Belize

A Trip Down Memory/Middle Street on Sunday. Lots of S/O’s

Got a lot on my mind as of late and I needed to find something to occupy my day on Sunday. As you saw from my post on Saturday I was looking for stuff to do so I cleaned the oven. Social Media was getting heavy so I decided to re-read two of my favorite Bloggers down in Belize. I actually emailed Scoop and Taco Girl to tell them what I was doing. They both will have seen the spike in their account metrics and wonder what was up. Each of the blog platforms give you idea of how many visitor click on posts and what country they were from.

I read both of the blogs to the start and I have to say this was a welcome distraction. Granted I didn’t click every post but I was amazed at how, going back to their starts how they have evolved. Me, my goofy ass and this worthless dribble….I still can’t spell for shit.

Below are some screen shots I grabbed and if you are one of those ACMB’rs you may want to take a look back as well. There are some great old pics of those early pub crawls. Thank you Rebecca and Laurie for a much needed distraction.

So here is Scoop aka Rebecca – She originally is from New Jersey and lived in Manhattan as a bond trader till she moved to Belize in 2007. Originally going to chill for a while she then babysat a bar as the manager for a spell. She now lives up north of the bridge with her boyfriend who runs the Cayo Frances Farm & Fly.
She started https://www.sanpedroscoop.com/ and gives you a great look at the country as a whole.
This is Taco Girl on the left. Laurie moved to San Pedro in 2006 from Canada. She has a lot of great information about San Pedro. She can be found at
https://tacogirl.com/

From TacoGirl – Spurs and Simon at BC’s. Seriously ACMB’rs there is some good stuff in the archives
From SanPerdo Scoop – God I miss Gino and the Shake Shackers
From TacoGirl – Pedro’s from back in the day.
From San Pedro – Wade the Gringo is the only guy I know who got a ‘cease and desist’ from a major Burger Chain in the US.
TG – I love this picture for so many reasons. Sadly, the bar and that guy in the white tanktop are no longer with us.
SPS – I post this picture in the fact that Scoop and I prefer those older cougars and sugar daddy’s as both our spouses are older than us.
It is also a fact that Jeff and I share the same OB/GYN.
Ok so there are 3 doctors on the island and the town OB/GYN is also the doc you go for stiches, general illness and I have visited Doctor Gonzales when I had a bug bite that got infected. Jeff took the tip of his toe off and needed stiches.
He is doing fine by the way
TG – I picked it for 2 reasons – I can’t believe how young the Kinnion Kids are in this picutre and how great Laurie looks now since she lost a bunch of weight and has kept it off.
SPS – Here Scoop played off that she was interviewing this couple when it was secretly a proposal that the groom worked up. And Conch Creative was in on the charade too so they could get some pics for the real proposal.
Reb – You ever keep up on them?
TG – Stop Laughing Travelqueen, Dita, Isla and DCG
SPS – This is Maya from Conch Creative
Oh and don’t get your nose out of whack Badass Auntie.
I am getting to you this weekend. (oh that sounded cheeky)
TG – What tha? Taco Girl blogged about me?
This was when I was cooking chickens in Kitty & Shuffles’ courtyard when they owned their B&B
SPS – When the guy formally known as Prince came to Belize
Anyone remember this one? Here is Muppet on her faux Wedding.
For those of you who read those crappy jokes this is Cindy who provides the other half of those jokes.
If you can’t tell that’s SPS and she snuck over to Caye Calker to stalk celebs
TG – I love this one. This is her at her Surprise 50th birthday.
SPS – The production assistant who tried to block the pictures of the Bachelor.
TG – The Surprise Wedding Vowel Renewal of Otter and Mrs. Otter.
SPS – One of her first posts.
TG – You Fuckers Molested Flat CBT
TG – Back when people would jump out of perfectly good airplanes in Belize.

It was great afternoon doing nothing. I hope you enjoyed the walk down Memory Lane.

