Monkey head Maya

Captains Log – Day 2 of living in 500 Square Feet in Crime-Free Brooklyn

So I think that strange times require strange and different methods. I have always a been a fan of posting a barrage of pics from my phone on Friday’s. I call it “Just the Pictures” and it gets little to some press. Given that the entire US is (if not already) on quarantine people may need something on Social Media to smile about. I mean unless you really enjoy seeing crap from people cursing the Left or the Right. Chill folks!

So what I am trying to accomplish here is to put a smile on your face. I want my off day posts to be a place for you to come if you are down or need to get a 5 minute escape from this madness. I am putting a disclaimer out there now – These posts may be a lot of Apartment 38R so I am just warning you.

Truth – I fear that these next couple of weeks if not months are going to get really bad for some people. I know that I now find myself taking quick 5 minute breaks looking at Instagram or my favorite blogs waiting for conference calls or for reports to run. Sometimes I may go grab a diet coke, I may take the dog out to go pee. I may even smack Geranium on the ass while she is on a conference call. Guys and Gials – everyone needs a quick escape from this madness. We are writing a chapter that none of us have ever dreamed about. Shout out to TacoGirl who reached out to me with a great Social Distancing pic that I will use one of these days.

Now let’s be honest, do you really come her for my badly written grammar or run on fucking sentences? I saw Brother Joel McGraw, FCS tow (sp) weeks ago and I felt his scorn for my on regularly badly written blog. Without further adeau;

This is Command Central for Those Double Decker Bus Tours. Yep we are in uncharted times these days but by God we got to keep going.
See the close proximity I am to Geranium’s Bed Pan Cleaning Company? My Gawd! We may need to think about a partition. I showered, shaved and even put in hair gel too!
For those of you that know our “Invisible Kid” he is now stuck at home. Here he is doing his homework in the executive office. This dumb fucker hasn’t realized he has an Alexia in there to help him spell Skool or Kat.
Maya is not fooking happy with this!
Guys, I don’t watch the news up here but this is proof positive that complete strangers are looking out for each other. Oh and we live in a 55 floor building too!
Walked down to my favorite Fort Greene Bodega and they were full of stocked shelves. Anyone need Bodega Sushi?
We have plenty of Baked Goods up here too! No reason to hoard!
So speaking of hoarding we have decided to stop using Paper Towels in the house. We now have our wash bucket out and when a towel becomes MOIST (S/O to Kaylee, Lana and the Hot Asian) we chunk them in here and wash them periodically. Saves on Paper Towels.

So guys, start being nice to each other. Send a random texts and love all!

2019 in Review – What Did We Do Again?

On the back of the door in our apartment we have one of those old school calendars. We use it for scheduling shit and to make sure that we keep the dog alive with our schedules. I took a look at it this morning as I was getting the Black Eyed Peas and Greens on the stove and here is what we had to show for with Trips;

  • Geranium was away 151 days in 2019. Mind you 31 of those days were when she was in Switzerland/France. That actually made us both appreciate our time together more and take stock in our relationship which made it stronger.
  • We saw Elton John and his Farewell Tour at The Barclays
  • Got to experience The Rock And Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. That was a killer event.
  • While Geranium was away Mr. 3 First Names & Lady Lawyer and I went to see Jose Andres at his book signing.
  • Got our Southern Redneck on thanks to BK and saw Hank Jr and Skynrd at Forrest Hills.
  • Rang in the New Year at the Barclays Center with The Strokes.
  • Oh and we had dinner at Per Se too.
  • And so that I am not a complete prick I am going to end this list that we also did some horse gambling at Aquaduct Race Track.

Regarding Trips Away, I am kind of embarrassed to divulge this to you dozen readers. I mean this list is somewhat obscene. Mind you we were able to take advantage of Geranium’s international trips and my ability to fly stand by.

  • Hung with PNG Mike, Ellie & JD in London and watched 6 Nations Rugby with them.
  • Visited Northwest Arkansas for Family Christmas
  • Made a trip Upstate with Vivian and Stone
  • Made warm weather trips to; Cancun, Belize, Fort Meyers, Gulf Shores, and Dale Hollow Lake.
  • Went over to Philly for a BBQ at Pepe’s house.
  • Got to experience Barcelona for the First Time. (Got to go back)
  • I did 48 hours in Switzerland to see Geranium and imagine that..it was raining!
  • Made it to Memphis for Thanksgiving and for a work trip in September.
  • Got to eat some low country cooking with the ChoHo’s in Charleston South Carolina.

