Asian Fireman

Four Years Ago To this Day

7 people went to dinner at Lilies in Union Square. What would happen later that evening in Koreatown is forever ingrained in my memory. For not only did some livers take a beating but so did a set of Bongos!

No disrespect to the Bongo Lady but the Asian Fireman that evening put your best performance to shame.

Good Times that night! I think the next day when I texted The Asian Fireman he said his hands were black and blue.
One should really experience Koreatown Karaoke.

Good Times with Good People! Who would know that a week later we would find out that we were going to move to NYC.

Ashley B is about to have a $hit Fit

Many Many moons ago one evening Mary Louise, Ashley “The Pride of Iuka” B. and I were having dinner at South of Beale. Long Story short AB brings out the camera and takes a picture of the burger. Needless to say I have always referenced anytime that I take a picture of a plate of food I am about the “AB the shit out of this” blog post. Today’s post is going to one of those. 

This year we were lucky enough to be invited to the 11th annual Christmas dinner at a small little restaurant on Columbus Circle. Homeless Tim, Bobcat, The Professor, Bobcat’s sister and husband, Mr 3 First Names, The Landlord, Asian Fireman, The Vaping Queen, Mary Louise and I assembled at 6:30 to partake in the 11 course meal with a wine pairing. I really should have put a napkin over my head so that God did not see the decadent meal that I enjoyed.

Ok enough with the words, here are my “Pride of Iuka’s” barrage of pictures;

The Amuse Bouche – Salmon Tartare with Creme Fraiche (Not pictured Pimento Cheese Cracker) 
Hen Egg Custard with Black Truffle Ragout 
It was good and I didn’t break the egg shell (trying to lick the inside of it clean) 
Oysters and Pearls – a Thomas Keller Classic
Hudson Valley Moulard Duck Foie Gras
According to Jake the guy who shook me down for stolen silverware – Foie Gras is best with Rock Salt
Rouget 
“There once was a man from” Nantucket Sea Scallops
The Bread and Butter Course (aka fancy Fruit Cake)
Here is Scooter’s offering in the way of butter
Chicken Course
Wait for it…..
Whats up with all the Dirt on the plate there VQ? It was divine and oh so good! 
Venison Course with Parsnip Cream
Some old ass Steak that Mary Louise got
Cheese Course 
Baked Alaska for the 11th Annual Celebration
Dessert Course – Chocolate
Dessert Course – Citrus Cake
The Baked Alaskan
Cappuccino and Donuts 
Went with the Double Espresso
Chocolate Course – I went with the Mint Chocolate Chip and Peanut Butter Cup

Like I said. If you are still with me, I apologize for the Photo Overload. At least I didn’t take pictures of each of the glasses of wine. Then again I was sitting between the VQ and MLG…

When in Red Hook Brooklyn…

Actually this isn’t a BBQ post because Hometown BBQ is located in the heart of Red Hook. Nor is this an Ikea post because Red Hook is where all of Manhattan goes to get their Swedish multi density fiberboard furniture.  Nope in Red Hook is a Fairways Grocery where one can get pretty much all that you need when formulating a grocery list. Due to space and size limitations lots of grocery stores can’t carry everything on your shopping list. Take our local Brooklyn Fare grocery store 3 blocks from our apartment. Great selection but we can’t get a lot of the ‘southern’ fare items due to space restrictions. Trust me when I say that I have been searching for dried Black Eyed Peas for weeks.

For you Non-NYC readers let me give you some comparisons. Fairways Grocery in terms of Memphis grocery stores; Remember the old Seessel’s then Schnucks Grocery Stores? Well add Charlies Meat Market Butcher and then Destin Seafood for fresh seafood. That is what Fairways Red Hook is for you Non-New York folks. Anyway after an hour visit to the grocery store I loaded up my “Old Lady” cart and decided that I needed to bring back lunch to Mary Louise and crew.

