Slim Jim

Tips for Traveling Abroad!

I am sure you are wondering what is up with the title. You see CBT cares about his 6 readers and wants them to be aware when you are traveling abroad. That and the old saying “If you know the past you can predict the future” rings true here. After this post we are taking our show on the road and taking up a week long residence at 21.2367° N, 86.7358° W should anyone care. So without much fanfare, here are some helpful trips for traveling abroad;

1. When you leave the United States of America you are now a visitor to the country that you are visiting and will be held to the rules and laws said country. Also learn a couple sayings in that country’s language. It helps.

2. Leave all expensive jewelry and flashy rings at home. It just attracts attention to thieves.

3. If staying at a hotel or resort do yourself a favor and take a picture of your hotel door with the room number. You would be amazed how many people can’t recall this when returning home from a night out on the town.

4. When carrying a purse or bag, carry only the necessary items needed for travel. Do you really need your library card in Mexico?

5. No need to carry all of the money that you brought with you in your wallet or purse. I am sure that it is “An obscene amount of money” but no reason to lose it if you do something silly. #Willrule

6. When packing your luggage, it is probably best not to bring any fruits, vegetables or 4 pounds of slim jims. Yes I am looking at you KC. #katierule

7. Looking for a good place to eat or drink that is off the beaten path? Don’t rely on Yelp or Travelocity, ask the bartender that you happen to be slung up at and he/she will send you to the happening place.

8. Don’t try to Americanize the country you are visiting. In all my travels to Belize I never saw a vineyard on the island. Hence wine was 3 times as expensive as the local rums or beers. Enjoy something different in your life.

9. Don’t be Ryan Lochte. Period

10. Should you find yourself breaking rules numbers 1, 6, and or 9 be prepared to end up here on this blog if you get out of Mexican Prison.

10614120_10152795630024928_4081401712209046065_nYep, nothing better than sitting on the side of the street drinking a beer and smoking a cigar!

1174464_10151963087414928_1906985396_nI hope they have plenty of blenders ready for us!

See you when we get back. Enjoy your week.

 

 

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Southern to Northern Expressions

It happens all the time up here. I make a comment and the next thing I know people stop in mid-sentence, start laughing or ask me to please repeat what I just said. It happens to Mrs. Trumpet too when she is with her contemporaries, she will make a comment and her work peeps will look at her like she just dropped an F bomb (which isn’t that big of a deal) in front of a nun. I keep asking myself “How in the world have they not heard this saying?” Yet our Northern friends look at me like I just farted in a packed elevator. Below are some of our favorites sayings; *Disclaimer – Hey former Neighbor don’t read this if you are on a conference call*

  • “It is hotter than 2 rats screwing in a wool sock hot.” – talking about the weather
  • “Let’s do something, even if it is wrong.” – decision making
  • “The mosquitoes are so big down here I saw one stand flatfooted and rape a turkey.” – pretty self-explanatory if you ask me.
  • “Boy Howdy” – Yes you are correct
  • “Yes Mam/Sir, No Mam/Sir” –I am not calling you old, I was raised that if you didn’t say Mam/Sir then you got smacked.
  • “Lord willing and the creek don’t rise” – being hopeful
  • “Tighter than Dick’s Hatband” – something being too snug
  • “My Friend” – *You will just have to ask me*
  • “Foam Ringing” – *this is actually Sonny Wilson’s favorite term* – Phone ringing
  • “Well Bless Your Heart” – *No Comment*

Please message me if you think I missed one.

Have a good day and thanks for tuning in!

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This is what you have been practicing for…..The Candlelight Vigil #TCB

….cue the Elvis playing Gospel Music

If you are Memphian or worse yet a downtowner and haven’t figured out that it is Dead Elvis Week, well you may need to seek professional help. Tonight is the culmination of a very hot week in Memphis that will see over 10K people attending. What is this event you ask? The Candlelight Vigil.

vigil-crowdNot a dry eye in the house when they play “Amazing Grace”

6048486050_70b07174e2Stole this from Holly at I Love Memphis Blog since all of my good shrine pictures died in the old computer.

11888084_10153739786199928_7891063820881814216_nOne of the Better ETA (Elvis Tribute Artists) a couple of years ago. It was just a bonus that he was also a little person too! #cantsaynugget

Enjoy Dead Elvis Week folks!

TCB

 

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Pictures of the Week and from Grand Rapids

I have a strict rule with “You Mean to Tell Me That You Don’t Have Sweet Tea” in that I won’t take anyone’s picture without further approval as I respect everyone’s privacy.  I had someone ask me a while back “I have seen pictures on your blog of whom I think is the Asian Fireman but he doesn’t look Asian to me?” as I even change names to protect the innocent. Another scruple that I have is that I won’t take a picture of someone who has over imbibed and can not safely operate heavy machinery.

That being said, of the 75 pictures I took in Grand Rapids I can only use maybe 5 of them and who wants to see pictures of people just waking up. Well even 2 of those are subject so here is a rather small offering of pics from this past weekend.