All in all it was a good year for us for doing the fun shit. Granted I wondered why our bank account has been low but now I know why I haven’t been able to see my feet in months.

Photo by Toria of Blue Water Grill down in Belize
Charleston South Carolina with these two!
Thank God Geranium is Fluent in how to Speak Randy!
We got to go back one of these day!
I booked a whole week with these knuckleheads and I loved every minute of it!
I love this man!
Lausanne Switzerland and the snow topped alps
The rain does happen in Spain!
Oh Maya had a blast while we were away too!
Thanks Viv and Stone!
Rain in London….how odd

It was a good time for trips and shit that we saw in 2019.

Where have you been? We were about to put your ugly mug on a milk carton.

So before you start in on me let me explain. For the past two and a half weeks Geranium has been off the road and working from home. Trust me when I say that the dog and I have enjoyed having Geranium home. That and she also helps with the chores in-between eating bon-bons. However, with her being home I really have not had time to blog or gather my thoughts. You see, once she gets done with her work it would be kind of a dick move for me to jump on my laptop. Hence why I have not been blogging since our trip to Charleston. I will catch up.

So without further wait, here are some pics from the past 2 weeks for Pictures of the week.

These past 2 weeks have been tough for me at work. I will be so glad to see this in early November. No not the kid and her mom, the fucking picnic Table in Caye Caulker!
I bust their chops on this thing but God Bless the FDNY and all the different teams who support New York City. For those of you wondering Rescue 1 is specialty division that services Manhattan. Cat stuck in the tree, nope these boys aren’t showing up. Randal’s Island Tram stuck in the middle of the East River with passengers on board….yep these guys show up.
If you were playing and needed “Woman doing interpretive dance in a bathing suit on the Morning commute into the city” you would have a Bingo.
If you are going to be running this let me know. I know that Jen from Memphis is going to be visiting all 5 boroughs so we will go out and support her.
Like I said Geranium has been busy…..(she will kill me for posting this)
Its’ Fall Y’all!
How do you pronounce this? I haven’t gotten an answer yet.
Maya is looking at me going “Aww Fuck, she is gone again. Now he will blame his farts on me”
Tiger Fans are coming to Brooklyn for Thanksgiving. I am trying to suggest a great place that they can’t get in Memphis. I will let you know.
Finally Midtown Uniform Weather here in Manhattan!

I do thank a couple of you assholes who were checking in on me. I am back and Geranium will be back on the road for a couple weeks straight.

Back in the Saddle

Sorry for no posts last week. It was a tough week for us. We had to get the Little Bastid off to School and being off for a couple days put us behind. Not much I can really report from the Dale Hollow trip. That sucker was full of Non Disclosure agreements and “don’t post this on Social Media” comments. But lets be honest. If weren’t there you probably wouldn’t think that shit was that funny anyway.

I will be back at my normal self this week. Oh and welcome to my newer readers. More on that.

First Day of 5th Grade 3.0
I hear that Alabama will rebuild.
Happy 7th Birthday to this fluff ball! Hopefully you can take it easy today.

And if your football team didn’t win this weekend I hope your beer was at least cold.

What is up with the picture of the baby Elvi?

I just like it. It makes me happy and I also know that Memphis is probably going to be in a heat advisory since it is Dead Elvis Week. Did you know that I can also forecast the Memphis weather?

  • Coldest Day of the Year in Memphis – Whatever day they play the Liberty Bowl Game
  • Hottest Day of the Year in Memphis – Around Dead Elvis Week
  • Rainiest Day/Week of the Year in Memphis – Beale Street Musicfest or World Championship BBQ Cooking Contest.

I mean if you know the past, you can predict the future.

I am going to share with you some pictures I snapped this past Sunday from the Murphranks Rooftop. Bobcat & Professor were there along with Rocky and Monkey Head Maya. Sorry folks but No pictures of the Humans – I mean have you ever seen Meg or Bobcat in the same place? Same goes for Matt or the Professor? Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Geranium for the past 24 hours. I bet she is in Seattle again.

Maya prefers to be sitting in a lap getting petted. Don’t we all?
Don’t worry Dad, I will protect the Cheese Cooler
The Jar-Man used to say that the sunsets over beautiful West Memphis Arkansas. I guess we can say it sets over beautiful New Jersey
Wonder what asshole lives in that tall as building? I understand from Mr. 3 First Names that my view of the Empire State Building is about to change.
That doesn’t suck. Oh and I found out that The Bobcat and Professor were married in that church to the left of the row houses.

Tomorrow I take the gloves off and blast expedia for their shitty customer service.

