Asian Fireman

Katie Mac is going to kill me – The Campbell Apartment Bar & Lounge

Yeah, she is over in Europe right now according to her Snaps but when she reads this she may fly direct back to JFK just to whip my arse. You see when I moved up here Katie Mac was the first to tell me about The Campbell Apartment in Grand Central Station and how cool it was. I visited it once to meet up with a former client of mine from Memphis (think “Thank You Cattlemens”) but she had to bag at the last minute. It took me a while to find the joint. I mean I have lived up here now 2 years and I finally can make my way around Grand Central without difficulty but it is still huge.

So when RJ and JL (not Social Media JL, Ponzi Scheme JL) were in town this past weekend we made a trip with the Asian Fireman to The Campbell Apartment for drinks. I was in work clothes but I recalled that when they were with old management it was slacks and dress shirts. Thankfully the new ownership relaxed the rules just a tad.

Drinks at the Campbell are old school New York; manhattans, classic martinis and upscale bourbons and scotches. Our group chose Red Wine, Manhattans, a Martini and someone had to keep it real and ordered a Bud Light. The service at The Campbell is impeccable and we had a good time and left after having 2 rounds. Thank God we left when we did, to drink in Midtown Manhattan you pay to play.

Katie Mac – Don’t worry when you come up I promise to take you there.

the-entranceEnter off of the Vanderbilt Pass which is on the West side of Grand Central. To find it inside the terminal is tricky.

plaque-for-the-campbellYou can also look for the sign too.

IMG_1462 (1)Picture from Ponzi Scheme JL – Of the Main Bar and the huge ass ceilings

IMG_1446The Asian Fireman and I win the award for the most expensive drinks in the joint

IMG_1464Even the coasters are fancy

IMG_1465Gold raised lettering too! Patrick Bateman from American Psycho would drink here

Don’t bust my chops, some of you guys drink on Beale Street or the Peabody Hotel.



The Trumpets go to 161st street

One of the perks that Mrs. Trumpet has at work in addition to all the free office supplies she can steal is that she can get free New York Yankees tickets on occasion. This past Friday we got some tickets and invited the Asian Fireman and his family. This was the first Yankees game for Fee and C-Man and they were pumped to say the least. We headed up on the 4 train and were greeted with an hour and 45 minute rain delay. The kids were great and only cost their parents a couple hundred bucks with Yankees Swag, junk food and naturally cotton candy. The game was not much in terms of offense but the kids had a great time. We got to hang out with the Asian Fireman and Asian Fireman’s wife and catch up.

19424438_10155475772549764_179133934817604610_nNeedless to say there were some upset Philly Fans by this picture. Wee Fee also graduated from Kindergarten earlier in the day and had her first Subway ride in the day too!

IMG_1166The Tarp was still on the field but thankfully Mrs. Trumpet got our tickets out of the elements.

IMG_1170Play Ball!

19420845_10155584014923783_8798188607574298526_nHeading home. C-Man and Fee had a blast. And for those of you wondering, we are National League fans so being a Yankees fan is ok. Unless the Cubs or the Cardinals play the Yankees then it is game on!



Memphians – Be careful what you wish for! #carbunkletrumpetcares

This post is for all of you who would bitch on Social Media about how Memphis should bury their electric lines underground rather than put on telephone poles. Shout out to a couple of you who asked if I was really dead because I hadn’t penned anything in a while. Ironic that my first post back from my 2 week hiatus is about something that could make me ‘join the choir invisible.”  Do you recall when I talked about the FIVE THINGS THAT CAN KILL YOU IN NYC well I seemed to have forgotten about one. What in the hell am I talking about here you wonder…….the ole NYC exploding Manhole cover. For those of you who do have power in Memphis let me explain what makes manhole covers explode in the summer.

