Z Squared

Smoked Meats in Glenside PA

After returning from the Redneck Rivera we have had a full weekend schedule pending. The first weekend since our return had us heading over to Philly for a Memphis Style BBQ. Geranium being the world jet setter was in Seattle for work so she decided to fly the red eye straight into Philly and I would take Amtrak over to Philly. Since I already booked our travel I invited LJZ since her husband is enjoying summer school.

Due to some prior commitments the majority of the BBQ Team would not be able to attend so Pepe called in the “B Team” meaning SK and I would be the substitute pit masters. Other than a pork roll incident we managed to put out some good food for the group.

Since we got there so early into Philly I left LJZ to go see her friends and I headed on the regional train to Pepe’s house.
We really should have brought this up to the cooking pad but it got things going for us Saturday Morning.
Now this is a smoker!
We (well not so much me or SK) burned some of this.
SK’s lovely wife made sure that the guests were good and ‘hydrated’ and kept cool with frozen drinks.
Is this a Kids Drink or a Uncle Robo Drink?
Every time I looked up there was another protein to smoke or cook. Thanks to Pepe’s buddy for helping out.
Oh the Shame (She obviously is not from the south) I told LJZ’s friend that I was going to put this picture on my worthless dribble of a blog. I even put it as the featured picture too!
We had a good time and I didn’t do a repeat of 2 years ago in Glenside when someone slipped me a Mickey.

All in all the B Team did a good job and it was a hit. Appreciate Pepe and D3 for letting us stay the night and we will be back.

Pictures of the Week(s)

Thank God we made it to Friday. It wasn’t easy for Mary Louise and I this week that is for sure.

IMG_4474Sober as Brett Kavanaugh at a summer party

IMG_4453After last weekend I needed to light a couple candles at St. Patrick’s

IMG_4486Spent time celebrating Mark’s 40th birthday last Sunday on the roof of the Knickerbocker Hotel.

IMG_4480Yep you boys can have Barry Manilow and all those Beaches songs by Ms Bette

IMG_4192Maya is surveying the cooking to see if anyone drops some cheese

IMG_4501These two knuckleheads were in Nashvegas for the Florida/Vandy game last weekend. We need to get them back up here!


Have a good weekend and congrats to the Work Wife (The international one) on getting married this weekend too!

Weekends in New York can really suck ya know?

You recall when I was whining like a little bitch talking on Monday about having MPH and I was glad it was back to work? I better give you the cliff notes because if I went went blow by blow on each night then some of you may want to have an intervention. Trust me when I say that the RJ Fun-O-Meter was pegged pretty much every night.

Friday Night was the wedding and dance recital of Z(Squared) at the Boat House in Central Park. The Asian Fireman and Realtor Wife were in attendance as well as Muphranks. The Work Wife (The Managing one) was there with her Midtown Uniform wearing husband as well as a bunch of other Time Square double decker tour bus ticket sales reps. The wedding was short, to the point and everyone said yes. The food, the never emptying glasses of wine, the band, and even dancing were a great and then when the glow sticks came out……aww shit it was on like Donkey Kong!!! Many thanks to Lady Barrister for remaining awake to navigate our safe arrival to Downtown Brooklyn. I hope that Mary Louise didn’t snore too bad. Truth be told Mr. 3 First Names and I weren’t really sleeping, we were just resting our eyes. Congrats to Z(squared) on making it legal and thanks for a great party.

Hey D(squared) at AMF/HQ on Tully Street in Crime-Free New Chicago – call me this week. I saw a really cool thing at this party that you may want to consider it for your next Thanksgiving Wedding. #RoboCares

Saturday day was spent relaxing and celebrating Mary Louie’s anniversary of circling the sun. That evening we attended the Losers Lounge rendition of Barry Manilow & Bette Midler. I learned something very important about this show. Apologies to my homosexual readers but I found out that I really don’t like the music of Barry Manilow. I mean other than Copacabana his stuff is just crap. Here is where I am going to further upset you more – any rendition of Bette Midler and the movie “Beaches” really needs to Fucking Stop also.

Sunday was spent yet again with a music theme and as luck would have it we got to hang with Vivian Longstreet and Della Forte again. We saw them Saturday night and then when we arrived at the Barclays for Phil Collins they were also in the same suite we were in. Phil Collins was great and his voice is the same and even though he was recuperating from back surgery which slowed him down a bit his 17 year old son played the Drums. Great Show and we were glad that we decided to attend the show.

