Subway Happenings

A Warning to all Those Fathers of Daughters – The Coney Island Mermaid Parade

Happy Day after Fathers day to my 4 daddies readers out there. I hope that your day was spent enjoying cigars, a nice steak dinner and maybe even a little golf if you were lucky. I spent Sunday enjoying some MPH in the morning and finally got out and went down Home Depot for some recycling bags and I did manage to fit a cigar into my busy day.

So this past weekend the Coney Island Mermaid Parade was held on Stillwell Avenue on Coney Island. I recall last year that we missed it and I was pissed. It looked like all the makings of a great event with the premise you get to day drink and not feel guilty about it. This year Mrs. Trumpet’s school schedule wouldn’t allow her to attend so I asked my friend LZ if she would go with me since FZ was away for work. LZ was fired up and even made a crown for the event, I opted not to wear any heavy headgear since the weather was supposed to be rainy.

Now here is my warning to all you dad’s out there who have daughters. Should your daughter inform you that she is going to be in the Mermaid Parade you should require your sweet angelic baby that she is required to wear a minimum of a yard of cloth to cover herself above the waist. As LZ and I were riding the Q train out to Coney Island we shared a subway car with a couple Mermaids. One was in a bikini top and a pair of shorts that looked like her va-jay-jay was trying to eat them. Oh and she was wearing Spartacus shoes too. This child naturally was busy putting on her Purple wig and put her Spartacus shoes on which was quite comical I might add. Then there were the body paint people.

Now it was raining fairly hard on our subway ride out to Coney Island. LZ brought up a great point; here you are wearing body paint and it is raining. When the rain and that water based paint mix the paint will come off. You are not carrying much on your person because well, you are after all naked except for purple water color paint. “How you getting home? Did you think that far in advance?”  Thankfully for this daddy’s baby girl the rain stopped just before the parade. Granted we are not sure if she didn’t wake up on Sunday doing the walk of shame from Sheepshead Bay but hey a girl has to have priorities. So again for you daddies out there. Your little girl should wear clothes or at least have a body paint rain contingency plan.

IMG_1075Had to wait out the rain so we went to my favorite Bud Light Can Russian run bar.

IMG_1076Mardi Gras style floats in Brooklyn. Who would have known.

IMG_1074LZ sporting her crown and platform shoes.

IMG_1081The kid is pissed that his parents dressed him in that garb. But let’s be serious, we all know that his parents have a case of beer and or wine in the bottom of that buggy.

IMG_1087Who doesn’t love a dog in a Tu-Tu?

IMG_1090Hula Hoop Girl was getting it!

IMG_1092I must say the Brooklyn Drumlines are much different than those in Memphis.

IMG_1111We sought higher ground for the rest of the parade. Two people under 5’8″ have trouble seeing over people in a crowd.

IMG_1115Ahem Mr. 3 First Names and Asian Fireman – I think we are missing a golden opportunity here.

IMG_1123Look closely and you see a Tractor pulling the float. I don’t see a lot of Tractors here in New York.

IMG_1147D*ck in a treasure chest?

IMG_1149Seahorses

IMG_1148Lots of Nautical and Seafood Themes here.

IMG_1143Ariel from the Block!

IMG_1151Not sure what it is but at least they were properly clothed.

IMG_1130Looks like the Bo Weevils Have some competition.

And no I am not going to put any of “those” pictures on the blog. I may day drink and poke fun at a lot of things but I do have some scruples. Have a good week and again Happy Fathers Day to all you Daddies out there.

 

 

 

Carbunkle Trumpet Eats Crow again

I am somewhat of a smart ass…I know that some of you can’t believe that one bit but it is true. Way back when IKEA announced they were coming to Memphis people lost their damned minds on Social Media. This announcement was before we even knew that we were going to move to New York and have our entire apartment outfitted with IKEA stuff. I made some snarky comment about the particle board furniture and how Memphians were losing their shit. My good friend TO the OJ Simpson Bronco driver took notice of my tweet.

