Belize

SanPedroScoop? Rebec… my apologies….Best Selling Author Rebecca Coutant?? I Have Never Heard Of Her!

I am kidding. You probably have heard me speak of my friend SanPedroScoop down in San Pedro Belize. I featured her on my Fellow Bloggers You Should Follow when I was running that piece a while back. If you don’t know who she is, she is an ExPat who lives in San Pedro. She also writes a really great Belize Travel Blog that I have referred people to her blog when they ask me about going to Belize. A couple of weeks back I was watching her Instagram Stories and she made a couple of cryptic comments about doing something big and she was ready for this project to launch.

I message her and ask her what the hell she is up to and she gives me the scoop. Wait, I just realized it, I got the Scoop from Scoop. (ok yes, that was cheezy AF) But she trusted me not to spill the beans. After all her boyfriend and I do go to the same Gynecologist on the island. That is a true story by the way. Moving forward…. Rebecca informs me she is hoping to launch the book as an E Reader for Kindle in June and then later have paperback and maybe hardback copies. Being the Diva that I am (I can be a pain in the ass tormenting her with pictures of bagels and flavored seltzers) I inform her I want to get 10 copies in soft back and I want them autographed.

It is no secret that I love San Pedro, I love the country and I love it’s people. When someone asks me about what to do and or where to go I figure there is no better reference material than a book. Oh and since she is originally from New Jersey I can also say “I got a guy”!

In all seriousness, I am very proud of what she has done. I am very proud of what she does for the tourism on my favorite little Caribbean island. Oh and you can bet your sweet ass I am getting some books autographed in November in exchange for some Murray’s Bagels.

Congrats Rebecca – Now to you dozen readers of this worthless dribble…. GO BUY THE DAMN BOOK! BUY 2 OF THEM! ONE FOR YOUR iFOAM AND ONE FOR YOUR iPAD!

Advertisements

Quick Trip to the Fun Side of the Wall – Spring Break Baby!

Not sure if some of you are aware but Geranium has left me, she has left the dog, and she temporarily no longer living in Downtown Brooklyn.

Well that should get a couple of bites on my social media accounts. Those jokers are now saying “Whisky Tango Foxtrot Paul Allen/Carbunkle Trumpet!” What the Fuck did you do now?

Relax gang, Mary Louise is over in Switzerland for a month getting her company ready for a Bed Pan launch. It is easier for her to already be in the EU instead of a bunch of trips back and forth from NYC. She has been gone now a week and I am not going to lie one bit….. I miss the shit out of her! The dog……she is missing her too.

When it was official that Mary Louise was to take this month long trip we decided that we needed to get away for a couple of days and have some ‘us’ time. While we were upstate last month, I challenged our Travel Agent to come up with a couple of good All Inclusive Resorts for us. We were booking this thing in the matter of weeks so we didn’t have time to shop, find a deal or even mess with it. Jerre Martin of Prosper Travel knocked it out of the park for us. She recommended a Secrets SilverSands (not sure why there isn’t a space but that is the way everyone spelled it) Riviera Adults Only Resort in Cancun that was perfect for us. Seriously, and I don’t normally give props to resorts but if you want a small all inclusive adult joint with a nice beach, pool, and great staff…..This is the place for you.

We left New York Friday evening and got into Cancun around 11PM. We got to our room and went to bed because we were so tired promptly to the bar and made up for lost time while were. We were there till Tuesday late afternoon and returned on the 19:30 flight to Newark from Cancun. The food was good, the drink was cold, they had Kettle One for me and a wine that Geranium enjoyed. Now here is where you are going to say that we are getting old.

The entertainment team at Secrets SilverSands Riveria is top notch! They made sure that if you didn’t want to be bothered, the left you alone. If you played in the pool, they made you feel welcome. And if you were like our old asses playing Bingo and Blackjack, they had fun with you! Seriously if you want to make a trip with just you and the spouse. we found the All Inclusive for you!

