71st & 1st

Memphians – Be careful what you wish for! #carbunkletrumpetcares

This post is for all of you who would bitch on Social Media about how Memphis should bury their electric lines underground rather than put on telephone poles. Shout out to a couple of you who asked if I was really dead because I hadn’t penned anything in a while. Ironic that my first post back from my 2 week hiatus is about something that could make me ‘join the choir invisible.”  Do you recall when I talked about the FIVE THINGS THAT CAN KILL YOU IN NYC well I seemed to have forgotten about one. What in the hell am I talking about here you wonder…….the ole NYC exploding Manhole cover. For those of you who do have power in Memphis let me explain what makes manhole covers explode in the summer.

New York is famous for putting everything underground; subway, electric, gas, fiber optics, dead bodies and sewer. As you can imagine with the street vibration both above and if you are lucky to live under the 4-5-6 line below will jostle things loose. Add rats chewing on electric lines, the salt and brine from the winter snow storms and you have some exposed power lines. Now that it is getting warmer in the city people are starting to use Gold Bond air conditioning more and the power demand is starting to spike and those cables below ground are starting to get warm. If you are one of those lucky tourists whom have ever gathered at the Times Square subway station you may have gotten a whiff of that wonderful NYC aroma. EDITORS NOTE – It is always funny to listen to tourists try to describe the smell they encounter at a subway station. Nobody has the heart to tell them that it is probably urine or poop.

So you have a brine soaked, overworked and frayed electric line below ground, you also have all kinds of gasses that are accumulating below ground and then there is a spark of electricity and BOOM! Thankfully the infrastructure below ground is pretty solid so at some point there has to be a relief valve or escape for this explosion. Hey is that a 90 pound manhole cover? Lets see how high we can blow that fucker into the air!! From what I understand there are some warning signs that New Yorker’s pay attention to. One is a manhole cover that is unusually warm or ‘hissing’. Yeah you want to stay the hell away from that joker, she can blow at anytime. Next is the manhole cover who is smoking like it spent Sunday at the Cigar Inn. You want to avoid that one at all cost because as they say, where there is smoke there is fire.

So last week I was heading over to pick up my dry cleaning and I notice one of those evil Bilco doors that was “catawampus” so I naturally took a picture of it and posted it on Instagram. As I head home I see the Engine 39 and Ladder 16 FDNY boys at the corner of 72nd and 1st Ave. I ask Pete what is up and he tells me that a Manhole cover exploded when an SUV was driving over it.  Naturally my first question was that everyone was ok and then asked if a pair of shorts was needed because the driver soiled his shorts.

IMG_1004That shiny building on the right. Yep that is Casa de Carbunkle! I texted Mr. 3 first names and the Asian Fireman to see if they were nearby. The answer was negative but as one of them told me “you should see when a manhole cover blows 30 feet in the air”

exploding-manhole-boomThis scares me that they actually have a graphic for this.

IMG_0972Con Ed Guys cutting out all the burned wire from the wiring harness. Smells like crap too!

IMG_0971No we are not electing a new pope this is to relieve the heat and pressure below

Taxi-Manhole-Explosion-NYCIt is all fun and games till a manhole cover blows and takes out a yellow cab.

 

Hope you have a good Monday and for those of you still without power at your home hang in there. I guess my readers who say that Memphis “should bury all their power lines” now may be rethinking that comments.

 

 

Missing Memphis

I was with one of the Garment District reps yesterday. She had a client in my territory and wanted to know if we could make “joint calls” in my hood. I welcomed her along with the condition that she would help me with a client who was a hard sell for me. First I thought it was my accent was the barrier but after further inspection the other rep confirmed what I thought. The client is Bat Shit Cray-Cray. During our day, I got a couple of text messages from Mrs. CBT.  My personal cellphone was on silent so I didn’t get a chance to see them until we got back to the office. I dig through them and read “attempted robbery at our Citibank.”I shoot her a snarky comment back asking her “if she missed Memphis too” and finished up my afternoon.

