First Avenue

Street Fair Food Fail!

Saturday was Monkey Head Maya’s beauty appointment with Not Yolanda in the UES. Yes my dog is so bougie that she still keeps her regular girl in the Upper East Side even though we live in Brooklyn. I guess she doesn’t want a bun or wear a pork pie hat. Anyway after I drop off Maya I then head down to have a cigar at my old stomping grounds at Cigar Inn.

A couple of hours I am heading back to Brooklyn with a clean and nicely cut dog. Now while I was leaving the Cigar Inn to get the dog I noticed that the First Avenue Street Fair was in full effect. Considering I was a tad hungover from the night before I thought that Geranium and I should come back and walk around. Considering I didn’t have anything planned for the day and I was craving a Pronto Pup and an Italian Sausage sandwich.

I am guessing the Pronto Pup and Sausage guy didn’t get the memo because for 12 square blocks there was none of that to be had. Corn Guy, Arrepa, Gyro and a bunch of other non-fair food tents but What The Fuck First Avenue Festival planners? You going healthy on us?

A Gyro on every corner
Crowd was light too
Cajun Nut Meat…I think I will pass
What the Cornbread Fuck
What did you do? BBQ a shoe?
This one is for you FitzJohn.
Needless to say we high tailed it out of there.

Would it kill a Street Festival to get a Pronto Pup Stand Up here?

Special Saturday Post – Go Tigers Go

Been busy since getting back from Memphis. We just left town as the Flu Bug was arriving and have been overdosing on Airborne and all kinds of old wives tales on how to stay healthy. Anyway it was a good trip and we tried to see as many people as we could in such a short time.

I plan on ‘borrowing’ an idea from JENSIZED and post something similar to her 10 things she accomplished probably tomorrow. Right now it is snowing, I have to go get the dogs from the groomer and there should be cigars smoked this afternoon with the boys.

Go Tigers and if you are sitting on the couch right now and have Liberty Bowl Tickets get your ass off the couch. Go put on your bedroom comforter coat and get your ass to the game! We can’t let Iowa State show us up!

IMG_2460This is Monkey Head Maya’s sister. As you can see Maxi is much larger than Maya but we love them both.

IMG_2462Lady Killer – “Uncle CBT you paying for dinner tonight.”
Me – “Yeah but keep it light, I may be living in New York City but I don’t want to be reminded of those costs down here.”
Lady Killer – “No problem, Um Sir (*to the waiter) I will have the Surf and Turf!”

IMG_2463This is just F’d up! Why have wine in the grocery store if you can’t buy it on Sunday.

IMG_2466And for those of you wondering, no that dress that Mrs. Trumpet is wearing is not meant to be serious. It was her Tacky Sweater outfit that she got from China for $10.00 and took 6 weeks to arrive.

IMG_2468Yes, I even went to Mass on Christmas Day with my mother, wife, EGP, & EGP’s Dad. And no the church didn’t fall down either.

IMG_2467Because when you go to Mass you never know what you will see in the Nativity Scene. Take a look at one of the Wisemen that I put in the center of this pic. Is that M’effer wearing a pimp hat? I think so! Oh and if you laughed then you will join me in hell too! Welcome aboard!

IMG_2469Ziggy in the House!

IMG_2470Going to be disappointed that I can’t drink beer with this guy on New Years Day like we did last year!

IMG_2480Well I have always said that if it is going to be this cold it might as well snow. What an asshole I am!


Have a good Saturday and Thanks for reading.

That is cute and everything but when is this shit going melt?

First and foremost, My hats off to KLC Man, Nova, Farmer Ted and anyone who lives in the ‘snow belt’. I now know what you go now through from October to June. Remember back last year when New York got the 30 Inches of Snow. What you didn’t know was that right after the snowstorm my ass headed to Memphis for 2 weeks so I didn’t have to deal with the aftermath. Do you know how much of a bitch it is to move around the city with snow that is piled up on the sidewalks? Trust me, it is a pain in the ass. And you are talking about someone who only has had to endure roughly 2 major snow storms since living up here.

Tuesday we got Snowstorm ‘Stella’ and it was supposed to be a snowstorm and a Nor’easter at the same time. The city prepared for it by cancelling school on Monday, announcing that exposed subway lines would be closed and the 3 airports cancelled flights like it was nobody’s business. Monday night the snow was to start and as we were walking the dogs on their evening Pee/Poop I kept telling them “enjoy that sidewalk, the shit is about to get real’ tomorrow. Thankfully Manhattan didn’t get the 18 inches it was supposed to get but we did get 9 inches of snow and ice. Hats off to NY Sanitation because with a travel ban they were able to get the main streets cleared and New York was able to get out of ‘limp’ mode fairly quickly. By the way ‘limp’ mode in New York would have been ‘Full Fucking Stop’ in Memphis or anywhere in the south.

