Downtown Brooklyn

The Real MVP's Of This Thing

Some of you didn’t know this but I started in professional sales working for a Food Distributor. This was the old D.Canale Foods where the old downtown warehouse is now condos and apartments. When you start out working for them you go into the ‘Express’ where you handled smaller accounts. In addition to sales you also loaded and delivered your own orders. This made you get up early in the morning and naturally in the summer you sweated like a whore in church.

When I moved on to working for Caterpillar Material Handling I found that I missed that type of sales because you got some exercise but let me tell you something. I now have a huge respect for any person who has to deliver in the elements. My old former neighbor, the late great Wild Bill Craven, drove the Brown Truck for UPS. As he told me one time over a couple of beers, it sucks sometime but it isn’t like we are curing cancer.

Ladies and Gentlemen when we get done with all of this, I may openly hug and kiss any delivery person I encounter. Here they are out delivering the things that we need, making minuscule of wages and risking their lives to make sure we get our shit. I am serious when I say that anytime you get a delivery right you make sure you tip them to the point of financial uncomfortableness. God Bless You Men and Women.

Ok, I am off my soapbox now. Here are the pics from Monday. Oh and I didn’t leave the house till the evening walk for Maya. It rained all day and Maya really didn’t want to go out in that shit anyway.

I am worried about some folks on my favorite Island. That is kind of ironic for a guy who is sitting with Ringside Fucking Seats on the Northeast Epicenter. Belize now has their first confirmed case of COVID-19. I have messaged with a couple friends on the island privately but and can offer this to you extended family.
Its a Hurricane Mentality – You stay the Fuck inside, You practice Social Distancing. You don’t turn on the US News because it is crap anyway and don’t fall into the trap to posting shit that you don’t know to be truthful. Its ok to be nervous but if you can handle not being with power for any length of time you got this. We are all going to get through this. Some of you however will be spiting out kids in 9-10 months. Yes I am looking at you Warria!
Photo forwarded to me by my main girl TacoGirl who the next time I see I will kiss on the mouth!
So when I am on person to person calls I walk around our palatial apartment. I was over by our door which is also the place where we put all of our upcoming shit. Deep down I am glad that this got postponed till the fall. They were getting married on my birthday and I was going to Eleven Madison Park and was going to have to pass on their wedding.
See you in the fall Sky and April!
This picture made me lose my concentration today.
I was telling a customer that I was unsure if we can change the delivery address from New York City to Florida.
You see de plane was already inbound to EWR.
And I bet that “An Obscene Amount of Money” was on the stick and lawd knows he would give me some serious grief.
This fall I expect to see everyone.
Like I said today sucked for a view. Rain and Fog all day. Even the Rubber Chicken next to the humidifier (that was empty) was pissed at today.
Exchanged Texts with these knuckleheads a couple days ago. Wait till the one on the left finds out that Tio Carbunkle isn’t going to let her date till she is 30.
Same for this one but she gets on the Carl Lipbalm Memorial Scholarship list when she graduates from St. Mary’s.
These two knuckleheads inform me of their day each time daddy facetimes us.
Hey Obscene Amount of Money Mom – Feel free to call us too!
We are going to attempt to get some things that we have needed to do for a long time. This will then allow us to drink afterwards. Sadly the real job we now do is still taking a lot of our time while we are working from home.
I saw this thanks to Brother Aloysius today and I had to share with you.
By the way Z(squared) – I do expect this to add to the bathroom.

Again, make sure you tip those saviors who are delivering your stuff. And be nice to your fellow Man/Woman.

Snow In New York

We had some snow a couple of weeks back that took me by surprise. Actually that isn’t true, it took everyone by surprise. What was supposed to be a light dusting actually turned into about 6 inches in the city and over a foot upstate and in Westchester & Rockland Counties. Mary Louise was out of town in Japan (recall this POST) so it was me and the dog. I learned something about the loss of Monkey Head Maddy when it snows. Maddy didn’t really care about snow and would plow through it with reckless abandon and Maya would follow her steps. It appears that Maya is a fancy girl and does’t like snow on her undercarriage. 