PS – When is it going to get cooler in this God Forbidden Hot Box called Manhattan? I am looking at you ML, RP, JM, DS, JL, EL, LZ, FZ, and a few others! We left the south because of this weather!

IMG_1922Those are two good looking SOB’s if you ask me! I bet they were in the same Fraternity too!

IMG_1879Stop One – It was early, we maybe only had a case of Mimosa’s and this was the first beer @ Founders

IMG_1886I think this was the former Funeral Parlor now turned Brewery. They have A LOT of Breweries in Grand Rapids.

IMG_1910We took a Sand Dune Buggy Ride on Sunday!

IMG_1912Not sure what we have here but Benita is a getting her Senior Pictures taken.

IMG_1915Don’t let her small size and stature fool you. She will keep you up late!

IMG_1917Ingenious! They have heated streets in Michigan! We need that here! Or at least Air Conditioned streets!

IMG_1905Sherwin Williams must have had a special on Battleship Grey Paint Exterior.

IMG_1904Oh there were ZERO lies being told around this M’Effer each night!

IMG_1966BTW – We haven’t even left LGA’s parking lot as of yet. Get your shit together! *Pay no attention to those puffy fingers, it was the flight I tell you. Not 3 days with Uncle Tito!

Thanks to S&K for a great weekend! We can’t wait to get you up here!

 

 

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Know what is worse than a Stomach Virus?

Sorry to my 6 readers for the long delay in posts. When I last left you we were celebrating 1 full year on this rock. Then Mrs. Trumpet and I headed over to Grand Rapids for a long weekend. We had a great time and I am sure I will pen about that later but when we got back on Monday afternoon we fell ill.

Oh, the answer to the question in the title about what is worse than a stomach virus? It is when BOTH CBT and Mrs. CBT catch it and we are fighting over a 535 square foot apartment with one bathroom! Thankfully things are settling down right now and albeit I may never look at Chinese take out again (last meal before the purge) and we hope to back to 100% by the weekend. I will at least get one post out tomorrow before the weekend. We are not going anywhere this weekend as the Monkey Heads want some mommy and daddy time.

For those in Memphis please enjoy Dead Elvis Week! That is the most glorious time to be a Memphian if you ask me! And for my fellow New Yorkers who are braving this swamp ass humidity…Welcome to what Memphis feels like from June to late August.

 

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Start Spreading the News! 1 Year on That Island Called Manhattan

So welcome back, for those keeping score at home yes today is the official 1-year anniversary of us becoming New Yorkers. It was on this day a year ago that we received keys to our very own 535 square foot apartment in the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Yesterday we hit on 4 topics out of 8 so today we finish up the series. Below are the 4 subtopics that we shall discuss today. They are;

  • Shit we found pretty difficult to do here as compared to living in Memphis
  • Famous people we saw
  • Recommendations for visitors to NYC that is not on a top 10 “must-do” list
  • Stuff we still have yet to do and or see or eat (again skip this one A.T.)

Shit we found pretty difficult to do here as compared to living in Memphis.

  • Right out of the gate let’s talk about the cost of goods here. Do I wish that my beer was cheaper down the street as compared to in other boroughs? You damned right but hey in order to play you have to pay.
  • Since we got rid of our cars we are now frequent users of Mass Transportation. Sure it may smell on the 6 train but it beats sitting in traffic on street level. Case in point, our trip to see the Asian Fireman in Woodlawn. According to Google Maps it should take 20-30 min via car. We don’t want to pay $50 each trip via a cab or Uber so we take Metro North and walk it.
  • Here is one that Nova and KLC Man are going to snicker at me since I used to bust balls about the snow in Canada or in Maine. Recall when I got 30 inches in January? Yep I was glad that I hauled ass back to Memphis on Tuesday because that stuff is a mess to walk around in.
  • Here is where I took the most crap from my Memphis friends and fellow Hog Fans. I think I roughly watched 5 hours total of College Football up here this past year. Next year I promise to get on the ball.
  • Ever want to go crazy during a shopping spree and then realize you have to schlep that shit home? Welcome to Zabars.

Famous People we saw in NYC this past year

  • With my job I get to travel all over the borough of Manhattan so I have a sizable advantage over Mrs. CBT. That and she has a huge Non-Disclosure because she can’t divulge who she saw at her work. But here is a short list of people we saw this year.
  • Al Roker & Larry David (on the same day!)
  • I saw Piper and Boo from O.I.T.N.B. leaving Soul Cycle in the West Village.
  • We both saw a former West Memphian and now New Yorker Damien Echols give a talk about Karma.
  • I got to run into a guy who runs a pretty successful joint in Harlem at 125th street by the name of Red Rooster.
  • I saw Carmella from the Soprano’s, Drea de Matteo from the Soprano’s, and hopefully I get to meet Uncle June.
  • I saw Dave Navarro walking down the street in SoHo.
  • Bourdain – Yep, saw him too!
  • Then I made a trip to Dumbo to but a book for A.T.
  • And lastly I met a Puerto Rican playwright who penned a play about some guy who is on the $10 bill.

