Jimmy Fallon

The 2019 Carl Lipbalm Memorial Caddy Scholarship Winner 1 of 2 – ZF

Do you recall 3 summers ago we hosted The 2016 Caddy Scholarship Winner Special Ed? What about last summer when it was the 2018’s Caddy Scholarship Winner Love Bug? By the way, the 2017 Caddy Scholarship winner elected to forgo her trip to NYC and took the cash equivalent. What that means is that her parents are free to use our condo when we are away as long as they keep the dog alive. So this spring we had 2 High School graduates which can cause a logistical issue considering we only have room for 1 stinky body at a time. Thankfully we told both sets of parents (who happen to be sisters) that it would be first come first served for dates that can fit our schedule. ZF selected this past weekend which unbeknownst to him would also happen to be the hottest weekend.

No need to cry over spilled Gold Bond! Come on and we will adjust the schedule to accommodate time to reapply powder to prevent Swamp Ass. ZF arrived Thursday evening and thankfully Geranium was able to collect him at the airport and bring him in via New York Subway.

Friday Morning I took young ZF with me as I was going to show him around town, make some calls for work and then hand him off to Geranium in the afternoon. We were like Tourist Ninja’s on Friday Morning and hit the following;

  • Wall Street and NYSE
  • Federal Hall
  • The Charging Bull on Broadway (I fucked up and forgot they moved Fearless Girl to the NYSE and it was too hot to go back)
  • Staten Island Ferry and a Trip to see the Bitch in the Harbor (FYI – Friday AM is the best time to do this)
  • 9/11 Footprints
  • 10 Ladder/10 Engine
  • Alexander Hamilton’s Grave at Trinity (The CBT Surprise)
  • Times Square (kill me BTW)
  • Cobert Studio
  • Fancy Lunch at a Midtown East Sushi House
  • Rockefeller Center
  • Fallon’s Marquee
  • Joe’s Pizza
  • St. Patrick Cathedral
  • UES trip to see some of CBT’s customers
  • Grand Central Station

So after that we came home because well let’s be honest. I was dripping wet and even though he wouldn’t admit it, he was miserable too. Thankfully we knocked off a lot on that trip. That evening Geranium took ZF to see “House of Mormon” and I went to get a cigar.

Saturday we changed it up and because it was miserable hot we did the Bus tour called “The Ride.” It was neat but unfortunately the AC in the bus couldn’t keep up but nevertheless we had a good time. That evening we went to see Blue Man Group which we have never seen. It was good and we enjoyed the AC.

Sunday we took it easy and took ZF over to Coney island for a Nathan’s Hot Dog and to see the boardwalk. We didn’t last long and ended up back at the apartment to suck in some AC.

As always, it was a great time to spend time with someone you normally don’t spend time with at Holiday events and it is always fun to see someone experience New York City for the first time. Sure its a pain in the ass in Times Square during the heat but that is what makes this city so much fun. The guys who emcee The Ride were taken back when we told them we were from Brooklyn. Then they figured it out when we said ZF was from Little Rock Arkansas. On to the pictures..

What do you mean I have to pose for pictures. Nobody told me this in my orientation.
Shut up kid and smile with the Bitch in the harbor!
I am guessing I am getting Thumbs up because Grand Central is Air Conditioned!
Or maybe ZF prefers Stephen Colbert in the UWS
Cousin Trumpet you are taking this picture because the girl in the blue jean shorts aren’t you?
Missed this by 30 minutes on Friday heading into the city.
You are tweeting Geranium aren’t you?
I give this props, it is pretty fun!
On The Ride
Disclaimer – They have performances pre set along the route.
I mean they are killing it and it was probably 100 degrees in Columbus Circle on Saturday.
But what is fun is that this is New York and the Tourist on the Bus don’t see it yet.
Seriously nobody has seen it yet.
Thanks guy bathing in the Fountain. Only in New York!
For Blue Man Group
Let’s Take a Selfie
We were in Orchestra, down below is called “Poncho” for obvious reasons
Really another picture?
Who are you tweeting now?
Please, last pic, I am dying in this heat!
We had fun playing with you ZF!

It was fun but it was hot and thankfully ZF was a good sport. We had fun playing with you.

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Thank you for calling Rao’s in East Harlem. Currently reservations for the rest of 2017 and all of 2018 are closed. Thanks for calling……

Are you kidding me? You mean to tell me that a restaurant is booked for all of 2018? I mean I could probably get a table at Per Se or that Fish joint on 51st street if I asked nicely, aka….greased the reservation clerk. How in the world can a joint be booked? Welcome to New York and the “Who’s Who” of New York.  Now if you are scratching your heads wondering what I am talking about let me give you a back story.

According to their website Rao’s New York is a culinary national treasure. Widely acclaimed for its authentic, southern Neapolitan Italian cooking and its home-style family ambiance. Rao’s was honored with a Pinnacle Three Stars from New York Times Restaurant Critic Mimi Sheraton describing the cuisine as “exquisitely simple Italian cooking.”

The Joint opened in 1896 and is one of the countries oldest family owned and operated restaurant running in its original location. Handing down cherished Pellegrino and Rao Traditions as its main ingredients.

The list of regulars reads like the “who’s who” of New York cognoscenti, including Woody Allen, Billy Crystal, Rob Reiner, Nicholas Pileggi and Danny Aiello. Legions of politicians, sports figures and matinee idols have jockeyed for a reservation. There, dining at Rao’s is a legendary experience so beloved that getting a seat is only possible if you are a regular and have, “table rights,” or if you’re lucky enough to be invited as a guest by someone who does. In Las Vegas, you are lucky enough to be our guest. From our family to yours, we invite you to sit back and relax while filling yourself with more than food. Cheers!