New York is famous for putting everything underground; subway, electric, gas, fiber optics, dead bodies and sewer. As you can imagine with the street vibration both above and if you are lucky to live under the 4-5-6 line below will jostle things loose. Add rats chewing on electric lines, the salt and brine from the winter snow storms and you have some exposed power lines. Now that it is getting warmer in the city people are starting to use Gold Bond air conditioning more and the power demand is starting to spike and those cables below ground are starting to get warm. If you are one of those lucky tourists whom have ever gathered at the Times Square subway station you may have gotten a whiff of that wonderful NYC aroma. EDITORS NOTE – It is always funny to listen to tourists try to describe the smell they encounter at a subway station. Nobody has the heart to tell them that it is probably urine or poop.

So you have a brine soaked, overworked and frayed electric line below ground, you also have all kinds of gasses that are accumulating below ground and then there is a spark of electricity and BOOM! Thankfully the infrastructure below ground is pretty solid so at some point there has to be a relief valve or escape for this explosion. Hey is that a 90 pound manhole cover? Lets see how high we can blow that fucker into the air!! From what I understand there are some warning signs that New Yorker’s pay attention to. One is a manhole cover that is unusually warm or ‘hissing’. Yeah you want to stay the hell away from that joker, she can blow at anytime. Next is the manhole cover who is smoking like it spent Sunday at the Cigar Inn. You want to avoid that one at all cost because as they say, where there is smoke there is fire.

So last week I was heading over to pick up my dry cleaning and I notice one of those evil Bilco doors that was “catawampus” so I naturally took a picture of it and posted it on Instagram. As I head home I see the Engine 39 and Ladder 16 FDNY boys at the corner of 72nd and 1st Ave. I ask Pete what is up and he tells me that a Manhole cover exploded when an SUV was driving over it.  Naturally my first question was that everyone was ok and then asked if a pair of shorts was needed because the driver soiled his shorts.

IMG_1004That shiny building on the right. Yep that is Casa de Carbunkle! I texted Mr. 3 first names and the Asian Fireman to see if they were nearby. The answer was negative but as one of them told me “you should see when a manhole cover blows 30 feet in the air”

exploding-manhole-boomThis scares me that they actually have a graphic for this.

IMG_0972Con Ed Guys cutting out all the burned wire from the wiring harness. Smells like crap too!

IMG_0971No we are not electing a new pope this is to relieve the heat and pressure below

Taxi-Manhole-Explosion-NYCIt is all fun and games till a manhole cover blows and takes out a yellow cab.


Hope you have a good Monday and for those of you still without power at your home hang in there. I guess my readers who say that Memphis “should bury all their power lines” now may be rethinking that comments.



The Shobo Wine Ponzi Scheme

Friend of Baby Fine Hair – “How do you know SXXXXa RXXXXXo?”
Baby Fine Hair – “Um she is my best friend, I have known her since the first grade. Why do you ask?”
Friend – “I saw your post about the holiday wine exchange, I heard it was a scam created by a woman in New York City.”
Baby Fine Hair – “Well her husband is Eye-Talian……”

It started out on Facebook when the Asian Fireman’s wife posted the Holiday Wine Exchange. Shobo after reading the words wine was on point like a Labrador retriever in the duck blind and agreed to sign up. She sent a bottle to someone on the list and then posted it on her Facebook page. Next thing I know the door men are wondering what the hell is going on in apartment 1002. Seriously, it started out as one bottle. Then 4 bottles showed up the following day. Next thing I knew we have a kitchen counter full of bottles of wine and the FedEx Ground guys are starting to wonder if everything is ok and does my wife know that you can order wine by the half case of full case rather than by the bottle.

The whole time, I see posts on Facebook about how the “Holiday Wine Exchange” is a scam. Tell me if the picture below is a scam. Works for us. Now I just need to start a Holiday Cigar Exchange with the Asian Fireman.

img_2693Looks like a scam to me. Sure you give your address to a stranger but do you not trust the person you agreed to sign up?

img_2671Tuesday Afternoon Deliveries

img_2673Wednesday’s Deliveries

instaThursday’s Delivery. Looks like it is slowing down but hey we got some red wine to swill now!

Seasoned Greetings!




So you really like it up there?

