Playing Russian Roulette flying Standby – Sometimes it may taste like Lead Sandwich

What is the old saying, you ride her until she bucks you or you don’t ride her at all. (I am talking about riding a horse you sick fuckers) That is what happened to me on my last leg of my 3rd international trip in the past 60 days. That my friends is a good damn run if I don’t say so myself. Let me explain.

To get to Geranium over in Neuchatel Switzerland it goes down like this;

  • Subway from Brooklyn to Penn Station
  • New Jersey Transit to Newark International Airport Train Station
  • Air Train to Terminal C
  • United Flight from EWR to GVA (That is Geneva for you non airport people)
  • SBB CFF FFS Train from Geneva to Neuchatel
  • Walk down a ridiculously steep hill that you will now worry about on your return trip into town.
  • Boom you are there. Total Travel Time – 10 hours give or take

So my return was a little tricky. The flight from GVA to EWR was at an hour that would have made me get up at an ungodly hour on Sunday and the SBB CFF FFS Train was running local so it would have been worse. I found a GVA to Washington Dulles that wasn’t bad and the commuting flight from IAD to EWR was still open. There was another direct flight from GVA to JFK but it was fairly booked so that was my back up plan if I couldn’t get on the Washington DC flight.

So the return trip looked like this;

  • Bus up ridiculously steep hill from town to Neuchatel train station
  • SBB CFF FFS Train from Neuchatel to Geneva
  • United Flight from GVA to IAD
  • Clear Customs walk to the gate for IAD to EWR flight.
  • Find out that you are in position #20 and there are only 8 available seats. TRANSLATION – YO ASS AIN’T GETTING ON THIS FLIGHT
  • Find that there are only 2 remaining flights from IAD to EWR/LGA and they look fairly full.
  • Uber from IAD to Union Station to take Amtrak.
  • Amtrak from Union Station to Penn Station
  • Find out that original flight is now delayed 55 minutes due to weather
  • Arrive Penn Station at roughly the same time I would have if I actually got a seat on that booked flight.
  • Subway to Nevins Street
  • Hug and Kiss Maya! Total Travel Time – 19.5 hours and out train ticket ($200.00) and Uber Pool to Train station ($40.00)

Folks that is a win in my book! I told my former Domestic Work Wife that you have to get creative when traveling. Not only do you have to find additional flights and where hidden cities are you may have to rely on back up cities and train back in. We are talking seeing the Matrix kind of shit here folks.

Shout out to the hardest working people in the airline industry. No I am not talking about the pilots or the STB’s. I am talking about the flight attendants and anyone in HR. You are the real MVP!
Couldn’t get a seat up front but I got the next best thing. 3 seats in the bulkhead.
Neuchatel’s Train Station
Coming in Hot to Geneva
As Homer says on occasion “DOH! You better have plan B ready for the return trip Carbunkle!”
Oh look its Caterpillar Dealership
This flight was thankfully wide ass open! I guess not a lot of bankers want to go to Washington these days. Now I bet the flight from Russia to IAD is always packed.
Yo Holmes, Can you turn on the air a little bit more. It is 87 and I am getting ripe back here!
When you are almost to Philly and you get this notification. I chose wisely and am only out $250.00

Long Story Short – be flexible and always have a plan for back up. It was great seeing Geranium even if it was a short trip. I got to see Neuchatel. We went over to Lausanne on Saturday and met up with some of her work peeps who are Ex-Pats here for at least 3 months. Oh and we drank some beer! Thankfully Geranium returns this Thursday!

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Carbunkle Trumpet’s Yearly Reminder to Folks who will be in Tom Lee Park This weekend….

It is a marathon folks, not a fucking sprint. Drink some water, use sunscreen and avoid anything in a mason jar or plastic souffle cup.

Or you may want to re-read this so CLICK HERE!

Seriously, be careful down there. Don’t drive if you have had any alcohol and please pay attention to your surroundings. I love you guys and I love those readers of this worthless dribble of a blog. But I would hate to hear about how X person drove their car home and now is in jail because they killed a car load of less drunk high school kids.