When we moved to New York almost 2 years ago we naturally made our first trip to Red Hook’s IKEA and I was impressed. Yes we outfitted our entire apartment since we sold all of our shit before we made the 1600 mile drive. I think that I made a comment on Twitter and my friend TO was quick to remind me about the tweet and she called me out on it. I deserved it and it was funny too. Because of the location of the IKEA in Brooklyn it is somewhat hard to get there. You can take the ferry to and from but trust me when I say that schlepping your crap back in a blue bag sucks.

This past weekend Mrs. Trumpet was in the throws of schoolwork, studying and I needed to get the hell out of the house. I had a small list of stuff that I needed to get from IKEA. I figured that heading to Red Hook was a good way to get out of the house and get it done. Now the Ferry doesn’t start running from Pier 11 until 11:30 and I wanted to try to get some Cigar time with the boys so I took my chances and headed to Brooklyn on the F Train. The F Train made news last week when one of the subway trains went tits up and lost power, and air-conditioning. One of the Rhodes girls from many moons ago was stuck on that train and I could only imagine how bad that sucked. Thankfully the F Train made it to Smith Avenue and I grabbed a 5 dollar Uber drive to IKEA.

All in all it was only 45 minutes door to door and I was in and out of IKEA under an hour and was able to catch the 11:45 ferry to Wall Street. So there you go TO, feel free to bust me out again as I eat some crow. Be kind would you?

IMG_1040Waiting on the F Train. That joker has yet to be on time.

IMG_1041She would get major style points if those suckers were pink.

IMG_1043On the Ferry heading back to Manhattan

IMG_1044Governors Island

IMG_1045Doesn’t get old looking at Lower Manhattan from the water at all.

IMG_1046Looking at the buildings on Water Street and Old Slip

IMG_1047Got some more $2.99 frames to hang the Playbills and ‘cool NYC stuff’ that we have done.

IMG_1048So far we have been to 15 cool NYC things and or plays/musicals. Not bad considering we haven’t gone to Colbert or Fallon (yet)

IMG_1049More Spice Racks and spice holders. Unfortunately we have to move them since the drawers can’t come out fully now. #Robofail

IMG_1050New Up lighting for the bedroom. Why don’t New Yorkers like lighting?

Hope you had a good weekend and stayed cool. It was a hot one in the city on Sunday.

 

 

 

Sunday – Funday at Coney Island

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know that this post is late. Do you know how hard it is to come up with Holy Week Lenten Jokes each day?  Last Sunday we decided to head on the Q to Coney Island since the boardwalk was officially open and because we had a fun time on our last Trip. We reached out to our favorite Russian who lives in the UES and we met her at the E72nd subway stop. The ride to the end of the line was exactly 1 hour. Stop laughing Maria and some of you New Yorkers, you are going to be jealous when you finish this entry.

We arrived at the boardwalk and promptly headed over to Nathans for some meat in tube form. Let me just say that I hope that Nathans was having some first week jitters because service was to say “a little slow”. Mrs. Trumpet had a corndog while I enjoyed 2 hot dogs with Mustard and Relish. Oh and the Bacon Cheese Fries are pretty damn good too. You read that Zsquared? They have M’effin Bacon Cheese Fries! After lunch The Russian mentioned that we should “walk of our wieners” so we checked out the rides and games on the boardwalk. No we didn’t ride the Wonder Wheel or the Cyclone this time but it is on the short list for next trip. We found a nice spot at Ruby’s on the boardwalk and enjoyed watching the patrons walking the boardwalk, got some sun and a buzz.

Later we found another establishment that is right up some of our Dive Beer fans called Red Doors Bar and Grill. $3 Bud Lights in a can and they were ice cold. Knock it off KLC, they had fancy beers there too. After a good afternoon of people watching we headed home with some Train Beers and ordered pizza for dinner. AKA – It was a good Sunday Funday!

IMG_0621I texted this picture over to A-Cups just to let her know that we were at Meat in Tube Form Nirvana!

IMG_0622Bacon Cheese Fries! I have a feeling that this will be a staple item when I visit Coney Island next trip.

IMG_0623They have a game called “Pigs in a blanket”

IMG_0624There it is folks, the Wonder Wheel!

IMG_0626Inside of the Red Doors Bar and Grill

IMG_0628Dmitry – Can we get another beer? I know that you are busy sitting there!