Now if you are reading this in Memphis or parts south of the Mason Dixon line this may not be a big deal to you but when a plow pushes snow to the side of the street it piles up. Sadly there isn’t a ‘snow fairy’ who comes in and waves its magic wand and makes it go away. This stuff packs in and is harder than a high school oil boy at a Hawaiian Tropic Swimsuit competition. You see what I am getting to here? Eventually someone with a tractor makes ‘curb cuts’ to allow pedestrians to make their way across the street. The passageway are maybe 2 feet wide if that and with all the people walking around, you get the picture. It is a pain in the ass.

I am going to show the pictures to give you an idea of what I am talking about. I assure you that this southern boy is ready for spring and summer because trudging in this crap sucks. Maria, I am now bitching about the snow and weather do I get the next New Yorker badge? I guess you need to take me to your favorite Pizza place next. Enjoy the pictures. 

IMG_0503This was on Tuesday Morning when I came down to bring the dogs out to Pee. Pay no attention to Paul’s arm on the left side of the picture. He is laughing at me because I was saying to myself “At least it isn’t rain, at least it isn’t rain!”

IMG_0504Traffic was light on First Avenue on Tuesday Morning to say the least. Notice the street, they already plowed it earlier in the morning.

IMG_0505See the path on the sidewalk? That was Manny on the John Deere Tractor/snow plow who made that to push some sidewalk snow onto the street.

IMG_0506Hard to tell but the snow by the curb is about a foot deep. This was taken about 9AM on Tuesday and we had a full 8 hours of snow and sleet after that!

IMG_0501Here is my little snow bunny about to head to work on Tuesday. She is giving me ‘the look’ because my ass was in pajama pants and was checking to see what time the cigar joint opened that afternoon.

IMG_0509This poor Bastard got stuck on the shore during the storm on Tuesday. He getting rained on and the wind was a bitch. I bet that he was late to a staff meeting so they gave him this duty.

IMG_0510Wednesday they were digging out cars and this is reason number one that I am glad that we don’t own a car here. E72nd @ 2nd Ave

IMG_0511Call the ACPCA on my ass, I don’t care. If I had to put booties on the Monkey Heads they would bite me and it would be more trouble than what it is worth. Here this is the norm with dogs.

IMG_0512Taken on E73rd as I was…..wait for it….coming back from the Cigar joint.

IMG_0514Imagine 40 people coming and going trying to walk past in this little ass path in under 15 seconds.

IMG_0513This is a great way to make sure your bike doesn’t get stolen. Bury it in snow.

IMG_0515No curb cut? This is why we wear hiking boots in New York during snow days.

IMG_0520I see one of my work cohorts on Wednesday in a shared building and he takes one look at me and says “You going to work at Texas D Brazil?” I am fine with losing cool points, at least my feet are warm compared to your frozen toes.

IMG_0522Makes it damn near impossible to Jay Walk when we have snow piles.

IMG_0524Clearing the snow on 5th Avenue. They happen to have a little parade today and the Asian Fireman, Mr. 3 First Names, AB, and Skippy don’t want snow tickling their balls as they walk up the street in their kilts.

IMG_0525Yeah your ass ain’t getting your smart car out anytime soon bud.

IMG_0499As seen on Monday when I was making 19 calls to offset being home on Tuesday. I should have asked these guys on Monday if they needed anyone to sell Tour Bus Tickets on the Beach instead of Manhattan.

I will probably post some pics this weekend from the weekend’s festivities. Happy St. Patrick’s day folks. We are going to The Yonkers St. Patrick’s Parade on Saturday with Zsquared, Enimily the International Charleston Belle, Mel the IU Fan, and DC.



Memorial Day Weekend Recap

It started last week with various friends and coworkers asking; “You doing anything for Memorial Day Weekend CBT?”
“No, we are staying in the city over the weekend.” Not that there is anything bad with staying here but we are going to be out of town next weekend and needed to save our pennies.
FYI Memphis Friends – No we will not be at the Annual Italian Fest in Marquette Park this weekend. The truth of the matter is that I have not completed my “Speaking Northern 101” class yet but I am happy to report I am rocking the dark socks, sandals and a wife beater like a M’Effer!*
Now unlike my friends and coworkers who went to the beach or the Shore *why do New Yorkers say “Beach” and New Jersey folks say “Shore”* we stayed close to home and had a helluva weekend;

Friday night we went out to celebrate 19 years around the sun staying married to each other. We dined at Delmonico’s down in the heart of Wall Street and had a great meal and time. Part of this blog’s mystique is that I spin real stories and protect the names of the innocent. I will say that 19 years with Mrs. Trumpet has been a helluva ride and I look forward to the next 19+ years with her. Or at least until she figures out how to program the DVR and set up the WiFi connections then my ass is on the street.

