A CBT Rant.

Street Fair Food Fail!

Saturday was Monkey Head Maya’s beauty appointment with Not Yolanda in the UES. Yes my dog is so bougie that she still keeps her regular girl in the Upper East Side even though we live in Brooklyn. I guess she doesn’t want a bun or wear a pork pie hat. Anyway after I drop off Maya I then head down to have a cigar at my old stomping grounds at Cigar Inn.

A couple of hours I am heading back to Brooklyn with a clean and nicely cut dog. Now while I was leaving the Cigar Inn to get the dog I noticed that the First Avenue Street Fair was in full effect. Considering I was a tad hungover from the night before I thought that Geranium and I should come back and walk around. Considering I didn’t have anything planned for the day and I was craving a Pronto Pup and an Italian Sausage sandwich.

I am guessing the Pronto Pup and Sausage guy didn’t get the memo because for 12 square blocks there was none of that to be had. Corn Guy, Arrepa, Gyro and a bunch of other non-fair food tents but What The Fuck First Avenue Festival planners? You going healthy on us?

A Gyro on every corner
Crowd was light too
Cajun Nut Meat…I think I will pass
What the Cornbread Fuck
What did you do? BBQ a shoe?
This one is for you FitzJohn.
Needless to say we high tailed it out of there.

Would it kill a Street Festival to get a Pronto Pup Stand Up here?

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Carbunkle is on his soapbox again

Now I have to come clean with you 15 readers. I really enjoyed my trips over to Spain and Switzerland to see Mrs. Trumpet. But what I am about to tell you may shock some of you. I really enjoyed being somewhere that has their shit together when it comes to the environment. Relax, I am not going to be chaining myself up to any trees or will get involved in the ongoing debate about Tom Lee Park in Memphis. I am referring to the way that in both Spain and Switzerland they have their shit together with recycling and the banning of plastic and Styrofoam.

Case in point – my corner deli and frequent breakfast haunt. While I was living the bachelor life I would head down there and get me some eggs, bacon and sausage. I would get a single use Styrofoam to-go container, take the container to be weighed and would have to almost yell at the cashiers; “I don’t need it in a bag or any utensils” and they would look at me like I told them I wanted to sleep with their sister. All I was doing was walking upstairs to eat it at the apartment and I have all that shit here. Why do I need to create more waste if I don’t need to? 

If I got a San Pellegrino, they would be trying to put that in a plastic bag and also throwing in napkins and a straw too! I can’t fault them, they are ingrained that everyone wants a bag and everyone needs a knife, fork, spoon combo kit. Seriously, how many of your offices have that drawer with all the ketchup, utensils, soy sauce and millions of napkins. The worst are the food delivery guys. You are delivering to a residence, I bet if you had an option to not get all that crap with the order maybe they would knock 50 cents off the order. Whole Foods does that if you BYOB.

When in Switzerland on Saturday morning I ventured out to get hydration supplies. Traveling 10 hours and then drinking enough booze to sedate a small city does tend to make one thirsty. I walked out onto the plaza and found the Coop supermarket. 3 big 1.5 L of water, 2 Coke Lights and I was ready to go. I get to the cashier and she looks at me asking if I had a bag. With my limited French and her lack of English she informed me that they don’t have bags and I have to bring my own. Try carrying 5 big bottles with a Class 3 Hangover two blocks and not drop anything. Was I kinda steamed? Yep. Why don’t you carry bags Coop Supermarket? Oh, wait why is the Ugly American bitching? Shut the Fuck Up Carbunkle Trumpet and do better.

When they announced the ban on bags here in New York you should have heard the people bitching. “What do you mean I have to pay for a bag? This is an outrage!” Personally, I think that we should all adopt the Aldi Supermarket model. Use a quarter to rent a cart and you bring your own bags or buggies. Think about it, for all of you bitching about the Kroger on Union Avenue how nice would it be with no carts being left in the parking lot? Sure, the number of bums waiting to take your cart would be epic but that solves a lot of problems there. The plastic bag issue….I now carry a couple of the plastic shopping bags that can be balled up into the size of a pack of golf balls. This also limits me on picking up all the big stuff and I am making the environment better. Now I can feel no remorse when I am clubbing the hell out of that baby seal!

Ok, I am nearing 650 words and I know that some of you are losing interest.

Do you know how many of these are flying around the city a given day?
Our Bags for Shopping when we head out the door
I have one of these in my briefcase for when I pick up stuff before heading home
My Old Lady Cart
Seriously, how great is this idea?

But seriously folks can’t we all do better?

