A CBT Rant.

Two Years living at 40.7672° N, 73.9560° W – We are now home.

I will get to the title of this entry in a minute. But for those of you naysayers who said “That short fucker won’t last a month up there with them Yankees” pay up bitches! First of all apologies to my now 10 readers (that’s right we have 10 readers now) for not posting anything yesterday, I have had a week from hell. It was 2 years ago today that we pulled up to 1330 First Avenue (that’s the Lat & Long in the title) in a rented U-Haul Truck and unloaded all of our stuff into a 535 square foot apartment in the Upper East Side. At the time I didn’t have no job, no idea of what we were in for, and I just moved 1600 miles away from a helluva network that I had built for 45 years.

I have spoken ad nauseum about “pulling off the Band-Aid” or how going out on a limb has been such an unbelievable experience for Mrs. Trumpet and I. Even last night as we were having drinks at our local establishment we talked how after Mrs. Trumpet kicked cancer’s ass that it woke the both of us up. Aside from moving up here, both of us now have jobs with companies that we actually enjoy working for. Both of us are working harder than we ever have and it doesn’t really bother us. This time next spring she will have finished up her MBA at NYU as she took 21 credits this past year. I mean, I bitched when I had to take 12 hours at the University but Superwoman knocked that shit out of the park.

LOOK DOWN HERE I AM FINALLY GETTING TO MY POINT – Sorry I have a bad case of having diarrhea of the mouth and like to get on my soapbox. So a couple of weeks back as I was enjoying my Murray’s Bagel (Not Toasted, mind you) I was reading Rebecca’s POST about being back in the US but how Belize was now actually home. This started to make me think; I have pretty much all of my possessions in a room that is no bigger than your standard garage and I am very content with that notion. Don’t get me wrong, I do miss that I am not there to watch my nieces and nephews grow up. I do miss listening to RJ bitch because he has 2 girls in diapers (I am kidding Mal-O-Rie) and his beer drinking is taking a hit due to it. I miss seeing my friends and family but as much as you may not like to hear this; home is now in New York.

With my job there is always discussions about “So what is your next step?” If you have been hiding under a rock you realize that I don’t actually sell tour bus tickets to the tourists in Times Square but actually the place I work for has it’s Headquarters in Memphis. I hear this a lot “So do you want to move back to Memphis?” and my normal answer is “I haven’t even figured out this job yet, why do I want to move already?” But the truth is that who really knows what will happen. I learned a very long time ago not to burn any bridges because one day you may need to use that bridge again. You will never ever see me bash Memphis like the spoiled little shit millennial blog writer did who moved to the west Coast. Sure Memphis has some issues but that is what makes it such a unique place to live. I get asked all the time up here where I am from. When I tell them they normally give me the “We have been to Nashville, is that the same?” You try not to publically laugh at them but I normally I say no but ask them if they were there for a bachelor/bachelorette party. Next steps for Mrs. Trumpet and I? Who knows, we are enjoying living on this rock right now.

IMG_8491

I am glad that day was over. Trust me, driving 1600 miles in a U-Haul that is govern’d down to 70 miles per hour will make one a tad crazy.

IMG_1403Hey Scoop – Don’t hate the player, hate the Game! I am glad to read that you are doing well up north of the bridge. We will be in Mexico around the middle of December for a couple of days.

IMG_1399Hey Fucker – Where are those Trolleys that I used to bark at?

IMG_1401Jo – “You do know that we carry 30 beers on tap and have a substantial list of New York Microbrews don’t you?”
Me – “There are starving kids in china too but I am not sending my half eaten sandwich over there. Give me a Bud Light Please.”

lady-liberty-facing-theThat view doesn’t suck you know

I see that I have gone well over my 400 words and we have to get ready for a 4 year olds birthday party in the Bronx so I will close with a corny saying that I have seen people post.

“Memphis will always be in my heart but New York City is Home.”

