A CBT Rant.

But Did You Die?

A couple of weeks back I kept on seeing posts about it being cold by my friends in Belize. Scoop had posted that she was freezing to which I responded that she was number one. Mind you it was a ball shrinking 30 degrees in Manhattan and we were getting some snow/sleet and it was miserable. She fessed up that she was in sweat pants.

Now before I really piss off everyone on Ambergris Caye I guess I better come clean. I too have been on the island during a ‘cold’ front and have even donned a light jacket. Mind you I was still wearing shorts and if you think for one second I had socks on under my flip flops…..awe hell no. To my buddies down there I get it, when you are used to temps in the 80’s & 90’s anything cooler and you are cold.

It all comes to what you are conditioned and used to. Back when we lived in Memphis during those lovely high humidity summers it wasn’t a big deal for us to vacation down in New Orleans during Swamp Ass summers. We moved up here and sure I am not thrilled about Nor’easters but we have gotten used to ‘brick’ cold days.

I recall when Florita A. would come to Memphis as a kid. The only time I would ever see her wearing socks was when she came to see us. Naturally she would get a summer cold and we would have to take her to the pediatrician but I get it. She wasn’t used to Southern Summer Air Conditioning going 24/7. Now she lives in Colorado and I bet her little ass is wearing more than socks!

I used to wonder what was up with Kitty and LuLu when we would meet up with them at Dale Hollow Lake. Here we are on the boat, the sun is shining and both of them are wearing bathing suits and sweat shirts. Once you get used to a climate your body acclimates to it.

So I will let it slide this time San Pedro, but I will still call you wimps when the temps get below 80.

Like I said, my nose was itching! That white stuff on my hat, that’s sleet.
That is funny!

So here is to hope that you guys down in San Pedro get a real snow storm or temps in the mid to low 60’s.

2019 in Review – What Did We Do Again?

On the back of the door in our apartment we have one of those old school calendars. We use it for scheduling shit and to make sure that we keep the dog alive with our schedules. I took a look at it this morning as I was getting the Black Eyed Peas and Greens on the stove and here is what we had to show for with Trips;

  • Geranium was away 151 days in 2019. Mind you 31 of those days were when she was in Switzerland/France. That actually made us both appreciate our time together more and take stock in our relationship which made it stronger.
  • We saw Elton John and his Farewell Tour at The Barclays
  • Got to experience The Rock And Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. That was a killer event.
  • While Geranium was away Mr. 3 First Names & Lady Lawyer and I went to see Jose Andres at his book signing.
  • Got our Southern Redneck on thanks to BK and saw Hank Jr and Skynrd at Forrest Hills.
  • Rang in the New Year at the Barclays Center with The Strokes.
  • Oh and we had dinner at Per Se too.
  • And so that I am not a complete prick I am going to end this list that we also did some horse gambling at Aquaduct Race Track.

Regarding Trips Away, I am kind of embarrassed to divulge this to you dozen readers. I mean this list is somewhat obscene. Mind you we were able to take advantage of Geranium’s international trips and my ability to fly stand by.

  • Hung with PNG Mike, Ellie & JD in London and watched 6 Nations Rugby with them.
  • Visited Northwest Arkansas for Family Christmas
  • Made a trip Upstate with Vivian and Stone
  • Made warm weather trips to; Cancun, Belize, Fort Meyers, Gulf Shores, and Dale Hollow Lake.
  • Went over to Philly for a BBQ at Pepe’s house.
  • Got to experience Barcelona for the First Time. (Got to go back)
  • I did 48 hours in Switzerland to see Geranium and imagine that..it was raining!
  • Made it to Memphis for Thanksgiving and for a work trip in September.
  • Got to eat some low country cooking with the ChoHo’s in Charleston South Carolina.

All in all it was a good year for us for doing the fun shit. Granted I wondered why our bank account has been low but now I know why I haven’t been able to see my feet in months.

