Friends

Meet Me by the Saturday Night Live Clock in Grand Central

A while back I was going to do a joint day with one of my fellow tour bus ticket sellers. His territority is south of mine near Grand Central Station. He told me to meet him in Grand Central Station which if you have never been before it is effin huge. I get to the station a couple minutes early and he was running late. I tell him to meet me at the SNL clock in the main terminal. Below the SNL clock is an information station for tourists. While I was standing there I overheard about a dozen question exchanges by tourists. Now for someone who has lived here for some 685ish days some of these questions were hard to give directions. Here are some examples of the questions;

  • Q – “How do I get to Scarsdale?” A – “Track 16 and the train leaves in 5 minutes”
  • Q – “Can I buy my ticket on the train?” A – “Yes but you can get a cheaper ticket over at the kiosks.”
  • Q – “How do we get to JFK and the AirTrain?” A – “You would need to take the E Subway line to JFK and transfer there?”
  • Q – “How do we get to the Statue of Liberty?” A – “You would need to take the Subway to the Staten Island Ferry?”
  • Q – “Where does President Trump Live?” A – “The White House, you need to go to Union Station to ride Amtrak.”
  • Q – “Where can I get one of those cheap knock-off Fendi Purses?” A – “Canal Street or any corner in Midtown.”
  • Q – “Those guys with the large guns hanging around the front entrance, what are they here for?” A – “Bad Guys”
  • Q – “Do you know if those hotdog vendors are serving food that is safe?” A – “If you eat one everyday for a year it may kill you but you will be ok.”
  • Q – “Do you know how to get to Chik-Fil-A on 6th Avenue?” A – “Yeah but why?”

Have a good day!

 

Happy Summer Solstice Folks – Swede 101

If you are reading this on your foam wondering what the hell I am talking about, today (Wednesday) is the Summer Solstice. This means that today is the longest day of sunlight for us folks in the Northern hemisphere. Or if you happen to know a guy who is from Sweden it means one of the most important boozy events of the year in Sweden. For today Midsummer is a day of decadent indulgence with its root in pagan rituals. 

Now stop right there, no I didn’t shed my clothes down to my birthday suit and danced naked around a Maypole, they have scruples in Park Slope Brooklyn. To give you a quick nickel tour here is what Google said about the festival in Ikea land.

Midsummer is an occasion of large gatherings − and to be honest, many Swedes take advantage of it to fulfil their social obligations so that they can enjoy the rest of their holiday in peace. In many cases, whole families gather to celebrate this traditional high-point of the summer.
Swedes like the world to be well-ordered, so Midsummer Eve is always a Friday between 19 and 25 June. People often begin the day by picking flowers and making wreaths to place on the maypole, which is a key component in the celebrations.
The maypole is raised in an open spot and traditional ring-dances ensue, to the delight of the children and some of the adults. Teenagers tend to stay out of it and wait for the evening’s more riotous entertainment.

Mrs. Trumpet and I were invited via proxy from LZ and following the Mermaid Parade we headed to the home of the Swede and SJ in Brooklyn. F the Swede welcomed us with open arms and a fruity drink as he explained to the group assembled that traditionally the Midsummer eve starts on a Friday. “If we actually did the party during the week everyone would not make it to work the next day because you normally drink until the sun comes up.” Here I am thinking to myself that I may need to visit Sweden after hearing this.

The Menu consisted of traditional Swedish fare; Meatballs, Pickled Herring, Boiled New Potatoes with fresh dill, soured cream and chives. Grilled Salmon and SJ’s native Pilipino dish of  Lumpia that was killer. The booze consisted of  Swedish Vodka and some drink with schnapps that was pretty good and gave me a great case of MPH the next day.

Ok enough about the menu and drink, what I found that was so great about this evening was the sense of pride that could be seen beaming from the host when he would describe a dish or lead the group in song. Sure, I didn’t recognize the song because it was in Swedish but you appreciate the deep appreciation of someone’s heritage. That is what makes living here so cool, you get to experience someone’s heritage and you don’t have to leave the state. We said our goodbyes and got back to our apartment where we promptly passed out but thank you to F the Swede and SJ for the hospitality.

