Month: March 2017

Pictures of the Week

Here are some random pictures I had on my iFoam.

IMG_0540For my birthday I asked my mom for a new Winter/Snow/NorEaster Coat. Sucks to be old when you ask for adult stuff.

IMG_0552Here ya go Scoop! The original location in Chelsea.

IMG_0546Pay no attention to the Turkey Neck. I was rocking the 3pc last week.

IMG_0547Getting ready for Passover

FullSizeRenderMemphians would $hit on themselves at the sticker shock of a PBR.

IMG_0535His mother must have been a pack Mule

IMG_0549First Bud Light I had in over 24 days. It was a good one!

Keep it light and have a good day!

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Interesting Facts about this Rock

I was reading Time Out on “The Twitter” this weekend and they had a post that I have to share with my 9 readers. If you want to see the original post you can click Here. Don’t worry I won’t take offense if you find their article better than mine. Doesn’t matter…..

Ok, so according to one of the latest US Census and Baruch College there are 8.5 Million people living in New York. If you give each New Yorker 5 square feet of space in their own crowd they would cover 42.5 Million square feet. That is 1.52 Square Miles which is a few blocks larger than Central Park.

Of the 8.5M people 52% are male and 48% are female which destroys the old adage that I always thought that there were more females in the Big Apple.  If you broke it down by race it goes like this;

  • White – 32%
  • Hispanic – 29%
  • Black – 22%
  • Asian – 14%
  • 2 or more races – 2%
  • Other  (what does this mean exactly) – .8%
  • American Indian (that is feather not dot) – .2%

If you broke it down by age and this really is puzzling to me;

  • Under 10 – 12%
  • 10 to 19 – 11%
  • 20 to 29 – 16.5% (effing Millennials)
  • 30 to 39 – 15.8%
  • 40 to 49 – 13% (hey that is me!)
  • 50 to 59 – 12.7% (hey that is Mrs. Trumpet)
  • 60 to 69 – 9.8%
  • 70 to 79 – 5.3% (guess they now live in Florida)
  • over 80 – 3.4% (tons of older people live up here as I have found)

When you walk down the street you can hear all kinds of languages. And I am not talking about a southern accent either.

  • English Language – 50.6% (I guess Irish accents count as this)
  • Spanish Language – 24.6%
  • Other Languages – 19.8%
  • Chinese Language – 5% I would think this is more

People in NYC

I think that the pictures are what gives you the best idea of all that high math.

And we aren’t even talking about the rodent problem we have here either! Hope that you aren’t claustrophobic on your next visit to NYC. 

 

A Dive Bar Find – Trailer Park Lounge & Grill

So my twitter friend @Brizzyc tweeted last weekend about being at an bar establishment that was at in Chelsea saying that New York really has it all.  I made note of it in Yelp as I am always looking for a great establishment on this island that we call home. On Sunday Mrs. Trumpet and I ventured down to The Chelsea Market but were greeted with a “Sorry Folks, Parks Closed” because they were closed for a private event. The weather was crappy on Sunday; cold and rainy and it reminded us of visting in England. Translation – we needed a drink and wanted to watch the basketball games. I found a bar on 8th Avenue on Yelp and we trudged uptown to Flight 151. The bar was somewhat busy but paying $7 for a Bud Light seemed a little steep. Add to that the bartender was not that engaged (aka probably tweeting how outlandish that United was for kicking off some non-rev 10yo girls for wearing leggings) and we started looking into finding another joint to watch the Kentucky game.

I recalled Brizzyc’s tweet and looked into how far the joint that she visited was from our current location. Turns out that Trailer Park L&G was 9 blocks away, so we took out a small loan and paid our tab. Walking up to the joint I noticed the Toilet/Ashtray out front and recalled that I had walked by it at one point. Walking into it was like walking into a time machine. You always know when you find a good bar when they are jamming B52’s Love Shack and the establishment is lit by neon and Christmas Tree Lights. Words really don’t give this joint justice so I will stop now and post the pictures.

I can see a trip to this joint when A Cup and Double Birds come up here this summer. Trust me, put this bar on your short list. The only downside to Trailer Park Lounge & Grill is that instead of ass-raping charging you $7 for a Bud Light they only charge $6.50 but you won’t mind paying this because of the d├ęcor. By the way @Brizzyc – let me know when you are heading back there. Anybody who appreciates this type of a joint has to be a good soul.