Photo by Toria of Blue Water Grill down in Belize
Charleston South Carolina with these two!
Thank God Geranium is Fluent in how to Speak Randy!
We got to go back one of these day!
I booked a whole week with these knuckleheads and I loved every minute of it!
I love this man!
Lausanne Switzerland and the snow topped alps
The rain does happen in Spain!
Oh Maya had a blast while we were away too!
Thanks Viv and Stone!
Rain in London….how odd

It was a good time for trips and shit that we saw in 2019.

Della Forte’s Camera Kicks Some Serious Ass!

Happy Monday Folks! And don’t let your eyes fool you. You are actually reading a past weekend post on a Monday. Like I said last week, Geranium is away all week and I got left alone on Sunday afternoon. Also The Murphranks were out of town so instead of having some Sunday Funday I worked on this worthless Dribble.

This past Friday Vivian coordinated a field trip on the Circle Line Boat Tour for the WFUV Disco Boat Cruise. Or as My (former) Work Wife (The Domestic One) said to me; “Oh you are on a booze cruise.” This past Friday we had bonus because not only was it a Friday the 13th but it also was a Harvest Moon. Let me tell you. Seeing a full Moon on the Hudson and East River….it Fucking Rocked.

Now while we were snapping pictures I couldn’t help but notice how sharp and clear the pictures on Della Forte’s Samsung foam. I realized right then that I would ask her to send me some pictures so I promptly put my phone away and decided to drink cold beer instead.

Here are some great pictures from Friday Night.

This is my camera. Notice the crappy blob of a moon?
This is from my iFoam and I was playing around with the camera functions
Della Forte’s Camera of the Moon and the Empire State.
Della’s View of the Brooklyn Bridge
Manhattan Bridge
Manhattan Bridge by Della
Seriously Della’s Foam Kicked Ass!

Have a good week and be nice to each other. Except for Brett Kavanaugh. He is a rapist and should be put in shackles. Debate me on this. I dare you.

I would rather suck start a Cumming Diesel Tractor in the dead of winter than use Expedia.com again.

Is that too much imagery? Sorry to some of you who are cleaning up hot coffee off your ifoam but I am about to do something I have NEVER EVER done in my Social Media life. I am going to use this blog to call Bullshit to a business that is screwing people left and right and they think they are doing us a favor.

Seriously and I apologize if I am going to turn a couple people off because of this post. Personally I think it is kind of of a dick move to trash a company on social media and not get their side of the story. But here is the issue guys and gals – They won’t give me a straight answer and refer to some policy that they have to follow. Let me tell you what happened.

When we went to the Redneck Rivera I had to travel solo as Geranium was flying from Seattle and she was going to meet me in Pensacola. Traditionally I always book air travel through the airlines directly because I have never had any issues. They also are great about booking me on a flight if I get stuck or a flight gets cancelled. This trip since we were needing a car I booked through Expedia and did a bundle. I was able to get the car a tad cheaper even though the flight was fairly expensive. It was a direct flight so I really didn’t care too much.

Getting down to Pensacola wasn’t a deal and even though I was delayed on the ground in Newark no issues.

The return however, was eye opening on how Expedia and what I now have learned all other booking companies do with their customer service. For the return flight back to Newark our flight gets cancelled. It happens. Now I am on the phone with United Airlines to get rebooked. They inform me because I didn’t book directly with them I have to contact the booking company so I am on the phone with Expedia for about 20 minutes.

I get skillet on the phone and explain that my flight is cancelled and I would like to be booked on the next flight. Meanwhile Geranium has been automatically rebooked on a flight tomorrow because she has some serious airline privileges with United. I on the other hand do not so I am still on hold with skillet. He informs me that because the flight has been cancelled he can’t help me get on a new flight but will refund my money for the cancelled flight.

