JFK

1 Hour To The Airport Door to Door – Downtown Brooklyn to EWR

When I was taking all of those trips abroad to see Geranium I became well versed in airport travel and flying in and out of Newark International (EWR) airport. I liked flying out of there based on the fact that it is a United hub and they had more options than JFK to Europe. Before we moved to Brooklyn we hardly ever flew out of EWR since LGA was the quicker airport and JFK had the flat $50.00 fee. Uber to EWR from the UES or Brooklyn always cost us about $100.00. That was until we found New Jersey Transit.

The other day one of my peers asked me why I was always flying out of Newark International Airport considering that JFK and LGA were closer. I told him that I actually found that public transportation to EWR is actually quicker and much more reliable than to JFK and a shit ton better than LGA. It also only costs me like roughly $15.75 and I don’t have to worry about traffic or a bad uber driver. Let me explain via pictures that I took on my trip to the Redneck Rivera.

*Editors Note – You can’t be traveling with tons of luggage on MTA or NJT. You will get scolded and its a bitch to go up and down the stairs.

31 Minutes to LGA with ZERO traffic
39 Minutes to JFK with ZERO Traffic and the Public Transportation is slightly better
By far the longest travel by car and Traffic can be a bitch and expensive
Leave out of the Nevins Station via the 2/3 Train to Penn Station
Penn Station jump on a EWR Bound New Jersey Train that runs every 15 minutes for 3 stops to Newark International
Jump off New Jersey Transit and you grab the Air Train to the Terminal
Clear TSA Pre Check and I am sitting here 1 hour from when I boarded the 2/3 train in Brooklyn
Next Thing I know I am on the plane heading out of here!
Well look who I ran into in the Pensacola Airport!

In Memphis the magic saying was “It is 15 Minutes to the airport.” Here it is “It is 1 Hour to the airport.”

Planes Trains and a 40 Uber Ride

Let me just say this for the record. I know that when one travels stand-by you live by the sword and you also die by the sword. Let me also go on record saying that if I still lived in Memphis I would be lobbying for Kevin Kane, the Memphis Convention and Visitor Bureau President, to get a damn raise. If Kevin can get a group to come to Memphis with the overpriced bend you over without lube airfare costs then he is a hero. Seriously it costs the same to go from LGA to Memphis as it does from JFK to Heathrow Airport in London. Now that you know the back story you now understand why I would choose to fly stand-by to MEM from LGA.

Getting there is normally a breeze. Not many people are flying on the late Thursday night flight so I always guaranteed a seat. On Sunday’s the best chance to get back to LGA is the 6:30AM Delta flight since not many people want to head to New York on Sunday. Well the flight that I was to take got downgraded. Translation – My ass got bumped off the flight by 1 seat.

So there I was; working off of 3 hours sleep and I just paid 40 bucks because of a surging Uber so going back to South Main was not in the cards. I decided to head to Atlanta and try to get back to New York that way. This was because the one that I got bumped was the only flight to New York that day. Seriously, Kevin Kane deserves a huge fucking raise! What carrier has 1 flight a day on the weekend?

So I get to Atlanta, sit on standby for 3 “sorry the flight is closed but we moved you to the next flight’ flights and reach out to Pearl’s Daddy. You see, Pearl’s Daddy knows ‘a guy’ and he tells me to fly into a ‘back city’ to get home. I get on my iFoam and find that I can get to LGA from Norfolk, VA. I hedge my bets and get to Norfolk. End of story I get home some 13 hours later.

img_0436Reason Number One why I was ‘tired’ for my trip home.

img_0428Reason Number 2 why I am ‘tired’ for my trip home. Bender you have a pass.

img_04374 flights home = worth it!!!

img_0438Last message I sent to Momma. She was starting to wonder if I was going to Belize.

img_0439Hello JFK!

img_0440Love the E to the Q to get home!

All in all it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Thankfully I got home and got to see the Monkey heads.

“The World is Yours”

Sorry for the Scarface reference there folks, you see when I get home I like to watch a movie that makes me unwind. The number of F-Bombs said in the movie, 207 or 1 every 1.21 minute, relaxes me after hearing numerous times walking past the convent on my way home. When we moved up here to Gotham we said that we wanted to take more trips. With our new locale we can take advantage of having 3 airports to grab those cheaper flights rather than the ass rape you get at Memphis International. Also that with more direct flights it helps save some of my precious vacation time that I am allotted by the Tour bus company. This year we currently have on the books; Belize, Tulum, and Isla Mujeres (or is it Muerte) and there is a rumbling of another trip over New Years but that doesn’t look good right now.

The trip to Belize that we are taking next week has us flying chicken bus coach on the Columbian Airline, Avianca, and we are flying direct into El Salvador. The fare was cheap as crap but the drawback is that on the return we layover in El Salvador for 6 hours and get into JFK at 2:30AM on Saturday morning. Mrs. Trumpet will have to carry some small balloons but enough on how CBT was able to get himself bumped into first class. I am not going to rub it in (ok I lied, I am rubbing it in) but the cost of this trip is half what we would pay if we were still living in Memphis. We haven’t booked the Tulum or Isla trip just yet but we can fly direct so how effing nice is that?

Next week is Holy Week and Passover and there is a mass exodus of Manhattanites to various points of call across the globe. Some of our friends are going to Jamaica, Dominican Republic, Costa Rica, Maywood – the beach within reach, Fiji, Aruba, Bequia (I had to look it up too) and I think Vegas.  Other than Fiji and Bequia, I think that everything else can be reached via a direct flight. Again, not to bust on Memphis but I think that in Memphis you can fly direct to Atlanta, Destin or Orlando.

My friend Travel Queen, who lives in H-Town, travels all over the world and is someone who Mrs. CBT and I are trying to emulate with cool trips. Every time I look up she is in some foreign country and living the dream. I think she has been to Belize 55 times and has yet to declare residency down there. Granted the flight from H-Town to Belize is shorter than the flight from Memphis to LGA but Damnit woman! TQ probably has been to Belize more than I have and I started going back when I was young. I do kid, we love us some TQ and know that she is getting all this travel out of her system because when Bug-a-boo starts to date and then  she will be busy sewing low jacks into J’s outfits.

So, where would you go if you could? We have 110 different airlines to choose from.

transconwars.pngThat is a lane map from JFK. RJ – You better make sure we get down there FAST!

World-airline-routemap-2009Kinda puts all of this into prospective ya know?

Avianca%20(Colombia)%20787-8%20N780AV%20(13)(Ldg)%20PAE%20(SBY)(46)-MI am betting that the first language they speak on the onboard announcements will be in Spanish.