I get home and after shredding my sweaty ass suit I dismiss myself over to see the boys at the Cigar Inn on E73rd Street. I walk in the lounge and immediately the ball busting begins. “Hey kid, we know you miss your hometown so we arranged a reminder for you at the corner of 71st and 1st Ave today” said one of the guys in the back who loves to bust my chops. *EDITORS NOTE – sad thing is that I wouldn’t put it past a couple of them who frequent the back room because they really do have “a guy”!*

I sit in the front room where we have declared it “The Non-Trump” room and sure enough every 4th person who walks in starts in on me about the bank robbery and if it reminded me of Memphis. I mean I am starting to get a complex and ask a couple of my buddies if they think that Memphis is indeed dangerous. They tell me that it just isn’t Memphis, they are scared of any joint that allows people to have open carry. I finally look up the crime on my iPad and see that the robbery was by a man in a suit. I proudly declare that “It couldn’t be a Memphis Crime, the only people who commit crimes in suits are politicians! Oh and Go Fuck Yourselves guys! CBT OUT!”

Screen ShotScreen Shot from Mrs. CBT

BankYep, the Boys were in Rare Form busting my chops. Wait till I wear my Seersucker Suit this Friday. That should shut those Fuckers Up!

So I hope you have a good Wednesday!

 

 

 

 

 

Oh No! Naked Guy is brushing he teeth!

Yep, I just made a “Friends” reference but don’t worry, that is about it. The building we live in here in New York takes up the front half of 1st Avenue and is in the shape of a U. Our studio/apartment is on the inside corner so we have 2 windows; one facing East and a larger one facing North towards the other studio/apartment. Now I have heard NY horror stories of windows facing brick walls so we are thankful that we have somewhat of a view uptown and can see all the other apartments on our city block. I bet you know where I am going with this aren’t you?

With our apartments location the main window’s vantage point is a straight shot into our bedroom and bathroom.  Back when we had our condo in Memphis had plenty of windows and also a straight shot view into the building across from Main Street. Thankfully that building was vacant so we never had to worry about putting up blinds or curtains.  Here in Gotham, I think it was the first week that Mrs. CBT suggested that I may want close the blind or door when I was in the shower. I joking said, “If they are dirty enough to look, I might as well give them a show.” This started me to think so after a trip to IKEA I put up a curtain on the hallway from the bedroom to the bathroom to offer more privacy when we have our blinds up.

Well it happened folks…..We ventured out this past Friday for happy hour drinks and when we returned home for the evening the blinds on the bedroom window were still up. It was dark outside and one had many ‘views’ into the apartments across the way. I glance over and see the apartment 1 down from ours and see that dude was rocking a pair of boxer briefs while brushing his teeth. I tell Mrs. Trumpet that she may want to check out the show across the way and seriously folks I created a monster. Thankfully dude finally finished his primping routine and got dressed but I spent an hour cleaning the window from all the smudge marks made by Mrs. Trumpet. Should I really be worried that a telescope arrived via Amazon Prime this morning?  I think that it should only be fair that when I am shaving my balls next time I leave the blinds and curtain open. Sorry, I was just checking to see if you were still reading. Have a good one.

IMG_0443Here is the view from our bedroom of the other side of the building. Also were the show was the night prior. *Notice how clean the window is after I cleaned up all the smudge marks*

IMG_0441Standing in the bathroom peering out the window. Or as I say “Showtime”

IMG_0442Here is the view with the curtains shut. It helps in the summer when the shower is in use and doesn’t turn into steam room.

5039bd07a6b0f85e56d3b4f15c604747No this isn’t the view we had, I nipped this off the internet

So just remember to close your blinds.

 

The Week in Pictures

It was a good week last week. Here are some of the pictures from last week.

Have a good week and we will see you next week.

The Week in Pictures

I am getting more hits when I post just pictures. Do I need to find a proofreader? Hey A.F.F. you want to come up here and read my shit for me?

IMG_9565Robopalooza is in full effect as Momma is down in Florida for the week. Everyone from NYC goes to Florida, I hear. Here is a Triple Decker Pastrami, Corned Beef and Salami from Pastrami Queen on 78th & Lexington. The sandwich costs 25 bucks but you can eat on it for 3 days.

IMG_9564We are going to see Boo from OITNB in January for brunch. We are pumped!

IMG_9563Like I said, Robopalooza is a joyous occasion, I was in bed at 10:30 on Saturday night.

IMG_9558Our favorite Pizza Joint on First Avenue

IMG_9552Lots of color today at the fruit stand

IMG_9549This lady sells Churros down at the 7th street subway line at Grand Central. One of these days I am going to get me some of that!

IMG_9546Flower stand on 3rd Ave

IMG_9545Interesting color choice of shoes. She trumped my sock game that day!

IMG_9540We got the NBA League Pass to watch the Grizzlies. My comment before they won Friday night was “If I wanted to watch someone suck at Basketball, why did we waste money on the NBA League Pass and just watch the Nets or Knicks on free TV?