IMG_4467Yep, we are in Black Tie heading to the event stuck in traffic

IMG_4469I am so glad that Mr. 3 First Names, Asian Fireman and I sat down at someone else’s table because the amount of glassware full of booze is really appalling. We all drank mineral water that night.

IMG_4473You can always tell a good night out by what you purchase the next day for lunch. Work Wife (Managing One) got World Famous Halal guys on Saturday. We opted for $50 worth of greasy Mexican Food and a nap.

IMG_4477Pregame dinner and drinks before Losers Lounge

IMG_4482Anna Copacabana singing what else? Copacabana and it was great.

Image-1Yes that was Phil singing “In the Air Tonight” after the drum solo! Boom!

IMG_4500Whole Band Killing It. If you can see a show I highly encourage you to go see him.

Like I said it really was a shitty weekend in New York. I hope that we get to do it again.

Billy Joel Again? Number 102 in the Garden

No it wasn’t us muttering that sacrilege. I am not going to call out the person who said that (while drinking many glasses of wine, I might add) but this past Sunday when we got a chance to catch “The MSG House Band” we said “YES!” Now do you recall when we caught his act back in March of 2016? I can assure that you that William Martin Joel didn’t disappoint us at all for Show number 102. Think about it, the man has played 56 consecutive sell outs and he keeps saying that he will keep doing it as long as people still keep coming to the shows. Billy plays promptly at 8PM and he played for about 3 hours and didn’t disappoint at all. I do have a great video of the crowd singing “Piano Man” if you want it let me know and I can send it to you. Mary Louise is killing the rendition by the way!


Boss Lady/Momma was very happy that he played “Only The Good” as it is one of her favorite songs. Me I am partial to “Italian Restaurant” and “New York State of Mind”.

IMG_4379He loves playing here and isn’t afraid to bust chops either. “I burned my hand with some coffee but this is New York so here I am!”

IMG_4380The band has been with him for a while. He even brought out a Guitar Tech to sing some AC/DC. Seriously how cool is it to work for someone who says “Hey, we are going to let you sing a song in the Worlds Most Famous Arena!”

IMG_4387Thankfully Kanye didn’t come out dressed as a Perrier bottle. Billy isn’t a fan of ‘that guy’

IMG_4386And all this shit was down and tucked away in 3 hours. Not bad work if you can get it.

And for those of you wondering if I am going to have another Sunday Funday concert I am not. I will be returning from a weekend trip so there won’t be any Instagram/SnapChat concerts on Sunday. Some of you are very nice and only called me a “Mother Fucker” twice.

Where do you come up with these names?

Sorry for the delay in posting. I was busy last week because we had a long weekend to the Midwest for a wedding and I am getting back into the swing of things. Oh that and Mary Louise is +13 hours ahead of me in Japan so I am running this household all by myself. What pisses me off is that Mary Louise won’t tell me the Final Jeopardy answers since she is a day ahead of me. I hate to tell RJ but I think that she has found a new Sushi Buddy.

While we were in the Midwest this past weekend I had a couple of my readers of this worthless dribble ask me; “Where do you come up with the names of the people you interact with?” Naturally I “change the names to protect the innocent or non-sober” but some of the Mo-Ho’s were asking me how I created their names. Let me give you some insight into some of the players you read on this worthless dribble;

  • Mary Louis/Mrs. Trumpet – Thanks To Vivian Longstreet, she penned this because it is her soap opera name. She is also a perfume designer.
  • Maria – She keeps her name because she is my trusted consigliere and quite frankly she knows where all the bodies are buried. Seriously, has anyone seen Trucker Jim or Box of Rocks lately? I rest my case.
  • The Work Wife, The International One – Well she is a work friend and that is what she does
  • The Work Wife, The Domestic One – Currently Vacant
  • The Work Wife, The Managing One – See “Work Wife, The Domestic One” because she got a promotion.
  • The Asian Fireman – Well his last name is Lee so you do the math here.
  • Mr. 3 First Names – What can I say, this Staten Island resident has 3 first names in his first and last names.
  • Lady Barrister/Landlord – It is what she does and she is the landlord to Mr 3 first names
  • Z Squared – Couples name for 2 people whose last names start with Z (this isn’t rocket science folks)
  • UWS Holly – Someone names Holly who may live in the Upper West Side?
  • Baby Fine Hair (Haven’t spoken about her lately) but this person uses a shampoo that is specifically for people with Baby Fine hair. Hey it is better than me calling her “Person with a Mongoloid Foot Tattoo”!