Thanks for reading this worthless dribble now for 2 years. Next year we really tear the roof of this sucker!

Who does a guy have to feck to get some southern staple foods up here?

I get asked all the time what are the downsides to living up here in New York? It hasn’t changed since we moved up here;

  • You never have enough time.
  • If you are not careful you can run out of money.
  • The weather can be lousy.

I was reminded last night of that there is another downside to living up here. To go shopping for southern dishes you can’t just run to one store to get everything.

Case in point last nights dinner. We finally had a break in the weather and yesterday we enjoyed some below 80 degree weather. Mrs. Trumpet and I were discussing what we were going to cook for dinner and I suggested a veggie plate.

*For my Northeastern readers – we have a number of places that serve “Meat and 2” plates meaning a southern protein (meatloaf, chicken fried steak, ect) and some traditional southern veggies (mac & cheese, greens, black eyed peas, ect)*

We decided on the Veggie Plate (which is isn’t vegetarian by any means) and we texted a couple of different menu items. Mrs. Trumpet ordered some items from Target.com and one of the items she added to the shopping cart to get free shipping was Glory Brands Turnip Greens. I was craving some Fried Green Tomatoes since somebody on Facebook asked where they could get some Green Tomatoes. Next on the list was Black Eyed Peas since the last time I ate them was New Years Day. I was excited about the menu and was looking forward to whipping this one up in the kitchen.

I head out to my local fruit and vegetable ‘guy’ on the corner of 69th & 1st and he didn’t have any Green Tomatoes. Next I headed to Morton (Just bend over and hope they use Astroglide this time) Williams and here is where my anger began. First off, they don’t carry Glory Brands, they only carry Goya. Goya is a great company and I don’t mean any disrespect but come on! They don’t have any Black Eyed Peas. They didn’t have any frozen, didn’t have any dried, and didn’t even have them in a can. As I am talking to a friend of mine about my shopping fail they inform me that I should head to 110th and Lex as they have a store that carries a lot of those items. Who da Feck has time to visit 3 stores for one meal? I can’t believe I am about to say this but I miss Gangster Kroger!

goyaNo disrespect to Mr. Goya but come on, can we get rid of the pink beans and maybe sell black eyed peas or have some more ‘southern ethnic’ brands?

glory brandsNipped this off the internet, I would kill to play less than a dollar for a can of veggies.

IMG_1374Since nobody carries Green Tomatoes, I went with Jersey Tomatoes and decided on making a Tomato Pie

IMG_1373Cup of Sharp Cheddar, Cup of Swiss, Cup of Mayo, Green Onions with Salt & Pepper is the ‘goo’ that makes the pie so good.

IMG_1377Of course I went with some skillet cornbread!

IMG_1375White Beans and that isn’t what Mr. Goya calls them. Oh and if you look closely you can see bacon in that pot. Bacon gives it flavor!

IMG_1376Sweet and Sour Turnip Greens! And no Morton Williams doesn’t carry fresh Turnips either!

IMG_1378Mater Pie, it wasn’t as good as Momma Mellor’s but considering I am up here fending for my southern life, I think it was just fine!

Have a good day and please if you can swing by the Cupboard or Little Tea Shop and tell Charlie and Sue respectively that Carbunkle misses them!

 

Apple be Racist – Fun times on the Q Train to Times Square

I must have had the Jackass magnet on when I left the apartment Monday morning. I knew it was going to be a ‘special’ day when I walked out of the building and one of the little fuckers sweet children in the building rolled over my foot on his Razor. I did feel better when accidently ‘hip checked’ him into the planter. That aught to teach him a lesson.

But I digress. I made my way to the Q platform at E72nd street and got to the middle of the platform. For some reason the Q was packed yesterday morning. I shoehorned my ass on the train and found a spot next to one of the center poles. As the doors were shutting, I heard the sound that all New Yorkers groan. “Excuse me everybody, I apologize but I…..” as an older African American male went into his story of how he hit on hard times. Normally the speech and the time to walk through the subway car to get any change given by passengers is about the same time it takes to get to the next stop.