The Real MVP's Of This Thing

Some of you didn’t know this but I started in professional sales working for a Food Distributor. This was the old D.Canale Foods where the old downtown warehouse is now condos and apartments. When you start out working for them you go into the ‘Express’ where you handled smaller accounts. In addition to sales you also loaded and delivered your own orders. This made you get up early in the morning and naturally in the summer you sweated like a whore in church.

When I moved on to working for Caterpillar Material Handling I found that I missed that type of sales because you got some exercise but let me tell you something. I now have a huge respect for any person who has to deliver in the elements. My old former neighbor, the late great Wild Bill Craven, drove the Brown Truck for UPS. As he told me one time over a couple of beers, it sucks sometime but it isn’t like we are curing cancer.

Ladies and Gentlemen when we get done with all of this, I may openly hug and kiss any delivery person I encounter. Here they are out delivering the things that we need, making minuscule of wages and risking their lives to make sure we get our shit. I am serious when I say that anytime you get a delivery right you make sure you tip them to the point of financial uncomfortableness. God Bless You Men and Women.

Ok, I am off my soapbox now. Here are the pics from Monday. Oh and I didn’t leave the house till the evening walk for Maya. It rained all day and Maya really didn’t want to go out in that shit anyway.

I am worried about some folks on my favorite Island. That is kind of ironic for a guy who is sitting with Ringside Fucking Seats on the Northeast Epicenter. Belize now has their first confirmed case of COVID-19. I have messaged with a couple friends on the island privately but and can offer this to you extended family.
Its a Hurricane Mentality – You stay the Fuck inside, You practice Social Distancing. You don’t turn on the US News because it is crap anyway and don’t fall into the trap to posting shit that you don’t know to be truthful. Its ok to be nervous but if you can handle not being with power for any length of time you got this. We are all going to get through this. Some of you however will be spiting out kids in 9-10 months. Yes I am looking at you Warria!
Photo forwarded to me by my main girl TacoGirl who the next time I see I will kiss on the mouth!
So when I am on person to person calls I walk around our palatial apartment. I was over by our door which is also the place where we put all of our upcoming shit. Deep down I am glad that this got postponed till the fall. They were getting married on my birthday and I was going to Eleven Madison Park and was going to have to pass on their wedding.
See you in the fall Sky and April!
This picture made me lose my concentration today.
I was telling a customer that I was unsure if we can change the delivery address from New York City to Florida.
You see de plane was already inbound to EWR.
And I bet that “An Obscene Amount of Money” was on the stick and lawd knows he would give me some serious grief.
This fall I expect to see everyone.
Like I said today sucked for a view. Rain and Fog all day. Even the Rubber Chicken next to the humidifier (that was empty) was pissed at today.
Exchanged Texts with these knuckleheads a couple days ago. Wait till the one on the left finds out that Tio Carbunkle isn’t going to let her date till she is 30.
Same for this one but she gets on the Carl Lipbalm Memorial Scholarship list when she graduates from St. Mary’s.
These two knuckleheads inform me of their day each time daddy facetimes us.
Hey Obscene Amount of Money Mom – Feel free to call us too!
We are going to attempt to get some things that we have needed to do for a long time. This will then allow us to drink afterwards. Sadly the real job we now do is still taking a lot of our time while we are working from home.
I saw this thanks to Brother Aloysius today and I had to share with you.
By the way Z(squared) – I do expect this to add to the bathroom.

Again, make sure you tip those saviors who are delivering your stuff. And be nice to your fellow Man/Woman.

Balance/Transitions for 2020

KC Jayhawk used to talk about transition all the time before he and Mrs. Jayhawk were heading down to Belize. He would post two pictures side by side. (hang on I am going to go find it on his FB page, give me a minute) and talk about how he needed to transition from the one on the left to the right to keep him balanced.

I am assuming, the pic on the left was from his work and well, I kinda recognize that pic on the right. I think this dock bit it a couple years ago but I always like it. Man I think I went through every one of his pictures looking for this. He must be telling me something.