I can’t really blame her but my dumbass was wearing probably the worst shoes next to flip flops when all of the snow hit. Rubber soled driving shoes. Yep my commute back to Downtown Brooklyn was wet sock filled.  The snow wasn’t just bad on my subway commute. My boss took her over 7 hours to get home and one of my work co-horts took 4 hours getting home. Thankfully the snow was melted by Friday morning and Flights got back to normal by Saturday for Mary Louise’s arrival home. 

Taken about 3:00PM
Taken about 4:30PM and you can see the snow is on the roads now. 
My shoes are already moist (don’t you just love that word) and I have a substantial snow storm to trek home in. I might as well enjoy my Cigar from my current perch. 
Thanks a Lot Uber. Way to Stick it to the folks. This is normally a $30.00 cab ride home. 
Beware of the Slushy Water. I had to George Costanza Jump to clear this. 
Like a Beacon in the Harbor My Favorite Store Was Open. I didn’t really need anything but you can bet your sweet ass I bought something.
No idea that what she is in for
Where is that White Dog when I need her. This sucks! 
Make a Deal with you. I promise not to pee in the house if you promise not to bring my ass down here again. 

Trust me when I hear that they forecast snow my ass will be wearing correct shoes. 

The Carl Lipbalm Memorial Scholarship Winner Comes to The Big Apple

Remember back 2 years ago when we had one of our niece’s come up to celebrate her graduating from High School. So we had a cousin aka “Love Bug” come up this past weekend. The agenda for the past weekend was dinner Thursday Night. Bum around town on Friday and have dinner with the other cousin in downtown Brooklyn. Saturday a play was in order and then we would figure out dinner.

We really had a great time spending the weekend with “Love Bug” and naturally watching her experience a lot of things that we now take for granted up here. “Love Bug” had a blast and she found out a couple of things; Raw Oysters on the half shell are a hard no. Breaded and Baked Clams ala Patrizias of Brooklyn are also frowned upon. But I am happy to report that escargot from Blue Ribbon gets a pass and she loved street meat from The Hallal Guys.

The weekend was fun and we had a blast with her. Thanks to her momma and daddy for letting us hang out with her.

IMG_4154Love Bug Takes on The Big Apple and Times Square!

IMG_4155The closest that I made it to a Broadway musical! That is Mary Louise’s job!

IMG_4156All kidding aside Times Square is still pretty cool and has an undeniable energy about it!

IMG_4163Getting a slice at Joe’s Pizza! Can’t get anymore Authentic NYC than this!

IMG_4166Here Love Bug is about to take down here first Raw Oyster!

IMG_4167Unfortunately I don’t have the picture of her reaction when she put the ‘snot like’ oyster in her mouth. She was a good sport by trying it! I mean they don’t have an abundance of saltwater oysters in Northwest Arkansas!

IMG_4174“Wait we are going to an intersection in Midtown Manhattan to have lunch?”

IMG_4176We made our way downtown by Trinity Church/The 911 Church and she found some old dead guy’s grave. For those of you wondering – the white grave is Alexander Hamilton’s grave. I hear he had a play written about him.

IMG_4184Wait it isn’t my birthday……

IMG_4183Let us Celebrate “Love Bug’s” fake birthday!

IMG_4187The Traffic here really bites you know Uncle CBT? Why didn’t you get me an Uber for Helicopters?

IMG_4190I can see my house from here! Sadly the day we went to the roof it was overcast but I am sure that some good snaps were taken.

Come back anytime Love Bug but make sure that you don’t tell your little brother about what goes on in New York. Next year is his turn.

Move to Brooklyn they said….

It will be fun they said!

I am kidding, now that we are one full week and two weekends into the Hipster Vibe and it isn’t that bad. I realize that I am way behind as I have trips to Memphis, Philly and this silly move as well as other things to report on this worthless dribble of a blog. I plan to report on all those doings this like old people drive; all over the fucking place! Don’t be surprised if you see multiple entries on the same day and some back dated posts. It isn’t like my advertisers are going to be pulling those million dollar ad deals.

First of all and let me be perfectly clear, if you have anyone who tells you that you that moving isn’t all that bad or they actually enjoy it you need to unfriend their ass right then and there. You don’t need to be friends with someone who is clearly out of their fucking mind. Now that we are in the new space and have made numerous trips to the trash compactor and the Goodwill donations center we get it. Moving into a studio apartment in New York is best done like you are coming into the world – Naked and screaming!