I was on the phone this weekend with RJ. I had asked RJ to do me a favor. I wanted him to squarely kick me in the balls the next time that he sees me. After he does that and while I am lying on the ground in pain I also asked him to tell me “You deserve that for what you did on Saturday, December 3rd!” I am sure that my 6 readers are wondering what it was that I did this past Saturday. This past Saturday, I ventured into Midtown Manhattan on a Saturday during Christmas Season. Oh did I mention that my destination “not by choice” was Tiffany’s at the corner of 67th and 5th Avenue? Do you know what else is at that famous corner…..Trump M’effin Tower! And guess who was also in town on Saturday, yep you guessed it. The President Elect himself! The reason I was venturing into this area was that I was asked by LZ to confirm a potential Christmas gift for FZ and she wanted my advice. It wasn’t that bad and my upper lip didn’t start to twitch till we made it to the bottom floor of Tiffany & Co. It was fine and I hope that FZ doesn’t freak out too bad when he opens the box and sees the baby rattle. *shots fired from Hell’s Kitchen towards the UES* Anyway, back to the subject at hand.

While I was making my way into midtown RJ and I were catching up and discussing holiday travel plans. He and I were talking and I inquired how X was doing. He told me good and that this person asked him “So when are the Trumpets moving back to Memphis?” RJ, who has been up here a bunch of times and whom I speak to regularly on the phone told this person “I don’t that the Trumpets are going to move back anytime soon.” RJ understands us, he knows that we will ‘Never say Never’ but right now the Big Apple is where we call home and we don’t have plans on moving back to Memphis for at least another 8 years…. well at least Mrs. Trumpet. Mrs. Trumpet has a pretty good deal going on with her work emptying bedpans. This conversation with RJ reminded me of a phone call I had earlier in the week.

I had to call into HQ this week to help a client who was having trouble getting their double decker tour bus tickets. HQ, as luck would have it, is in Memphis so while we were waiting on the slow ass computer in Memphis, the agent and I were making chit chat.

Agent – “Your last name is Trumpet?”
Me – “Yes sir, had it all my life.”
A- “That is ironic, we have a bunch of Trumpet’s here in Memphis. They own a bar/restaurant, used to have a grocery store, I know they had a liquor store on Poplar, and I think one of them was a big football player for Memphis State.”
M – “Yeah, I know them all, I am originally from Memphis and now living in New York. You could say that the Trumpet’s have a corner on the food and beverage service industry.”
A – “If you don’t mind me asking, what the hell are you doing in New York? I bet you are counting down the days till you can move back right?”
M – “Nah, I am good man, think we may stay a while.”

Now let me dispel any rumors or preconceived notions that you may be harboring – I am not and in NO WAY bashing Memphis or the many friends that we have there. Do we miss our friends and family in Memphis and surrounding areas? Your damn right. But (and this may not come across like I want it to in my words) you are comparing an apple an orange when you are talking about Memphis and New York. We live in 535 square feet, my Yeti cooler is living in Woodlawn because it doesn’t have a spot here on 1st Avenue. It takes me an hour by train to take the dogs to the vet when it was a 5 minute ride in the Jeep. To have drinks with the Murphranks, Asian Fireman, Z-Squared, The Russian, Maria and or any of the St. John’s crew it takes planning and at least one of us to travel some distance if not meeting in the middle. Does it drive me crazy with all of these inconveniences? Not really, sure it took some getting used to but what does a person really need to live in the city that never sleeps?

Let’s put the shoe on the other foot shall we? I have spoken to some fellow double decker ticket sellers about living in Memphis. The first place they talk about is living in Colliervegas or past the Parkways. I try to bite my tongue and casually bring up living in South Main or possibly the Core. Don’t get me wrong, we had the 2200 square foot house in South Bluffs, we paid out the nose for some rotten wood and it pissed us off. Then we downsized into a condo in the core and then this whole NYC thing happened. Anyway who the hell wants to go to Home Depot on the weekend to get supplies for house chores? I was that ‘that guy’ way back when we had 595 but do you know how liberating it is now going to have an espresso and reading the NY Times watching all the dads push strollers?  Sure having all that space is great but who the feck is going to mow that ish? And let’s don’t even talk about the liquor stores not being open on Sunday……Aw Hell NO!

