Double Decker Bus

Some Pictures of London

I have been remiss in posting these so here is a bonus Post Presidents Day entry for you 15 readers. We had a blast in London and hopefully we will be doing something like this again in the near future.

Regarding London, it was great seeing PNG Mike and Lady E as well as Lord Jimmy and his parents and seeing Vegas JD was a bonus too.

Had no idea that the Landlord has such a following here in London.
Parliament they seem to have some issues much like we do. To quote Jimmy’s father “Please don’t impeach Trump, if you do then we will be the only assholes with issues!”
I think that I have drank some Gin with picture of that fella on it
Sure you can always get a selfie of Buckingham Palace but can you get a bird to stop in mid flight for a Photo Bomb?
10 Downing Street or Number 10 depending on who says it.
Man I have smoked a bunch of this man’s cigars.
I know some people from Whitehall!
Hey Look Kids, Big Ben, Parliament….and Fucking Cold ass Rain!
Too bad we didn’t get to see Master A as we were told he is over 6 feet tall.
Driving on the other side of the street can confuse you

Oye Ceras, por favor, no te bajes la pierna. Es considerado grosero por los estándares de inglés.
I passed on the Ribs at Harrods
Always loved Peter O’Toole
As I have heard that the Angel of Darkness has fallen ill, I am wishing I saw this show while we were there.

It was a great time and we will be back!

And then there is “That” Guy

This past weekend doing tourist stuff it was interesting to say the least. I spend 5 days a week in high tourist zones walking to appointments and instinctively the first thing I do is avoid anyone with a flag or umbrella. You have no idea how many times I have to side step, jaywalk, step into oncoming traffic to avoid tourists who are walking at a snails pace. Saturday morning Mrs. Trumpet, AK and myself head down to the one place that I would rather masturbate with a cheese grater than visit….Times Square on a Saturday. We were to get our double decker bus tickets over on 8th Avenue and end up having to wait on line right next to the Red Lobster at Times Square.

The bus tour actually is pretty good and I recommend it highly if you have a chance to do it. Those things are a great way to get around and see all the big sites and naturally the chance to get nailed by a traffic light makes the experience even better. We make our way down to Wall Street and I take AK to see the Bull, Stock Exchange, Stone Street and the Federal Reserve Bank. We then head over to the Staten Island Ferry for our ‘drive by’ of the Statue of Liberty. We get to the lobby and naturally there is a crowd of people and we are packed in like sardines on the Brooklyn Bridge bound 6 train. We make our way onto the ferry and head up to the back of the boat up to the second balcony. That is when we encountered the Douche Nozzle.

We get to the mezzanine and walk out onto the deck and decide to grab a seat on the bench. Next thing I know this man in his mid 50’s runs up and lays down on the bench stretching out like he was at the beach next to us. I look over at him with a look of “What the Fuck are doing Jackass?” and he informs me that he is saving seats for his family. I am dumbfounded and really can’t believe that a grown man is ‘saving seats’ on the ferry. An older couple come up and here is where I almost lose it. Douche Nozzle informs this older lady that he is saving seats for his family and actually says “I was here first!” By now Mrs. Trumpet is witnessing this asshat and I can tell that she also is dumbfounded. It was then that I decide to stand up and offer my seat to the older lady and loudly say “AK, lets go stand on the rail and let the Dickhead save his seats.” So DN finally gets his family to sit on the bench long enough for the son and daughter to go over to the port side of the boat and snap pictures out of one of the open windows.

Here is where Karma can be a nasty crack whore to people who are inherently bad. The son was taking pictures out of the open window and guess whose phone accidently falls from his hand and ends up at the bottom of the Hudson River? Yep, that should teach Douche Nozzle to take seats from old people. GFY and go back to Iowa!

IMG_1657So close you can touch it with your hand!

IMG_1664They even have a friggin rule not to lie down to save seats. What a Douche!

IMG_1660What an Asshole!

Moral to this story. Don’t be a Douche and if you are, Get the Fuck out of My City!