IMG_1135Salmon and all the trimmings

IMG_1134Not much of a Herring fan but I was nice and tried a piece of it. (and spit it out in my napkin)

IMG_1133Meatballs and Potatoes

IMG_1132The table was packed with food and good times

IMG_1139Who knew that LZ could also make flower crowns? Not sure why the red onion was there but this was the flower crown workstation.

IMG_1138Mrs. Trumpet and LZ in their flower crowns. And no jackasses I wasn’t wearing one!

Again, thanks for the hospitality and next time we will do a Memphis BBQ in Park Slope!

 

 

Carbunkle Trumpet Eats Crow again

I am somewhat of a smart ass…I know that some of you can’t believe that one bit but it is true. Way back when IKEA announced they were coming to Memphis people lost their damned minds on Social Media. This announcement was before we even knew that we were going to move to New York and have our entire apartment outfitted with IKEA stuff. I made some snarky comment about the particle board furniture and how Memphians were losing their shit. My good friend TO the OJ Simpson Bronco driver took notice of my tweet.

When we moved to New York almost 2 years ago we naturally made our first trip to Red Hook’s IKEA and I was impressed. Yes we outfitted our entire apartment since we sold all of our shit before we made the 1600 mile drive. I think that I made a comment on Twitter and my friend TO was quick to remind me about the tweet and she called me out on it. I deserved it and it was funny too. Because of the location of the IKEA in Brooklyn it is somewhat hard to get there. You can take the ferry to and from but trust me when I say that schlepping your crap back in a blue bag sucks.

This past weekend Mrs. Trumpet was in the throws of schoolwork, studying and I needed to get the hell out of the house. I had a small list of stuff that I needed to get from IKEA. I figured that heading to Red Hook was a good way to get out of the house and get it done. Now the Ferry doesn’t start running from Pier 11 until 11:30 and I wanted to try to get some Cigar time with the boys so I took my chances and headed to Brooklyn on the F Train. The F Train made news last week when one of the subway trains went tits up and lost power, and air-conditioning. One of the Rhodes girls from many moons ago was stuck on that train and I could only imagine how bad that sucked. Thankfully the F Train made it to Smith Avenue and I grabbed a 5 dollar Uber drive to IKEA.

All in all it was only 45 minutes door to door and I was in and out of IKEA under an hour and was able to catch the 11:45 ferry to Wall Street. So there you go TO, feel free to bust me out again as I eat some crow. Be kind would you?

IMG_1040Waiting on the F Train. That joker has yet to be on time.

IMG_1041She would get major style points if those suckers were pink.

IMG_1043On the Ferry heading back to Manhattan

IMG_1044Governors Island

IMG_1045Doesn’t get old looking at Lower Manhattan from the water at all.

IMG_1046Looking at the buildings on Water Street and Old Slip

IMG_1047Got some more $2.99 frames to hang the Playbills and ‘cool NYC stuff’ that we have done.

IMG_1048So far we have been to 15 cool NYC things and or plays/musicals. Not bad considering we haven’t gone to Colbert or Fallon (yet)

IMG_1049More Spice Racks and spice holders. Unfortunately we have to move them since the drawers can’t come out fully now. #Robofail

IMG_1050New Up lighting for the bedroom. Why don’t New Yorkers like lighting?

Hope you had a good weekend and stayed cool. It was a hot one in the city on Sunday.

 

 

 

2016 The Year in Review

Let me start right now and say that 2016 was a great year for the Trumpets. Sure our presidential candidate didn’t win but we didn’t ‘take to the streets’ protesting or putting up post it notes in the Union Square Subway station. If you don’t like the outcome you have one option – Move the Fuck Out!  As far as celebrity deaths; yes we will miss David Bowie, Nancy Reagan, Frank Jr., Prince, Leon Russell, and even Father John Francis Mulcahy but that is the life cycle. We won’t miss Fidel or even Harambe the Gorilla! Ok, enough with my political and current event posts.

2016 was welcomed with Jimmy Buffet and good friends in Brooklyn and it turned out to be a great one. It was great professionally for the both of us and even Mrs. Trumpet is currently (as I type this) studying for her NYU class right now. 2016 found me a permanent home selling tour bus tickets in the Upper East Side with a great team. Hell, I am even now sending money via Vinmo so I guess I am getting hip. We made trips to Belize, Tulum, Isla Mujeres (RJ has heard it both ways), Boston, and even Chicago to see the World Series. I made 3 trips to Memphis and Mrs. Trumpet snuck into Memphis too. There were trips to the other boroughs, trips to Atlantic City to see The Damn Neighbor, Philly, Fayetteville, AR, and Grand Rapids.