Number 2 fucking Lottery Pic Baby! And Chris Wallace isn’t involved with this!
Messaged the Pitmaster on Tuesday night and got this picture. Good Times!
This corner is the equivalent of BBQ Fest for the UES folks on day of the year!
I saw this picture and I immediately smiled and teared up at the same time! As a former Carnie I know that even though this nation is at odds that there are some decent people still out there! God Bless you guys/gals!
If you don’t look out the window every once in a while you can’t appreciate the view.
This better be in Switzerland when you fuckers are reading this worthless dribble on Friday!

Have a good weekend, I am in Switzerland seeing Geranium.

Cooking Solo – This Sucks!

So I got back from Barcelona. I got over the jet lag. I spent last weekend more or less chilling on the couch with the dog and managed to do a little ‘celebrating’ with the Landlord and Mr. 3 First Names. They got the final approval and permit on the remodel job they have been doing since this fall so we had some drinks to celebrate. Last weekend was great and very much needed after spending 18 hours traveling to a +6 time zone the weekend prior.

On Monday, Geranium informed me she made a mistake and a Marley Spoon food delivery slipped through so I should expect a box arriving on Monday. If you are familiar with the food meal plans out there you can get as many days as you wish and can pick the number of portions per meal. We are a 2 ass house so we get 2 meals X the number of days with Marley Spoon. Normally there are enough leftovers for Geranium’s lunch the next day and we normally get 3 days of meals.

Problem is that I am currently a one ass house and the meal came so late on Monday that I only have 2 days to cook a 3 day 2 person meal box. I figured that I would leave one meal for our dog sitter G-Man but I would need to cook on Tuesday and Wednesday. Another issue was that my lunches the next day were going to be booked so I am basically wasting a portion. How do single people cook a meal for one person? I joke with of one of my peers who is celebrating his birthday today that his fridge is full of condiment packets and beer since they don’t cook.

I forged on and made the meal with the idea of giving the other portion away. Problem was that George the Cat’s mom was away and the Bahamians at the end of the hall hadn’t been seen in weeks. Who the hell am I going to give this extra meal to? I made the extra meal and figured that I would either give it to our building concierge Jackie or I would take it across the street and give it to one of the homeless guys in the park. Please note that I am normally hesitant to give food away in the park. By that hour those guys in the park are either going to sleep or are just getting warmed up if you know what I mean. You just don’t know how many people are going to be in the park or what stage of high they may be.

Thankfully Jackie was at the desk and she loved her some sirloin steak. I informed her that I had another meal for Wednesday so she told me that she would pass on her normal food. Last night I didn’t feel bad because I was cooking this week for at least one person. By the way, when I told Geranium who I cooked on Tuesday night for she informed me that she ate potato chips for dinner that night. #SadTromboneSound

Bring your ass home Geranium and let me cook for you!

The fridge is full of stuff I have no time to mess with now! Incidentally Sam S – Velveeta and Red Bull are staples during single Carbunkle Trumpet Times.
Well I might as well make this damned thing
Potato Rounds and Green Beans in the oven
Oh I cooked them just fine but one sprung a leak!
Jackie was happy and even loved on Maya who was less than thrilled!

Anyone know of a good Single person menu item/dish other than Pizza or Fried Egg Sandwiches? I have a couple more days next week.

“The Sure Thing” – No I am not talking about the 1985 John Cusack Movie

Incidentally did you know that this movie was one of the only few movies that John Cusack didn’t also work with his sister Joan? What you think that all I do is sprinkle the word “Fuck” and take half ass selfies? I have another side of me. I just can’t see it because I am too fucking fat.

Regarding the title of this worthless dribble I am referring to the the weather. I was on the phone with someone from the home office in Memphis yesterday. There were some issues with some Double Decker bus tickets that I sold last month and I was trying to get it handled. While we were waiting for her computer to finish the report we were talking about the weather. She said that it was raining in Memphis yesterday and I said of course it is raining. It is Memphis in May and it always rains during Memphis in May.