IMG_0630It was windy and cold as you know what waiting for our return train

@Brizzyc you in for the Mermaid Festival? I hear that it is a must see!

 

 

Subway Etiquette – AKA…Don’t be that guy

New York Magazine published a “Urban Etiquette Handbook” for those who use Mass Transit more specifically MTA’s Subway. I am ‘below ground’ at least once a day if not more depending on the weather or distance. I have noticed a definite difference between those that use the subway Monday through Friday and those who use it on the weekend. Monday through Friday people for the most part play by the rules and everyone gets along. On the weekends it is Mudda Fecking Thunderdone….all bets are off and this is probably why Tourists think that New Yorkers are rude and brazen. Below is the list that they published for those who will be visiting New York this Spring;

  • Knees may no more than 6 inches apart. Dude control the spread and make room for everyone. This is a subway car not your living room!
  • If you can’t control your offspring, watch as a stranger does it for you. Normally kids get seats because it is easier to corral them but you would be surprised at young kids who think it is ok to try to walk around a packed subway car.
  • Don’t gawk/stare this isn’t a bar! Want to be called out by someone’s boyfriend/husband? Go ahead and stare at a female for more than 2 seconds. It won’t end well.
  • The Post is only a buck- go buy your own! This almost goes with the Don’t Gawk rule because nobody likes it when you are reading over someone’s shoulder. You may get kicked in the baby maker!
  • Holding the door makes everyone on the train love you. I get that you are important and ‘have’ to get on this train but there is another one coming in less than 4 minutes during rush hour. Seriously I have seen people push arms, and bags out of the closed doors for those who think they are a doorman.
  • Loud music will also make everyone on the train love you. This should go without saying but there is at least one jackass on the weekend who is jamming some tunes. This also applies to parents who give their phone to a kid so they can watch a movie. Don’t be surprised if the kid ‘accidently’ drops the iFoam that doesn’t have a case on it.
  • Lie down on the subway only if you are dead. Personally who in the hell wants to put their head where millions of people have put their asses on but hey enjoy that skin infection.

spreadI mean it is going to be GoldBond season soon but come on Francis!

really

The Backpack part pisses me off to no end. I make it a point to ‘spin’ someone when they leave their pack on their back. So far I have survived living up here by doing this. Of course I am a rebel.

blowjobsWait there is a BJ subway line? I bet it is in Brooklyn. They try to act like they have all the cool stuff there.

dudeDude, I don’t care if you ‘think’ you can get in here. Your big ass is going to stay on this platform.

PeeThankfully I haven’t seen this yet.

I hope you had fun reading this. And don’t be thinking you can break any of these rules w/o getting yelled at.

Stuff we ‘used’ to think was odd -19 months living here

Yesterday marked 1 year and 7 months living here on this island called Manhattan. We celebrated it by having our favorite Russian from the UES over for Brunch and then Momma studied for her midterm this week. The time really has flown by and I would say that we are slowly becoming New Yorkers. No, my accent is still in tact and people still ask what part of Texas I am from. Mrs. Trumpet on the other hand threw out a “Are you Fucking Kidding me?” to me when I drank all of her Tea before I left for the Cigar Inn. As we look back on these 19 months I guess some things that we at first seem foreign are staring to seem normal. Now for those Memphians who have never visited up here you may have that ‘hamster wheel is spinning but nobody is home’ look as you read this list.