Now this past weekend at this wedding we attended a new nickname was created. No it wasn’t from my (So in need of therapy) brain. It was from her own Flesh and Blood…..

With that, and I will do a proper blog post on the wedding and weekend. Congrats to Baby Fine Hair and Kristina on their wedding this past weekend!!!!

IMG_4270Hey don’t blame me Kiki (what I used to call Kristina before this weekend) blame your brother! Congrats and we were so happy to share with you your special day!

For those of you who weren’t in St. Louis the Celebrant (the bride on the left’s brother) when announcing the names of the newly married instead of saying K—n inserted his own wife’s name, Kristina, by mistake. Me I am going to roll with it!

Merry New Year – Beef Jerky Time!

Hope that you had a great New Years Eve and New Years Day. I am currently enjoying poor health (not from alcohol you jackasses) because 300 gallons of snot is being produced in my head so my throat and nose have been on overdrive today. The joys of living here in the North.

Anyway I am going to try to catch up with this post so my next post (probably towards the end of the week) will be current. With that here are some pics on my iFoam.

IMG_2443Son, I don’t care if you are from the Fucking North Pole, it is winter here in New York City and the floors are NASTY. Put some fucking shoes on! Oh and this is the same guy who pulled my (still in the dryer and on the cool down cycle) laundry out and put it in a basket. He may be missing some clothes…..

IMG_2432Our WiFi name is “Penny Get Your Own Wifi” from Big Bang Theory. I am glad to know that there are some Seinfeld fans out there still!

IMG_2455Shout out to my favorite Hoosier Work Wife!

IMG_4077So glad these two knuckleheads came into town and I was able to meet up with them for a drink. I need to get out to Colorado for a trip.

IMG_7873Let this be a lesson to you iFoam people. If you have your ‘airdrop’ app thing on then people can put pics on your foam. Thankfully it wasn’t a hammer pic like I understand is the all the rage on the subways but some girls who were at the next table to us. They were cute and had a blast.

IMG_2486W46th Street between 8th and 7th Ave. Or as I told my father – the closest that I wanted to get to the silliness of Times Square.

IMG_2483Looks like I will never have to cook another meal while living in New York City. *unless we go visit Lightbulbs parents and I have to smoke meat* Momma got her an InstaPot. The problem is that I am not a big fan of yogurt.

IMG_2509Zsquared on New Years Eve #theyweresober

IMG_2510The Trumpets on New Years Eve #wewerenot

Hope you had a good laugh and had a great New Years Eve.

As a friend of mine said there are 365 days in a year so we have 365 chances. Go Make A Fucking Difference! If 2017 wasn’t your year then change your circumstances. Don’t bitch!




Not sure where to put this post – TWSS

A couple of weeks back I went out for after work drinks with friends. I was tagging along and we decided to hit up a place in Hells Kitchen. I really wasn’t paying attention on how we got there but we walk in and this place was off the hook. Seriously you remember those movies where they walk into a night club and it was a former church or grand hall. Seriously all this place needed was go-go dancers on stripper poles. The music was right up my alley; The Cult “She Sells Sanctuary” welcomed us as we walked into the joint. I am going to have to ask Zsquared to bring us back there.

img_0236From the back looking to the front of the joint.

img_0237The bar, the top of the columns must be 30 feet tall.

img_0238DJ Booth where he spun some steel wheels

Seriously one of these days I am going to find the Saturday Night Fever bar on this island.

So you really like it up there?

I was on the phone this weekend with RJ. I had asked RJ to do me a favor. I wanted him to squarely kick me in the balls the next time that he sees me. After he does that and while I am lying on the ground in pain I also asked him to tell me “You deserve that for what you did on Saturday, December 3rd!” I am sure that my 6 readers are wondering what it was that I did this past Saturday. This past Saturday, I ventured into Midtown Manhattan on a Saturday during Christmas Season. Oh did I mention that my destination “not by choice” was Tiffany’s at the corner of 67th and 5th Avenue? Do you know what else is at that famous corner…..Trump M’effin Tower! And guess who was also in town on Saturday, yep you guessed it. The President Elect himself! The reason I was venturing into this area was that I was asked by LZ to confirm a potential Christmas gift for FZ and she wanted my advice. It wasn’t that bad and my upper lip didn’t start to twitch till we made it to the bottom floor of Tiffany & Co. It was fine and I hope that FZ doesn’t freak out too bad when he opens the box and sees the baby rattle. *shots fired from Hell’s Kitchen towards the UES* Anyway, back to the subject at hand.