Unfortunately for us, we had a delay heading to the E63rd & Lexington station. So skillet was still in our subway car and then it happened. I was minding my own business listening to some Ludacris and I hear the gentlemen go into a rant yelling at the top of his lungs. “You Mudda Effers are all a bunch of Racists. You stand there judging me with your white earbuds in your hears. You all are a racists and Jesus won’t help you on judgement day.”

I really don’t know how to come back with that zinger other than “Bless your heart”

IMG_0794Here I am in my “Racist” earbuds but I am rocking my black suit and black tie ala Reservoir Dogs

Go forth and have a good day folks.

 

A unique way to ask for money

Between New Orleans, Memphis and New York I think I have seen and heard it all when it comes to people panhandling. No I am not talking about Social Media panhandling for free tickets, those people are now unfollowed and I don’t see their feeds anymore. I am talking about panhandling for money, food or some just come out and say they need a beer or dope. Truthfully, I am more inclined to give those guys a beer than I am a buck. Sorry sparky, Carbunkle don’t do “The Dope” it is a work thing.

In New Orleans the scam way back was “I bet that I can tell you where you got your shoes” and it was targeted towards the tourists. The correct answer is “on my mudda fucking feet” and “piss off!” Probably the worst were the guys under I-10 or as I always referred to “Needle Park” these guys were pretty aggressive and thankfully the cops came by to clean it out daily.

In Memphis down in the entertainment district there is a problem where the panhandlers prey on tourists, normally foreign, and let me tell you these guys network. Back when the Mississippi Queen would dock at River Landing I would see bums all lined up from  Riverside to Beale. They would prey on the foreign tourists and it got kind of bad. Back in the day my brother Mike King led a huge campaign on cleaning up the streets and getting the bums off the street. It had traction but like any campaign flickered out. Paul Ryburn does a good job on his Blog giving tips and blowing the whistle on their latest scams. Truthfully, there needs to be someone to clean them out and make it difficult for them to throw a scam and then they will move on.

Here in New York you have 2 types of bums. Those on the street with the signs in the high tourist areas and those in the subways. Seriously it is amazing that we don’t have any bums here in the Upper East Side. Do we pay extra to ship them to Times Square? Nope, up here it is more residents and the panhandlers know that they can’t get as much money from resident New Yorkers as compared to the tourist areas. If you are going to duck hunt, would you rather hunt in a field or the lobby of the Peabody Hotel? You see what I did there?

Anyway in the trenches of the subway you get to hear all kinds of stories. “My wife is 9 months pregnant”, “I have XXX disease and need help”, “I lost my job and I need formula for my baby” I mean some of these stories are heart wrenching. But here is the thing, if you give them money then they keep on and it keeps feeding the vicious cycle. Mrs. Trumpet keeps a couple granola bars in her purse to give them food. It is harder to trade food for drugs or booze than cash is our rational.

Well all that changed last week when I have to say even I was impressed by this technique. I am sitting there on a very wide open subway train heading to a lunch meeting and someone puts a pack of Kleenex next to me with a note. I glance down and see that rather than “Excuse me Everybody…..” this person did it quietly and without interruption.

I gave the guy a buck and gave him his Kleenex back.

IMG_0479Very non-confrontational and something unique. Worst case is he uses that buck for more toner.

1447342403-postcoverYeah, this is why I don’t give money. Dude is making more money than I am  in an hour!

If you want to give money to the homeless, give to a shelter or a church. Don’t give it to them directly, they probably are a scam artist and using it for drugs or booze. Me, I work hard for my booze money! And as far as drugs, I guess you can call Cigars my drug of choice!