The person from the home office laughed and didn’t realize I used to live in Memphis. I told her that there are 3 times in Memphis when you could predict the weather;

  • The Hottest day of the year – Dead Elvis Week.
  • The Coldest day of the year – The Liberty Bowl Game
  • 100% Rain on a certain day – Any Memphis in May Event Day

Now I would like to add a 4th Sure Thing to that list;

  • Want to know when it will rain in New York – Just wait till Friday! It always rains in New York on Friday!

Enough words, here are some pictures from the past 2 weeks that have been in my iFoam.

So good to see Joyce a couple weeks back! I didn’t hear of any flooding at the Yale Club! We need to go back to Cozumel!
Meh.Com gave me a shout out and is now reading this worthless dribble
Speaking of BBQ Fest!
Go Netflix this movie. It is great! I saw it on one of my many flights.
Sunday was a nice day at La Playa
We may have drank some Gin Tonics here on Sunday
LVD – They sell Corn Dogs in Spain!
No that isn’t a urine sample. It is Lemoncello!
That damn Picasso sure didn’t paint much inside the frame did he?
The Shit you see in Barcelona!
Narrow Streets with little signage. It can drive one a tad crazy but that is why you drink wine
OTB we found your boat!
I don’t think that RAB reads this worthless dribble but who knew Picasso was a fan of Nuggets

Have a good week I am going to try to get over this sinus infection that I got from flying to the EU last weekend so I can do it all over again next weekend!

Barcelona – The food and Drink an Ashley B picture post

As I previously mentioned HERE we were really blown away by how great Barcelona was on our long weekend trip. What really shocked both of us was how good all the food was. From simple cut fruit cup in the market to tapas at one of the celebrated tapas restaurants we never really encountered a bad meal there.

First of all one needs to visit La Boqueria on Las Ramblas. Don’t worry Cay-Kee, I have a list ready for you. Same for you Tay-Tay, I got you boo. No seriously La Boqueria is a 500 stall open air market that offers pretty much any type of food that you can find in Spain. We figured that if anyone who lives in Barcelona that they would shop for at least one or a lot of your weekly meals. The food was that good.

Ok enough with the words. Let me Ashley B’s the crap out of this post with some pictures. Oh and if you are a fan of Gin Tonic’s or cheap good red wine then you need to put Barcelona on your list. Enough Said!

No disrespect to The Rendezvous but this is a helluva Meat and Cheese Plate
Gin Tonics with all kinds of botanicals
Some of the best Paella we have ever had!
Want some Ham Carbunkle and Geranium? Is the Pope Catholic?
Sadly they wouldn’t let me put that in my carry on bag
It was like eating a gum drop
Peppers as big as your hand
Shit I forgot to take a picture of the food at Cal Pep
Why yes I will have a fancy drink
This is my kind of ice cream cone!
Yeah, it was a good trip

Like I said, you need to put Barcelona on your short list if you like good food and drink.

Carbunkle Trumpet and Mary Louise Take on Barcelona – And that town ROCKS!

When Geranium was in the planning stages of being based in Switzerland, we decided that I would try to make 2 trips over to see her. With it not being the tourist season yet the chances for me to fly stand-by would be better than average. The plan was for me to come during Mother’s Day weekend; possibly to Spain and we would see what the schedule will allow. That changed two Thursdays ago when she texted me saying she would be in Barcelona over Cinco de Mayo weekend. Carbunkle was booking some stand-by flights with a weeks lead time.

I flew in to Barcelona Thursday night on the Red Eye and arrived about an hour late due to rain in Newark. Sadly, it was raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock in Barcelona and did so pretty much all day. I get to the hotel and was able to get into the room where I could take a shower and a little cat nap while I waited on Geranium. Because of the quickness of this trip I really didn’t have much time to do any research on the town but thankfully one of my peers did a semester in Barcelona so she got me the hook up.

