of felt bad about it. He said that he understood what I was referring to as he is originally from Vietnam but calls Southern California home. My cohort went back to the motherland at Christmas and said that he also enjoyed his visit but he was ready to be back on the Left Coast. Below are some of the things that I was missing from the city so famous they named it twice.

  • The fast and hurried pace on the streets, talk about some slow walkers in M-Town – Got Dayem!
  • The foul smells from the subway – did he really just say that? Who is this fecker and what did he do to our friend Carbunkle.
  • The constant beeping of car horns while driving down the road. I do apologize to that carload of nuns who I cut off and told that they were Number 1 on Central.
  • The Traffic – I got caught up in 240/Poplar at rush hour traffic the other day, it reminded me of home.
  • The different accents and dialects that you hear from people speaking on the streets. Sorry but Ebonics doesn’t count.
  • My beer drinking buddy, Mrs. Trumpet. She informed me that she felt like a single mom taking care of the monkey heads for 2 weeks.
  • My 535 Square foot apartment. I think the bathroom at my hotel was bigger than my kitchen, bathroom and closet.
  • Not having a car – It was rather strange having a car again and I noticed that I fell into that old habit of “Oh I can just whip over there to get this/that.”

 IMG_0277Had to walk 8 blocks in the friggin snow for that woman. And did I even get to see her? Hell NO! Don’ worry Rhonda, I will make sure that I get you some fresh ones. I still can’t believe that your ‘partner’ wouldn’t save you one.

IMG_0305That is a damned good bagel

IMG_0291Always a pleasure to see my Bethlehem Buddy and the woman who introduced me to kcoffee cups

IMG_0287What you didn’t expect me not to get some of this crack? I heard that Andrew Zimmern did a show on Pancho’s cheese dip.

So don’t worry folks, I will be back to normal scheduling soon and I am glad to be back home.

Sporting news – Dateline Memphis, TN!

Again breaking from my normal dribble but this is too good not to pass up for my three readers. First of all I hope the film crew that stayed in Memphis reporting the firing of Tommy West and this whole Allen Iverson debacle had a good time, ate a bunch of ribs and saw Graceland. We had great weather this past week and hope you will be back when we have good news to report about.

If you want my opinion here is a quick Carbunkle Trumpet cure to both of the problems that are plaguing our sports teams So first the University of Memphis Football Program and how to cure it;

  • RC love the hair but you gots go, thanks for the memories but even the airport isn’t going to save your arse this time.
  • I loved the comments on how great the U of M facilities are but when you drive down Poplar avenue and see that PDS (that’s a grade school folks) has a sports turf football field and those football players hadn’t even gotten acne yet COME ON! RC you want to see some great facilities then head over to Texas and see some High Schools while you are getting your cowboy hat because a new roof and some paint won’t cut it here.
  • Again I love the hair but Tommy West made a great point when he was blasting you, either commit to the program or do away with it. There were more people watching the MUS/Brentwood Academy game this past Friday night than when the U of M played ECU.

Ok that was easy now onto the Grizzlies and you are going to love this one;

So the Memphis Grizzlies hire (that’s right he was hired) Allen Iverson to work for the Memphis Grizzlies in exchange for a salary he is given a uniform, meals, lodging and God knows what else we are paying him for. Now when A.I. showed up on his first day of work he wasn’t prepared so could not play with the big kids and ended up having to stay inside cleaning the erasers while the rest of the class went out and played. 2 weeks ago he was finally able to punch in and work for the Grizzlies when they were in Sacramento on a business trip and what did he do, he complained about not getting enough work time like the others. (you see where I am going with this don’t you?) Now A. I. asked the boss if he could take some vacation time and I guess he is enjoying his time away from work but how is the company doing in his absence, that’s right the Griz are not doing well and production is way behind. Here is my suggestion on that and get ready for it;

  • I equate this whole A.I. thing to my current job as a factory worker for the rubber sex toy factory as I have been given a uniform, a nice workstation, have a fan to cool me in the summer and they heat the building in the winter.
  • My boss expects me to show up each day at the appointed time, work hard, smart and safely till each break and treat other rubber sex toy factory team members with dignity and respect and if I have a problem then speak with my supervisor and not gossip.
  • In return for my work I am given a pay check but I am required to ‘push’ out a certain number of ‘units’ each week as that has been set forth by the bosses. If I don’t well let me just say that their will be hell to pay but if I do go over then I am given a bonus and I am in the running for “Rubber Sex Toy Maker of the Month!”
  • If the Rubber Sex Toy Factory at the end of the day does not have any injuries, we achieve our bonus and reduce waste then we are all given a gold star and when we get enough gold stars then the entire company gets a bonus and a free lunch by the Owner. As you can tell everyone wants to work together and achieve those goal so we need every team member on their game.