One of my former “Daddy’s” (boss) welcomed into the world his first son, my cousin had a girl, the Sparks have a boy with some wild ass hair, my fellow Snookie lover Chelsea & Josh welcomed a child into the world and I am sure I am missing some others. Even my fellow beer soft drinking buddy RJ got something in the water in Mexico and is going to welcome into the world another girl in mid May. That puts more on the line up to help wipe our asses when we get old so kids consider yourself on the Carl Lipbalm Scholarship List since we don’t have kids.

We got to see some really cool shit ish this year too. Have you ever seen 30 inches of Snow? Yea us neither, it was AMAZING! We got to see a guy from Long Island play at Madison Square Garden by the name of William Martin Joel who is the consummate performer. We saw a little America’s Cup Boat Race and even though we didn’t understand it, I hear the US team kicked the shit out of the other teams. I heard that they even said “Bring on Bama” between champagne chugs. I got to finally meet one of my top 5 Chefs when I got the book signed for Ms. Cat Dresser Upper in Dumbo. And we even got some Pool Time in Wantaugh with some friends of ours.

We did some great eating this past year. No I am not going to rehash the trips to Peter Lugar, Blue Hill at Stone Barns, Delmonico, Per Se, or some of those other fancy joints. I am going to talk about some good ole Memphis BBQ that we had at The Boogie Down BBQ in the Bronx with some Memphis Pitmasters. It was a good time this year and we didn’t even have to get another script of Lipitor.

2016 brought us some great friendships that blossomed over this year. I am not going to go over the names because it may confuse you aka THE ASIAN FIREMAN isn’t really ASIAN folks but you know who you are.

Lastly, we survived living on this rock for one year. We Look Back and it has blown by. We look forward to what 2017 brings us. I certainly appreciate the readers and the comments that you have said either on this thing, Facebook or in person. This worthless dibble gives me a chance to categorize and verbalize what is going on in our life. For those of you who got the chance to come visit us we appreciate it and hope to see some more of you this year. 535 square feet isn’t that bad folks, I promise.

Ok, so here are some pictures that probably didn’t make the posts but are funny to say the least.

img_5528Made the trip into Memphis in September and ran into T-Rex’s daddy and LVD. Good Times on South Main.

img_1892Sober as New Orleans Judges. At least Tucker got the smart idea to wear glasses. My dumbass have them on my head.

IMG_1902.JPGPay no attention to Mrs. Trumpet’s cans. This was right before the Grand Rapids Po-Po came by and told us “Creepy Old People” to go inside. I think they were afraid we would break a hip.

img_2045Attention Single Irish Men of Manhattan. This one is making her virgin trip to Manhattan in early April. No she won’t be wearing the monogram tank top, I know that this ‘ish’ don’t fly here.

img_2393Took LZ to the floor of the Stock Exchange because she pretty much saved my ass during my RSP days. Told her about the unwritten rule that on your first visit if the market closes up then you will have good luck for the year. By the way – ask her who is kicking arse in ticket sales to tourists in the Garment District.

img_5539Flew up one of our dog sitters when we went to Belize because a flight was cheaper than boarding them in the UES.

img_1603Maya – “No I am good, I am going to stay here with all those drunk eye-talians around”

img_1757Did you know that people come to New York for their vacation just to sit on line for the ‘chance’ they get a ticket for Hamilton. #poorbastards

img_01212016 was the year of the Coffee Drink! Or as Rock-Mo calls it “that coffee drink with the green stuff on it.”

img_1820I have to admit that the Garden is a pretty fucking cool venue.

img_1659Brother Joel McGraw, FSC wasn’t lying when he made us pray to Our Lady of Victory

img_5537Carbunkle Trumpet, no matter how famous you are with your blog you will never be as famous as this dog. This dog is UGA, the mascot for The University of Georgia Bulldogs.

img_1500My first celeb sighting in the West Village and who is it? Effin Anne Burrell.

Happy New Year, if 2016 wasn’t the best for you then I hope that 2017 is you year. Me, I plan on killing it; professionally, personally and in dive bar conquests.