Pictures of The Week

Had a great week. That was until Geranium decided to shame my ass on having a slight salt addition. This weekend will be brief as she has to leave on Sunday for Seattle. However next Saturday we are going to the Red Neck Rivera.

YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH WHEN TALKING ABOUT MY SALT COLLECTION! (Thankfully she doesn’t read this worthless dribble) In all seriousness I laughed my ass off. So I buy salt. At least I don’t buy cigars…..er oh well.
The Dog hid after that spirited arguement
Speaking of Cigars
The heat wasn’t like it was in the South but the Humidity was high AF!
Played some Dominoes last weekend.

By the way did you go buy Rebecca Coutant’s book yet?

Have a good weekend, if it is nice today we may be in the UES atop the Met Museum.

Pictures of the Week…And Last Week Too!

*Disclaimer – I am preloading this on Wednesday night so next week my stuff will be more current.

Hey Nice Graffiti!
We sat at the bar and watched Skillet do this for about 30 minutes. My question was – “How the F Did he get there and how did he get off?”
I took this pic because the beer was good at the Mead festival!
A Gin Tonic and a Guinness? They have Irish bars in Switzerland? Yes they do!
Meant to show this to Mr. 3 First Names on Tuesday night.
Love me this dive bar. They have The Queen on the wall!
This won’t hurt will it?
Alabama and their abortions – This is my retort.
The Half Head CBT/Geranium Selfie!
Taco Girl. I got you a bouquet of balloons.

Have a good Memorial Day Weekend!

Snow In New York

We had some snow a couple of weeks back that took me by surprise. Actually that isn’t true, it took everyone by surprise. What was supposed to be a light dusting actually turned into about 6 inches in the city and over a foot upstate and in Westchester & Rockland Counties. Mary Louise was out of town in Japan (recall this POST) so it was me and the dog. I learned something about the loss of Monkey Head Maddy when it snows. Maddy didn’t really care about snow and would plow through it with reckless abandon and Maya would follow her steps. It appears that Maya is a fancy girl and does’t like snow on her undercarriage. 

I can’t really blame her but my dumbass was wearing probably the worst shoes next to flip flops when all of the snow hit. Rubber soled driving shoes. Yep my commute back to Downtown Brooklyn was wet sock filled.  The snow wasn’t just bad on my subway commute. My boss took her over 7 hours to get home and one of my work co-horts took 4 hours getting home. Thankfully the snow was melted by Friday morning and Flights got back to normal by Saturday for Mary Louise’s arrival home. 

Taken about 3:00PM
Taken about 4:30PM and you can see the snow is on the roads now. 
My shoes are already moist (don’t you just love that word) and I have a substantial snow storm to trek home in. I might as well enjoy my Cigar from my current perch. 
Thanks a Lot Uber. Way to Stick it to the folks. This is normally a $30.00 cab ride home. 
Beware of the Slushy Water. I had to George Costanza Jump to clear this. 
Like a Beacon in the Harbor My Favorite Store Was Open. I didn’t really need anything but you can bet your sweet ass I bought something.
No idea that what she is in for
Where is that White Dog when I need her. This sucks! 
Make a Deal with you. I promise not to pee in the house if you promise not to bring my ass down here again. 

Trust me when I hear that they forecast snow my ass will be wearing correct shoes. 

Pictures of the Week

Wow what a week, I am glad that we are here at Friday! Happy early Fathers Day to all you dads out there. Esp to RJ, Will, The Asian, J.K., and I am sure I am missing some others.  Here are some pictures from this past week.

IMG_3409What is this we see in Tina’s Cuban on W56th? Why yes it is a Midtown Uniform. If you are on the IG seek out Midtown Uniform as you will find even in mid June it is perfectly acceptable to wear a vest with your dress clothes. Hey NJ Dave – walk up front and I will act like I am taking a picture of your fancy backpack.

IMG_3411The Wife texts me her flight info so I know how much time I have before I have to shag ass home and clean the house.

IMG_3382Elvis in a Sardine Can

IMG_3383Why yes Vivian Longstreet has a Notorious RBJ candle in her bathroom. We have a sign that asks that you don’t do cocaine.

IMG_3389Why yes there is Natty Light in Brooklyn

IMG_3410God I love messing with Tourists!

IMG_3416Tickets purchased for Mexico – only thing left is for RJ to get a vasectomy so he doesn’t pollenate Val-O-Rie again in Mexico.

Be careful out there folks. Its a Jungle and this Saturday is the Coney Island Mermaid Festival!