Here is what I say that they offer A.I;

  • Promise A.I. a certain number of ‘working’ minutes each week and he is free to take as many breaks as he needs but we will still require him to produce a certain number of ‘units’.
  • In return for his paycheck we will evaluate his performance for 20 working days and if he achieves the goals set forth by the company then we will allow him to continue his employment with the Grizzlies.
  • Should he not achieve the goals set forth then he is docked pay, reduced hours and possible termination.

And you think that all I do is just wear funny hats and make fun of people?

Love that hair R.C. good luck being the AD at some pigs knuckle grade school

Here is the Grizzlies Company Supervisor Lionel Hollins (or A.I.’s babysitter)

According to his Tweets, he loves Memphis and wants to help us!

TTK!
Where is my Funny hat, I may need to drink this afternoon!

Sporting news – Dateline Memphis, TN!

Again breaking from my normal dribble but this is too good not to pass up for my three readers. First of all I hope the film crew that stayed in Memphis reporting the firing of Tommy West and this whole Allen Iverson debacle had a good time, ate a bunch of ribs and saw Graceland. We had great weather this past week and hope you will be back when we have good news to report about.

If you want my opinion here is a quick Carbunkle Trumpet cure to both of the problems that are plaguing our sports teams So first the University of Memphis Football Program and how to cure it;

  • RC love the hair but you gots go, thanks for the memories but even the airport isn’t going to save your arse this time.
  • I loved the comments on how great the U of M facilities are but when you drive down Poplar avenue and see that PDS (that’s a grade school folks) has a sports turf football field and those football players hadn’t even gotten acne yet COME ON! RC you want to see some great facilities then head over to Texas and see some High Schools while you are getting your cowboy hat because a new roof and some paint won’t cut it here.
  • Again I love the hair but Tommy West made a great point when he was blasting you, either commit to the program or do away with it. There were more people watching the MUS/Brentwood Academy game this past Friday night than when the U of M played ECU.

Ok that was easy now onto the Grizzlies and you are going to love this one;

So the Memphis Grizzlies hire (that’s right he was hired) Allen Iverson to work for the Memphis Grizzlies in exchange for a salary he is given a uniform, meals, lodging and God knows what else we are paying him for. Now when A.I. showed up on his first day of work he wasn’t prepared so could not play with the big kids and ended up having to stay inside cleaning the erasers while the rest of the class went out and played. 2 weeks ago he was finally able to punch in and work for the Grizzlies when they were in Sacramento on a business trip and what did he do, he complained about not getting enough work time like the others. (you see where I am going with this don’t you?) Now A. I. asked the boss if he could take some vacation time and I guess he is enjoying his time away from work but how is the company doing in his absence, that’s right the Griz are not doing well and production is way behind. Here is my suggestion on that and get ready for it;

  • I equate this whole A.I. thing to my current job as a factory worker for the rubber sex toy factory as I have been given a uniform, a nice workstation, have a fan to cool me in the summer and they heat the building in the winter.
  • My boss expects me to show up each day at the appointed time, work hard, smart and safely till each break and treat other rubber sex toy factory team members with dignity and respect and if I have a problem then speak with my supervisor and not gossip.
  • In return for my work I am given a pay check but I am required to ‘push’ out a certain number of ‘units’ each week as that has been set forth by the bosses. If I don’t well let me just say that their will be hell to pay but if I do go over then I am given a bonus and I am in the running for “Rubber Sex Toy Maker of the Month!”
  • If the Rubber Sex Toy Factory at the end of the day does not have any injuries, we achieve our bonus and reduce waste then we are all given a gold star and when we get enough gold stars then the entire company gets a bonus and a free lunch by the Owner. As you can tell everyone wants to work together and achieve those goal so we need every team member on their game.

Here is what I say that they offer A.I;

  • Promise A.I. a certain number of ‘working’ minutes each week and he is free to take as many breaks as he needs but we will still require him to produce a certain number of ‘units’.
  • In return for his paycheck we will evaluate his performance for 20 working days and if he achieves the goals set forth by the company then we will allow him to continue his employment with the Grizzlies.
  • Should he not achieve the goals set forth then he is docked pay, reduced hours and possible termination.