Me – “Señor ¿cómo se llama una cerveza y una margarity congelada juntos?”
Bartender – We call it an “Ernie Mellor” Sir!
Oh Great all you two did down there was just drink and take pictures at the bar….
Hey RJ – They carried Hillbilly Ale too!
Last Pic of booze I promise…….
Here is a pic of the resort I stole off the internet. I was a fun resort that wasn’t too big. 3 to 4 days and you have done it all!
This was cool! This is a simple end table with a marble top and the melted wine bottles on top of it for like 4 months. The build up was huge and really made the entry into the French Restaurant. I could do this! But probably not in Brooklyn.
I was really cool and made a great statement in the room
Some Asshole Left the Dominos in New York (thanks Maya, you packed me) so we had to find some in the gift shop.
Hey Blue Water Grill in Belize! I got you taken care of for those plates.
Here are some of those Cancer Causing Windmills.
Maya didn’t miss our asses one bit! Carla is great and she had more fun with her than we do.
Last Meal out of Cancun at Jimmy Buffet’s Bar.

Seriously, we had a blast down in Mexico and it was a fun trip before Mary Louise Geranium’s trip to Switzerland. Again our travel agent knocked it out of the park for us. I gave her a list of our wants (Good Beach, Adults Only, Don’t want to spend an arm & leg, and age appropriate guest list) and she gave us a great recommendation. More to come in these past trips.

BONUS SUNDAY FUNDAY – Pictures of the “Past” Week

Between Corny Lenten Jokes (which I might add I am getting a lot of suggestions from my FB friend’s children) and getting back into the swing of things I have been busy. Add to that I came down with a nasty cold and was out of commission Friday evening and all day Saturday…By the way Momma now has what I have and is enjoying poor health. This weekend was very, very low key. Here are some pics that I didn’t use in this weeks blogs post.

IMG_2722Weather the Morning I got up that we were to head back to New York.

IMG_2700The best cigar of the day should always be smoked before 8AM

IMG_2714Love me some Charlie and the DH Folks

IMG_2685The Day before our departure in New York

IMG_2699Stark difference 24 hours later if you ask me.

IMG_2728When we landed in New York. Feels like 26 pretty much means “kick in the balls” cold

IMG_2730This is just mean

IMG_2734New Joint that opened down the street from us. The yellow sign is hard to read but it says “QUESO” and it blinks to “UES” so it has to be good.

IMG_2731Needed some ‘light lunch’ on arrival day. It tasted like shit.

IMG_2732Back in the US and our huge apartment

IMG_2738Any Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt fans out there? Filming down the block on Tuesday.

Have a good week and make it count. I am going to Netti Pot my nose again.

14 days can make one two week…..

I know I should keep my day job because of that groan’r. No it isn’t Lent just yet as my yearly Lenten tradition of providing you with corny kid jokes on The Book of Face. For 14 days (hopefully ending today) in a row we have had below freezing temps in Gotham. This past weekend it was BSC (Ball Shrinking Cold) as with the wind chill from the East River temps were below freezing and were -1 to -15 degrees.

Yes I know that Memphis had some cold weather and there are some who have to pay a plumber and even some of my San Pedro folks were bitching but give me a break. When you have to put more layers than an onion to take the dogs out you know it is cold. Hopefully today (Tuesday) the temps get above freezing and we break the streak. We had snow last Thursday and for all of you who think that the snow in New York is so pretty have obviously never been here a couple of days after it snows. The snow turns into New York Snow aka dirty and smelly.

IMG_2532You know it is going to be bad when they send out alerts because of weather.

IMG_2519What the Hell are These Things Used For?

IMG_2524Thanks to UWS Holly for this Gem of information. Get you a cheap pair of snow goggles during a Cyclone Bomb. Blowing Snow into your eyes sucks but wearing these helps.

IMG_2523Oh look how pretty 1st Avenue is. Yeah it sucks!

53677705979__45D17950-2FF6-4AF6-B990-81795E5E223FSnow on our window.

IMG_2537Afterwards the sidewalks are shoveled but normally you lose a couple feet to the piles of snow. This makes for lots of bottlenecks during rush hour. Especially at the corners which aren’t plowed.

IMG_2546It can be a mess if you are parked on the right side of the street. That’s where the plows push the snow. Aka your car will get blocked in! Recall that shovel in the earlier picture?

IMG_2535This dog loved the snow. Our dogs…not so much!

IMG_2538Here is what sucks about plowed streets. I can’t jaywalk as easy unless I want to mountain goat up and over the ice mountain.

IMG_2520Best Part of Thursday during the snow storm!

Hope you had a good one!