Sorry I hate to cut and paste so much I didn’t’ want to miss anything. What all that means is what the title of this worthless dribble of a post says – You ain’t getting in there for dinner. That is what is so funny about this place. It is only open Monday through Friday and is closed on the weekends. Who does that? Who can not be open on the weekends and still stay in business? Obviously the Pellegrino family is doing something right.

Now there are those who have gotten tables there. My cousin posted that she had dinner in this 10 table shoebox and I would love to hear the story. Even one of my fellow tour bus ticket sellers has boasted a bet with one of my contemporaries. Yep Amanda Astoria has made it clear that she will get a table (remember – we go in half for a table and I got the wine bill) when she found out that her main squeeze Jimmy Fallon has dined in one of the famous booths.

The guest list of those who “own” tables is pretty remarkable and I won’t spread rumors since you can GTS (Google That Shit) on your own. So who wants to go have drinks at the bar and see if we can get a table?

IMG_0884As you can see the place is very small and quaint. There is only one ‘deuce’ and the rest are either booths or larger tables.

IMG_0886Prosciutto and Peas – This is the dish that Frank and Ina cooked on her show one day. I can’t think of a better marriage.

IMG_0887Frank Pellegrino standing outside his namesake. Sadly Frank passed away this year but the business still runs under family ownership.

IMG_2287Snapped a pic the day I was up in that part of the world. Trust me when I say it is small.

So Muphranks – When are we going?

The Carl Lipbalm Memorial Scholarship

As you know, the only real children that Mrs. Trumpet and I have are two monkey heads of poodles. There is also the invisible child that appears on my FB feed on the first and last day of school but that is a different story. We have 4 nieces and nephews and a ton of cousins over on my side of the family (what can you expect, I am eye-Talian!) So back in the winter of this year we decided to bring the oldest niece to town for a weekend of sightseeing and exploring NYC as a graduation gift since we didn’t really get her a proper gift.  This conversation naturally led to “why don’t we bring up all the nieces/nephews and cousins for a weekend after they graduate?” We start to jot the name and graduation years on a bar napkin piece of scrap paper and we come up with 9 kids! Oh and we have a set of twins in there too but the way we look at is that we will have someone to wipe our asses when we get old!

Hence “The Carl Lipbalm Memorial Scholarship” was born. Thankfully none of my cousins read this worthless dribble of a blog and if you do,  I know that you can’t tell your parents because they would ground you for the rest of your natural born life! CBT has been known to throw out an F-Bomb and just you wait till I till I tell you about the Douche Nozzle I met on the Ferry. Before the nieces/nephews and cousins start packing their bags for the Big Apple we do have some common ground rules that are in place. They are as follows;

  • The recipient of The Carl Lipbalm Memorial Scholarship (TCLMS) must graduate from an accredited high school and not from a corrections facility.
  • The invitation is only open to the recipient and not a boy/girlfriend. We don’t need any awkward touching going on our couch that weekend.
  • Can’t make fun of the size of our apartment unless you pay for a weekend at The Surrey on E76th and then mock all you want.
  • If CBT is accompanying you as a chaperone then you get one (1) hour total of shopping per day. Or find a shopping venue that is close to a bar, in that case have at it!
  • You are not allowed to get any additional tattoos, piercings, body modifications and or transdermal pieces installed while you are under our care.
  • The weekend being either Thursday evening/Friday morning and ends by Sunday early evening. CBT & Mrs. CBT will need some ‘alone time’ with a bottle of vodka to decompress.

So with that this year’s first recipient was AK from South East Missouri. AK came in screaming hot on Thursday as she got to enjoy a side trip to our nations capital since American didn’t want to fly direct to LGA on Thursday. I do have to say it is fun watching someone try to process things that you are now taking for granted.  I gave her the ground rules for walking and the streets of Manhattan (DON’T FUCKING TEXT & WALK) and she did a good job on that but it was fun watching her almost run into mailboxes staring at the tops of the buildings.

I took AK around on Friday morning for a couple hours as Mrs. Trumpet had a meeting she had to attend. I schlepped her by St. Patrick’s Cathedral, The Rocks, Jimmy Fallon’s Sign, Diamond District, Times Square, Hamilton’s Theater, Bryant Park and she got to experience her first Bagel and Subway ride. Later that evening she went to see Wicked with Mrs. Trumpet while I held court at the Cigar Inn.

Saturday we had a full day with the Double Decker Bus to downtown, trip to see the Bull, Wall Street, Federal Reserve, Statue of Liberty, Chinatown, Little Italy, shopping in SoHo and she ate a Woody Allen from the Carnegie Deli. I am figuring she had good time on her trip. I mean she took 208 pictures that got uploaded to Facebook and I don’t know how many selfies were taken!!  I am kidding, we had a good time with AK and we hope you use your TCLMS as an experience that you will appreciate crazy people who yell at the top of their lungs on the Staten Island Ferry.

IMG_1674Times Square & AK!

IMG_1673Here she is at the guy who we never can stay awake for at night.

IMG_1675Here is where Uncle Dan’s butt is starting to twitch!

IMG_1677“Can I get 2 Two by Fours?” Bartender – “Sure, you want the wrapper with it?”

IMG_1662But first let me take a selfie!

IMG_1671This is what made my butt twitch!

IMG_1676Woody Allen from the Carnegie Deli!

IMG_1667Here I am doing it again!

IMG_1661That is the kind of Sailboat I want to be on! Do they have a Kettle One Sailboat?

IMG_1665I bet they are not sober on that boat at all!

IMG_1682We hit a TON of spots in 3 days. No wonder my legs ache.

And for those of you wondering, no you cannot be a niece/nephew or cousin of ours!