IMG_0553The Joint is on W23rd @ 8th Ave. It is hard to miss to say the least.

IMG_0554Got to love it when people think that they can charge their iFoam

IMG_0555The front room resembles a bowling Alley and is a riot!

IMG_0556No Trailer Park is complete w/o Snookie, Anna Nicole, and Tammy Faye Baker

IMG_0557Tons of Elvis stuff here too!

IMG_0558I still can’t believe that I lost my Velvet Elvis to a bad breakup. I miss that more than the bad relationship.

IMG_0559If you need to work on your BeeHive they have a dispenser in the waiting room of the Rest Rooms

IMG_0560Pocket Combs? That is new to me!

IMG_0561Love the Cigarette hanging out of the Mannequin’s mouth.

IMG_0562Tonya Harding, she put the Capital T in Trailer Park Trash

IMG_0563Yep that is an old time Airstream on the wall.

IMG_0564The Grill – They have Tater Tots and Cheese! If the former Neighbor makes it up here we will have to take her here for sure.

IMG_0566The Bar Proper

IMG_0567The view of the joint from the back of the house

IMG_0568I wonder if the bird drinks beer here too

IMG_0569The bar is an old Bowling Alley Lane

IMG_0570Seriously I need to find me a Velvet Elvis Tapestry. I would hang it over the bed!

I have a feeling that the next time we find our way in Chelsea this will be on the short list to visit again. Brizzyc – have you ever visited Rudy’s on 8th Ave? You need to put that on your short list.

 

Want to freak out a New Yorker in the Elevator or on the Street?

Being a former Memphian here in the Big Apple I have been told by some of my New York friends that I stick out. Now I try daily to blend in. My suits are dark, my long ties (no bowties up here) are conservative and my attire on the weekends normally is dark w/o much fanfare. I leave the apartment each morning, give instructions to the kitchen staff on what we would like for dinner and make my way to the elevator. I get on the elevator and normally it is already occupied with either people heading to work or Nannies with kids in tow and here is where ‘Memphis’ comes out. “Good Morning, how is everyone doing?” The look that I get from them is like I have just farted loudly and the night prior I drank gallons of cheap draught beer. It is silent as a Trump Supporter at an immigration hearing in that elevator.

I can see it in their face, they don’t know how to respond. They saw my lips move but didn’t hear the words come out of my mouth. Finally the ice is broken when a 2 year old who is being shielded by their nanny says “I am going to the park to play. What are you doing today?” Needless to say the next 9 floors are ridden in silence and everyone files out of the elevator like the Mustard Gas is about to overtake them. I get into the lobby and thankfully Richard, Paul, Bobby or Bradley, the buildings doormen, are there and will exchange small talk with me. Normally the topic of discussion is the weather since it has been cold as balls up here as of late. I make my way to First Avenue and head to the subway.

My buddy Aziz who runs the newsstand on E71st and First is my go-to guy for a quick hello and a fist bump. I have to admit, I actually am kind of disappointed with Aziz. We have been up here for a year and 7 months and he still has yet to get the Memphis Flyer or the Northwest Arkansas Times for me. Down E71st I head to 2nd Avenue past my dry cleaner/alteration lady to the Subway shop. God bless Ms. Wen because her English is worse than her Spanish and when her delivery guy isn’t there it can take 30 minutes for me to drop off my shirts to her. Normally her delivery guy knows how to spell my last name, knows that I take heavy starch and will pay cash upfront to get the discount.

Here is what slays me. On my trip from the apartment to the dry cleaner I may have traveled a full block. What strikes me as funny is that I am normally the only fucker making an effort to speak to people. It is like 75% of the people in the damn building are mute or are afraid that I may pull a gun on them. My boy Aziz is the friendliest person in the world and his smile is beaming inside that little ass newsstand. Ms. Wen works her ass off but she will always make a point to say “heyrow” and always thanks me for being her customer.