  1. Stoops – Forget about sitting on the front porch like you do in the south, here you are lucky if you have an outdoor space. Remember when I was jealous as crap of the Murphrank’s Roof Deck? Well sadly unless you plunk down 10+M for a UES brownstone that you still will have to renovate you have a stoop instead. Oh and forget about being protected from the rain like the porch at 595. Here you get your ass wet.
  2. Kids Playing outside – If it isn’t raining or sleeting in the winter you will always find kids playing in neighborhood playgrounds or even on city streets. I remember when I was younger and if it was below a certain temperature then Recess was held inside, not here. You will see kids playing their hearts out with rosy cheeks and frozen snot on their faces. Hey you got to tire those fuckers out because it won’t work in a less than 1K square foot apartment.
  3. Comfortable Shoes – Forget those leather soled Johnston & Murphy’s lace ups. Get you a pair of good rubber soled shoes and prepare to rotate them out. I walk roughly 10K to 15K steps a day for work. I have 3 pair of black shoes that I have in my rotation and a pair of brown for some suits that I wear. My international counterpart ‘wife’ normally is rocking a pair of flats or some pair of low heel shoes as we make our way about the city. Anything higher than 3 inches and you are crazy. *EGP – when you come for Easter, leave those 9 inch F-Me Pumps at college. Don’t worry you will turn heads w/o wearing those barbaric things.
  4. Shoe Repair Store – You got to have a great Shoe Shine/Repair “guy” in New York! I think that there may be 2 repair guys in Memphis and that was when Mr.Galtelli still had his shop on Union. Shoe shine guys in Memphis? Only one I knew about was in the lobby of the Peabody. In Gotham they are all over the place and you have to have a good one. Case in point this past Saturday. Momma’s boots were looking like crap and she needed them to get cleaned up and poste haste. I go see my buddy on 2nd Ave at Artistic Shoe Services and ‘David’ (he is Pakistani so it is easier for him to introduce himself as David) gets them shined, repaired and back to me in 2 hours. I see David each week on my way home from work on Friday’s to get my shoes cleaned up. You got to look good when you are walking the streets.
  5. Random Ish on the side of the Street – Pretty much you can furnish a house with the crap that you find on the streets of New York. Someone moves out of an apartment chances are you will find some of their furniture on the street. Let me tell you, people will fight over the good stuff. I saw a couch get dumped on W23rd street and before I could finish the Instagram post it was already nabbed.
  6. Coffee is King – Before I moved to New York I only drank coffee if it has booze it. You do some crazy hours here and need a pick me up. At first it was a diet coke or Red Bull but that really wasn’t good for me. Then I started having a double espresso after a meal. Now I am hooked on that ish! I love it Hard, Strong and Black – and that is just how I take my coffee! Maria gave me an espresso pot for my birthday and that sucker is in use all the time. Who would have thought that CBT is now a fan of the Java.
  7. How Deep Are We Going Here? – Go ahead and say it – That’s What She Said…… No I am not going there, I am referring to the depth of some of the Subway platforms. Our new Q line is pretty deep. I think at E72nd station it is 11 stories below the surface. Getting down there can be a challenge for those who don’t like heights. Mrs. Trumpet hates the escalator so we always are using the elevators which are nicer than some buildings. Just close your eyes and enjoy the ride and try not to think that there is rushing water coming down the tube instead of a train.
  8. Do you Deliver – If you think that I am going to schlep a case of wine sparkling water down the street you are crazy as hell. Yep, thank God for Fresh Direct Grocery service and Astor’s Wine and Spirits. It is a lifesaver!
  9. Wind-chill sucks – 20 degrees as a high in Manhattan? If there is no wind then it is cold but manageable. But you add the wind and then it pretty much sucks balls. Recall when I survived that Noreaster? I sure as hell do. Put it this way, when the wind starts blowing down those streets thanks to the tall ass buildings…you get the picture.
  10. Not having a car really doesn’t bug us – Nope, we don’t miss driving and messing with a car at all. Crazy huh?

stoopsSure Sarah Jessica Parker hung out on her stoop but she also drank for free b/c she put out.

img_0450Yep here in the UES we block streets so the kids can play outside. First base is the Volvo and 3rd base is the Bentley.

img_0460When they are balder than Telly Savalas then it is time to throw them out!

shoe-shineHey Guys, anybody see that naked girl run down the street? Guess not! And you don’t fool us, we know you are looking at Carbunkle’s Corny Joke of the Day on Facebook.

img_0457It did have a ‘slight’ odor from 5 feet away.

cooffeeI may have a problem with my Java intake.

img_0451Pay no attention to the Jason D. Williams portrait above the escalator down to hell!

fresh-direct-billDo you really think I am going to schlep 2 cases of drinks down the street? Yeah me too!

img_0458When you get this text message you know that it is going to be a bitch outside.