 

If you need Spices, Seasonings, Herbs, Salts, and Goo then visit Kalustyan’s Market on Lex

A while back I was with one of my cohorts selling tour bus tickets to the tourists. He is a native New Yorker and were discussing the difference between Southern and Northern food. He told me that some New Yorkers think that Southern food can be too spicy and even went so far to tell me that even some New Yorkers think that Ketchup is too spicy. (If you hail from south of the Mason Dixson line and are reading this and wondering if I am fucking with you, I promise that I am not!) He told me that he was getting into hot sauces and found a great one from Belize called Marie Sharp. My ears perked up saying that I was familiar with this brand and asked where he picked some up here in Manhattan. He gave me the address of a place on Lex at E28th Street in the Indian section of Murray Hill.

This past weekend I ventured out in the rain and cold to acquire some Marie Sharp since the bottle we got on our last trip to Belize ran out. Ironic that it was almost one year to the date but needless to say I had to get some more hot sauce. I find Kalustyan’s on Lexington and make my way into this sprawling joint. This place is probably 3 storefronts because you walk into different rooms with shelves of all kinds of different spices, seasonings, marinades, and stuff I have no idea what is in a bottle. I find the Hot Sauce section and pick up my Marie Sharp and was amazed that everything was well before the expiration date. This is a common problem I find when someone has a huge variety of Hot Sauce because they can’t get good rotation on everything.

I am standing there and one of the managers comes up to me and we start talking about the store. She tells me that they do more spice and seasoning business for restaurants here in Manhattan than anyone. They get daily shipments in from different purveyors to make sure what they have on the shelf is fresh and listen to their customers. We started talking about the Marie Sharps and she told me that it is one of their better sellers for Latin American restaurants and for Belizeans living in New York. I explain to her my history with the country and how I am always trying different things. She recommends their Spice and Herb book and shows me a couple tricks that you can do in the kitchen to create different flavors. I agree and pay cash for everything. Typical New York Establishment, you can use a card but Cash is King and you get better discounts.

IMG_0580Some of these hot sauces were pretty funny. I stuck with what I knew. Marie Sharps

IMG_0581Need Pink Salt in Bulk? The square on the right is 16X16

IMG_0583Yep, I made some Eggs the next morning and lit it up!

That was it for pictures as they Manager told me that they prefer that people don’t take pictures. I respect that but I will be back!

 

Robo for the Valentine’s Day Win

Sorry to piss upset off my readers from Maine and Nova Scotia who were shoveling snow. Not to mention our friends were down in Belize looking for ‘a chicken’ and keeping the Belikin Beer supply in check. Last night  CBT not only had his smoking hot wife, Mrs. CBT, on his arm but the World Famous Travel Queen made a jaunt through the Holland Tunnel for a Happy Hour drinks. Yep, I win!

Hope that everyone’s Val-in-Times was a good one and you didn’t wake up in a chocolate hangover. It was great to see 3 Day Traveler and catch up. If you ears were burning then you were being spoken about you affectionately. Well except for you Pedro, but I did preface one story by “With All Due Respect.”  (I am kidding) Hopefully we can see Travel Queen this late summer in some far away distant location. Or she comes up here and crashes on our couch. Either way is good for us.

img_0338Go ahead Reaper and show me more pics of how beautiful living Pura Vida is. I win today wearing a heavy coat!

Have a good Hump Day!

Weekends are for rest right?

I am glad that the weekend is over. I am about worn out and it is only Monday! Now I promised my boss that I would not have “Whisky Voice” this morning so keep those “Oh CBT is hungover” because that isn’t the case. After our snow day on Thursday I had a bunch of stuff to get completed on Friday and play catch up. I get done with my day and head over to the Cigar joint for a quick cigar before I have to get ready to go out that night.

Friday night we headed down to Joe’s Pub to catch Losers Lounge tribute to Philly Soul. Not sure what that is? Think Teddy Pendergrass, The Spinners, The Delfonics and songs like “Love Train”, “Disco Inferno” and who could forget “You got what I need.” The show was great as usual and we headed to Blue Ribbon for a 1AM dinner reservation. Blue Ribbon was a mainstay when we would come up to visit Maria in New York. The fried chicken and oysters did not disappoint.