Saturday Shenanigans With Bobcat, Mr 3 First Names and Lady Barrister

I am sure that some of you are wondering What In The Cornbread Feck I am doing posting on a Sunday? I can barely type on some Sundays and now I am posting on this worthless dribble today? I am blaming Geranium (the woman not the plant) *Shout out to Jean-Jean the Dancing Belizean Queen for making me snort the other day with her comment* on making me get up at the crack of ass of dawn now 2 days in a row. I am thinking that she has given me her Switzerland Jet Lag!

So yesterday the aforementioned in the title gathered at Greenwood Park for some Libations and Laughs. I have not visited some of the Memphis haunts that I see people talk about but I equate it to Loflin Yards or Railgarden (thank you GurleyGurl) as it has been re-purposed and turned into a pretty cool venue. Oh did you think I am going to show any pictures of us wearing our Superhero capes from yesterday? Nope!

The Front of Greenwood Park
I am betting that outside bar is kinda of a bitch to work when it’s really hot or cold
Photo I nipped off the internet of the outdoor space
Got to love the old school Muscle Cars
Cloudy Sunset from our building
Why can’t we have that patio and apartment?
Brooklyn Point under construction. Street on the left is Schemerhorn, Street on the right is Livingston
Looking towards Queens
The East River and Manhattan

Have a good Sunday and weekend.

Cooking Solo – This Sucks!

So I got back from Barcelona. I got over the jet lag. I spent last weekend more or less chilling on the couch with the dog and managed to do a little ‘celebrating’ with the Landlord and Mr. 3 First Names. They got the final approval and permit on the remodel job they have been doing since this fall so we had some drinks to celebrate. Last weekend was great and very much needed after spending 18 hours traveling to a +6 time zone the weekend prior.

On Monday, Geranium informed me she made a mistake and a Marley Spoon food delivery slipped through so I should expect a box arriving on Monday. If you are familiar with the food meal plans out there you can get as many days as you wish and can pick the number of portions per meal. We are a 2 ass house so we get 2 meals X the number of days with Marley Spoon. Normally there are enough leftovers for Geranium’s lunch the next day and we normally get 3 days of meals.

Problem is that I am currently a one ass house and the meal came so late on Monday that I only have 2 days to cook a 3 day 2 person meal box. I figured that I would leave one meal for our dog sitter G-Man but I would need to cook on Tuesday and Wednesday. Another issue was that my lunches the next day were going to be booked so I am basically wasting a portion. How do single people cook a meal for one person? I joke with of one of my peers who is celebrating his birthday today that his fridge is full of condiment packets and beer since they don’t cook.

I forged on and made the meal with the idea of giving the other portion away. Problem was that George the Cat’s mom was away and the Bahamians at the end of the hall hadn’t been seen in weeks. Who the hell am I going to give this extra meal to? I made the extra meal and figured that I would either give it to our building concierge Jackie or I would take it across the street and give it to one of the homeless guys in the park. Please note that I am normally hesitant to give food away in the park. By that hour those guys in the park are either going to sleep or are just getting warmed up if you know what I mean. You just don’t know how many people are going to be in the park or what stage of high they may be.

Thankfully Jackie was at the desk and she loved her some sirloin steak. I informed her that I had another meal for Wednesday so she told me that she would pass on her normal food. Last night I didn’t feel bad because I was cooking this week for at least one person. By the way, when I told Geranium who I cooked on Tuesday night for she informed me that she ate potato chips for dinner that night. #SadTromboneSound

Bring your ass home Geranium and let me cook for you!

The fridge is full of stuff I have no time to mess with now! Incidentally Sam S – Velveeta and Red Bull are staples during single Carbunkle Trumpet Times.
Well I might as well make this damned thing
Potato Rounds and Green Beans in the oven
Oh I cooked them just fine but one sprung a leak!
Jackie was happy and even loved on Maya who was less than thrilled!

Anyone know of a good Single person menu item/dish other than Pizza or Fried Egg Sandwiches? I have a couple more days next week.

Living the Bachelors Dream Here Folks

I was trying to think back the other day when was the last time I lived alone. I had to go back to 1992 when I was living in the Shrine Building, working at Chez Philippe. and making more money than God. Since then I went out to East Memphis for a brief stint and then back downtown and started cramping Didi’s style at 71 Union Ave. Then I met Mary Louise and since then the toilet seat has been down ever since.