Hope that you had a good weekend and enjoyed reading. We return you to your regularly scheduled show.

 

Stand Clear of the Closing Doors Please

Do you know how long residents of the Upper East Side have been waiting to hear those 7 words? From what I understand the carrot on the stick has been dangling in front of “my people” (notice how quick I am identifying myself with UES residents now that the damned thing is open) about 100 years with various stories and delays. It wasn’t until the Governor stepped in and gave them a deadline. New Years Day the 2nd Avenue Subway would be open for business.

Trust me when I say that a lot of my friends had their doubts. It wasn’t until I made a drunken boast that “I, Carbunkle Eugene Trumpet IV would swim in the Atlantic Ocean from the Coney Island boardwalk on New Years Day after riding the Q train from the Upper East Side of Manhattan!!!” Thankfully nobody called me on my boast as The Man with 3 first names was going to Philly and Maria didn’t meet us at the Kings Highway so I didn’t feel the need to go swim with the fishes.

So at Noon we headed out the door to walk a block to the subway station and take the Inaugural First Subway ride from 72nd station to Coney Island. Even the Governor who more or less put fire to the feet of the contractors and MTA was there. His comment to me (as he was getting into his Suburban) “It looks great, it is on time and it is much needed!”  What Andrew didn’t say was that when we got into the subway car the Mother Fucker was out of sequence  and we waited 25 minutes. Hey, I pay taxes here, I can bitch with the rest of them. So all in all a normal 1 hour trip took us 2 hours but let me tell you that it is nice.

When we get to Coney Island for the Polar Bear Plunge I really can’t explain it. To my Memphis readers, let me put it this way. Think Wine Race but everyone is wearing heavy coats and some are in Bikini’s. We check out the scene, realize that the people standing on line at Nathans was asinine so we find a spot at Ruby’s on the boardwalk. The people watching is great and we both realize that a lot of Coney Island residents are kind freaks. That is why we love them so and can fit in so well. We have a couple beers and then head back to the train where we are to go have some Black Eyed Peas and Greens with our new UWS friend. Oh by the way, return trip from Coney Island with a transfer to the 3 at Atlantic Ave was 1 hour and we made it all the way to W96th Street.

So RJ – if you are not knee deep in pampers next New Years you need to come up for this show. It is worth the price of admission…..which is only $2.75!

img_0125Glad to see you Carbunkle, I will see you at the cigar place later this week. *for those Memphians who don’t know that is the Governor or New York State. He doesn’t like the Mayor of New York so he is ok in my book.*

img_0127Notice the time on the sign. We got to Coney Island at 2:30pm

img_0130The Murphranks are now just one subway ride away. No more transferring, this could be a bad thing.

img_0136Somebody Wrapped a Subway Car!

img_0140I do not doubt that LVD would be a tad excited to see this place.

rubyOnly Pic of Ruby’s that I snapped and it was a picture on the wall waiting to go to the bathroom. I was told later this was Ruby. Man his parents made it tough for him growing up.

img_0148Got to love my people. Find any excuse to drink! Hey @BrizzyNYC – We need to make the Mermaid Festival this year!

img_0147We live an hour away from the beach and never visited it. That ish will change this summer.

img_0149I may have to make this event this July.

Happy New Year, heading to Baker Street to go see the Duffels and drink some cold beers.

File this away as “Oh Hell Naw, you didn’t!”

Sorry it is cropped, I am not that great at stealing pics off the internet

Ah, springtime in New York City. The days are getting longer, the cherry blossoms at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden are blossoming, and the disgusting subway perverts are emerging from the shadows to take stealth photos of your underwear. Greatest city in the world!

According to a new ad campaign from the Manhattan District Attorney’s office, the NYPD is cracking down on “upskirting” just in time for the weather to get warm enough to go tights-less. The D.A. has released a slew of ads meant to raise awareness about the creepy dudes in places like Union Square and Grand Central who sneakily take photos up women’s skirts. 

