Mary Louise Geranium

There are 2 things that will always say the truth no matter what….. 2/2

Spandex and a 3 year old.

So when I left you I was peeing in the Gulf of Mexico with RJ. The rest of the week we pretty much stayed close to home. We did make a trip on a boat one day and that was a lot of fun. During that 3 hour boat tour some folks got White Girl White Claw Wasted and it was good to hang with our friends. Like I said before; for 2 people who don’t have children who freely want to vacation with 2 other families and their children says something. But then again these kids are pretty good and the only real tears shed that week was when we had to leave on Saturday to go back to the real world. Well that was until Expedia Fucked me.

Mallory and Elsie Hanging
Geranium and I
Captain
This was my Cartoon Watching Buddy
Beautiful Day on the water and at the beach!
Geranium preparing lunch
Knucklehead #2 enjoying String Cheese while dipping it into Rotel Cheese. (Makes me tear up just thinking about it)
Pour that shit in the sink. It isn’t even worth mixing it with Vodka!
JMH and RJ
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Pictures of The Week

Had a great week. That was until Geranium decided to shame my ass on having a slight salt addition. This weekend will be brief as she has to leave on Sunday for Seattle. However next Saturday we are going to the Red Neck Rivera.

YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH WHEN TALKING ABOUT MY SALT COLLECTION! (Thankfully she doesn’t read this worthless dribble) In all seriousness I laughed my ass off. So I buy salt. At least I don’t buy cigars…..er oh well.
The Dog hid after that spirited arguement
Speaking of Cigars
The heat wasn’t like it was in the South but the Humidity was high AF!
Played some Dominoes last weekend.

By the way did you go buy Rebecca Coutant’s book yet?

Have a good weekend, if it is nice today we may be in the UES atop the Met Museum.

Pictures of the Week

It was a good week. Geranium returns tomorrow morning as she is catching the red eye from Seattle.

Geranium made the crapper smell nice
Bloomingdales….Oh the Shame! Its a Union Thing.
Going to see one of these jokers next month. Another one in this picture also celebrated his Divorce. “Second Happiest Day of my Life….Divorced!”
Summertime means breaking out the fun suits!
Decided that the Chuck Taylors needed a bath and cleaning.
Had the owner of the Madewood Flop House Sneak into town!
GurleyGurl, Doty and Mel – You want to come into town on September 11th and go to an old tennis stadium?
Yep, I was in Brooklyn on Sunday. Matching Buns
“Hello 911 – There is a plane crashing into the East River.” – you would be suprised how many of those calls happen in a week.

Have a good weekend Folks!

Wait…What…You Mean Today is the 23rd of May….FUCK! Geranium Returns Today! RoboPalooza is OVER!!

Would it have killed one of you Fuckers to remind me that today is the day that Mary Louise returns? I have been busy AF getting the house back to normal. I just found the dog buried under a pile of dirty clothes – Throw that shit away…..the dirty clothes, not the dog. Get the printer table cut down so Geranium can work from her work station or she isn’t going to be happy. Where is the fucking toilet brush???? No time, just use her Quip Toothbrush and get another one later this afternoon. Now I got swing by the bank and pay all the neighbors off for the month long Robo-Palooza festivities we have been having. She asked me to text Maria to get her a hair appointment. Maria you got help a brother out and say you have been too busy to respond to me!

Wash the sheets…Fuck it call Bed Bath and Beyond and tell them I got a code Blue!
Been looking at this for 25 days. Who do I have to Fuck to get this cut down. Thanks to Chris at The Hub for hooking me out!
Fits like a glove!
Way to one up me there Maya with the roses. I got the $5 arrangement but I see you went big balls. Wait till I tell her that you shit on her pillow!

I am kidding folks. I am ready to see my wife. I am ready to spend a nice weekend with her. I am ready to make no plans this weekend with her. I am proud of her for this experiment. I am very gracious that I was able to see her 2 times during her 32 day trip and I am ready for her to be State Side for the next 180 days!

Carbunkle Trumpet’s Yearly Reminder to Folks who will be in Tom Lee Park This weekend….

It is a marathon folks, not a fucking sprint. Drink some water, use sunscreen and avoid anything in a mason jar or plastic souffle cup.