Mary Louise is to return back in the US on the 22nd of May until then it is going to be just me and the dog. Oh and don’t worry, I am not sitting here on the couch crying my eyes out. Vivian and Stone and I had dinner last weekend and I have a feeling that Maria and I will catch a dinner in the next couple of weeks. Of course Mr. 3 First Names and I have been out every night coming home in the early hours of the morning with Memphis in May sobriety. Ok that is a lie, he and the Landlord have been busy over there in the Slope with a remodeling job that is over halfway done. Maybe we can get some drinks next weekend.

I have been spending a lot more time at work and getting stuff done which isn’t bad for me. Naturally I have been spending a couple more hours than normal at the Gym that I belong to. The gym is over on East 73rd street between 1st and 2nd Avenue and I walk out of there needing a shower because I stink. For those of you who are not doubled over laughing need to know that the gym isn’t called Soul Cycle or Equinox but The Cigar Inn.

Oh and don’t cry for me too much. My ass is leaving this evening heading over to Barcelona to meet up with Geranium. She is going to be there for training so I figured I would crash her style and get some Spanish culture in too! Oh and by the way, when I text or facetime with Geranium she doesn’t care about me, she wants to see pics of the dog. Below are some of the pics from this past week.

Made me a work station while Geranium is away
Why are you walking me at 5:30AM? Why can’t I sleep in?
What the Corn Bread Fuck? I am never in here when there are 2 of you here.
I am going to get all my toys and play on the bed while you are pooping dad
Life is Hard
Stretching before we go out to pee
Kind of hard being this cute dad.
Even got one of those Nanny Cams. It is kind of boring since she is kenneled while I am away
See you fuckers on Monday!

Have a good weekend folks!

April 29th – Is A HUGE Day In History

Not only is today Willie Hugh Nelson’s 86th birthday but today is also our Godchild Willimena Esmerelda’s 2nd Birthday! I remember it like it was yesterday. We were down in in the Dominican Republic drunk and RJ texted saying that W.E. arrived and things were good.

The irony is that W.E’s mother is a huge Willie Nelson fan much like myself so April 29th just seemed like a good day to be born. Come clean Mal-O-Rie, you were doing jumping jacks the night before telling her it was closing time weren’t you? Wait till the FedEx Ground guys deliver the 12 pc drum set and inflatable 2 story slip and slide to Bar 595 this afternoon.

If you don’t like Willie you can just kiss my ass!
She is stinking cute! Can’t wait to hang with her and her sisters this summer!

Happy Birthday Willie and Willimena Esmerelda!

Pictures of the Week

Since Mary Louise has left my ass for the neutral zone country I will have more time to get on this worthless dribble. My pictures that I will be posting will be a couple weeks off but that is fine. You guy’s don’t pay for this entertainment anyway.

I asked them if they knew Laurie and they said they never heard of her.
Did some remodeling before Geranium left my ass with the dog.
Still a work in process.
Congrats to UWS Holly on being at the close of the NY Stock Exchange Bell. Bucket List item for a lot of people.
Does this mean that Zim-Bob could be a New Yorker? Hell Yes!

Have a good weekend. I am heading to Philly for a quick trip to hang with Pepe.

Bonus Pictures Midweek

I have been negligent in my postings but considering that today I am celebrating 17,898 days of walking this earth I will bless you with some extra pictures.

FYI – The shell may be 49 but the spirit is and forever will be 12 years old having the time of my life. To quote the band Kiss – if its too loud you are too old!

Look who snuck into smoke cigars with the boys. GZ.
If I did have a tombstone (F That I want to be cremated) it would read #RoboCares
Don’t arch your back while peeing?
Who are all these children in this picture!
Sorry GrainBin Girl, he wasn’t in when I had lunch there last week.
Go see Elton John’s show if you can!
49 years old, overweight, greying on the sideburns, bad left shoulder, but still rocking a Midtown Uniform! *Those pills in the lower left are Germaniums by the way. The Bite guard is mine but those are hers!

Have a good Wednesday!

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 2019

A while back Vivian asked if we wanted to get some tickets to attend the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame at Barclays. *disclaimer – I really didn’t understand the question but considering it was 2 blocks from our studio I agreed.* When we got closer to the event I was kind of luke warm then I was on a subway and did a google of who was being inducted;

  • The Cure (never saw them live)
  • Def Leppard (saw them in the Mid South Coliseum when I was a child and the drummer had 2 arms)
  • Janet Jackson (I vaguely remember the wardrobe malfunction)
  • Stevie Nicks (Fleetwood Mac show at BSMF many moons ago)
  • Radiohead (saw them at MSG 2 years ago, killer show)
  • Roxy Music (they broke up in 2011 so the answer was no)
  • The Zombies (Negative)

Holy Crap! I get to see Roxy Music, The Cure, Def Leppard, Stevie Nicks Solo and I don’t have to stand at an overpriced music festival in Palm Springs or New Orleans? Color me up Baby! Let me just say right now that (and I am not sure if it goes back to Cleveland next year) if you are a music fan then you need to do this! Sadly Radiohead and Janet didn’t play the event but HOLY FUCKING SHIT Stevie Nicks had Don Henley do a song with her. Then Harry Stiles (Still don’t know who he is or care) did the Tom Petty Duet with Stevie and it was killer.