The Carl Lipbalm Memorial Scholarship

As you know, the only real children that Mrs. Trumpet and I have are two monkey heads of poodles. There is also the invisible child that appears on my FB feed on the first and last day of school but that is a different story. We have 4 nieces and nephews and a ton of cousins over on my side of the family (what can you expect, I am eye-Talian!) So back in the winter of this year we decided to bring the oldest niece to town for a weekend of sightseeing and exploring NYC as a graduation gift since we didn’t really get her a proper gift.  This conversation naturally led to “why don’t we bring up all the nieces/nephews and cousins for a weekend after they graduate?” We start to jot the name and graduation years on a bar napkin piece of scrap paper and we come up with 9 kids! Oh and we have a set of twins in there too but the way we look at is that we will have someone to wipe our asses when we get old!

Hence “The Carl Lipbalm Memorial Scholarship” was born. Thankfully none of my cousins read this worthless dribble of a blog and if you do,  I know that you can’t tell your parents because they would ground you for the rest of your natural born life! CBT has been known to throw out an F-Bomb and just you wait till I till I tell you about the Douche Nozzle I met on the Ferry. Before the nieces/nephews and cousins start packing their bags for the Big Apple we do have some common ground rules that are in place. They are as follows;

  • The recipient of The Carl Lipbalm Memorial Scholarship (TCLMS) must graduate from an accredited high school and not from a corrections facility.
  • The invitation is only open to the recipient and not a boy/girlfriend. We don’t need any awkward touching going on our couch that weekend.
  • Can’t make fun of the size of our apartment unless you pay for a weekend at The Surrey on E76th and then mock all you want.
  • If CBT is accompanying you as a chaperone then you get one (1) hour total of shopping per day. Or find a shopping venue that is close to a bar, in that case have at it!
  • You are not allowed to get any additional tattoos, piercings, body modifications and or transdermal pieces installed while you are under our care.
  • The weekend being either Thursday evening/Friday morning and ends by Sunday early evening. CBT & Mrs. CBT will need some ‘alone time’ with a bottle of vodka to decompress.

So with that this year’s first recipient was AK from South East Missouri. AK came in screaming hot on Thursday as she got to enjoy a side trip to our nations capital since American didn’t want to fly direct to LGA on Thursday. I do have to say it is fun watching someone try to process things that you are now taking for granted.  I gave her the ground rules for walking and the streets of Manhattan (DON’T FUCKING TEXT & WALK) and she did a good job on that but it was fun watching her almost run into mailboxes staring at the tops of the buildings.

I took AK around on Friday morning for a couple hours as Mrs. Trumpet had a meeting she had to attend. I schlepped her by St. Patrick’s Cathedral, The Rocks, Jimmy Fallon’s Sign, Diamond District, Times Square, Hamilton’s Theater, Bryant Park and she got to experience her first Bagel and Subway ride. Later that evening she went to see Wicked with Mrs. Trumpet while I held court at the Cigar Inn.

Saturday we had a full day with the Double Decker Bus to downtown, trip to see the Bull, Wall Street, Federal Reserve, Statue of Liberty, Chinatown, Little Italy, shopping in SoHo and she ate a Woody Allen from the Carnegie Deli. I am figuring she had good time on her trip. I mean she took 208 pictures that got uploaded to Facebook and I don’t know how many selfies were taken!!  I am kidding, we had a good time with AK and we hope you use your TCLMS as an experience that you will appreciate crazy people who yell at the top of their lungs on the Staten Island Ferry.

IMG_1674Times Square & AK!

IMG_1673Here she is at the guy who we never can stay awake for at night.

IMG_1675Here is where Uncle Dan’s butt is starting to twitch!

IMG_1677“Can I get 2 Two by Fours?” Bartender – “Sure, you want the wrapper with it?”

IMG_1662But first let me take a selfie!

IMG_1671This is what made my butt twitch!

IMG_1676Woody Allen from the Carnegie Deli!

IMG_1667Here I am doing it again!

IMG_1661That is the kind of Sailboat I want to be on! Do they have a Kettle One Sailboat?

IMG_1665I bet they are not sober on that boat at all!

IMG_1682We hit a TON of spots in 3 days. No wonder my legs ache.

And for those of you wondering, no you cannot be a niece/nephew or cousin of ours!