Saturday we ventured up to see the Asian Fireman and his family and did a little BBQ’ing. *Remember New York Friends – BBQ by southern terms is cooking something indirect and utilizing smoke or vented heat. Grilling is cooking the same item over a direct heat source.* We had a good time up in Woodlawn and even the Monkey Heads got to enjoy running on grass and being outdoors.

Sunday we got to sleep in (well Mrs. Trumpet did) and tried to see “Manhattanhenge” where the sun lines up and is in full view of all cross streets. It only happens a couple times a year so naturally we celebrated it with beer! Sadly the cloud cover made for a no go of the sun peeking down the streets. Maybe next time.

Monday we chilled at home and again tried to see Manhattanhenge and again had cloud cover so no go. Fell asleep watching the Golden State game and now we have a two day work week!

STREET SHOTS-19You have to appreciate a joint that has been around for a while.

 IMG_1301When I worked at the Fancy restaurant in Memphis it amazed me for those who wanted Baked Alaskans. Naturally I had to have one for good measure.

IMG_1306We put “ole Blue” (the name of the smoker) through her paces on Saturday.

IMG_1313It gets any hotter then I will be telling C-Man to move over.

IMG_1308Got to love Fi, she is going to be a handful when she grows up.

IMG_1314Shoulder 1 is off the smoker

IMG_1316Smoker Two is off the smoker. *The reason for the cigars is that we were trolling a couple of our friends. We both know not to smoke a cigar while handling food.

FullSizeRenderAwww This makes me nostalgic for Memphis!

IMG_1322Manhattanhenge – FAIL!

IMG_1324Not a view down a cross street but this is up First Avenue. Love the way the buildings frame the street.

Have a good week!






Oh No! Naked Guy is brushing he teeth!

Yep, I just made a “Friends” reference but don’t worry, that is about it. The building we live in here in New York takes up the front half of 1st Avenue and is in the shape of a U. Our studio/apartment is on the inside corner so we have 2 windows; one facing East and a larger one facing North towards the other studio/apartment. Now I have heard NY horror stories of windows facing brick walls so we are thankful that we have somewhat of a view uptown and can see all the other apartments on our city block. I bet you know where I am going with this aren’t you?

With our apartments location the main window’s vantage point is a straight shot into our bedroom and bathroom.  Back when we had our condo in Memphis had plenty of windows and also a straight shot view into the building across from Main Street. Thankfully that building was vacant so we never had to worry about putting up blinds or curtains.  Here in Gotham, I think it was the first week that Mrs. CBT suggested that I may want close the blind or door when I was in the shower. I joking said, “If they are dirty enough to look, I might as well give them a show.” This started me to think so after a trip to IKEA I put up a curtain on the hallway from the bedroom to the bathroom to offer more privacy when we have our blinds up.

Well it happened folks…..We ventured out this past Friday for happy hour drinks and when we returned home for the evening the blinds on the bedroom window were still up. It was dark outside and one had many ‘views’ into the apartments across the way. I glance over and see the apartment 1 down from ours and see that dude was rocking a pair of boxer briefs while brushing his teeth. I tell Mrs. Trumpet that she may want to check out the show across the way and seriously folks I created a monster. Thankfully dude finally finished his primping routine and got dressed but I spent an hour cleaning the window from all the smudge marks made by Mrs. Trumpet. Should I really be worried that a telescope arrived via Amazon Prime this morning?  I think that it should only be fair that when I am shaving my balls next time I leave the blinds and curtain open. Sorry, I was just checking to see if you were still reading. Have a good one.

IMG_0443Here is the view from our bedroom of the other side of the building. Also were the show was the night prior. *Notice how clean the window is after I cleaned up all the smudge marks*

IMG_0441Standing in the bathroom peering out the window. Or as I say “Showtime”

IMG_0442Here is the view with the curtains shut. It helps in the summer when the shower is in use and doesn’t turn into steam room.

5039bd07a6b0f85e56d3b4f15c604747No this isn’t the view we had, I nipped this off the internet

So just remember to close your blinds.