So in closing, we plan on sticking it out here for a couple more winters. But with my job I certainly will never say never. I mean we still have our condo in the core. We still have tons of family and friends in Memphis. We don’t have a car anymore but who likes to drive anyway. The thing is, we like it here, sure we can’t find a decent Cajun restaurant but that is ok with us. I don’t miss fast food. Incidentally the Chick-Fil-A located on 6th and 37th is packed each and every day with tourists. If I am feeling homesick for the southern accent, I walk by the line and try to pick what state people are from. FOR GODSAKE! GO GET A BAGEL OR EGG AND CHEESE ON A ROLL! So lay off asking if we will be back, some of you jokers still haven’t even come up to see us! We do have a couch and blow up bed.

map-of-memphisStill my favorite map of Memphis.

130807122628-seersucker-0807-horizontal-large-galleryMy Director would probably foam at the mouth if I came rolling into a sales meeting wearing this. He is a ultra conservative Dark Suit and White shirt kind of a guy.

you-guysI don’t get nailed for this as much as one would think. My momma when she was living in Arizona took some grief for saying “You Guys.” I think this one has run it’s course.

3688512c046fbf5b68f86b0d0382a753I still don’t understand what the big deal is. Scoop can you teach me what is so great about flavored club soda? If I am drinking a club soda, it better have Vodka in it!

img_2636Other than the traffic, this city does offer some really killer looks and views.

Happy Wednesday!

Miracle on 93rd Street

You have all read about “The Asian Fireman” in various entries for the past year and 3 months on this worthless dribble of a blog. We give Jim a lot of grief as much as he dishes it out to us. He and his family are great friends of ours.  We all try to spend as much time together as one can but with 4 careers and their 2 young children it can be tough. This past Thursday we sat down for Thanksgiving dinner. We all agreed that we have a lot to be thankful this holiday season. Although I have a strict writing rule to never divulge anyone’s real name or their real profession, I am going to break the rule today.

Jim is a New York City Fireman and he works for a specialized NYFD team here in Manhattan. About a month ago in the early hours a fire broke out in an apartment building here in the Upper East Side. It wasn’t a pretty sight. I am not up on the “lingo” but it turned into a 6 alarm fire and over 200 firemen were battling this 5 story building fire. Mr. Duffy was an 81 year old resident of that building and he was trapped in his apartment. There really wasn’t a good way to get him out of there. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place and the only way to get him out of was a dangerous rope rescue. What happened next is what I now understand is considered a “last ditch effort.”

With the help of other firemen who had never worked together they lowered my friend Jim from the roof to Mr. Duffy’ apartment by a rope. I am going to let you watch and read the CNN link because I won’t give it the justice it deserves.

Go ahead and watch the Link, I can wait here…..

Pretty amazing eh?

We really never ‘talk shop’ at the dinner table but according to Jim, in so many words, Mr. Duffy said he was down to his last seconds of his life. Not minutes…..seconds.  Thankfully Mr. Duffy is getting better each day but when he leaves the rehab center he will have to start all over. All of the residents who used to live in that building are also starting over.

So as we begin this holiday season I would ask that you to give a couple dollars to help some complete strangers start over. I am fairly sure that all 6 of my readers have much to be thankful for this holiday season. It just makes me feel good to know that a good friend of mine along with 7 other firemen were able to help a complete stranger live to see another day. Along with your help we can make the holidays brighter for 20 people.

You can visit this link and donate. Rather than a ‘go fund me’ where the recipients would have to pay taxes on the money I have been told it isn’t the case here.

kidsdonate2The Asian Fireman and Mr. Duffy on Thanksgiving Day.

Happy Holidays

The Boogie Down BBQ on World Famous 236th Street!

You have probably heard me reference my friend RJ who lives in Memphis. RJ was originally from Pennsylvania but moved to Crime-Free Memphis as he wanted to be a shuttle driver at Graceland. RJ found himself a great woman (Let me rephrase that, Mallory, his wife,  is an effin saint) and they lived behind our house in South Bluffs. When we decided to sell Bar 595 he and Mallory bought it after we suckered hard sold JL (not Angry JL the one who can’t ride the majority of the rides at Disneyworld) into buying the house on Madewood to make the Ponzi scheme work. RJ’s best friend is the Asian Fireman and a whole bunch of other players who live near and around our vicinity. The Asian Fireman would come down each year for Memphis in May BBQfest so naturally they got the indirect smoking fever and sure enough some stick burners smokers have been purchased and reside in the Bronx and Glenside Pennsylvania.