I am a big believer in balance. It wasn’t till I moved up here to New York did I really start to take stock in how important balance is. I am not talking about standing up and able to walk around. That part is pretty easy as long as you haven’t been talking to Uncle Tito. I am referring to balance in your life spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physical and keeping it in check.

2020 is going to be a big year for me as I will have circled the Sun 50 times and I am still around to talk about it. I also will be closing out the past decade that was a roller coaster for not only me but for Geranium. I went to visit my Internist/GP doctor early this week and I was relieved to hear that my previous doctor has left the group. He had really big hands and he kept on how he wanted to check my prostate. My new doctor mentioned to me about my weight, my liver enzymes, oh and my Cholesterol was a tad high.

I actually told Doc that I chose to come in on Christmas Eve for my physical and get my labs run. I told her that I was planning on being somewhat of a hot mess since I just finished up a fairly stressful peak shipping season. Add to that on the Saturday prior I was at a restaurant on the 4th floor next door called Per Se. Fuck I expected my labs to be high, the bill was high. I told Doc that I now have 90 days to clean my shit up (No pun intended) and get this 50 year old machine moving in a better direction.

Relax Andi, Margo, Taylor, Stephanie and all my other bartenders/liquor store owners – I am not going away forever. I am just going to moderate what I am doing for a while. Regarding my diet (right now Geranium is watching a cooking show) I got to do something. Sorry S(Squared) and Don but I am going to be eating a little better at our Cuban refuge on 45th street. I am not a big sweets fan so that is a blessing I guess but gone are those killer rolls at LPQ.

So what is it you are going to do better in 2020?

The Fat Kid Bunch and I were just talking how we hardly eat Fast Food. This was a necessity on the day before Per Se. I had a fairly good hangover going.
It lived up to all the Hype Again!
This is where it went bad Post Per Se – How many Tito/Soda’s can one person drink in 3 hours? Mr 3 First Names, Landlord and I tried to see.
Come to Brunch they said….It will be low key……and your hangover will be fine they said….. Friggin Drag Bruch at Chelsea Market with a Stage 5 Hangover. I may be smiling but trust me I was fucking scared!

I am going to do better, nobody wants to see a 50 year old short fat kid. Notice I didn’t say much about cigars or booze – Hey you have to have balance…..

Have you Seen Ben?

Say that you need to find a couple to make sure that your first born navigates The Belize Airport and gets into the US without incident.

You would probably ask someone who is responsible and can be trusted right?

You certainly wouldn’t want to entrust this responsibility with someone who has an invisible child would you?

You know where this is going don’t you?

Survived his Maya Flight and made it to Delta Check In!
I got him on the flight but I am back here in steerage and Geranium’s fancy NY Ass is flying first class.
Here is where it goes bad, She starts in on the wine with her warm towel….
Shit we lost the Kid!

LYLTU#! Mrs. Otter! You two come up here and smack me for this Sunday Funday Post!

Would the Alumni Members of the Ambergris Caye Message Board Please Stand Up (if they can)

I have to start out by giving mad props to Otteralum (I know that is a rather strange code name but he gave it to himself) because that magnificent bastard just pulled off one helluva ACMB Reunion. Pugwash quit swearing at the laptop, your time will come….

So, we just returned from a trip to Belize, but let me go back in time for some of you younger stalkers of this worthless dribble. Before Tic Toc, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, even Myspace and Friendster there was a thing called a “Message Board” Here people could come to it and ask questions about a vacation place or rant about their favorite sporting team. In this case the Message Board was for Ambergris Caye down in Belize.

For those of us who had visited the island a number of times we would chat on either threads or in mini chat. Like I said, Social Media hadn’t launched yet and there was not a lot going on. As with any group of child like adults (much like on social media) you had some ball busting, some fights, some got kicked off and so on.

I met the bulk of the ACMB (Ambergris Caye Message Board) on one of the Boogie’s in February. I want to recall it was a poker run that TacoGirl put together and IsleNutt made bracelets with everyone’s name. Needless to say it was a great trip and then Myspace moved to Facebook so sadly the message board lost steam.