Saturday we slept in a little considering we got home at 3AM. I get my normal errands done and Mrs. Trumpet had to get some studying done. UWS Girl had mentioned about attending the Central Park Ice Festival Silent Disco and considering it was cold but not too cold I was game. Mrs. Trumpet stayed behind so I headed crosstown to W72nd street. Met up with her at an Irish Dive Bar by the name of Malachy’s. Trust me when I say that this place did not disappoint. The bartender was in her late 60’s and resembled Flo from the old sitcom “Alice.”  Headed over to the park and I learned something very valuable about free events in New York. Everyone and their brother will show up if you don’t have to pay for it. Met up with some friends to watch the Silent Disco for a while and ended up heading back to the house.

Sunday we had a friend in town from the old ACMB days and frequent offender of Belize Trips. Met up with her and her husband and tried ABC Kitchen for brunch. Let me tell you, the 3 week reservation that I had to get was well worth it. Hung out with LAB and her husband and we laughed and caught up. Since it was sleeting earlier in the day Mrs. Trumpet and I decided to behave on Sunday and she took a nap while I went to have a cigar with the boys. Made some spaghetti gravy/sauce and watched the Grammy’s.

img_0280Opening The Losers Lounge with a BADB (Big Ass Disco Ball)

img_0282Kiss and Say Goodbye by Tony Zajkowski

teddyI have to say his Teddy Pendergrass is pretty good.

losers-loungeI should have pressed my parents to let me play the Tambourine in band.

img_0324I think they had a couple bottles of booze there.

img_0326At the Silent Disco. They have 2 DJ’s and people can either switch between the blue DJ or the red DJ. I guess the Blue DJ was jamming

img_0329Thanks again for the Vino and the California Oranges LAB and RB. I bet we will run into you in Belize in October! Love you guys.

Hope you had a good weekend too!

Well that sucked – CBT survived a Nor’easter

I have said it numerous times; the weather in Dallas on Monday will be the same weather in Memphis on Tuesday and yep you guess it, it will be same in New York on Wednesday. This isn’t going to fit the above model.

Monday morning it was chilly here in New York to say the least. I didn’t really pay attention to the weather because everyone I know was too busy posting crap (pro and con) about the new President. I was heading out the door to meet a client and one of the doormen ask me if I have my umbrella. I ask him why because I had heard a couple times while I was showering; “Get ready for the Nor’easter this afternoon.”  I ask Paul what exactly a Nor’easter is and he tells me that it is rain or snow but with high winds. He failed to mention that it is also ball shrinking cold weather too!

So this afternoon we had some pretty brutal winds in Midtown East and the Upper East Side. Around 3PM we got some rain, I took a conference call at 4 and get done around 5:15. I walk out of the Atrium next to Trump Tower to head home and we have some pretty good rain coming down. Does anyone remember my post about Umbrella’s? I might as well have tacked a fucking sailboat sail to my ass because walking down Madison with an umbrella was useless.

Cutting to the chase, I say goodbye to S squared at 59th & Lex and take the 6 Train back to 68th street. By the time I got home to 1st Ave and 71st I looked like a drowned rat. I make my way into the lobby and one of the doormen looks at me and asks if this was my first Nor’easter. I tell him yes and what gave it away. He told me that it is easier just wearing a rain hat trench coat and rain boots.

So there I survived my first Nor’easter and I am not going to lie, they suck.

noreasterWearing a Puffy Coat and have to deal with an umbrella too? Oh.Hell.No.

windsThey don’t play with the winds up here. Think about Hurricane Elvis but with cold temps too!

il_570xn-613619868_mi29We have another one like yesterday and I am buying this sucker.

img_0226I get this snap from Mary G down in Belize. I hope she gets sand in her shorts.

Have a nice day and stay dry and warm!

 

 

Are you Effin Kidding Me?

Sorry, I had to scrap a blog entry that I was going to publish today for this news that I heard last night. It is in serious negotiations to close a portion of 5th Avenue in front of Trump Tower at 56th street. Come on guys, I get it that he is the president elect and all but to shut down one of the busiest streets in Manhattan? I don’t even drive for Christ Sake but lets be real here folks. Currently you can’t walk on the east side of 5th avenue between 56th and 57th streets (in front of Trump Tower) so do you think the folks at Tiffany & Co are really happy about this? Now we are cutting down a main artery to head south?