A couple of years back the idea of The Boogie Down BBQ was born and a bunch of  Memphians headed up to 236th street and took over the house when the Asian Fireman’s wife was pregnant with C-Man. Can you believe we cooked all the food on just one smoker and a grill for 40 people?  After a trip to Glenside last year we headed back to 236th street and we were expecting a hungry crowd of 100 invited guests. We had 3 smokers and the grill and the menu included; Pork Shoulder, Baby Back Ribs, Spare Ribs, Beef Brisket, Beef Ribs, Chicken, Red Snapper and BBQ Nachos. The crowd came hungry and we delivered. A good time was had by all.

IMG_1718We must have elected a new Pope last weekend. Like a million of them

IMG_1717Prepping the Ribs

IMG_1719Loading the Smoker with Championship Ribs

IMG_1729Good to see Butchie who was in town for the day.

IMG_1732Me – “Um I smell something burning.” Asian Fireman – “Carbunkle, you need to lay off the sauce, there isn’t anything burning.” Me – “You were saying…..”

IMG_1710Pepe bossing us around from the chair

IMG_1708My buddy RJ, can’t wait to hoist a couple Cerveza’s down in Mexico!

IMG_1734The Spread for Dinner Service.

13697082_10154377130171214_6349630965306790063_nThe Backwood’s Smoker ish smoker. I could so use this sucker down on First Avenue.

13707714_10154377130246214_6399415964770970517_nBrisket’s being sliced.

IMG_1733Little Baby Priscilla Presley H is going to be the cutest girl in the Convent till she is 25!

It was a good time and I am glad to be enjoying some dinner that isn’t Hickory Smoked.






Dive Bar Gold – Jimmy’s Corner

A couple of weeks the Asian Fireman told me about a dive bar that wasn’t too far from my old office on W44th. This joint is literally a 6 iron away from Times Square but because I am always too busy cursing nuns slow walking on the street I couldn’t place it. JL mentioned that we should give it a try for after work drinks since his office (stop laughing guys) is pretty close and the same goes for fellow crime fighter AS.  This past weekend Mrs. Trumpet and I gave ole Jimmy’s Corner a trial run. Now before I get rolling let me give you a proper back story.
You recall my visit to Rudy’s on 9th Avenue well I have found that there is a ‘slight’ difference between dive bar and well…..just a badly decorated or hipster dive bar. Rudy’s there is no question that is a dive bar. The amount of red duct tape on those booths is proof enough that the owners are simple folk. There is a bar in the East Village that we visited with our friend KT that had a nautical theme. Seriously, a really bad nautical theme. As much as I want to call that joint in the East Village (name escapes me) it isn’t a true dive bar but just a hipster magnet impersonating a dive bar.
Ok, enough with the political banter for today, now Jimmy’s Corner on W44th, that my friends is a legit Dive Bar! We walk in and I can smell the stale beer wafting behind the bar. The whole bar reminds me of Maxine’s International Tap Room from college but with booze. We find a seat and get two draughts of Bud Light (King of Beers proudly served here) between a lot of tourists but what do I hear in playing in the background???  Is that Marvin ‘Mother Effin’ Gaye? Wait is the next song Earth Wind and Fire? Do I hear Barry White now? This jukebox is on FIRE! Sadly the only thing I didn’t hear was Otis Day and the Nights! Yes folks, the jukebox must be one of the triplets from Alex’s Tavern and Ernestine & Hazels. Between beers, I plugged maybe 20 bucks into it playing some classic 4 Tops, Temptations, Al Green and even a little Teddy Pendergrass for good measure.
I can’t really give the pictures I am about to show justice but it is safe to say that Jimmy is/was a big fan of boxing. Pretty much the entire west wall is devoted to boxing legends but do yourself a favor. If you find yourself getting accosted by the creepy superhero’s in Times Square and fancy a good cold beer, head East on W44th street but make sure you play some James Brown for ole Carbunkle Trumpet.