While I was making my way into midtown RJ and I were catching up and discussing holiday travel plans. He and I were talking and I inquired how X was doing. He told me good and that this person asked him “So when are the Trumpets moving back to Memphis?” RJ, who has been up here a bunch of times and whom I speak to regularly on the phone told this person “I don’t that the Trumpets are going to move back anytime soon.” RJ understands us, he knows that we will ‘Never say Never’ but right now the Big Apple is where we call home and we don’t have plans on moving back to Memphis for at least another 8 years…. well at least Mrs. Trumpet. Mrs. Trumpet has a pretty good deal going on with her work emptying bedpans. This conversation with RJ reminded me of a phone call I had earlier in the week.

I had to call into HQ this week to help a client who was having trouble getting their double decker tour bus tickets. HQ, as luck would have it, is in Memphis so while we were waiting on the slow ass computer in Memphis, the agent and I were making chit chat.

Agent – “Your last name is Trumpet?”
Me – “Yes sir, had it all my life.”
A- “That is ironic, we have a bunch of Trumpet’s here in Memphis. They own a bar/restaurant, used to have a grocery store, I know they had a liquor store on Poplar, and I think one of them was a big football player for Memphis State.”
M – “Yeah, I know them all, I am originally from Memphis and now living in New York. You could say that the Trumpet’s have a corner on the food and beverage service industry.”
A – “If you don’t mind me asking, what the hell are you doing in New York? I bet you are counting down the days till you can move back right?”
M – “Nah, I am good man, think we may stay a while.”

Now let me dispel any rumors or preconceived notions that you may be harboring – I am not and in NO WAY bashing Memphis or the many friends that we have there. Do we miss our friends and family in Memphis and surrounding areas? Your damn right. But (and this may not come across like I want it to in my words) you are comparing an apple an orange when you are talking about Memphis and New York. We live in 535 square feet, my Yeti cooler is living in Woodlawn because it doesn’t have a spot here on 1st Avenue. It takes me an hour by train to take the dogs to the vet when it was a 5 minute ride in the Jeep. To have drinks with the Murphranks, Asian Fireman, Z-Squared, The Russian, Maria and or any of the St. John’s crew it takes planning and at least one of us to travel some distance if not meeting in the middle. Does it drive me crazy with all of these inconveniences? Not really, sure it took some getting used to but what does a person really need to live in the city that never sleeps?

Let’s put the shoe on the other foot shall we? I have spoken to some fellow double decker ticket sellers about living in Memphis. The first place they talk about is living in Colliervegas or past the Parkways. I try to bite my tongue and casually bring up living in South Main or possibly the Core. Don’t get me wrong, we had the 2200 square foot house in South Bluffs, we paid out the nose for some rotten wood and it pissed us off. Then we downsized into a condo in the core and then this whole NYC thing happened. Anyway who the hell wants to go to Home Depot on the weekend to get supplies for house chores? I was that ‘that guy’ way back when we had 595 but do you know how liberating it is now going to have an espresso and reading the NY Times watching all the dads push strollers?  Sure having all that space is great but who the feck is going to mow that ish? And let’s don’t even talk about the liquor stores not being open on Sunday……Aw Hell NO!

So in closing, we plan on sticking it out here for a couple more winters. But with my job I certainly will never say never. I mean we still have our condo in the core. We still have tons of family and friends in Memphis. We don’t have a car anymore but who likes to drive anyway. The thing is, we like it here, sure we can’t find a decent Cajun restaurant but that is ok with us. I don’t miss fast food. Incidentally the Chick-Fil-A located on 6th and 37th is packed each and every day with tourists. If I am feeling homesick for the southern accent, I walk by the line and try to pick what state people are from. FOR GODSAKE! GO GET A BAGEL OR EGG AND CHEESE ON A ROLL! So lay off asking if we will be back, some of you jokers still haven’t even come up to see us! We do have a couch and blow up bed.

map-of-memphisStill my favorite map of Memphis.