Or you may want to re-read this so CLICK HERE!

Seriously, be careful down there. Don’t drive if you have had any alcohol and please pay attention to your surroundings. I love you guys and I love those readers of this worthless dribble of a blog. But I would hate to hear about how X person drove their car home and now is in jail because they killed a car load of less drunk high school kids.

Number 2 fucking Lottery Pic Baby! And Chris Wallace isn’t involved with this!
Messaged the Pitmaster on Tuesday night and got this picture. Good Times!
This corner is the equivalent of BBQ Fest for the UES folks on day of the year!
I saw this picture and I immediately smiled and teared up at the same time! As a former Carnie I know that even though this nation is at odds that there are some decent people still out there! God Bless you guys/gals!
If you don’t look out the window every once in a while you can’t appreciate the view.
This better be in Switzerland when you fuckers are reading this worthless dribble on Friday!

Have a good weekend, I am in Switzerland seeing Geranium.

Carbunkle Trumpet and Mary Louise Take on Barcelona – And that town ROCKS!

When Geranium was in the planning stages of being based in Switzerland, we decided that I would try to make 2 trips over to see her. With it not being the tourist season yet the chances for me to fly stand-by would be better than average. The plan was for me to come during Mother’s Day weekend; possibly to Spain and we would see what the schedule will allow. That changed two Thursdays ago when she texted me saying she would be in Barcelona over Cinco de Mayo weekend. Carbunkle was booking some stand-by flights with a weeks lead time.

I flew in to Barcelona Thursday night on the Red Eye and arrived about an hour late due to rain in Newark. Sadly, it was raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock in Barcelona and did so pretty much all day. I get to the hotel and was able to get into the room where I could take a shower and a little cat nap while I waited on Geranium. Because of the quickness of this trip I really didn’t have much time to do any research on the town but thankfully one of my peers did a semester in Barcelona so she got me the hook up.

So with little to no knowledge of Barcelona, no real impressions or idea of what to expect I went into this trip with an Anthony Bourdain outlook. As I was heading back to the airport yesterday early morning the cab driver asked what I thought of his fair city. I got to be honest with you 10 readers. Barcelona FUCKING ROCKS! Would I have put this on my short list of cities to visit? Nope! Would I think that the food scene here is comparable to New York and much cheaper? Nope! Did I expect that I would find the narrow ass streets and old-world charm neat? Nope!

Seriously, if you have never thought about a trip to Spain and to spend some time in Barcelona you are missing out! More to come on this.

This is Aldi’s in Barcelona, They allow dogs to be inside the store near the front door.
Narrow ass streets that are not very well marked can make one crazy. But when we get crazy we go find wine.
The Catherdral…..in the freaking rain
Cab into the city. Love the balconies
Fucking Gate Lice!

More on this trip in the next posts.

Living the Bachelors Dream Here Folks

I was trying to think back the other day when was the last time I lived alone. I had to go back to 1992 when I was living in the Shrine Building, working at Chez Philippe. and making more money than God. Since then I went out to East Memphis for a brief stint and then back downtown and started cramping Didi’s style at 71 Union Ave. Then I met Mary Louise and since then the toilet seat has been down ever since.

Mary Louise is to return back in the US on the 22nd of May until then it is going to be just me and the dog. Oh and don’t worry, I am not sitting here on the couch crying my eyes out. Vivian and Stone and I had dinner last weekend and I have a feeling that Maria and I will catch a dinner in the next couple of weeks. Of course Mr. 3 First Names and I have been out every night coming home in the early hours of the morning with Memphis in May sobriety. Ok that is a lie, he and the Landlord have been busy over there in the Slope with a remodeling job that is over halfway done. Maybe we can get some drinks next weekend.

I have been spending a lot more time at work and getting stuff done which isn’t bad for me. Naturally I have been spending a couple more hours than normal at the Gym that I belong to. The gym is over on East 73rd street between 1st and 2nd Avenue and I walk out of there needing a shower because I stink. For those of you who are not doubled over laughing need to know that the gym isn’t called Soul Cycle or Equinox but The Cigar Inn.