  • Rule # 1 of moving into a studio – Less Furniture is best!
  • Rule # 2 of moving into a studio – Purge, Purge, Purge and Purge to the point of a possible divorce. Who knew that my wife had a fetish for colored pencils and pens. The other side of the coin do I really need 6 pair of black lace up dress shoes?
  • Rule # 3 of moving into a studio – Having an extra C-Note in your pocket works wonders when things can go sideways. Welcome to the New York shakedown baby! So we may have had 7 more boxes and a shoe cabinet that wasn’t originally quoted (mistake on my part) rather than making a big deal about it giving someone an extra Ben Franklin makes the issues go away.
  • Rule #4  of moving into a studio – Purge, Purge, Purge and Purge to the point that your spouse is asking for divorce lawyer representation from friends. *Hint – you think that either one of us wants to go through this shit again, its cheaper to stay together*
  • Rule #5 of moving into a studio – Having friends who can help provide moral support helps. NO I didn’t say help you move, you are a fucking adult and not in college anymore. Pay someone to move your stuff. On that note a HUGE SHOUT OUT to Maria, Mr. 3 First Names and Lady Barrister. I also would like to thank the Brewmaster of Budweiser Light and Tito’s Vodka for their help in dulling the pain too.
  • Rule #6 of moving into a studio – In the heat of the moment try to take a moment of pause and think “Before we throw this out, can it really fit?” Right now we have all of our art still in the boxes and crates and it is creating a disturbance in our chi. We were able to move some stuff around this weekend and now are glad we didn’t do some serious purging.
  • Rule #7 of moving into a studio – It may hurt your pocketbook or liver but get out of the house on a daily basis. Currently we are supposed to have Internet and TV hooked up this Wednesday between 10 and 12 and working on a mobile hotspot sucks. We found that getting out of the apartment on a nightly basis helps from losing your mind. Downside to that is that we now know every bartender in a 5 block radius and boy are they going to be pissed when they find out that we don’t normally go out on a Monday – Thursday night.
  • Rule #8 of moving into a studio – Purge, Purge, Purge, Purge – did I mention that enough? Seriously we looked like we could have been on Hoarders.

38RSo here is our space. We learned that having an “open kitchen” can actually hurt you when needing space but we think we can make it work.

IMG_3120White dog (who is blind) is not happy at all! Red Dog has been very needy and is scared to death that we are going to leave her ass somewhere.

IMG_3155After a week of sleeping on the ground with the mattress on the floor we got a new bed. Thankfully we don’t need a stepladder to get into this one like the old bed in the UES.

IMG_3156Maya is happy now that she can go from floor to couch to bed without needing help.

IMG_3152Like I said, we did some “recon” on the local drinking establishments this past week.

Hope you had a laugh.

933 Days and I got it done!

What did I do that took almost 2 and half years to accomplish you ask? I am proud to report that I have the Entire Upper East Side of Manhattan (North of E60th Street to E96th Street,  West of 5th Avenue to the East River) speaking Southern!  It is a thing of beauty, I have everyone saying “hello” and “good morning” on the streets. Snapple and fizzy water has been replaced with freshly brewed Lipton Iced Tea. Bacon Lettuce and Tomato with Pimento Cheese has replaced the Gyro carts on the streets. And Finally the first Friday after Memorial Day everyone will be wearing Seersucker!

I am pretty proud of myself, I didn’t think I could do it. Hell, I even have my work family now issuing “Bless Your Heart” to people instead of saying “F You!”  So what is next for Carbunkle Trumpet you wonder? WE ARE TAKING OUR SHOW IN THE ROAD TO DOWNTOWN BROOKLYN! Yep! We are moving out of the UES and heading to the borough of Brooklyn! Home of Jay Z, Manbuns and Hipsters and I am putting all of you on notice! Ok, so the real reason could be that Momma has taken a new job so we have to move out of her employers housing but we are excited for the new adventure.