The downside to the show is that it is long. But then if you can say that you were in the same room as; Steven VanZant, Trent Reznor, David Byrne, Susanna Hoffs of the Bangles, Brian May of Queen, Simon LeBon and John Taylor from Duran Duran and Harry Stiles it is bonus too. Sadly I didn’t get any great pics of the shows as it is a copyright infringement but here are the approved pics.

The tables are where the VIP’s sit but I don’t really think there is any dining going on. We by the way were sitting in a box centerfield thanks to American Express.
Stephanie Lynn Nicks killed it! She may be a robot when it comes to her show (she thought that Harry Stiles was in a different band) but she is the consummate performer.
Saw these boys over at MSG. I only know 3 songs but they had a great speech.
Oh David Byrne was inducting them into the hall. How fucking cool is that!
I only know of 5 songs these guys do (and 3 of them are on the Alex’s Tavern’s Juke Box but to say that I saw a reunited show just for the Hall of Fame. What you got boys? Have you see Roxy Music live?
Roxy Music put on a great show and sounded like they didn’t break up at all!
If you graduated from SAA, SDS, IC, MUS, Hutchison, or St. Mary’s you would have known who these boys were. Duran Duran!
Texted my father a pic of Silvio inducting the R&R HOF Singles groups and his comment was “He isn’t country is he?”
Saw the Robert Smith interview where he destroyed the reporter about being excited. I assure you readers that he was very humble when he was accepting the induction. Still scary as shit with that get up!
The Lead Up to Janet’s induction. We were under the impression she was going to perform.
Janet Jackson’s speech. Let’s just say that she was a tad off.
Did you know the lead singer of the Bangles is 60. I am kinda feeling old.
5 band performing means 5 monitor worlds. Plus the MC stuff and the BOH world. This was impressive to see from a birds eye view. “Robo to Allison or Harmony”
FYI – he was the only one who didn’t have a teleprompter for his induction of Def Leppard. Maybe he should tell 46-1 how to do this.
Rule #1 for being a Rock and Roll Band – Don’t get fat or lose your hair!

Like I said, it was a great night and I can’t wait to see how HBO does this show.

Happy Anniversary Papua New Guinea Mike & Claire! Also Pictures of the week.

Right out of the gate I would like to wish my good friends PNG Mike and his lovely (and saint of a) wife Claire a happy Anniversary! PNG Mike and Claire were married 6 years ago and we were there to witness the event and had a blast! I look back on 6 years ago and think about the ton of stuff that has happened between that beautiful March 1st day and now and WOW. Cancer, Move to NYC, Rolls Royce, British American Tabaco, Reflexology Barn – life is changing after you get >40 and it isn’t all that bad.

One of the most ironic events that comes to my mind is that on the morning of the wedding we had “Kegs n Eggs” with the boys. There were about 20 of us at the table and I was seated across from Claire’s Uncle. He and I were exchanging pleasantries and he asked what my thoughts of England were so far. I told him that I was a little worried that BBC1 was excited that it was going to ‘almost’ get into double digits on the Celsius scale. (Almost 47 degrees for you Fahrenheit people) 6 years later we are living in NYC and we are supposed to get a snowstorm and the temp won’t get above 1C tomorrow. In all seriousness, Happy Anniversary guys.

We have had a long week and are glad that Mary Louise is coming back today. Right before the snowstorm and crappy cold weather. Anyway here are some pics from that great weekend 6 years ago and some from this week in Manhattan/Brooklyn.

I guess one has to stretch the Hamstrings before getting on the 4/5
6 Years Ago at Kegs N Eggs – No lies were being told here. Not at all!
This could be a problem
Love the Trainers (Chuck Taylor’s) for the wedding. Oh and Claire’s dress was nice too!
Some of our friends have asked when we are going to Belize this year. Some “guy” we know is going to celebrate 50 trips around the sun during this time.
I see this sign (a block from the apartment on State Street) and miss NOLA.
Shout out to all my NOLA Friends this weekend.
Yo Taco Girl! I Saw this and made me laugh!
That is the most hair PNG has had in a while! Again thank you for having us to your party and Happy Anniversary!

Have a good weekend!