Oh well, at least the holidays are coming so we already know that midtown will be gridlocked so what is one more blocked street. Personally I think that we need to do like they do in London. If you car tag has an even number then you can enter London on certain days. Odd tag numbers the other days. This would prevent all those effin Brooklynites who ‘have to drive their car’ into the city…..”Oh wait Maria lives in Brooklyn……Please 9lb 8oz Baby Jesus let this be the one blog entry she doesn’t read.”

Memphis Folk – I realize that you may be wondering what the big deal is. Try closing off Poplar Avenue between Yates to Shady Grove Road. For my Mississippi readers – Shut down Goodman Road

Belize Folk – Close the Bowen Bridge or close the road from Ramon’s to Grief Airport.

Canada Folk – Oh feck it, you already have snow on the ground and you are driving your snow plows.

2013-st-patricks-day-parade-route1They won’t let the Irish march up 5th Avenue on St. Patrick’s Day now. See what you did Asian Fireman….

trump-towerThis was taken 1 week and 1 day prior to today. I included the pic of the President Elect because people are lemmings and will click on anything that has to do with Trump.

Keep it light.

 

 

17.9214° N Island Living vs 40.7128° N Island Living

I finally get it! It took me some 46 years but it finally soaked in! No I am not talking about acting like an adult…that shit is for the birds. I am talking about why Northerners and or Canadians winter in tropical locations. Now before you start, yes I recognize that we had a very mild winter but nevertheless it did get cold at least a couple of those days.  I think the worst part of this is the major temperature change that one experiences going from North to Tropical. When we left it was in the mid to low 50’s but we had plenty of ‘antifreeze’ in us as those red eye flights can be tough on a traveler. Down in Belize it was ‘Gold Bond’ warm but it felt so good and the sun was welcome. Now when we got back on Saturday morning it was in the 40’s but the sun was shining so it wasn’t all that bad.

The problem is, when we lived in Memphis we could get away with still wearing our flip flops, shorts and ‘cruise lounging’ gear till Monday when we ‘had’ to put on socks, shoes and work gear. Here that wasn’t the case, we wear that shit and we would get frostbite or laughed it! Case in point Sunday morning; I get out of bed to take the monkey heads out to pee. I put on my track pants, long sleeve T-shirt and my North Face vest thinking that will suffice. All I am going to say is that someone should call Guinness Book of World Records because that was the quickest Pee that two tiny toy poodles have ever done.  39 degrees it was yesterday with a 20 MPH wind a blowing! When I went to grab breakfast I had to don the puffy coat, toboggan hat and even that wasn’t enough.

Here is a short list of the differences between (Tropical) Island life and (New York) Island life;

  • In the Tropics one wears flip flops to prevent stepping on broken glass, pointy shells and Belikin Bottle Caps. In NYC one wears shoes to prevent getting the funk that is on subway floors and streets on your feet.
  • Cost of Beer down in Belize is 5 to 6 bucks BZE (currency is fixed 2BZE to 1USD) in New York the same beer cost you 6 to 7 bucks USD.
  • In the Tropics you put on sunscreen and don a big hat when the sun is shining on you. In NYC you shed as many clothes that is allowed by law when you get to see that big orange ball.
  • In San Pedro they bitch about the speed of the Taxi’s and the traffic on the island. New Yorkers tell the taxi driver to speed up and honk their horn at a slow car.
  • In the Tropics you say Good Morning to complete strangers; in NYC you may get cut if you say that.
  • It is perfectly acceptable to walk around town in a two piece bathing suit in Caye Caulker. It is also acceptable in Times Square.
  • Want to walk outside of a bar with your beer, sure but put it in a ‘haul ass’ glass. In NYC you better have one of those 5.00 paper coffee cups.
  • In NYC when it is 34 degrees one wishes that they were on San Pedro or Caye Caulker. In the tropics when it is 34 degrees in New York City, they are happy they are on San Pedro or Caye Caulker.

IMG_0875That is just Fecking Mean when one gets back from 90 degree weather.

IMG_0829One can smell the suntan lotion on this deck.

IMG_0762I am sure they do the same thing in the East River too!

IMG_0746Looks just like Times Square doesn’t it?

Don’t worry, I only have one more post about Belize then I will get back to my normal drivel.