Then……and here is where I almost cause a fucking scene in the airport. He has the balls to ask me if I would like for him to book me on a flight tomorrow. I ask him what if this flight gets cancelled for whatever reason will he do the same thing and give me credit but I am shit out of luck? He says yes.

I ask for a supervisor, there isn’t one. I take to Twitter and Direct Messages and get no solution. Seriously I am now stuck in Pensacola and now have to shell out over 7 bills to get me home. I book my return directly with Delta since the United flight that Geranium was going to burn miles to get me on was now sold out.

I was pissed. I still am pissed. That is why I wanted to wait at least a month to take my anger out and post on Social Media. I want all of you out there, all 15 of you, to know that if you book though a booking company like Expedia and if something happens to the flight you are screwed.

Ok Rant over but seriously Expedia – Go Fuck yourselves.

The packing up and leaving a rental is always the worst
Seriously how much shit did you guys bring?
This is the car of 2 people who don’t have kids and what we would find out later will take 24 hours get home.
Had to Uber to a Hotel since we were stuck in Pensacola
They should change the number to say 1-800-SCREWED
Part of my exchange with Expedia Customer Service
But they act like they care. They don’t give 2 shits!

I hope you at least had a laugh at my expense. Book Direct Folks. Don’t be a dumbass like Carbunkle Trumpet.

4 Trips Around the sun living in the Empire State

Last week I got one of these notifications that 4 years ago that it was my last board meeting at HW/AMF. I started to think to myself that time has flown by. It was just yesterday that we were hanging at the South Bluffs pool having our Friday board meetings and the Horners only had 1 kid.

Looking back over the past year it has been a whirlwind with Tons of Travel. In no particular order;

  • St. Louis for Missy & Kristina’s Wedding (September)
  • Northwest Arkansas for Hogs/Bama Football weekend (October)
  • Geranium made 3 trips to Japan, Germany, Spain and France
  • She also has made a bunch of trips to Seattle. Either she really loves the Starbucks coffee and flannel or she has a side piece over there. Oh wait her new momma is domiciled there.
  • Memphis for Christmas
  • Northwest Arkansas for Family Christmas (January)
  • London for a Quickie Weekend (February)
  • Weekend Trip to Cryder Hollow (March)
  • Quickie trip to the Fun Side of the Wall before Geranium headed to Switzerland (April)
  • Geranium headed to the land of Swiss Army knives for a month.
  • Trip to Barcelona over BSMF weekend to see Geranium
  • Trip to Geneva over WCBCC weekend to see Geranium
  • Trip to the Redneck Rivera to hang with the Horner’s and their 2 kids.

We also made our yearly pilgrimage to Per Se for Christmas. We made a trip to Philly for a Christmas party and had some fun times with our friends over the past year too.

Back when I had longer hair and there wasn’t any grey in there either.
Barcelona!
London with this guy!
Got to see the Parade thanks to Zsquared
A little Phil Collins
Selfie at the Bridge
Swiss Alps!
Glad we knocked that one off the list. Not like Oaklawn at all.

It is still the best decision moving up here we ever did.

I Am Back But Buried

So Before anyone gets on my ass for lack of postings first I have to say LAY OFF! Geranium can’t decide if she wants to burn Atlanta like Sherman or go out west and wear flannel. So she is doing both in a 36 hour time period. Meanwhile I am still in a tick for tat email exchange with those Bastards at Expedia. Oh and we are leaving town tomorrow for Philly for a one night appearance and then back in town on Sunday for baseball during the day and then later rednecks. Here are some pictures from this past Weeks vacation.

I miss these knuckleheads we had fun terrorizing those who slept in!
I bet their parents miss me being the Funkle too! Wait till they get the Bongos next week!
I am not drunk you are drunk.

Anyway the next 2 weeks are going to be busy for us. Tomorrow Philly, Sunday Baseball then Hank Jr. Next week Geranium is going to be in the exotic location of Summit New Jersey for training and next weekend we have a Carl Lipbalm Caddy Scholarship winner arriving.