And you think that all I do is just wear funny hats and make fun of people?

Love that hair R.C. good luck being the AD at some pigs knuckle grade school

Here is the Grizzlies Company Supervisor Lionel Hollins (or A.I.’s babysitter)

According to his Tweets, he loves Memphis and wants to help us!

TTK!
Where is my Funny hat, I may need to drink this afternoon!

Can I get a F’ing Do-Over? (Adult Content!)

Sorry but I am going to have to break from my traditional satirical scribblings and just ask out loud “I am the only Fucking person who thinks that there is something majorly wrong with these pictures?” Let me begin as I am now 5 days back at work from being in Belize and yesterday afternoon I finally had to take some advil as the vein in my neck was bulging. For those of you who do not live here in Memphis feel free to fast forward to the bottom or you can read along with the rest of the class but let me give you a little Memphis Politic 101.

Our mayor is an incumbent 5th term mayor who used to do a lot for the downtown area in terms of encouraging development then he realized that he looked good in a mirror and stopped playing mayor. Now he plays games with the media, makes threats, probably is crooked, had a child out of wedlock, has threatened city council members, gave jobs to friends who didn’t know their head from a Fing hole in the ground and now announced he is going to run for congress. While we were in Belize he announced that he was retiring from the position of Mayor (he did that before – btw) effective at the end of this week. I of course doubted and you know what he reneged and says he will retire at the end of the month. In my opinion he is a joke of a mayor and makes Memphis look like a joke of a city.

Then you have a city council woman who blasts her fellow members yesterday defending the mayor and (played so many times before) then plays the race card. Janice honey let me tell you a little secret – I don’t care if my elected officials are black, white, green, Mexican, shoots ping pong balls out of their ass or sucks dick in the bathroom stalls of adult movie theaters! I just want my elected official to act like a professional, represent their district and turn this cesspool of a city around. Oh and today for those of you who live outside of Memphis she was indited on not 1, not 2 but 3 DUI’s and driving on a suspended licence. I bet Councilwoman Fullilove’s constituents really are happy today!

Then as I am heading to lunch, I hear that Jerry “the King” Lawyer has announced he is running for the soon to be (sure and I have a bridge to sell you) mayoral seat. I will have to see his stance but a man who sits at a WWE wrestling ring and refers to women’s breasts as Puppies really should not be my mayor! Sorry Jerry you may have put Memphis on the map for wrestling but leave it there please!

Ok as I am fixing to go in and enjoy my 3 martini lunch I get a call from the office as our credit manager has placed one of my “A” accounts on credit hold for a past due invoice. I ask the CM how much the amount is and how past due they are as this is the first time I have ever heard of this customer having a problem paying. Well the CM informs me that the invoice is in the 90 day category and the amount is 4.68….. LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN – FOUR DOLLARS AND SIXTY EIGHT CENTS PAST FUCKING DUE! I ask this person if we can let this slide as with this customer being on Credit hold we are going to piss them off like no one’s business. The Credit Manager almost tries to give me some grief and then I go frikkin Postal and the last thing I yelled into the cell phone at the top of my lungs was that I would cover it with the change that is in my car ashtray or give her my first born poodle. I mean to hold up an account for something that I bet is our fault with the way we coded a credit or a core charge and they do close to a mil a year with us….She is too dumb to wipe her own butt! (my hands are still shaking I might add)

And finally last night the news announced that a baby elephant was born at the Memphis zoo and that mother and child were doing fine and there would be a contest to name her. Well I found out that the baby elephant died this morning….

Can’t we get a freaking break????

Sorry for the rant but I actually feel a little bit better.

TTK! (not you Jerry it is to Elvis!)

No I am not dead or stuck in a Belizean jail.

We got back last night and after wading through 200+ emails, the end of the month, enough dirty clothes to scare even an oriental Laundromat and then downloading 300+ pics I will try to scribble something.
On a good note I got to meet some fellow bloggers down in Belize and I wouldn’t say that we traded recipes or ideas but I at least got to drink rum and do a couple of shots of Jager with! We had a good time but for the next 2 days I am going to be in work hell.

Oh and I got some 595 goes to San Pedro pics that are priceless!

TTK!