IMG_9538I had a busy day on Veterans day and this is the only pic I was able to take

IMG_9516Filming some commercial on the street near my office.

Have a good one and be nice to each other.

The $hit you see on the streets

I was messaging with the world famous San Pedro Scoop the other day and she told me she enjoyed the Instagram picture I posted while in Spanish Harlem. I told her the great thing about walking around New York is that you will never be short of material for a blog. That being said here are some pictures that I snapped while walking the mean streets of New York; 

Yes that is a set of false teef on the street up near E 125th & Second Ave.   I really don’t have any words for this one other than thankfully I have never been ‘that’ drunk.

  I do love the ads in the subway cars.

 Ghetto Hari Krishna?

 And we have a Man-Bun sighting….

IMG_9320 That is pretty rude, the trucker is delivering our groceries to our neighborhood bodega and this guy is playing “Barney Fife”

IMG_9423

Made a trip to Red Rooster in Harlem on Friday night. I had the Spicy Chicken and Waffle as an appetizer and the Shrimp, Grits and Bacon entrée. It was good fecking unbelievable!

IMG_9422

Having Coffee on our way to see DS and JM

Hope you have a good day and don’t do or wear something silly or you may end up hers.

Marathon Prep for the TCS New York Marathon

Before we moved up here we were informed by our friend ML that we would be hosting the Marathon Party since we live on the Marathon route. A week before the marathon and I hear the doormen talking about how much of a pain in the ass it is living on the route. I was informed that once the joggers go by there is absolutely ZERO crossing the street to get to the west side of First Avenue. What does that mean to us? No Iggy’s for Sunday Funday or mass at St. Peters so I decided that I would try to drink ALL of the Bud Light in Manhattan on Marathon eve. Security is paramount during the Marathon so about 2 days prior to the race I noticed all of the trash cans went missing. Next was the mail boxes as they installed locks on the boxes. It wasn’t until the wee hours of the night that the bike rack went up and on race morning the police present was huge.

IMG_9429Yeah, Yeah, Yeah I get it that they are going to have a marathon on Sunday. At least I don’t have to go get my neighbor’s Christmas tree today.

nyc_map_1_0On Marathon Day we don’t live on First Avenue between 71st and 72nd, we live between mile 16 & 17

IMG_9435But where are we going to put the bag of poop from the Monkey Heads?

IMG_9434Kind of a pain in the ass if you have to mail a letter or mail a check

IMG_9436Bike Rack for miles

IMG_9438I asked what time the Sweep Bus would be coming by and they told me that the course closes at 7:30PM

IMG_9440Kinda cool to hear the crowd going crazy outside as they run by our building

IMG_9442

I am way too hungover to be going down there right now, I will go down after lunch to see the fat old white guys run by

As my friend Dick would say “Bunch of over achievers out there!”

Halloween in NYC and the Upper East Side

To say that the ole Pagan holiday is big up here is an understatement.  Walk around the Upper East Side and I see that the town homes are big on decorating up here as well. Plans for the weekend right now are undecided except for a celebratory dinner at Red Rooster in Harlem and some drinks with friends. The West Village’s Halloween parade is always a prime destination here but considering it is Saturday night, the time change and I need good ju-ju…..I think multiple drinks will take its place. I will report later but here is what is going on in the Upper East Side.

IMG_9321Nope this isn’t a decoration, this is someone’s gargoyle looking down on 75th street

IMG_9322Considering that Pumpkins are 99 cents a pound up here we opted to drink beer instead of getting a jack-o-lantern

IMG_9323As seen on 76th street

IMG_9324This little joker scares the crap out of people texting and walking past their townhome

IMG_9326This one takes the cake, this is like the neighbor who lived in South Bluffs and did it up for Christmas!

IMG_9327Like I said, they go all out!

IMG_9328I can see my favorite Hotel in Belize doing something like this

IMG_9330I met the owner and asked if anyone ‘borrows’ the heads, he said that he used to have a problem but his neighbors keep an eye on his decorations.

IMG_9331Not even the street trees are safe.

IMG_9332Here is another decoration on 73rd by my favorite cigar place

IMG_9341Even my favorite Bar on 63rd street gets into the decoration

IMG_9344As seen on 68th

IMG_9385On my walk home from the subway

IMG_9386Got to love their decorating

IMG_9387Here is another one I see on the way home

IMG_2740Pictures from last year’s Village Halloween Parade

IMG_2739We will make it down there one of these years

I don’t doubt that my former upstairs neighbors will be doing it up big this weekend.