More to come, More to come!

SanPedroScoop? Rebec… my apologies….Best Selling Author Rebecca Coutant?? I Have Never Heard Of Her!

I am kidding. You probably have heard me speak of my friend SanPedroScoop down in San Pedro Belize. I featured her on my Fellow Bloggers You Should Follow when I was running that piece a while back. If you don’t know who she is, she is an ExPat who lives in San Pedro. She also writes a really great Belize Travel Blog that I have referred people to her blog when they ask me about going to Belize. A couple of weeks back I was watching her Instagram Stories and she made a couple of cryptic comments about doing something big and she was ready for this project to launch.

I message her and ask her what the hell she is up to and she gives me the scoop. Wait, I just realized it, I got the Scoop from Scoop. (ok yes, that was cheezy AF) But she trusted me not to spill the beans. After all her boyfriend and I do go to the same Gynecologist on the island. That is a true story by the way. Moving forward…. Rebecca informs me she is hoping to launch the book as an E Reader for Kindle in June and then later have paperback and maybe hardback copies. Being the Diva that I am (I can be a pain in the ass tormenting her with pictures of bagels and flavored seltzers) I inform her I want to get 10 copies in soft back and I want them autographed.

It is no secret that I love San Pedro, I love the country and I love it’s people. When someone asks me about what to do and or where to go I figure there is no better reference material than a book. Oh and since she is originally from New Jersey I can also say “I got a guy”!

In all seriousness, I am very proud of what she has done. I am very proud of what she does for the tourism on my favorite little Caribbean island. Oh and you can bet your sweet ass I am getting some books autographed in November in exchange for some Murray’s Bagels.

Congrats Rebecca – Now to you dozen readers of this worthless dribble…. GO BUY THE DAMN BOOK! BUY 2 OF THEM! ONE FOR YOUR iFOAM AND ONE FOR YOUR iPAD!

Street Fair Food Fail!

Saturday was Monkey Head Maya’s beauty appointment with Not Yolanda in the UES. Yes my dog is so bougie that she still keeps her regular girl in the Upper East Side even though we live in Brooklyn. I guess she doesn’t want a bun or wear a pork pie hat. Anyway after I drop off Maya I then head down to have a cigar at my old stomping grounds at Cigar Inn.

A couple of hours I am heading back to Brooklyn with a clean and nicely cut dog. Now while I was leaving the Cigar Inn to get the dog I noticed that the First Avenue Street Fair was in full effect. Considering I was a tad hungover from the night before I thought that Geranium and I should come back and walk around. Considering I didn’t have anything planned for the day and I was craving a Pronto Pup and an Italian Sausage sandwich.

I am guessing the Pronto Pup and Sausage guy didn’t get the memo because for 12 square blocks there was none of that to be had. Corn Guy, Arrepa, Gyro and a bunch of other non-fair food tents but What The Fuck First Avenue Festival planners? You going healthy on us?

A Gyro on every corner
Crowd was light too
Cajun Nut Meat…I think I will pass
What the Cornbread Fuck
What did you do? BBQ a shoe?
This one is for you FitzJohn.
Needless to say we high tailed it out of there.

Would it kill a Street Festival to get a Pronto Pup Stand Up here?

Carbunkle is on his soapbox again

Now I have to come clean with you 15 readers. I really enjoyed my trips over to Spain and Switzerland to see Mrs. Trumpet. But what I am about to tell you may shock some of you. I really enjoyed being somewhere that has their shit together when it comes to the environment. Relax, I am not going to be chaining myself up to any trees or will get involved in the ongoing debate about Tom Lee Park in Memphis. I am referring to the way that in both Spain and Switzerland they have their shit together with recycling and the banning of plastic and Styrofoam.