So about 2 and a half years ago Otteralum put out a “Save the Date” for his 50th birthday in Facebook. I saw it was in early November and went to put it on the calendar. But something wasn’t kosher. First of all I thought that he and I were closer in age. Then I noticed that the dates didn’t coordinate with the days of the week. Did he start drinking early and forget his birthday? Nope he sent out the invite 2 and a half years in advance. Talk about an over-achiever.

Anyway a total of 42 folks came down from the US and a good number of them were from the ACMB. It was good to see some faces that I haven’t seen in a couple years. Even as Pugwash and I spoke at breakfast about todays agenda he remarked that it was probably the first time we ever were civil to each other. I told him it was because we were both still sober but Tim knows I don’t have a beef with him. He is just a big ole hairy Teddy Bear. But with a funnier accent other than mine. Love ya Pug and Jane!

I must have been in the bathroom when they took this picture. Pretty much the whole gang!
Me and Reaper (who technically doesn’t live in the States but in Costa Rica)
Me and Tia Chocolate – (the nose above picture is a staple Carbunkle Trumpet Selfie method) Nobody wants to see my whole face.
Me and Travel Queen
Me and Muppets Go Wild
The Birthday Boy aka Otteralum (his handle is a mix of his college and that he is an alum)
Fucking Spurs and Mr Spurs! – This picture automatically put a smile on my face when I saw it. It was so great to spend time with you and Bobby. Love ya Kid!
Yep even he was amongst us too.
For those of you wondering that is a shark vertebrae anklet and it was worn by KC Jayhawk. It was gifted to me by his wife because we lost Colin 4 years ago. Oh and we all still miss the big goof he was one in a million. I am not crying, you are crying.
I got you Bro!
Travel Queen and Dita
Two Former Memphians sit at the same table on a Sunday night. What are the chances.
For those of you who don’t know this is Elbert Greer and he owns the White Sands Dive Shop. Every morning he posts the weather report for San Pedro. It keeps my sanity when we are having Cold Ass Nor’easters.
She wasn’t on the island but as I am having my last beer I notice the picture of SweetJane with Jet. We got to throw her into the mix!
Love these two! Isla this summer?
Who has two thumbs and has two beautiful women by his side as we are heading in?
This Guy!

Like I said, This was a magical trip and I am so thankful that Otter invited Geranium and I to this event. Between this group of malcontents along with Otter and Mrs. Otter’s group of friends it was one helluva party. To those who couldn’t make it, you were missed.

A Mid Week And Only Post For This Week

Leaving on a big metal plane tomorrow for 17.9214° N, 87.9611° W to drink with a couple friends. I have been waiting for Otter’s 50th birthday for like 2 years and its finally here. How fucked up is that. I am celebrating the anniversary of someone who now has to get a colonoscopy. Oh well it could be worse. It could be my 50th Birthday. Can’t wait to see some old friends this weekend too!

Anyway have a good week and weekend and try to stay warm you New Yorkers. I hear that it is going to be kinda chilly this weekend.

How Many Beers did we drink that day at the Split KLC Man?
Going to eat me some good food this weekend too!
So proud of how Memphis rolled out for Game Day!
You may be from Memphis if you know what that means. Memphis AF
Its corny but hey at least it isn’t Nashville. There they celebrate Hot Chicken and Tractor Rides
Don’t Worry the Dog will be Fine!

Have a good weekend!

SanPedroScoop? Rebec… my apologies….Best Selling Author Rebecca Coutant?? I Have Never Heard Of Her!

I am kidding. You probably have heard me speak of my friend SanPedroScoop down in San Pedro Belize. I featured her on my Fellow Bloggers You Should Follow when I was running that piece a while back. If you don’t know who she is, she is an ExPat who lives in San Pedro. She also writes a really great Belize Travel Blog that I have referred people to her blog when they ask me about going to Belize. A couple of weeks back I was watching her Instagram Stories and she made a couple of cryptic comments about doing something big and she was ready for this project to launch.