 

 

 

 

 

Your Chicago Cubs – World Champions

You know how long I have been wanting to type that? I will be honest, I didn’t think it would ever happen. You know how many times I have cursed the Goat, Bartman and some Cardinal Fans? On the Saturday that I went to Losers Lounge I started getting text messages from friends who were watching the game. I texted our good friend AB and asked if we could crash at her house last weekend. She was up for the challenge and we made our way to Chicago. I am going to let the pics do most of the talking but a HUGE shout out to AB for putting us up and it was great to see my favorite Mexican and her husband as well as baby “Jubo.”  I still keep checking the paper to make sure the Cubs are still World Series Champs.

img_2538Flying into O’Hare and you get it that Chicago is pumped for the Cubs.

img_2534Sunday Brunch at Shaw’s Seafood Joint. This place was legit!

img_2529We had to try the Deep Dish. Yeah I know it is corny but it has to be done. Sorta like having a dirty dishwater dog in NYC.

img_2526Saturday wasn’t the greatest day for being a Cubs fan.

img_2533View from AB’s porch. I really want a porch.

fullsizerenderShout out to Seagraves for the text on Sunday morning.

img_2536Decided to change it up on Sunday and went here to watch the game. It helped b/c we won!

buckleyAB & Mrs. CBT at a Chicago drinking establishment.

img_2528Check out the grease board on the fence. Love these guys. 1 block from Wrigley Field.

wrigleyGreat day, Great friends, Great food, shitty score of the game.

img_2527Now I know why Gurleygurl like Jack Daniels.

14907240_10154394735567107_1848897812945533200_nAint’ it pretty? #flytheW

Have a good weekend. We are busy as we have the Nephew and my mother in town this weekend. Lookout Nike Town.

 

Where Does A New Yorker Go To Watch The World Series?

*Fade In
Coleman Towner on First Avenue in the Upper East Side of Manhattan
Paul (Doorman and lifelong New York Mets Fan) – “So where you going Carbunkle and Mrs. Carbunkle?
CBT – “We are going to watch the World Series Paul.” *rolling a carry-on bag behind him
Paul – “Why the luggage and why are you leaving so early to go watch the World Series? The Game doesn’t start till 8PM.”
CBT – “Why Paul, we aren’t heading to Baker Street or Iggy’s Sports Bar, we are flying to Chicago this morning. I have waited for this day since 1984. I can’t not be there if the Cubs Win this thing.”
Paul – “Win it all! You know what they say that the best thing that came out of Cleveland was I-90!”

And with that our asses are heading to Chicago for Games 4 & 5 of the World Series. Now, cool your jets, we don’t have tickets (yet) we just have to be there. But before I get ahead of myself let me back up and give a proper back story.

Back when I was growing up on the mean streets of East Memphis I had to stay home during the summers. It was hell, I tell you. I had NO remote, my cable box was one of those slide things. *editor’s note – the dirty channels were on the far right* and during the day you had two choices for sports during the day. Turner Sports Network, you got to watch the Atlanta Braves or with WGN you had the Chicago Cubs. For some reason, I found myself watching the Cubs because (please understand I was 13 at the time) I loved watching and listening to some guys named Harry Carey and his sidekick Steve Stone.

ngbbs4a653d74de738For those who don’t know what I am talking about.

In 1984 I got my first chance to see Wrigley Field. They really should put holy water stoups by the gates when you walk into Wrigley. Yes, I am now typing in shorter sentences. I want you to understand something very serious. That is when you walk into Wrigley it really is a religious experience.  I was 14 years old and really didn’t understand the game but during the 7th inning stretch it happened. Harry Carrey came out of his booth and leaned over and sang “Take me out to the Ball game.” I recall thinking in my pubescent mind, other than I could almost see that woman’s boob a row in front of me, was that I have to follow these bastards. I respect that over half of my readers weren’t born in 1984 but it’s cool. I am 46 years old and tomorrow we are heading to Chicago to see a religious experience.

ec101fd5bb00e5f150b75ece46a47b03Hey Hey! Let me Hear You! A One, a Two, a Three….Take Me out to the Ballgame….