“Dressing for the Day” vs “Dressing for the Weather”

So I have heard that if you don’t like the weather in New York just wait an hour and it will change. Case in point this past Friday it was a ball chilling 36 degrees and yet on Saturday it was beautiful, 61 degrees and sunny!  Seriously, it was killer!  I started the morning taking the dogs out wearing track pants, Grizzlies zip up jacket and realized that it was a tad too much. My midmorning errands; dry cleaning, shoes shined, and beer run I was rocking a Northface vest and t-shirt and it was perfect. I went to the Cigar store and started noticing that all of the patrons were coming in wearing their winter coats, hats and gloves. I ask one of the regulars if all New Yorkers have blood any in their body because today was a day you could go sans the coat.  My friend informed me that the majority of New Yorkers dress according to the day and not what the weatherman predicts. “Dress for the day” that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of, who the fuck dresses for February 20th and doesn’t look at the weather report? I would sweat my arse off if I were wearing the same clothes on Saturday as I was on Friday. Secondly, again, who the Feck dresses for the day and not confer with what the weather dude says….New Yorkers, I guess.

I did made certain if I had any projects or things I needed to get done that they were done today because it was great being outside only wearing a NF vest. Meanwhile my fellow New Yorkers were donning sleeping bag jackets, toboggan hats and wearing scarves like it was 20 below. I mean come on guys! Last week it was Artic Blast from hell and today if it were 5 more degrees, I would have been calling AJ asking him if we could have a Board Meeting via Skype. Now it was too bad that none of my favorite local drinking establishments stored all of their sidewalk tables and chairs for the winter. If they did I sure as shit would have been there having many beers.

IMG_0406Yep, I knew it was going to be a good day when I saw that the sun was shining on my walk to get my Bagel for breakfast.

IMG_0413You can’t really tell because  of the shadows but that playground is packed with kids playing their hearts out. Enjoy it kids and parents, it is supposed to be crappy by mid week next week.

IMG_0414The Citi Bike station on E68th street was out of bikes and who could blame people? It  was a great day to be roadkill on the hood of a NY Taxi

IMG_0412Come on Grandma, it is 60 degrees out, shed the coat and enjoy some Vitamin D why don’t you?

I guess I am really getting older since now I am talking about the weather as compared to being in a pub.


The Week(s) in Pictures

Going to put together a “greatest hits” compilation of pics from the past two weeks.

IMG_0381Got to love the West Village Bathrooms and their Graffiti!

IMG_0381How does one bring in a paint brush and do this? I can’t even keep up with my house keys

IMG_0387I asked the boys in the Rig if they had an “Asian Fireman” and they said he was off. #howodd

IMG_0388We had snow on one evening and then the next day we had 50 degrees and rain.

IMG_0394Wine Bottle down! Wine Bottle Down!

IMG_0404They hate each other, yeah right…

IMG_0353Showed them the previous pic of the dogs and they giggled at me.

IMG_0409I do love me a lox and cream cheese bagel from these guys.

IMG_0411This picture just makes me happy! It is my new screen saver on my iFoam.

Have a good weekend! We are supposed to have killer > 55 degree weather tomorrow!



The Week in Pictures


Have a good one!

First Ave closed until further notice because of bad bricks

This past Thursday after work we decided to head down to our favorite pub and have a drink. We like Baker Street Pub because the bartenders are friendly and having happy hour specials doesn’t hurt either. The bar is on First Avenue at 63rd street and is walking distance from our joint on First Avenue. It was the same bar that we were heading to when we got to see the Pope back in September. On our journey we notice that, once again, the NYPD bike rack was up and NYPD were not letting folks go beyond 64th street. We asked an officer what was up and he told us that the building that had the bricks fall off of it earlier in the week had some more bricks fall off it. All of the businesses on First between 63rd and 64th were dark and closed since no traffic was allowed past the barricades.   We decided to head to our second favorite bar The Subway Inn on Second and 59th and walked down York to get around the No Traffic Zone. Well we saw the bricks that fell and I am hoping that the establishments will be open soon.


Here is the “bad” building. Notice the scaffolding and netting on the South Side of the building. I swear  if I ever wanted to be a multi millionaire I would have opened a scaffolding company.


Just past the Liquor Neon sign is Baker Street. Locked up tighter than Dick’s Hatband.


Yeah, I would say that this is a problem…I understand that they evacuated the building after this happened.


And Thanks for the heads up Fox News, could have used this earlier!

May none of your bars be closed due to faulty bricks this week.