You may recall my post way back when we landed here back in August of 2015. As I walked out of Fairways I remembered Defonte’s Sandwich was here back when the Asian Fireman took us there. On that Saturday we were experiencing a wonderful Nor’Easter so I was looking forward to getting me a chicken cutlet Red Hook Sandwich. Trust me when I say that this Italian Sandwich Shop didn’t disappoint at all.

56235645640__7C6025D2-F9CD-483C-A29E-B39575373CC1Success! I got me some Black Eyed Peas. Now if I can get Glory Brand…

IMG_4558“What you need a menu? You can’t read the wall?”

IMG_4560The smells coming from this steam table can’t be described.

IMG_4562Pretty Much every cast member of the Soprano’s has eaten here and left an autograph

IMG_4563Center of the pic, yep that is the cast with Christopher in the center.

IMG_4564Reminds me of the old pictures of Ronco Pasta

Sorry I have been busy with no posts last week. I was busy.

Weekends in New York can really suck ya know?

You recall when I was whining like a little bitch talking on Monday about having MPH and I was glad it was back to work? I better give you the cliff notes because if I went went blow by blow on each night then some of you may want to have an intervention. Trust me when I say that the RJ Fun-O-Meter was pegged pretty much every night.

Friday Night was the wedding and dance recital of Z(Squared) at the Boat House in Central Park. The Asian Fireman and Realtor Wife were in attendance as well as Muphranks. The Work Wife (The Managing one) was there with her Midtown Uniform wearing husband as well as a bunch of other Time Square double decker tour bus ticket sales reps. The wedding was short, to the point and everyone said yes. The food, the never emptying glasses of wine, the band, and even dancing were a great and then when the glow sticks came out……aww shit it was on like Donkey Kong!!! Many thanks to Lady Barrister for remaining awake to navigate our safe arrival to Downtown Brooklyn. I hope that Mary Louise didn’t snore too bad. Truth be told Mr. 3 First Names and I weren’t really sleeping, we were just resting our eyes. Congrats to Z(squared) on making it legal and thanks for a great party.

Hey D(squared) at AMF/HQ on Tully Street in Crime-Free New Chicago – call me this week. I saw a really cool thing at this party that you may want to consider it for your next Thanksgiving Wedding. #RoboCares

Saturday day was spent relaxing and celebrating Mary Louie’s anniversary of circling the sun. That evening we attended the Losers Lounge rendition of Barry Manilow & Bette Midler. I learned something very important about this show. Apologies to my homosexual readers but I found out that I really don’t like the music of Barry Manilow. I mean other than Copacabana his stuff is just crap. Here is where I am going to further upset you more – any rendition of Bette Midler and the movie “Beaches” really needs to Fucking Stop also.

Sunday was spent yet again with a music theme and as luck would have it we got to hang with Vivian Longstreet and Della Forte again. We saw them Saturday night and then when we arrived at the Barclays for Phil Collins they were also in the same suite we were in. Phil Collins was great and his voice is the same and even though he was recuperating from back surgery which slowed him down a bit his 17 year old son played the Drums. Great Show and we were glad that we decided to attend the show.

IMG_4467Yep, we are in Black Tie heading to the event stuck in traffic

IMG_4469I am so glad that Mr. 3 First Names, Asian Fireman and I sat down at someone else’s table because the amount of glassware full of booze is really appalling. We all drank mineral water that night.

IMG_4473You can always tell a good night out by what you purchase the next day for lunch. Work Wife (Managing One) got World Famous Halal guys on Saturday. We opted for $50 worth of greasy Mexican Food and a nap.

IMG_4477Pregame dinner and drinks before Losers Lounge

IMG_4482Anna Copacabana singing what else? Copacabana and it was great.

Image-1Yes that was Phil singing “In the Air Tonight” after the drum solo! Boom!

IMG_4500Whole Band Killing It. If you can see a show I highly encourage you to go see him.