I message her and ask her what the hell she is up to and she gives me the scoop. Wait, I just realized it, I got the Scoop from Scoop. (ok yes, that was cheezy AF) But she trusted me not to spill the beans. After all her boyfriend and I do go to the same Gynecologist on the island. That is a true story by the way. Moving forward…. Rebecca informs me she is hoping to launch the book as an E Reader for Kindle in June and then later have paperback and maybe hardback copies. Being the Diva that I am (I can be a pain in the ass tormenting her with pictures of bagels and flavored seltzers) I inform her I want to get 10 copies in soft back and I want them autographed.

It is no secret that I love San Pedro, I love the country and I love it’s people. When someone asks me about what to do and or where to go I figure there is no better reference material than a book. Oh and since she is originally from New Jersey I can also say “I got a guy”!

In all seriousness, I am very proud of what she has done. I am very proud of what she does for the tourism on my favorite little Caribbean island. Oh and you can bet your sweet ass I am getting some books autographed in November in exchange for some Murray’s Bagels.

Congrats Rebecca – Now to you dozen readers of this worthless dribble…. GO BUY THE DAMN BOOK! BUY 2 OF THEM! ONE FOR YOUR iFOAM AND ONE FOR YOUR iPAD!

Quick Trip to the Fun Side of the Wall – Spring Break Baby!

Not sure if some of you are aware but Geranium has left me, she has left the dog, and she temporarily no longer living in Downtown Brooklyn.

Well that should get a couple of bites on my social media accounts. Those jokers are now saying “Whisky Tango Foxtrot Paul Allen/Carbunkle Trumpet!” What the Fuck did you do now?

Relax gang, Mary Louise is over in Switzerland for a month getting her company ready for a Bed Pan launch. It is easier for her to already be in the EU instead of a bunch of trips back and forth from NYC. She has been gone now a week and I am not going to lie one bit….. I miss the shit out of her! The dog……she is missing her too.

When it was official that Mary Louise was to take this month long trip we decided that we needed to get away for a couple of days and have some ‘us’ time. While we were upstate last month, I challenged our Travel Agent to come up with a couple of good All Inclusive Resorts for us. We were booking this thing in the matter of weeks so we didn’t have time to shop, find a deal or even mess with it. Jerre Martin of Prosper Travel knocked it out of the park for us. She recommended a Secrets SilverSands (not sure why there isn’t a space but that is the way everyone spelled it) Riviera Adults Only Resort in Cancun that was perfect for us. Seriously, and I don’t normally give props to resorts but if you want a small all inclusive adult joint with a nice beach, pool, and great staff…..This is the place for you.

We left New York Friday evening and got into Cancun around 11PM. We got to our room and went to bed because we were so tired promptly to the bar and made up for lost time while were. We were there till Tuesday late afternoon and returned on the 19:30 flight to Newark from Cancun. The food was good, the drink was cold, they had Kettle One for me and a wine that Geranium enjoyed. Now here is where you are going to say that we are getting old.

The entertainment team at Secrets SilverSands Riveria is top notch! They made sure that if you didn’t want to be bothered, the left you alone. If you played in the pool, they made you feel welcome. And if you were like our old asses playing Bingo and Blackjack, they had fun with you! Seriously if you want to make a trip with just you and the spouse. we found the All Inclusive for you!

Me – “Señor ¿cómo se llama una cerveza y una margarity congelada juntos?”
Bartender – We call it an “Ernie Mellor” Sir!
Oh Great all you two did down there was just drink and take pictures at the bar….
Hey RJ – They carried Hillbilly Ale too!
Last Pic of booze I promise…….
Here is a pic of the resort I stole off the internet. I was a fun resort that wasn’t too big. 3 to 4 days and you have done it all!
This was cool! This is a simple end table with a marble top and the melted wine bottles on top of it for like 4 months. The build up was huge and really made the entry into the French Restaurant. I could do this! But probably not in Brooklyn.
I was really cool and made a great statement in the room
Some Asshole Left the Dominos in New York (thanks Maya, you packed me) so we had to find some in the gift shop.
Hey Blue Water Grill in Belize! I got you taken care of for those plates.
Here are some of those Cancer Causing Windmills.
Maya didn’t miss our asses one bit! Carla is great and she had more fun with her than we do.
Last Meal out of Cancun at Jimmy Buffet’s Bar.