Social Media 101 by CBT

Sorry to delve into @Brizzyc’s backyard but some of you people need to calm the fuck hell down on this social media thing. I have a strict rule about social media/message boards and public forums that I have always adhered to;

  1. Don’t talk about politics.
  2. Don’t talk about religion.
  3. Don’t talk about gun control.
  4. Don’t talk about abortion.
  5. Don’t talk about current events.

That being said, can the remaining 30 or so friends who I still follow on Facebook please calm down? I make no bones about it, if you have broken one of those rules I unfollowed your ass butt and have been doing so since the election. Seriously, do you not realize that maybe your boss could access your comments? Two of my former managers probably have seen links to this blog on Facebook and Twitter. You think I am stupid enough to talk about my real job, name a person by their real name or do something to get my fat ass rear end fired? I was born at night but not last night.

Have you talked bad about your employer? Guess what folks, you probably should be fired. It is like people have lost their fucking friggin minds after the election. One of my work friends and I were talking about it walking down the street. She also unfollows people for the same reason by posting crap (either pro or against) and in her words; “Pretty much my feed now is cats, puppies, baby pictures and your goofy ass posts.”

So take a deep breath folks. Quit reading too many stupid and false stories. Go for a walk. Drink a beer. Just quit feeding this monster. To those who tweet the president. Do you really think he is going to respond? Better yet, watch what you say to the commander in chief because making a threat at him is going to get some guys in black suits knocking at your door.

maxresdefaultI think that I will bring back Lenten Corny Jokes early. What say you 6 readers?

Take a deep breath folks, do something strange today. Smile at a random stranger and say have a nice day. If you are daring even hug the mudda Fecker! Just don’t post that ish on Social Media.

 

 

That Tree isn’t the only thing getting lit this Christmas Season!

Fade in on Saturday on W53rd street –

FZ – “What you doing this afternoon?
CBT – “I am going to go get a Christmas tree with Mrs. Trumpet and I guess I will have to get some lights to go on it.”
LZ – “Awww, we are going to get one of those little NYC Studio apartment trees too.”
CBT – “Not us, we are going full Monty, I am getting a big one for the corner by the dining room and living room.” *Stop Laughing AJ!*
FZ – “You are going to put up a big tree? Wow!” *FZ is starting to panic in that if we are getting a big tree then LZ will want to get a standard tree rather than a NYC Studio Apartment trees. Thankfully she didn’t hear me.*

Yep! We went Big Balls in the UES! And we purchased said tree on Memphis Marathon Saturday in honor of the former neighbor and RJ. She would make him drive to get a tree while all the streets were blocked off.

rockYou have no idea how many people texted me last Wednesday if we were going to watch the lighting of the tree. It was cold and rainy and I don’t like Dolly Parton or Garth Brooks!

img_2667There it is folks, in all its glory!

More posts this week, I promise!

Are you Effin Kidding Me?

Sorry, I had to scrap a blog entry that I was going to publish today for this news that I heard last night. It is in serious negotiations to close a portion of 5th Avenue in front of Trump Tower at 56th street. Come on guys, I get it that he is the president elect and all but to shut down one of the busiest streets in Manhattan? I don’t even drive for Christ Sake but lets be real here folks. Currently you can’t walk on the east side of 5th avenue between 56th and 57th streets (in front of Trump Tower) so do you think the folks at Tiffany & Co are really happy about this? Now we are cutting down a main artery to head south?

Oh well, at least the holidays are coming so we already know that midtown will be gridlocked so what is one more blocked street. Personally I think that we need to do like they do in London. If you car tag has an even number then you can enter London on certain days. Odd tag numbers the other days. This would prevent all those effin Brooklynites who ‘have to drive their car’ into the city…..”Oh wait Maria lives in Brooklyn……Please 9lb 8oz Baby Jesus let this be the one blog entry she doesn’t read.”