What is ironic to me is that in the first 6 months of us living here I get on the elevator one morning with the dogs to take them out for their morning pee. There is a gentlemen in a suit and he immediately strikes up a conversation with me. We talk about the dogs and he is quick to address the pink elephant in the elevator….my accent. I explain to him that Momma is the reason that we live in the building. You see to live here you have to work at the joint on York and E70th streets. Because I am the only one who knows how to program the DVR she lets me live here with her. We make our way to the lobby and I notice that Robert who was behind the desk was quickly moving to the front door where Paul was already manning the door. They open both of the doors for my new elevator buddy and I and we make our way onto First Avenue. I head left to E71st while my buddy heads to get into a waiting black car. Yep you guessed it…..the CEO of the hospital lives in our building and he was chatting it up with me. I bet not one person speaks to him in the elevator on a daily basis and he is the signature on their checks.

IMG_8871You got my Northwest Arkansas Times Aziz? Damnit Man!

Coleman TowerThe front of our building. Here is Bobby manning the door.

Let this be a lesson to you. Treat the Janitor just like you would treat the CEO because you never know who you are riding in the elevator with.

 

50 Trips up 5th Avenue

Congrats to Tommy McTigue. This was his 50th YEAR up the Avenue!! #FDNYpipebandlegend


Here is Tommy pictured with the Asian Fireman following his 50th trip. Tommy is also a retired Marine and after listening to some of his stories from Mr. 3 First Names last night he is a true legend. Thanks to JAM Foodie for being my date yesterday while Mrs. Trumpet was at work. It was great to see everyone. I hope everyone had a safe and fun St. Patrick’s day. 

That is cute and everything but when is this shit going melt?

First and foremost, My hats off to KLC Man, Nova, Farmer Ted and anyone who lives in the ‘snow belt’. I now know what you go now through from October to June. Remember back last year when New York got the 30 Inches of Snow. What you didn’t know was that right after the snowstorm my ass headed to Memphis for 2 weeks so I didn’t have to deal with the aftermath. Do you know how much of a bitch it is to move around the city with snow that is piled up on the sidewalks? Trust me, it is a pain in the ass. And you are talking about someone who only has had to endure roughly 2 major snow storms since living up here.

Tuesday we got Snowstorm ‘Stella’ and it was supposed to be a snowstorm and a Nor’easter at the same time. The city prepared for it by cancelling school on Monday, announcing that exposed subway lines would be closed and the 3 airports cancelled flights like it was nobody’s business. Monday night the snow was to start and as we were walking the dogs on their evening Pee/Poop I kept telling them “enjoy that sidewalk, the shit is about to get real’ tomorrow. Thankfully Manhattan didn’t get the 18 inches it was supposed to get but we did get 9 inches of snow and ice. Hats off to NY Sanitation because with a travel ban they were able to get the main streets cleared and New York was able to get out of ‘limp’ mode fairly quickly. By the way ‘limp’ mode in New York would have been ‘Full Fucking Stop’ in Memphis or anywhere in the south.

Now if you are reading this in Memphis or parts south of the Mason Dixon line this may not be a big deal to you but when a plow pushes snow to the side of the street it piles up. Sadly there isn’t a ‘snow fairy’ who comes in and waves its magic wand and makes it go away. This stuff packs in and is harder than a high school oil boy at a Hawaiian Tropic Swimsuit competition. You see what I am getting to here? Eventually someone with a tractor makes ‘curb cuts’ to allow pedestrians to make their way across the street. The passageway are maybe 2 feet wide if that and with all the people walking around, you get the picture. It is a pain in the ass.

I am going to show the pictures to give you an idea of what I am talking about. I assure you that this southern boy is ready for spring and summer because trudging in this crap sucks. Maria, I am now bitching about the snow and weather do I get the next New Yorker badge? I guess you need to take me to your favorite Pizza place next. Enjoy the pictures. 

IMG_0503This was on Tuesday Morning when I came down to bring the dogs out to Pee. Pay no attention to Paul’s arm on the left side of the picture. He is laughing at me because I was saying to myself “At least it isn’t rain, at least it isn’t rain!”

IMG_0504Traffic was light on First Avenue on Tuesday Morning to say the least. Notice the street, they already plowed it earlier in the morning.

IMG_0505See the path on the sidewalk? That was Manny on the John Deere Tractor/snow plow who made that to push some sidewalk snow onto the street.

IMG_0506Hard to tell but the snow by the curb is about a foot deep. This was taken about 9AM on Tuesday and we had a full 8 hours of snow and sleet after that!

IMG_0501Here is my little snow bunny about to head to work on Tuesday. She is giving me ‘the look’ because my ass was in pajama pants and was checking to see what time the cigar joint opened that afternoon.