Like I said it really was a shitty weekend in New York. I hope that we get to do it again.

Where do you come up with these names?

Sorry for the delay in posting. I was busy last week because we had a long weekend to the Midwest for a wedding and I am getting back into the swing of things. Oh that and Mary Louise is +13 hours ahead of me in Japan so I am running this household all by myself. What pisses me off is that Mary Louise won’t tell me the Final Jeopardy answers since she is a day ahead of me. I hate to tell RJ but I think that she has found a new Sushi Buddy.

While we were in the Midwest this past weekend I had a couple of my readers of this worthless dribble ask me; “Where do you come up with the names of the people you interact with?” Naturally I “change the names to protect the innocent or non-sober” but some of the Mo-Ho’s were asking me how I created their names. Let me give you some insight into some of the players you read on this worthless dribble;

  • Mary Louis/Mrs. Trumpet – Thanks To Vivian Longstreet, she penned this because it is her soap opera name. She is also a perfume designer.
  • Maria – She keeps her name because she is my trusted consigliere and quite frankly she knows where all the bodies are buried. Seriously, has anyone seen Trucker Jim or Box of Rocks lately? I rest my case.
  • The Work Wife, The International One – Well she is a work friend and that is what she does
  • The Work Wife, The Domestic One – Currently Vacant
  • The Work Wife, The Managing One – See “Work Wife, The Domestic One” because she got a promotion.
  • The Asian Fireman – Well his last name is Lee so you do the math here.
  • Mr. 3 First Names – What can I say, this Staten Island resident has 3 first names in his first and last names.
  • Lady Barrister/Landlord – It is what she does and she is the landlord to Mr 3 first names
  • Z Squared – Couples name for 2 people whose last names start with Z (this isn’t rocket science folks)
  • UWS Holly – Someone names Holly who may live in the Upper West Side?
  • Baby Fine Hair (Haven’t spoken about her lately) but this person uses a shampoo that is specifically for people with Baby Fine hair. Hey it is better than me calling her “Person with a Mongoloid Foot Tattoo”!

Now this past weekend at this wedding we attended a new nickname was created. No it wasn’t from my (So in need of therapy) brain. It was from her own Flesh and Blood…..

With that, and I will do a proper blog post on the wedding and weekend. Congrats to Baby Fine Hair and Kristina on their wedding this past weekend!!!!

IMG_4270Hey don’t blame me Kiki (what I used to call Kristina before this weekend) blame your brother! Congrats and we were so happy to share with you your special day!

For those of you who weren’t in St. Louis the Celebrant (the bride on the left’s brother) when announcing the names of the newly married instead of saying K—n inserted his own wife’s name, Kristina, by mistake. Me I am going to roll with it!

Memorial Day BBQ – Woodlawn Style

On Sunday of Memorial Day weekend we headed up to Woodlawn for a Backyard BBQ and to see Lightbulb. The menu included Ribs, Pulled Pork and Chicken Lollipops. The weather was hit and miss because we had tons of rain earlier in the day but thankfully by the time we got to Woodlawn it was nice out. We hung out with the Asian Fireman and family and a good day was had by all.

Trust me when I say that the lollipops were just as good as they looked.

IMG_3285According to the Asian Fireman it took about an hour to prep these beautiful little bird legs.

IMG_3283Smoked Butter is applied to the chicken for the first 2 hours, then you dredge the chicken into BBQ Sauce and put on a wire rack to coat with goodness.

IMG_3282Wee Fiona damn near ate the bone too!

IMG_3281Callie sucked the marrow out of the bone and he almost bit me when I reached for my second.

Thanks to the Lee’s for a great time!