Photo: New York County District Attorney’s Office

Photo: New York County District Attorney’s Office

Photo: New York County District Attorney’s Office

Are shitting me? I was going to go with a post today about Greenwich Village but I had to fire up the Commodore 64 and bang this out this morning. I mean this bothers me on about 3 different levels;

  1. You mean to tell me that the District Attorney’s office of the state of New York has an ad campaign warning women about be on the lookout for perverts? Oh well I remember when Memphis had the “Say to No to just the tip” billboard campaign in Frasier about teenage pregnancy. Still this really is creepy.
  2. Ok, I get that you there is some woman who is going to wear a short skirt in the work environment but why in the hell do you disclose the areas that are prone to catch views of up skirts? Just put some extra police presence in those areas and catch the smart phone wielding perverts.
  3. You mean to tell me that if I encounter a dude with a camera on his shoe taking pics up a skirt I can’t “help him cross the street” into an oncoming cross town bus? And deep down I hope that ‘said’ bus backs up a couple times? (kind of a 180 from a guy who talked about Karma but it is after all election day)

So I guess I now have to add this to my list of ‘subway bingo’ that I play in my head on a daily basis. I recall way back in the day back when I was 5 foot 6 inches tall (still current height) and in the 7th grade. There was one of my classmates who would either ‘drop’ his  pencil on a daily basis or even went so far to put a mirror on his bluchers to sneak a peak of the girls in our class who were already onto him and wore shorts under their jumpers. (SDS, KCF, JSH you happen to remember who did it? I am down to one brain cell and can’t place him)

Anyway, if you encounter or see such a pervert, drop a dime on his ass. I mean what do you think the internet is for? No wonder Playboy and Penthouse are dying on vine, we got sick-o’s taking up skirt pics on the 4&5 Trains. In closing try to keep those Karma thoughts flowing (see what I did there KLC Man) and do what CBT did back in the day.

Back when I was working in Memphis my female counterpart or work wife’s desk faced mine in an office of 5 people. One day I guess she didn’t want to wear her yoga pants and her BBQ Fest t-shirt so she wore this V neck sweater wrap top that pretty much was designed for a flat chested female. During the course of the day things got a little loose up there and at one point I look up and she was showing some fairly significant cleavage. I get on my phone and text her “Hey Tits McGee, holster those things would ya? I appreciate it and all considering I haven’t seen a nipple in 3 years but if you don’t fix yourself I may break the streak!” *editor’s note – She was wearing a bra so it wouldn’t have gotten to that point. But for those of you who know the back story on the nipple with me you are probably rolling on the floor, for those who don’t just chalk it up to me not having enough coffee*

Have a good day folks and Happy NY Election Day!

Black Friday Shopping in Spanish Harlem

Over the Thanksgiving holiday Mrs. Trumpet was going to have a Tamale festival (2 to 3 days of making Tamales from scratch) and she put me in charge of getting the Masa (Tamale Glue for you gringo’s) and Corn Husks. “Sure I said, I will just head to………oh shit, I am not in Memphis anymore.” I conferred with my NYC Consigliore and she told me that she gets the husks from Amazon and the Masa can be acquired at any bodega in Spanish Harlem. Well it was Wednesday night, the night before Thanksgiving so I was screwed. I would have to venture up to E110th street.

On Black Friday while American’s were making jackasses out of themselves, I headed uptown to 103rd street at Lexington as I found a Spanish Market that carried the previously mentioned items. They were closed for the Holiday – FECK. As I stand on the street looking a tad out of place (white face in Spanish Harlem) I see a bodega that was written in Mexican. I venture in and ask the store clerk if they carry Masa and Corn husks, she “Yo no hablo imbécil Inglés.” Same goes for the other stock person, the lady buying a 2X4 of Modello Light and the cashier. I am about to walk out when a 6 year old girl comes from the back of the store and asks me in perfect English what I am looking for. Seriously I feel like Indiana Jones talking to Short Round as the little girl yells at her older sister that I needed Masa and corn husks. She wondered if I was running a Tamale sweatshop since I needed 5 pounds of Masa and 3 bags of Corn Husks. I told her that my wife was mean and she laughed. I paid, checked to see if my change was in US dollars and not Mexcian Pesos and headed home.