IMG_0509This poor Bastard got stuck on the shore during the storm on Tuesday. He getting rained on and the wind was a bitch. I bet that he was late to a staff meeting so they gave him this duty.

IMG_0510Wednesday they were digging out cars and this is reason number one that I am glad that we don’t own a car here. E72nd @ 2nd Ave

IMG_0511Call the ACPCA on my ass, I don’t care. If I had to put booties on the Monkey Heads they would bite me and it would be more trouble than what it is worth. Here this is the norm with dogs.

IMG_0512Taken on E73rd as I was…..wait for it….coming back from the Cigar joint.

IMG_0514Imagine 40 people coming and going trying to walk past in this little ass path in under 15 seconds.

IMG_0513This is a great way to make sure your bike doesn’t get stolen. Bury it in snow.

IMG_0515No curb cut? This is why we wear hiking boots in New York during snow days.

IMG_0520I see one of my work cohorts on Wednesday in a shared building and he takes one look at me and says “You going to work at Texas D Brazil?” I am fine with losing cool points, at least my feet are warm compared to your frozen toes.

IMG_0522Makes it damn near impossible to Jay Walk when we have snow piles.

IMG_0524Clearing the snow on 5th Avenue. They happen to have a little parade today and the Asian Fireman, Mr. 3 First Names, AB, and Skippy don’t want snow tickling their balls as they walk up the street in their kilts.

IMG_0525Yeah your ass ain’t getting your smart car out anytime soon bud.

IMG_0499As seen on Monday when I was making 19 calls to offset being home on Tuesday. I should have asked these guys on Monday if they needed anyone to sell Tour Bus Tickets on the Beach instead of Manhattan.

I will probably post some pics this weekend from the weekend’s festivities. Happy St. Patrick’s day folks. We are going to The Yonkers St. Patrick’s Parade on Saturday with Zsquared, Enimily the International Charleston Belle, Mel the IU Fan, and DC.

 

 

Pictures of the Week – Prior to St. Patrick’s Day Shenanigans

Did you know that New York has a couple of people from Ireland living here? We may have found one Irish Bar up here…..TRANSLATION – You can’t swing a dead cat w/o hitting someone from Ireland or an Irish Bar.

IMG_0489Great to spend a couple of minutes with the good Doctor who was in town for a birthday party. Yep my secret hiding place is out.

IMG_0483We are on this crazy lifestyle change and have been craving Corned Beef and Hash. Sadly Corned Beef is a No-No but we subbed out Hot Dogs. It was great!

IMG_0480Yep AT is going to curse me, ate here at lunch and it was spot on for Tapas. I need to come back to this joint with Momma!

IMG_0484I notice that my pants are a little looser but I wonder how my cholesterol is doing?

IMG_0477Momma (Boss) – You want to go to the Game tonight?
Me – Meet you there!

IMG_0476Not a bad seat in this joker!

IMG_0475The iconic MSG scoreboard and the celling. I could fill a blog with all the concerts and shows that they have had here.

IMG_0486Supposed to get a $hitTon of snow this week. I can’t wait! Yes Mr. 3 first names – you are number one!

More pics of the week probably this weekend. Have a safe St. Patrick’s day folks!

A unique way to ask for money

Between New Orleans, Memphis and New York I think I have seen and heard it all when it comes to people panhandling. No I am not talking about Social Media panhandling for free tickets, those people are now unfollowed and I don’t see their feeds anymore. I am talking about panhandling for money, food or some just come out and say they need a beer or dope. Truthfully, I am more inclined to give those guys a beer than I am a buck. Sorry sparky, Carbunkle don’t do “The Dope” it is a work thing.

In New Orleans the scam way back was “I bet that I can tell you where you got your shoes” and it was targeted towards the tourists. The correct answer is “on my mudda fucking feet” and “piss off!” Probably the worst were the guys under I-10 or as I always referred to “Needle Park” these guys were pretty aggressive and thankfully the cops came by to clean it out daily.

In Memphis down in the entertainment district there is a problem where the panhandlers prey on tourists, normally foreign, and let me tell you these guys network. Back when the Mississippi Queen would dock at River Landing I would see bums all lined up from  Riverside to Beale. They would prey on the foreign tourists and it got kind of bad. Back in the day my brother Mike King led a huge campaign on cleaning up the streets and getting the bums off the street. It had traction but like any campaign flickered out. Paul Ryburn does a good job on his Blog giving tips and blowing the whistle on their latest scams. Truthfully, there needs to be someone to clean them out and make it difficult for them to throw a scam and then they will move on.