Oh and don’t cry for me too much. My ass is leaving this evening heading over to Barcelona to meet up with Geranium. She is going to be there for training so I figured I would crash her style and get some Spanish culture in too! Oh and by the way, when I text or facetime with Geranium she doesn’t care about me, she wants to see pics of the dog. Below are some of the pics from this past week.

Made me a work station while Geranium is away
Why are you walking me at 5:30AM? Why can’t I sleep in?
What the Corn Bread Fuck? I am never in here when there are 2 of you here.
I am going to get all my toys and play on the bed while you are pooping dad
Life is Hard
Stretching before we go out to pee
Kind of hard being this cute dad.
Even got one of those Nanny Cams. It is kind of boring since she is kenneled while I am away
See you fuckers on Monday!

Have a good weekend folks!

Quick Trip to the Fun Side of the Wall – Spring Break Baby!

Not sure if some of you are aware but Geranium has left me, she has left the dog, and she temporarily no longer living in Downtown Brooklyn.

Well that should get a couple of bites on my social media accounts. Those jokers are now saying “Whisky Tango Foxtrot Paul Allen/Carbunkle Trumpet!” What the Fuck did you do now?

Relax gang, Mary Louise is over in Switzerland for a month getting her company ready for a Bed Pan launch. It is easier for her to already be in the EU instead of a bunch of trips back and forth from NYC. She has been gone now a week and I am not going to lie one bit….. I miss the shit out of her! The dog……she is missing her too.

When it was official that Mary Louise was to take this month long trip we decided that we needed to get away for a couple of days and have some ‘us’ time. While we were upstate last month, I challenged our Travel Agent to come up with a couple of good All Inclusive Resorts for us. We were booking this thing in the matter of weeks so we didn’t have time to shop, find a deal or even mess with it. Jerre Martin of Prosper Travel knocked it out of the park for us. She recommended a Secrets SilverSands (not sure why there isn’t a space but that is the way everyone spelled it) Riviera Adults Only Resort in Cancun that was perfect for us. Seriously, and I don’t normally give props to resorts but if you want a small all inclusive adult joint with a nice beach, pool, and great staff…..This is the place for you.

We left New York Friday evening and got into Cancun around 11PM. We got to our room and went to bed because we were so tired promptly to the bar and made up for lost time while were. We were there till Tuesday late afternoon and returned on the 19:30 flight to Newark from Cancun. The food was good, the drink was cold, they had Kettle One for me and a wine that Geranium enjoyed. Now here is where you are going to say that we are getting old.

The entertainment team at Secrets SilverSands Riveria is top notch! They made sure that if you didn’t want to be bothered, the left you alone. If you played in the pool, they made you feel welcome. And if you were like our old asses playing Bingo and Blackjack, they had fun with you! Seriously if you want to make a trip with just you and the spouse. we found the All Inclusive for you!

Me – “Señor ¿cómo se llama una cerveza y una margarity congelada juntos?”
Bartender – We call it an “Ernie Mellor” Sir!
Oh Great all you two did down there was just drink and take pictures at the bar….
Hey RJ – They carried Hillbilly Ale too!
Last Pic of booze I promise…….
Here is a pic of the resort I stole off the internet. I was a fun resort that wasn’t too big. 3 to 4 days and you have done it all!
This was cool! This is a simple end table with a marble top and the melted wine bottles on top of it for like 4 months. The build up was huge and really made the entry into the French Restaurant. I could do this! But probably not in Brooklyn.
I was really cool and made a great statement in the room
Some Asshole Left the Dominos in New York (thanks Maya, you packed me) so we had to find some in the gift shop.
Hey Blue Water Grill in Belize! I got you taken care of for those plates.
Here are some of those Cancer Causing Windmills.
Maya didn’t miss our asses one bit! Carla is great and she had more fun with her than we do.
Last Meal out of Cancun at Jimmy Buffet’s Bar.

Seriously, we had a blast down in Mexico and it was a fun trip before Mary Louise Geranium’s trip to Switzerland. Again our travel agent knocked it out of the park for us. I gave her a list of our wants (Good Beach, Adults Only, Don’t want to spend an arm & leg, and age appropriate guest list) and she gave us a great recommendation. More to come in these past trips.