Katie Mac is going to kill me – The Campbell Apartment Bar & Lounge

Yeah, she is over in Europe right now according to her Snaps but when she reads this she may fly direct back to JFK just to whip my arse. You see when I moved up here Katie Mac was the first to tell me about The Campbell Apartment in Grand Central Station and how cool it was. I visited it once to meet up with a former client of mine from Memphis (think “Thank You Cattlemens”) but she had to bag at the last minute. It took me a while to find the joint. I mean I have lived up here now 2 years and I finally can make my way around Grand Central without difficulty but it is still huge.

So when RJ and JL (not Social Media JL, Ponzi Scheme JL) were in town this past weekend we made a trip with the Asian Fireman to The Campbell Apartment for drinks. I was in work clothes but I recalled that when they were with old management it was slacks and dress shirts. Thankfully the new ownership relaxed the rules just a tad.

Drinks at the Campbell are old school New York; manhattans, classic martinis and upscale bourbons and scotches. Our group chose Red Wine, Manhattans, a Martini and someone had to keep it real and ordered a Bud Light. The service at The Campbell is impeccable and we had a good time and left after having 2 rounds. Thank God we left when we did, to drink in Midtown Manhattan you pay to play.

Katie Mac – Don’t worry when you come up I promise to take you there.

the-entranceEnter off of the Vanderbilt Pass which is on the West side of Grand Central. To find it inside the terminal is tricky.

plaque-for-the-campbellYou can also look for the sign too.

IMG_1462 (1)Picture from Ponzi Scheme JL – Of the Main Bar and the huge ass ceilings

IMG_1446The Asian Fireman and I win the award for the most expensive drinks in the joint

IMG_1464Even the coasters are fancy

IMG_1465Gold raised lettering too! Patrick Bateman from American Psycho would drink here

Don’t bust my chops, some of you guys drink on Beale Street or the Peabody Hotel.

 

The Trumpets go to 161st street

One of the perks that Mrs. Trumpet has at work in addition to all the free office supplies she can steal is that she can get free New York Yankees tickets on occasion. This past Friday we got some tickets and invited the Asian Fireman and his family. This was the first Yankees game for Fee and C-Man and they were pumped to say the least. We headed up on the 4 train and were greeted with an hour and 45 minute rain delay. The kids were great and only cost their parents a couple hundred bucks with Yankees Swag, junk food and naturally cotton candy. The game was not much in terms of offense but the kids had a great time. We got to hang out with the Asian Fireman and Asian Fireman’s wife and catch up.

19424438_10155475772549764_179133934817604610_nNeedless to say there were some upset Philly Fans by this picture. Wee Fee also graduated from Kindergarten earlier in the day and had her first Subway ride in the day too!

IMG_1166The Tarp was still on the field but thankfully Mrs. Trumpet got our tickets out of the elements.

IMG_1170Play Ball!

19420845_10155584014923783_8798188607574298526_nHeading home. C-Man and Fee had a blast. And for those of you wondering, we are National League fans so being a Yankees fan is ok. Unless the Cubs or the Cardinals play the Yankees then it is game on!

 

 

Memphians – Be careful what you wish for! #carbunkletrumpetcares

This post is for all of you who would bitch on Social Media about how Memphis should bury their electric lines underground rather than put on telephone poles. Shout out to a couple of you who asked if I was really dead because I hadn’t penned anything in a while. Ironic that my first post back from my 2 week hiatus is about something that could make me ‘join the choir invisible.”  Do you recall when I talked about the FIVE THINGS THAT CAN KILL YOU IN NYC well I seemed to have forgotten about one. What in the hell am I talking about here you wonder…….the ole NYC exploding Manhole cover. For those of you who do have power in Memphis let me explain what makes manhole covers explode in the summer.