Seriously, we had a blast down in Mexico and it was a fun trip before Mary Louise Geranium’s trip to Switzerland. Again our travel agent knocked it out of the park for us. I gave her a list of our wants (Good Beach, Adults Only, Don’t want to spend an arm & leg, and age appropriate guest list) and she gave us a great recommendation. More to come in these past trips.

BONUS SUNDAY FUNDAY – Pictures of the “Past” Week

Between Corny Lenten Jokes (which I might add I am getting a lot of suggestions from my FB friend’s children) and getting back into the swing of things I have been busy. Add to that I came down with a nasty cold and was out of commission Friday evening and all day Saturday…By the way Momma now has what I have and is enjoying poor health. This weekend was very, very low key. Here are some pics that I didn’t use in this weeks blogs post.

IMG_2722Weather the Morning I got up that we were to head back to New York.

IMG_2700The best cigar of the day should always be smoked before 8AM

IMG_2714Love me some Charlie and the DH Folks

IMG_2685The Day before our departure in New York

IMG_2699Stark difference 24 hours later if you ask me.

IMG_2728When we landed in New York. Feels like 26 pretty much means “kick in the balls” cold

IMG_2730This is just mean

IMG_2734New Joint that opened down the street from us. The yellow sign is hard to read but it says “QUESO” and it blinks to “UES” so it has to be good.

IMG_2731Needed some ‘light lunch’ on arrival day. It tasted like shit.

IMG_2732Back in the US and our huge apartment

IMG_2738Any Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt fans out there? Filming down the block on Tuesday.

Have a good week and make it count. I am going to Netti Pot my nose again.

14 days can make one two week…..

I know I should keep my day job because of that groan’r. No it isn’t Lent just yet as my yearly Lenten tradition of providing you with corny kid jokes on The Book of Face. For 14 days (hopefully ending today) in a row we have had below freezing temps in Gotham. This past weekend it was BSC (Ball Shrinking Cold) as with the wind chill from the East River temps were below freezing and were -1 to -15 degrees.

Yes I know that Memphis had some cold weather and there are some who have to pay a plumber and even some of my San Pedro folks were bitching but give me a break. When you have to put more layers than an onion to take the dogs out you know it is cold. Hopefully today (Tuesday) the temps get above freezing and we break the streak. We had snow last Thursday and for all of you who think that the snow in New York is so pretty have obviously never been here a couple of days after it snows. The snow turns into New York Snow aka dirty and smelly.

IMG_2532You know it is going to be bad when they send out alerts because of weather.

IMG_2519What the Hell are These Things Used For?

IMG_2524Thanks to UWS Holly for this Gem of information. Get you a cheap pair of snow goggles during a Cyclone Bomb. Blowing Snow into your eyes sucks but wearing these helps.

IMG_2523Oh look how pretty 1st Avenue is. Yeah it sucks!

53677705979__45D17950-2FF6-4AF6-B990-81795E5E223FSnow on our window.

IMG_2537Afterwards the sidewalks are shoveled but normally you lose a couple feet to the piles of snow. This makes for lots of bottlenecks during rush hour. Especially at the corners which aren’t plowed.

IMG_2546It can be a mess if you are parked on the right side of the street. That’s where the plows push the snow. Aka your car will get blocked in! Recall that shovel in the earlier picture?

IMG_2535This dog loved the snow. Our dogs…not so much!

IMG_2538Here is what sucks about plowed streets. I can’t jaywalk as easy unless I want to mountain goat up and over the ice mountain.

IMG_2520Best Part of Thursday during the snow storm!

Hope you had a good one!