Memphis Folk – I realize that you may be wondering what the big deal is. Try closing off Poplar Avenue between Yates to Shady Grove Road. For my Mississippi readers – Shut down Goodman Road

Belize Folk – Close the Bowen Bridge or close the road from Ramon’s to Grief Airport.

Canada Folk – Oh feck it, you already have snow on the ground and you are driving your snow plows.

2013-st-patricks-day-parade-route1They won’t let the Irish march up 5th Avenue on St. Patrick’s Day now. See what you did Asian Fireman….

trump-towerThis was taken 1 week and 1 day prior to today. I included the pic of the President Elect because people are lemmings and will click on anything that has to do with Trump.

Keep it light.

 

 

Does yelling “Roll Tide” really mean “I sleep with my cousin?”

Cheap shot but hey, show me a Bama fan who isn’t more obnoxious than a Tennessee fan and I will let you ride my unicorn! Thanks to DD and Martha for putting me up  at the casa de Dewey a couple weeks back. Yes the guest room I slept in was bigger than my apartment, my next door neighbors and 2 more down the hall. It was great to see you and a whole bunch of others.

img_2430Goats, yes those are Goats and that is the residence of the Dean of The Agriculture Department. “DD the only goats I see in NYC are on a spit and roasting by a fire!”

img_2421Great to see my old boss Dean Weber. Oh and DW, you got this! You have put up with more shit than this to knock you down! I will see you in Dallas next year for the A&M game!

img_2427If this was open when I was in college I would have weighed 300 pounds. Granted the 10PM Casa Taco Cheese Dip runs didn’t help my waist line but damnit man!

img_2413Great to see my other boss Dave England and Zim-Bob!

img_2417It still gives give me chills to see this, not to mention to run through it!

img_2414Great to see my friend Pig!

fullsizerender-2Sorry, cheap shot to the Ole Miss fans but hey, I got to take every win where I can!

Great to see everyone and thanks for the hospitality.

 

CBT’s take on Airtravel “WTCBF is wrong with people?”

It has been a tough month of travel for yours truly. It started 4 weeks back when I made my trip back to Memphis for work and to also check on my renter in our condo downtown. I was there all week and ventured back to Gotham very late Thursday evening/early Friday morning. My hats off to those who do it week after week for their work. The next 2 following weeks I made consecutive trips to Boston and then to Fayetteville. Each of those trips I would venture to airport on Friday afternoon to return home Sunday evening. These trips were fun but each Monday I would start the week exhausted and in need of sleep and was mentally drained. And lets don’t even talk about the amount of beer and booze that I put into my body those weekends too! But that isn’t what this is about. It is about the Asshats who travel with you in the plane.

I have always considered myself a very well behaved air traveler. I was raised that when you travel you always dressed up and sitting in the back of the plane where the smoking section was located was the best place to get cokes and booze. *age check on those readers who know what I am talking about* I still to this day always put on a nice pair of slacks and jacket for a couple of reasons. First is that with me wearing a jacket I have a place to put all my shit. Secondly is if they are going to bump someone up to first class it might as well be the guy who looks the part and not sweat pants and wife beater dude.  I won’t say that people don’t give a shit anymore but have you seen some of the outfits people wear on planes now? Seriously, have people lost their moral compass or do they just not give a shit anymore? But I digress

So here is where I lose my shit each and every time I travel. Oh and don’t think that I am just being the Angry New Yorkers because Mrs. Trumpet gets equally steamed at this. Here is what get’s us frothy and want to punch people in the throat;
“Good Morning and welcome to flight 345 with service to BFE. In a few minutes we will be begin boarding but at this time we will allow any passengers who need a few extra minutes to please board now.” It is at this time that the entire gate area stands the Fuck Up and bottlenecks the gate. Have you seen this? I am sure that you have…..Everyone has and it drives me absolutely crazy.