IMG_1266As seen from the street walking West on 44th Street.

IMG_1258No wonder the Asian Fireman wants to go here, it is a friggin Fire Code Violation

IMG_1260You have to appreciate a bar that’s lighting is provided by Christmas Tree and Jukebox Neon Lighting

IMG_1263I looked for the Tyson/Lewis rumble on the river poster and couldn’t find it

IMG_1265The Bartender, George, was a good sport and actually got excited when we told him that our accents may be from the south but we now live up here.

So let me know Asian Fireman and Alex when we want to go. I am always game!


CBT’s Public Service Announcement for Drinking on St. Patrick’s Day

“Wait, is a Southerner about to lecture The Irish and Honorary Irish New Yorkers on how to drink for St. Patrick’s Day? Jackass, please continue.” said every New Yorker this morning who just read that title while having their cornflakes and Guinness beer.

Now allow me to quickly retort before I get a shamrock shoved up my ass. I am not telling you how to drink; I am merely giving you some suggestions so that you won’t end up in the pokey or curled up next to some ugly arse girl/guy tomorrow morning. You are reading from someone who on a yearly basis survives The Memphis Festival Season so put that in your bagpipe and smoke it why don’t you. Memphis festival season starts in Early April and runs for 6 weeks till the week following Memorial Day weekend. Just to show that I ain’t afraid and still have the Big Balls, I schedule a yearly liver enzyme exam the day following Memphis Italian Festival. Oh and I pass that exam easier than I did College Algebra. No disrespect to you New Yorkers but if you think you got it in you, head on down to Memphis and get you some. I have seen more cases of MPH from out of towners after a big weekend than I care to think about. *DISCLAIMER – I normally do the same list for Memphis in May BBQ fest each and every year but this time I shall tweak the list. Without further ado;

  • It is a marathon, not a race. Sure we appreciate you drinking Irish car bombs 2 at a time but dude it is 6:30 in the morning. And those people who are in the same subway car with you are actually going to work and not the parade.
  • Her shirt may read “Kiss me I am Irish” but her boyfriend who is fetching drinks  won’t take too kindly when you lay the kiss of a lifetime on her. Oh and the boyfriend probably is on probation for anger management.
  • Your 4 year old son may love to take a whizz outside the house in Woodlawn but that doesn’t make it ok for you to do it on 5th Avenue.
  • Girls, they really are not wearing any underwear under that kilt. So if you are brave enough to take a peek you may see something you don’t want to see. I bet they haven’t ‘manscaped’ yet this season.
  • She may have the tits of a 20 year old but I bet she is actually 16 years old drinking on a fake ID. I bet there is a similar law up here to what they have in Memphis. If 1 goes into less than 18 that equals 10 years in Jail.
  • Ladies, they played for 4 hours and walked 100 city blocks blowing into a dead animal bladder. Let the Pipes and Drum boys get their drink on before you want a selfie.
  • Boys, I bet that she really isn’t into you that much but simply wants to cut in line for  the bathroom.
  • FOR THE LOVE OF GOD – PUT THE “APPROVE TAGGED PICTURE” OPTION ON YOUR FACEBOOK PAGE. There is always “that guy/girl” who takes a less than flattering picture. And if they still do, you may want to rethink your life choices and friends.
  • In general, leave the phone/camera at home. How many pics of a hot ginger female with nice boobs do you really need?  Shout out to Missy!
  • Eat a sandwich every 4 hours. They say that 90% of alcoholics die of malnutrition. Of course not my big ass. I eat another slice of pizza from my boys on 67th I may need a new zipcode.
  • If you get into trouble during the parade, just tell them you know The Memphis Fire Chief Benjie and that should do the trick.
Cannot believe they are going to let an Asian Fireman lead the Parade for the second year in a row. Talk about diversity! Good Luck Boys see you at the end of the Route!
Yeah I probably am going to have a couple of these today!