Now let’s talk about the lovable losers (I hate that term btw) that are Cubs fans. Ever since the invention of Social Media all Cubs fans can relate to each other. All it takes is a tweet, comment on Facebook, Instagram post that Cubs fans can say “hey, I never met them but they are ok, they love the Cubs. If I tried right now to list all of the Cubs fans that I have met on Social Media but not in real life…. that list would be large. Hell, I sold my effin Jeep to a guy that he and his wife named their first child Theo! By the way, they also will be in Chicago this weekend but have to leave before game 4 has its first pitch.

Ok, enough words. To the Cub Haters that I have known for many, many years – Next Year is here! It’s time to hoist a banner! 

img_2513Shout out to Baby Fine Hair, She sent this to me and I do appreciate it but I can’t wait to burn this fucker on First Ave after the Cubs win the World Series

But should the Cubs win out on Sunday, please don’t judge me if you see tears streaming down my face…. They won one for Harry, and Ernie, and Don, and many, many more. #FlytheW  

353785331_3ceecf2a86_bShout out to all you Cardinal Fans, let me know where I can watch your team in October…Oh wait….yeah that’s awkward! Can you tell me all about your pennants again.  Please I live in New York I could ask the same to the Yankee Fans…

curse-of-the-goat“Have I heard about the Goat?” The Goat Story. Fuck the Goat. I can go up 3 subway stops and have Goat in a Pita. We got this! John Adams, you got me! I can’t wait to hug your face when we got this!

harry-and-billDisclaimer – I didn’t know that Bill Murray, John Cusack and Vince Vaughn and others would bandstand on my glory. It’s ok boys we shall hoist a drink on Sunday.

ceannmivaaa5wb_Harry – “Way Back, It could, It would, It may….”
Steve Stone – “Pop out to Grace *first baseman* Hey Harry, have you had any cold Budweiser’s today?”
Harry – “Hey Hey!”

bathroom-troughtsBoys Bathroom inside the bowels of Wrigley. Who hasn’t released the Kracken?

Lets Go Cubs, Let’s Go!

Oh No! Naked Guy is brushing he teeth!

Yep, I just made a “Friends” reference but don’t worry, that is about it. The building we live in here in New York takes up the front half of 1st Avenue and is in the shape of a U. Our studio/apartment is on the inside corner so we have 2 windows; one facing East and a larger one facing North towards the other studio/apartment. Now I have heard NY horror stories of windows facing brick walls so we are thankful that we have somewhat of a view uptown and can see all the other apartments on our city block. I bet you know where I am going with this aren’t you?

With our apartments location the main window’s vantage point is a straight shot into our bedroom and bathroom.  Back when we had our condo in Memphis had plenty of windows and also a straight shot view into the building across from Main Street. Thankfully that building was vacant so we never had to worry about putting up blinds or curtains.  Here in Gotham, I think it was the first week that Mrs. CBT suggested that I may want close the blind or door when I was in the shower. I joking said, “If they are dirty enough to look, I might as well give them a show.” This started me to think so after a trip to IKEA I put up a curtain on the hallway from the bedroom to the bathroom to offer more privacy when we have our blinds up.

Well it happened folks…..We ventured out this past Friday for happy hour drinks and when we returned home for the evening the blinds on the bedroom window were still up. It was dark outside and one had many ‘views’ into the apartments across the way. I glance over and see the apartment 1 down from ours and see that dude was rocking a pair of boxer briefs while brushing his teeth. I tell Mrs. Trumpet that she may want to check out the show across the way and seriously folks I created a monster. Thankfully dude finally finished his primping routine and got dressed but I spent an hour cleaning the window from all the smudge marks made by Mrs. Trumpet. Should I really be worried that a telescope arrived via Amazon Prime this morning?  I think that it should only be fair that when I am shaving my balls next time I leave the blinds and curtain open. Sorry, I was just checking to see if you were still reading. Have a good one.

IMG_0443Here is the view from our bedroom of the other side of the building. Also were the show was the night prior. *Notice how clean the window is after I cleaned up all the smudge marks*

IMG_0441Standing in the bathroom peering out the window. Or as I say “Showtime”

IMG_0442Here is the view with the curtains shut. It helps in the summer when the shower is in use and doesn’t turn into steam room.

5039bd07a6b0f85e56d3b4f15c604747No this isn’t the view we had, I nipped this off the internet

So just remember to close your blinds.