We looked at a number of different locations on this rock and other rocks and decided that we needed the following things;

  • One or two subway stops back into Manhattan and easily walkable
  • Multiple Subway Lines for when there are delays, cancelations or weekend repairs
  • Full Service Building so they can accept our Vodka & Wine fruit & vegetable deliveries
  • Office or business center shared space in common area
  • Outdoor space and maybe an outdoor grill for daddy to burn red meat
  • Had to be cool and have a neighborhood tavern (or two)

Downtown Brooklyn checked all the boxes so we started to find a new home in that area. We looked into one building but they would only allow one dog and since we have two that collectively weigh 11 pounds that was out. We found another joint that is just as good and pending the vetting process we are in. We are shooting for next week to move so don’t be surprised if this sucker is quiet next week.

data=2M2OiB_yxfn5DcdjDRgvI6wr69jNRy3suS-zfNpCNuuMB_IbWMxsjfy6d2reA7Kcv5tiy7Pqdj1XX4k_InfgQqIgpJBUQt63NdtgsnjRhj--JFktXUBjgvOMCIXHj8hTyuyOWe are smack dab in the middle of everything. Walking distance to the Barclays Center, right next to a University that we may know the head men’s basketball coach, it is a quick Subway ride to the Murphranks and there is an IHop on the Fulton Mall!

IMG_3004Roughly 13 subway lines I can jump on to get into the city!

imagesHere is the front of our Non-Hipster Building

Dattner-Architects_HubOasisAll186_web-1-840x580I mean this isn’t too bad for those 30 nice days of summer for us to enjoy!

IMG_3011Maya is saying “Wait, I like the UES! People tell me that I look cute and want to pet me! I don’t even like the Beastie Boys”

IMG_3012Maddy is looking forward to taking a wiz on the artificial grass in the dog run that they have. Yep she will peeing on Brady Bunch Astroturf!

IMG_3070This part sucks, basically because we don’t have much room to put shit

IMG_3069Office and Holiday Crap is in boxes!

IMG_3068You will notice that the Cigar Humidor and the Steve Bartman Bobble Head are still here. I will pack those last of course!

IMG_3067Blue Dogs are packed and ready to move to Brooklyn

IMG_3065Not to say that we don’t have a lot to offer but do any of your future residents make Logo Cornbread? Please accept us and can you make it quick, we are starting to get nervous!

We will keep you posted, till then I will be busy growing out my hair for the Man bun!

 

Spring Like Weather and Then Hurricane Tucker

Hope you guys had a fun weekend. I am sure that there a some of you in Memphis who didn’t heed my warning on Twitter and blew it out hard at Rajun Cajun yesterday. Here is to hoping that your hands aren’t shaking too bad as you read this. Finally the weather broke on Friday and Saturday till 5PM. It actually was ‘bead of sweat’ warm on Friday as I joked with the doormen that people will probably be bitching about the heat. Saturday didn’t disappoint until the front moved in and it got chilly on our ride home from Brooklyn.

Friday I got home and we had our Midwestern friend Tucker heading in from New Jersey. She was across the Hudson for work training and decided to spend an evening with us and fly out Saturday. This was just fine with us as we knew we were in for a full fun night. Since she was rolling into town I was able to find 3 tickets to Losers Lounge Friday night as they were giving tribute to “The Last Waltz.” We met up at the apartment and then had dinner at a Geoffrey Zakarian joint in Midtown East.

If you have been paying attention you will know that I have been doing some juice cleansing and clean eating. Well that shit came to a tumbling halt on Friday as I switched over from green grass and tree bark drinks to Potato based liquid and what the hell. I got me a GZ burger and added bacon to it too! The show didn’t disappoint and the post show drinks were good (?) and before Tucker’s hair could deflate she was headed to LGA.

Saturday we went over to Downtown Brooklyn to check out apartments and had drinks with lady barrister since Mr. 3 First Names was out of town.  Walking into The Commissioner was warm and sunny and temps in the 70’s. Walking out the bottom dropped out of the bottom and it was around 50 with a good wind. Thankfully we had some jet fuel in us but that walk to the subway was brutal!

IMG_2970Sadly I never saw the movie and the second act didn’t dissapoint

IMG_2968Yep all the favorite were preforming tonight

IMG_2965But first lets take a selfie!

IMG_2980Yep he did a Van Morrison song and for those of you wondering that is the same person who sang George Micheal

national-gallery-images-7The interior of GZ’s National – Nice dinner

untitledPretty much it starts out nice here then goes downhill very soon afterwards!

IMG_2986More on this later but we went to Downtown Brooklyn on Saturday

 

Thanks for a fun weekend Tucker and hope everyone behaved this weekend. Its going to be a shitty couple of days up here weather wise.