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 2019

A while back Vivian asked if we wanted to get some tickets to attend the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame at Barclays. *disclaimer – I really didn’t understand the question but considering it was 2 blocks from our studio I agreed.* When we got closer to the event I was kind of luke warm then I was on a subway and did a google of who was being inducted;

  • The Cure (never saw them live)
  • Def Leppard (saw them in the Mid South Coliseum when I was a child and the drummer had 2 arms)
  • Janet Jackson (I vaguely remember the wardrobe malfunction)
  • Stevie Nicks (Fleetwood Mac show at BSMF many moons ago)
  • Radiohead (saw them at MSG 2 years ago, killer show)
  • Roxy Music (they broke up in 2011 so the answer was no)
  • The Zombies (Negative)

Holy Crap! I get to see Roxy Music, The Cure, Def Leppard, Stevie Nicks Solo and I don’t have to stand at an overpriced music festival in Palm Springs or New Orleans? Color me up Baby! Let me just say right now that (and I am not sure if it goes back to Cleveland next year) if you are a music fan then you need to do this! Sadly Radiohead and Janet didn’t play the event but HOLY FUCKING SHIT Stevie Nicks had Don Henley do a song with her. Then Harry Stiles (Still don’t know who he is or care) did the Tom Petty Duet with Stevie and it was killer.

The downside to the show is that it is long. But then if you can say that you were in the same room as; Steven VanZant, Trent Reznor, David Byrne, Susanna Hoffs of the Bangles, Brian May of Queen, Simon LeBon and John Taylor from Duran Duran and Harry Stiles it is bonus too. Sadly I didn’t get any great pics of the shows as it is a copyright infringement but here are the approved pics.

The tables are where the VIP’s sit but I don’t really think there is any dining going on. We by the way were sitting in a box centerfield thanks to American Express.
Stephanie Lynn Nicks killed it! She may be a robot when it comes to her show (she thought that Harry Stiles was in a different band) but she is the consummate performer.
Saw these boys over at MSG. I only know 3 songs but they had a great speech.
Oh David Byrne was inducting them into the hall. How fucking cool is that!
I only know of 5 songs these guys do (and 3 of them are on the Alex’s Tavern’s Juke Box but to say that I saw a reunited show just for the Hall of Fame. What you got boys? Have you see Roxy Music live?
Roxy Music put on a great show and sounded like they didn’t break up at all!
If you graduated from SAA, SDS, IC, MUS, Hutchison, or St. Mary’s you would have known who these boys were. Duran Duran!
Texted my father a pic of Silvio inducting the R&R HOF Singles groups and his comment was “He isn’t country is he?”
Saw the Robert Smith interview where he destroyed the reporter about being excited. I assure you readers that he was very humble when he was accepting the induction. Still scary as shit with that get up!
The Lead Up to Janet’s induction. We were under the impression she was going to perform.
Janet Jackson’s speech. Let’s just say that she was a tad off.
Did you know the lead singer of the Bangles is 60. I am kinda feeling old.
5 band performing means 5 monitor worlds. Plus the MC stuff and the BOH world. This was impressive to see from a birds eye view. “Robo to Allison or Harmony”
FYI – he was the only one who didn’t have a teleprompter for his induction of Def Leppard. Maybe he should tell 46-1 how to do this.
Rule #1 for being a Rock and Roll Band – Don’t get fat or lose your hair!

Like I said, it was a great night and I can’t wait to see how HBO does this show.

Mary Louise Needs to Bring Her Ass Home!

The Dog and I are starting to get on each others nerves. Seriously, she has been gone since last Tuesday and we are missing her. The Seamless Delivery dude and I know each other on a first name basis. The good news is that I have watched pretty much every episode of “M*A*S*H*” and “Two and a Half Men” (She hates those shows) but the DVD is getting full of her midget and Dr. Pimple Popper shows.

Mary Louise requested me to get her a hair appointment. I guess it is kinda hard to book stuff when you are 14 hours away.
Oh No PETA offending sushi this time Geranium?
The Dog and I play a rousing game of “Did you just fart?”

And for those of you wondering when @Maya_in_NYC Instagram will be posting again. She gets in Friday afternoon from her flight from Toyko!