So with little to no knowledge of Barcelona, no real impressions or idea of what to expect I went into this trip with an Anthony Bourdain outlook. As I was heading back to the airport yesterday early morning the cab driver asked what I thought of his fair city. I got to be honest with you 10 readers. Barcelona FUCKING ROCKS! Would I have put this on my short list of cities to visit? Nope! Would I think that the food scene here is comparable to New York and much cheaper? Nope! Did I expect that I would find the narrow ass streets and old-world charm neat? Nope!

Seriously, if you have never thought about a trip to Spain and to spend some time in Barcelona you are missing out! More to come on this.

This is Aldi’s in Barcelona, They allow dogs to be inside the store near the front door.
Narrow ass streets that are not very well marked can make one crazy. But when we get crazy we go find wine.
The Catherdral…..in the freaking rain
Cab into the city. Love the balconies
Fucking Gate Lice!

More on this trip in the next posts.

Living the Bachelors Dream Here Folks

I was trying to think back the other day when was the last time I lived alone. I had to go back to 1992 when I was living in the Shrine Building, working at Chez Philippe. and making more money than God. Since then I went out to East Memphis for a brief stint and then back downtown and started cramping Didi’s style at 71 Union Ave. Then I met Mary Louise and since then the toilet seat has been down ever since.

Mary Louise is to return back in the US on the 22nd of May until then it is going to be just me and the dog. Oh and don’t worry, I am not sitting here on the couch crying my eyes out. Vivian and Stone and I had dinner last weekend and I have a feeling that Maria and I will catch a dinner in the next couple of weeks. Of course Mr. 3 First Names and I have been out every night coming home in the early hours of the morning with Memphis in May sobriety. Ok that is a lie, he and the Landlord have been busy over there in the Slope with a remodeling job that is over halfway done. Maybe we can get some drinks next weekend.

I have been spending a lot more time at work and getting stuff done which isn’t bad for me. Naturally I have been spending a couple more hours than normal at the Gym that I belong to. The gym is over on East 73rd street between 1st and 2nd Avenue and I walk out of there needing a shower because I stink. For those of you who are not doubled over laughing need to know that the gym isn’t called Soul Cycle or Equinox but The Cigar Inn.

Oh and don’t cry for me too much. My ass is leaving this evening heading over to Barcelona to meet up with Geranium. She is going to be there for training so I figured I would crash her style and get some Spanish culture in too! Oh and by the way, when I text or facetime with Geranium she doesn’t care about me, she wants to see pics of the dog. Below are some of the pics from this past week.

Made me a work station while Geranium is away
Why are you walking me at 5:30AM? Why can’t I sleep in?
What the Corn Bread Fuck? I am never in here when there are 2 of you here.
I am going to get all my toys and play on the bed while you are pooping dad
Life is Hard
Stretching before we go out to pee
Kind of hard being this cute dad.
Even got one of those Nanny Cams. It is kind of boring since she is kenneled while I am away
See you fuckers on Monday!

Have a good weekend folks!

Quick Trip to the Fun Side of the Wall – Spring Break Baby!

Not sure if some of you are aware but Geranium has left me, she has left the dog, and she temporarily no longer living in Downtown Brooklyn.

Well that should get a couple of bites on my social media accounts. Those jokers are now saying “Whisky Tango Foxtrot Paul Allen/Carbunkle Trumpet!” What the Fuck did you do now?

Relax gang, Mary Louise is over in Switzerland for a month getting her company ready for a Bed Pan launch. It is easier for her to already be in the EU instead of a bunch of trips back and forth from NYC. She has been gone now a week and I am not going to lie one bit….. I miss the shit out of her! The dog……she is missing her too.