At first I thought it was just a pet peeve of Mrs. Trumpet and myself but on a trip back from Orlando I was with my buddy SM. The same announcement occurs and I overhear SM gruff under his breath. I look at him and ask “Oh that pisses you off too?” Yep, ole SM gets as equally pissed off as I do but here is where he and I differ and it is a beautiful thing. When SM’s group number was called I notice that SM would walk through each and every small cluster of people who are jamming up the line to the gate. He would say loudly “Oh I am sorry, I was doing as I was told. I was waiting until my zone was called and didn’t clog the entrance like you are doing!” Needless to say, I am a now one of “Those Guys” because I also am doing that. I encourage everyone who travels frequently to do this. Maybe we can break those uncouth Fecks!

img_2396I wish I had one of those Jazzy scooters because I would plow into these Fecks!

img_2394Notice dude by the trash can? He was like me and plowed into the crowd when our zone was called. I may be starting a revolution!

img_2313Yes that is a book on his head, You are about to get punched in the throat. Yes I am sitting in the chair waiting till my zone was called.

img_2410Nice Hair dude, I see your son has the same barber.

Don’t do it folks! don’t block the gate when you fly with CBT!

 

 

 

A “Radio’s own” Drake Hall Rant on Sunday

Excuse me because I am going to break my normal format and get on my soapbox for a moment. Today is September 11th, the 15th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. I traditionally don’t post things on Sunday yet ‘pre-load’ some blogs that I publish during the week. I get that a lot of my readers, all 6 of you, read this worthless dribble during the week at lunch on your PDA at your desk, or bathroom. I am ok with it; I just appreciate that you click on it. This morning I have in the background the TV while they are reading the names of those who died 15 years ago. Yes, my eyes are damp, show me a person who can’t let their emotions get to them on this day.

Today is a day that most New Yorkers who were living here 15 years ago would like to forget. I know this firsthand because I have met and spoken to a lot of them during the past year. I am not going to get into that but I respect them and acknowledge that yes this wasn’t New York’s finest day. This afternoon we will head to McSorley’s Old Ale House in the East Village for a service where the NYFD Pipes and Drums will honor the 343 Firemen who lost their lives this day. The band will enter McSorley’s at precisely 3:43 in full kilt playing at top note. If you have ever been in this joint, it is as small as Max’s Sports Bar, so bring ear plugs. Later we shall head down to ‘ground zero’ for what is called evening service. I won’t go into detail about that but it also is a very emotional event. No this isn’t a drink beer and cut up NYFD event, this is the furthest thing from it.

Here is my inner struggle with all of this and I will be honest, I don’t give a shit if you agree with me or not.  Today is also the opening weekend of the National Football League across the country. I know that there will be many tributes and military flyovers at all of the stadiums (Shout out to the Event Team at Bristol Motor Speedway – THAT WAS AWESOME) and it will be a very emotional day. What pisses me off to no end is that there will be some players who will not honor the country that they are living in and generating a check from by standing for the playing of the national anthem. I am not going to mention that cocksuckers name who plays for the 49’ers but if I owned the team or had anything to do with it, I would have fired his ass the first day. Better yet, bring his ass down to Ground Zero this afternoon and let him try to pull that shit with all of the NYFD, NYPD and Military who will be in attendance. To the media who publicizes it, shame on you! To the owners of the 49’ers, shame on you!  You mean to tell me you can’t pull his little ass behind closed doors and crawl up and down his ass? I sure as hell recall all my ass chewing’s for the past 46 years. It made an impact on me and made me a better person. Then again, I had good home training and learned respect and honor.

*I just re-read what I had written and first thought was that I sound just like Radio’s own Drake Hall on one of his world famous rants with Zeke Logan* I guess I am turning into one of those “get of my lawn” people but I am sorry. How can you not watch this and recall what happened 15 years ago today and not honor this country? Shame on anyone who does not stand during the playing of the national anthem. You show respect and honor whether you like or not.

CBT Out!! God Bless America and all those who lost their lives today! God Bless their families and friends, we will always remember them and honor their memory.