I get home and naturally I didn’t get the normal brand of Masa but as I informed Mrs. Trumpet “I had to take a donkey across the border to find this stuff, deal with it!” I venture down the street for a celebratory Cigar with my Persian Jewish Buddies and to watch some football.

IMG_9803

Locked Up Tighter Than Dick’ Hatband

IMG_9805

Hey Look, I can see the Mayan Ruins from here!

IMG_9804

God Bless the Daughter of the Owner who helped me out. I figured that they were jacking with me but wait till I bring my favorite Illegal Alien from Chicago up here! There will be hell to pay!

IMG_9632

They are serious up here in Spanish Harlem, they buried someone in a shallow grave in the subway!

*Editors Note- I am poking fun as the experience was pleasurable, granted we did have a language problem but that is just proof that I need to work on my conversational Spanish. LS come on up and I can take you to my favorite Puerto Rican pork store for lunch.

Be there in 45 minutes to an hour – traveling by NYC Mass Transit

Back in Memphis we used to joke that it took only 15 minutes to get from point A to point B by car. Seriously, you needed to get to the airport from downtown – 15 minutes. Needed to head across the bridge to grab a 30 pack of beer at Walgreens from South Bluffs – 15 minutes. When we moved up here we were told by a couple friends that your normal travel window went from 15 minutes to roughly 45 minutes to an hour. This applies not only to driving/riding in a car/cab/uber but also to taking mass transit busses/subways/light rail trains. I here to tell you that I have tried this theory out and it stands true. My current job requires me to travel to LaGuardia Airport and the easiest and cheapest way is via the MTA buses. To get to work I grab the M15 n/b bus to 125th & 2nd Ave in Spanish Harlem and then transfer to the M60 Select Bus to LGA. Door to door is roughly an hour. I have made it in 35 minutes on a lucky day and also got delayed by traffic for an 1.5 hour trip.  Thankfully because of my OCD practices I always give myself 15 minutes so <knock wood> I haven’t been caught late.

Like with anything, there is always an exception to the rule. Exception Rule #1 – On the weekends the subway lines could be delayed/not running due to scheduled maintenance. This will really screw you up because if you forgot that a particular line isn’t running then yo ass is running late.

This past weekend I put a trip to see my Asian Fireman and his family to test; 

Started the clock when we hit the lobby

 Closest subway station to our house is at 68th & Lexington so we zig-zag the blocks on green lights to get there.

 Heading west on 70th street

 Crossing 2nd Ave @ 70th and here is our 86% completed 2nd Avenue Subway station. When completed, our walking commute will be cut in half. *Stop laughing J.M., M.L., D.S., J.L., & B.M. It will get completed before we all die, the Mayor told me so!

 Here is our station at the corner of 68th & Lexington Ave closest to Hunter College

 Took is 12 minutes to walk to the subway station. Granted this will go longer in rain, swamp ass heat or snow

 Thankfully this station is a one horse station (only one line) so today we need to head to 125th street & Lex to catch Metro North Light Rail


But you said that only the 6 train stops at this station, this says that the 4 & 5 trains stop here too? Did I mention the weekend exception earlier?


On the weekends the 4 & 5 trains run local so a normal 15 minute ride is taking more like 30 minutes

 We get to the Metro North Harlem station at 125th & Lexington and wait on our light rail train

 So far we are at 45 minutes, I am kinda glad that I factored in those 15 minutes.

 This can get tricky because if you don’t know the end destination you can end up on a train that is running express and you would bypass your stop.

 This is why I love those Mass Transit apps. It takes the guesswork out of this.

 All aboard the choo choo! Right on time!

 Metro North trains are nice and have comfy seats. Here it was pretty packed as Fordham was playing a home football game and the alumni were heading to the campus. I bit my tongue as these folks had just enough time to get to the stadium and not tailgate.

 18 minutes later we are in Woodlawn located in the Bronx and start walking to the Asian Fireman’s residence.

 Walking down Webster Ave

 And we have arrived!

 Like I said, it takes an hour! I ridden in a car to the same residence and with traffic it took 45 minutes.

*Editors Note – We were able to get to the Garment District from Woodlawn later that evening in under 40 minutes. Go figure!