Case in point – my corner deli and frequent breakfast haunt. While I was living the bachelor life I would head down there and get me some eggs, bacon and sausage. I would get a single use Styrofoam to-go container, take the container to be weighed and would have to almost yell at the cashiers; “I don’t need it in a bag or any utensils” and they would look at me like I told them I wanted to sleep with their sister. All I was doing was walking upstairs to eat it at the apartment and I have all that shit here. Why do I need to create more waste if I don’t need to? 

If I got a San Pellegrino, they would be trying to put that in a plastic bag and also throwing in napkins and a straw too! I can’t fault them, they are ingrained that everyone wants a bag and everyone needs a knife, fork, spoon combo kit. Seriously, how many of your offices have that drawer with all the ketchup, utensils, soy sauce and millions of napkins. The worst are the food delivery guys. You are delivering to a residence, I bet if you had an option to not get all that crap with the order maybe they would knock 50 cents off the order. Whole Foods does that if you BYOB.

When in Switzerland on Saturday morning I ventured out to get hydration supplies. Traveling 10 hours and then drinking enough booze to sedate a small city does tend to make one thirsty. I walked out onto the plaza and found the Coop supermarket. 3 big 1.5 L of water, 2 Coke Lights and I was ready to go. I get to the cashier and she looks at me asking if I had a bag. With my limited French and her lack of English she informed me that they don’t have bags and I have to bring my own. Try carrying 5 big bottles with a Class 3 Hangover two blocks and not drop anything. Was I kinda steamed? Yep. Why don’t you carry bags Coop Supermarket? Oh, wait why is the Ugly American bitching? Shut the Fuck Up Carbunkle Trumpet and do better.

When they announced the ban on bags here in New York you should have heard the people bitching. “What do you mean I have to pay for a bag? This is an outrage!” Personally, I think that we should all adopt the Aldi Supermarket model. Use a quarter to rent a cart and you bring your own bags or buggies. Think about it, for all of you bitching about the Kroger on Union Avenue how nice would it be with no carts being left in the parking lot? Sure, the number of bums waiting to take your cart would be epic but that solves a lot of problems there. The plastic bag issue….I now carry a couple of the plastic shopping bags that can be balled up into the size of a pack of golf balls. This also limits me on picking up all the big stuff and I am making the environment better. Now I can feel no remorse when I am clubbing the hell out of that baby seal!

Ok, I am nearing 650 words and I know that some of you are losing interest.

Do you know how many of these are flying around the city a given day?
Our Bags for Shopping when we head out the door
I have one of these in my briefcase for when I pick up stuff before heading home
My Old Lady Cart
Seriously, how great is this idea?

But seriously folks can’t we all do better?

Saturday Shenanigans With Bobcat, Mr 3 First Names and Lady Barrister

I am sure that some of you are wondering What In The Cornbread Feck I am doing posting on a Sunday? I can barely type on some Sundays and now I am posting on this worthless dribble today? I am blaming Geranium (the woman not the plant) *Shout out to Jean-Jean the Dancing Belizean Queen for making me snort the other day with her comment* on making me get up at the crack of ass of dawn now 2 days in a row. I am thinking that she has given me her Switzerland Jet Lag!

So yesterday the aforementioned in the title gathered at Greenwood Park for some Libations and Laughs. I have not visited some of the Memphis haunts that I see people talk about but I equate it to Loflin Yards or Railgarden (thank you GurleyGurl) as it has been re-purposed and turned into a pretty cool venue. Oh did you think I am going to show any pictures of us wearing our Superhero capes from yesterday? Nope!

The Front of Greenwood Park
I am betting that outside bar is kinda of a bitch to work when it’s really hot or cold
Photo I nipped off the internet of the outdoor space
Got to love the old school Muscle Cars
Cloudy Sunset from our building
Why can’t we have that patio and apartment?
Brooklyn Point under construction. Street on the left is Schemerhorn, Street on the right is Livingston
Looking towards Queens
The East River and Manhattan

Have a good Sunday and weekend.