New York is famous for putting everything underground; subway, electric, gas, fiber optics, dead bodies and sewer. As you can imagine with the street vibration both above and if you are lucky to live under the 4-5-6 line below will jostle things loose. Add rats chewing on electric lines, the salt and brine from the winter snow storms and you have some exposed power lines. Now that it is getting warmer in the city people are starting to use Gold Bond air conditioning more and the power demand is starting to spike and those cables below ground are starting to get warm. If you are one of those lucky tourists whom have ever gathered at the Times Square subway station you may have gotten a whiff of that wonderful NYC aroma. EDITORS NOTE – It is always funny to listen to tourists try to describe the smell they encounter at a subway station. Nobody has the heart to tell them that it is probably urine or poop.

So you have a brine soaked, overworked and frayed electric line below ground, you also have all kinds of gasses that are accumulating below ground and then there is a spark of electricity and BOOM! Thankfully the infrastructure below ground is pretty solid so at some point there has to be a relief valve or escape for this explosion. Hey is that a 90 pound manhole cover? Lets see how high we can blow that fucker into the air!! From what I understand there are some warning signs that New Yorker’s pay attention to. One is a manhole cover that is unusually warm or ‘hissing’. Yeah you want to stay the hell away from that joker, she can blow at anytime. Next is the manhole cover who is smoking like it spent Sunday at the Cigar Inn. You want to avoid that one at all cost because as they say, where there is smoke there is fire.

So last week I was heading over to pick up my dry cleaning and I notice one of those evil Bilco doors that was “catawampus” so I naturally took a picture of it and posted it on Instagram. As I head home I see the Engine 39 and Ladder 16 FDNY boys at the corner of 72nd and 1st Ave. I ask Pete what is up and he tells me that a Manhole cover exploded when an SUV was driving over it.  Naturally my first question was that everyone was ok and then asked if a pair of shorts was needed because the driver soiled his shorts.

IMG_1004That shiny building on the right. Yep that is Casa de Carbunkle! I texted Mr. 3 first names and the Asian Fireman to see if they were nearby. The answer was negative but as one of them told me “you should see when a manhole cover blows 30 feet in the air”

exploding-manhole-boomThis scares me that they actually have a graphic for this.

IMG_0972Con Ed Guys cutting out all the burned wire from the wiring harness. Smells like crap too!

IMG_0971No we are not electing a new pope this is to relieve the heat and pressure below

Taxi-Manhole-Explosion-NYCIt is all fun and games till a manhole cover blows and takes out a yellow cab.

 

Hope you have a good Monday and for those of you still without power at your home hang in there. I guess my readers who say that Memphis “should bury all their power lines” now may be rethinking that comments.

 

 

The Shobo Wine Ponzi Scheme

Friend of Baby Fine Hair – “How do you know SXXXXa RXXXXXo?”
Baby Fine Hair – “Um she is my best friend, I have known her since the first grade. Why do you ask?”
Friend – “I saw your post about the holiday wine exchange, I heard it was a scam created by a woman in New York City.”
Baby Fine Hair – “Well her husband is Eye-Talian……”

It started out on Facebook when the Asian Fireman’s wife posted the Holiday Wine Exchange. Shobo after reading the words wine was on point like a Labrador retriever in the duck blind and agreed to sign up. She sent a bottle to someone on the list and then posted it on her Facebook page. Next thing I know the door men are wondering what the hell is going on in apartment 1002. Seriously, it started out as one bottle. Then 4 bottles showed up the following day. Next thing I knew we have a kitchen counter full of bottles of wine and the FedEx Ground guys are starting to wonder if everything is ok and does my wife know that you can order wine by the half case of full case rather than by the bottle.

The whole time, I see posts on Facebook about how the “Holiday Wine Exchange” is a scam. Tell me if the picture below is a scam. Works for us. Now I just need to start a Holiday Cigar Exchange with the Asian Fireman.

img_2693Looks like a scam to me. Sure you give your address to a stranger but do you not trust the person you agreed to sign up?

img_2671Tuesday Afternoon Deliveries

img_2673Wednesday’s Deliveries

instaThursday’s Delivery. Looks like it is slowing down but hey we got some red wine to swill now!

Seasoned Greetings!