Here in New York you have 2 types of bums. Those on the street with the signs in the high tourist areas and those in the subways. Seriously it is amazing that we don’t have any bums here in the Upper East Side. Do we pay extra to ship them to Times Square? Nope, up here it is more residents and the panhandlers know that they can’t get as much money from resident New Yorkers as compared to the tourist areas. If you are going to duck hunt, would you rather hunt in a field or the lobby of the Peabody Hotel? You see what I did there?

Anyway in the trenches of the subway you get to hear all kinds of stories. “My wife is 9 months pregnant”, “I have XXX disease and need help”, “I lost my job and I need formula for my baby” I mean some of these stories are heart wrenching. But here is the thing, if you give them money then they keep on and it keeps feeding the vicious cycle. Mrs. Trumpet keeps a couple granola bars in her purse to give them food. It is harder to trade food for drugs or booze than cash is our rational.

Well all that changed last week when I have to say even I was impressed by this technique. I am sitting there on a very wide open subway train heading to a lunch meeting and someone puts a pack of Kleenex next to me with a note. I glance down and see that rather than “Excuse me Everybody…..” this person did it quietly and without interruption.

I gave the guy a buck and gave him his Kleenex back.

IMG_0479Very non-confrontational and something unique. Worst case is he uses that buck for more toner.

1447342403-postcoverYeah, this is why I don’t give money. Dude is making more money than I am  in an hour!

If you want to give money to the homeless, give to a shelter or a church. Don’t give it to them directly, they probably are a scam artist and using it for drugs or booze. Me, I work hard for my booze money! And as far as drugs, I guess you can call Cigars my drug of choice!

Subway Etiquette – AKA…Don’t be that guy

New York Magazine published a “Urban Etiquette Handbook” for those who use Mass Transit more specifically MTA’s Subway. I am ‘below ground’ at least once a day if not more depending on the weather or distance. I have noticed a definite difference between those that use the subway Monday through Friday and those who use it on the weekend. Monday through Friday people for the most part play by the rules and everyone gets along. On the weekends it is Mudda Fecking Thunderdone….all bets are off and this is probably why Tourists think that New Yorkers are rude and brazen. Below is the list that they published for those who will be visiting New York this Spring;

  • Knees may no more than 6 inches apart. Dude control the spread and make room for everyone. This is a subway car not your living room!
  • If you can’t control your offspring, watch as a stranger does it for you. Normally kids get seats because it is easier to corral them but you would be surprised at young kids who think it is ok to try to walk around a packed subway car.
  • Don’t gawk/stare this isn’t a bar! Want to be called out by someone’s boyfriend/husband? Go ahead and stare at a female for more than 2 seconds. It won’t end well.
  • The Post is only a buck- go buy your own! This almost goes with the Don’t Gawk rule because nobody likes it when you are reading over someone’s shoulder. You may get kicked in the baby maker!
  • Holding the door makes everyone on the train love you. I get that you are important and ‘have’ to get on this train but there is another one coming in less than 4 minutes during rush hour. Seriously I have seen people push arms, and bags out of the closed doors for those who think they are a doorman.
  • Loud music will also make everyone on the train love you. This should go without saying but there is at least one jackass on the weekend who is jamming some tunes. This also applies to parents who give their phone to a kid so they can watch a movie. Don’t be surprised if the kid ‘accidently’ drops the iFoam that doesn’t have a case on it.
  • Lie down on the subway only if you are dead. Personally who in the hell wants to put their head where millions of people have put their asses on but hey enjoy that skin infection.

spreadI mean it is going to be GoldBond season soon but come on Francis!

really

The Backpack part pisses me off to no end. I make it a point to ‘spin’ someone when they leave their pack on their back. So far I have survived living up here by doing this. Of course I am a rebel.

blowjobsWait there is a BJ subway line? I bet it is in Brooklyn. They try to act like they have all the cool stuff there.

dudeDude, I don’t care if you ‘think’ you can get in here. Your big ass is going to stay on this platform.

PeeThankfully I haven’t seen this yet.

I hope you had fun reading this. And don’t be thinking you can break any of these rules w/o getting yelled at.