When it was official that Mary Louise was to take this month long trip we decided that we needed to get away for a couple of days and have some ‘us’ time. While we were upstate last month, I challenged our Travel Agent to come up with a couple of good All Inclusive Resorts for us. We were booking this thing in the matter of weeks so we didn’t have time to shop, find a deal or even mess with it. Jerre Martin of Prosper Travel knocked it out of the park for us. She recommended a Secrets SilverSands (not sure why there isn’t a space but that is the way everyone spelled it) Riviera Adults Only Resort in Cancun that was perfect for us. Seriously, and I don’t normally give props to resorts but if you want a small all inclusive adult joint with a nice beach, pool, and great staff…..This is the place for you.

We left New York Friday evening and got into Cancun around 11PM. We got to our room and went to bed because we were so tired promptly to the bar and made up for lost time while were. We were there till Tuesday late afternoon and returned on the 19:30 flight to Newark from Cancun. The food was good, the drink was cold, they had Kettle One for me and a wine that Geranium enjoyed. Now here is where you are going to say that we are getting old.

The entertainment team at Secrets SilverSands Riveria is top notch! They made sure that if you didn’t want to be bothered, the left you alone. If you played in the pool, they made you feel welcome. And if you were like our old asses playing Bingo and Blackjack, they had fun with you! Seriously if you want to make a trip with just you and the spouse. we found the All Inclusive for you!

Me – “Señor ¿cómo se llama una cerveza y una margarity congelada juntos?”
Bartender – We call it an “Ernie Mellor” Sir!
Oh Great all you two did down there was just drink and take pictures at the bar….
Hey RJ – They carried Hillbilly Ale too!
Last Pic of booze I promise…….
Here is a pic of the resort I stole off the internet. I was a fun resort that wasn’t too big. 3 to 4 days and you have done it all!
This was cool! This is a simple end table with a marble top and the melted wine bottles on top of it for like 4 months. The build up was huge and really made the entry into the French Restaurant. I could do this! But probably not in Brooklyn.
I was really cool and made a great statement in the room
Some Asshole Left the Dominos in New York (thanks Maya, you packed me) so we had to find some in the gift shop.
Hey Blue Water Grill in Belize! I got you taken care of for those plates.
Here are some of those Cancer Causing Windmills.
Maya didn’t miss our asses one bit! Carla is great and she had more fun with her than we do.
Last Meal out of Cancun at Jimmy Buffet’s Bar.

Seriously, we had a blast down in Mexico and it was a fun trip before Mary Louise Geranium’s trip to Switzerland. Again our travel agent knocked it out of the park for us. I gave her a list of our wants (Good Beach, Adults Only, Don’t want to spend an arm & leg, and age appropriate guest list) and she gave us a great recommendation. More to come in these past trips.

April 29th – Is A HUGE Day In History

Not only is today Willie Hugh Nelson’s 86th birthday but today is also our Godchild Willimena Esmerelda’s 2nd Birthday! I remember it like it was yesterday. We were down in in the Dominican Republic drunk and RJ texted saying that W.E. arrived and things were good.

The irony is that W.E’s mother is a huge Willie Nelson fan much like myself so April 29th just seemed like a good day to be born. Come clean Mal-O-Rie, you were doing jumping jacks the night before telling her it was closing time weren’t you? Wait till the FedEx Ground guys deliver the 12 pc drum set and inflatable 2 story slip and slide to Bar 595 this afternoon.

If you don’t like Willie you can just kiss my ass!
She is stinking cute! Can’t wait to hang with her and her sisters this summer!

Happy Birthday Willie and Willimena Esmerelda!

Pictures of the Week

Since Mary Louise has left my ass for the neutral zone country I will have more time to get on this worthless dribble. My pictures that I will be posting will be a couple weeks off but that is fine. You guy’s don’t pay for this entertainment anyway.

I asked them if they knew Laurie and they said they never heard of her.
Did some remodeling before Geranium left my ass with the dog.
Still a work in process.
Congrats to UWS Holly on being at the close of the NY Stock Exchange Bell. Bucket List item for a lot of people.
Does this mean that Zim-Bob could be a New Yorker? Hell Yes!

Have a good weekend. I am heading to Philly for a quick trip to hang with Pepe.