130807122628-seersucker-0807-horizontal-large-galleryMy Director would probably foam at the mouth if I came rolling into a sales meeting wearing this. He is a ultra conservative Dark Suit and White shirt kind of a guy.

you-guysI don’t get nailed for this as much as one would think. My momma when she was living in Arizona took some grief for saying “You Guys.” I think this one has run it’s course.

3688512c046fbf5b68f86b0d0382a753I still don’t understand what the big deal is. Scoop can you teach me what is so great about flavored club soda? If I am drinking a club soda, it better have Vodka in it!

img_2636Other than the traffic, this city does offer some really killer looks and views.

Happy Wednesday!

That Tree isn’t the only thing getting lit this Christmas Season!

Fade in on Saturday on W53rd street –

FZ – “What you doing this afternoon?
CBT – “I am going to go get a Christmas tree with Mrs. Trumpet and I guess I will have to get some lights to go on it.”
LZ – “Awww, we are going to get one of those little NYC Studio apartment trees too.”
CBT – “Not us, we are going full Monty, I am getting a big one for the corner by the dining room and living room.” *Stop Laughing AJ!*
FZ – “You are going to put up a big tree? Wow!” *FZ is starting to panic in that if we are getting a big tree then LZ will want to get a standard tree rather than a NYC Studio Apartment trees. Thankfully she didn’t hear me.*

Yep! We went Big Balls in the UES! And we purchased said tree on Memphis Marathon Saturday in honor of the former neighbor and RJ. She would make him drive to get a tree while all the streets were blocked off.

rockYou have no idea how many people texted me last Wednesday if we were going to watch the lighting of the tree. It was cold and rainy and I don’t like Dolly Parton or Garth Brooks!

img_2667There it is folks, in all its glory!

More posts this week, I promise!

Let’s go to New Jersey!

Day two of the 3 day weekend and I had messaged Zsquared a couple of days ago seeing if they were in town for the weekend. We had collectively decided on Sunday to do a little Sunday Funday but had left the venue open. My boss had mentioned a while back about a pier over in Hoboken NJ (Birthplace of Francis Albert Sinatra) where you can hang out, grab some beers, and they have food trucks for snacks and stuff. FZ and I agreed on the location and we would meet up in the early afternoon. Now please understand I have no friggin way how to get over there. My boss keeps mentioning the PATH train and because I had just mastered the Long Island Rail Road I left the “how and where” up to Mrs. CBT.

We grab an uber pool but miss the 1:50 ferry from the 39th street pier.  Luckily we grab the 2:10 ferry and because I was feeling nostalgic I let our Memphis friend “LVD” LB know about our progress to Hoboken. We get to the pier and I have to give big ups because my boss is now 3 for 3 on killer venues. Do you recall in the movie Jaws where Chief Brody says “it only looks like an island from the water?” Sitting over in New Jersey you don’t really get how big and massive Manhattan really is. We spend the afternoon hitting pretty much all discussion topics that one can while enjoying Sangrias, Frozen Boat Drinks and Beers and then decide to retreat back to our island.

To finish up the afternoon/early evening we head over to Zsquared’s apartment on W46th in the Theater district to enjoy Manhattans on the roof terrace. Yeah we really have it rough, and it is amazing how peaceful it is when you are 5 stories up above the tourists making their way on the street. We say our goodbye’s and head back to the Upper East Side where it is pretty nice when the city is empty because we made it back in no time! Good times and who would have guessed that LZ secretly wants a Sea Turtle chest plate tattoo. (probably going to get a throat punch for that comment)

IMG_1617Nothing says Merica like Red, White and Blue Frozen Boat Drinks.

IMG_1607They have picnic tables and all kinds of lounge chairs to hang out and view the city

IMG_1609You don’t really grasp how massive Manhattan really is till you see if from a different perspective.

pier13-2-bigThey have the “Brady Bunch” fake AstroTurf to keep things cool (when it actually is pretty breezy over there) so you can lounge around.

IMG_1610View from the Terrace Deck looking north up 8th Avenue

IMG_1611Yes I am squishing heads – What can I say, I am a teenager trapped in a 46yo body.

IMG_1614I wanted LVD to feel loved so I included her in the message. I have done this a couple of times to the owner of the Kooky Canuck as his first name and Mrs. CBT’s are similar. And by the way Shawn, I really do love you!

Good Times on a Sunday. Of course, when one of us wins the lottery, we are buying a pier in Manhattan and doing something like this too!