Recommendations for visitors to NYC that is not on a top 10 “must-do” list

  • But first before I get going on this let me please remind visitors to our new adopted city  the rules about visiting NYC
  • On Friday’s in the Summer you have to go to the roof of  The Met to see the city and drink expensive beer
  • Got a hankering for some good street meat and corn dogs? I am sure you can find a great  Street Festivals
  • So people ask me why we go out on Sunday’s to the Dive Bar’s well we appreciate a good establishment where you can let your hair down. Or in this case eat a hot dog and drink beer at Rudy’s on 9th Avenue
  • Find yourself near Union Square? Go see John at  Old Town Tavern and tell him we sent you.
  • My new favorite bar when near Times Square and KILLER Juke Box can be found on W44th  Jimmy’s Corner
  • And don’t forget about when we had AK in town for the Carl Lipbalm Scholarship *Disclaimer – I still cringe when I walk by a Forever 21 store!
  • Other than that, you are on your own. Or if you want to grab a cheap beer. Shoot me a text.

Stuff we still have yet to do and or see or eat (again skip this one A.T.)

  • We celebrate our 20th Anniversary in May so we want to go somewhere cool. I have always had Columbia on my radar.
  • We want to see the USS Intrepid on the West Side
  • Mrs. CBT wants to see more plays. Anyone want to come help a brother out?
  • We have tickets to see Hamilton in March.
  • Mrs. CBT is starting school at NYU so she wants to do well there.
  • Jimmy  Fallon is on our short list.
  • See the Rest of the Museums.
  • We are going to let our membership at the Met lapse and will join the Central Park Conservancy this year.
  • Brooklyn Fare is high on the Foodie list. Same goes for Daniel. Anybody want to join us? I am looking at you A.T.
  • We want to continue our relationships with the great friends that we have made up here and keep the ties that we have in Memphis. We really are blessed with some great friends.

So there it is. 1 year living in Manhattan and we have loved each and every day of this. I do plan on putting together a retrospect post but that will have to happen next week. I have had many people from Memphis ask me if we like living up here. My comment is always “You really are comparing an apple to an orange. Memphis will always be our home and our family but New York is our Mind, Body, and our Soul.”

Thank you for reading this worthless dribble for the past year. I appreciate the likes on FB, the comments and the emails. I enjoy the comments so keep them coming!

Carbunkle “Robo” Trumpet

 

 

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Welcome to Woodlawn – 1 year anniversary!

We made it! Albeit this Friday 8/5/16 will be one full year of living in Manhattan we can consider our first night at the Asian Fireman residence on 8/4/15 in the Bronx as close enough.   Regardless, we made it! One year in a day of living on this rock called Manhattan and we didn’t get squashed by a crosstown bus! For those of you who took the under…. GFY baby because we made it! By my estimation we probably have 90% of the Upper East Side speaking Southern and soon we take on Midtown East, Murray Hill and Gramercy next. This will be a 2-part series because I don’t want to make this too long of a blog entry. I do realize that 2 of my 6 readers don’t like it when I get longwinded with the run-on-sentences. Anyway in one year we have done a lot of stuff. Allow me to recap if I can.
I am going to break this down into 8 subtopics. They are in no particular order;

  • Shit we found out on our own from living here in Manhattan
  • Shit we found pretty difficult to do here as compared to living in Memphis
  • Great experiences/cool shit we saw this year
  • Food we ate this year (Sorry AT, you may want to skip over this one
  • Famous people we saw
  • Great Friends we made/rekindled
  • Recommendations for visitors to NYC that is not on a top 10 “must-do” list
  • Stuff we still have yet to do and or see or eat (again skip this one A.T.)

Shit we found out on our own from living here in Manhattan –

  • Man this was an eye opener. Number one on the list was using the grocery, booze, and amazon delivery service to our building. This is a lifesaver if you ask me.
  • Those stupid plastic bumpers that New Yorkers put on the rear bumper of their cars.
  • That New Yorkers aren’t as mean as the stereotype that is painted of them.
  • Those Steam Vent’s and Nitrogen tanks on the streets are for fiber optics.

Great Experiences/Cool Shit we saw this year (Even my boss said we did more than most New Yorkers)

Unbelievable Restaurants and Foodie Mecca’s that we ate at this past year. (Shout out to Murphranks, Homeless Tim, and MC for the invitation into the club)

  • This is where A.T. is going to start cursing me. But let us go big balls and start with a French Seafood joint named Le Bernardin
  • To make the LVD happy I have to mention a certain meat in tube form joint in the UES called Papaya King.
  • When I was slinging bags for the man, I grabbed some lunch at a Puerto Rican joint at 125th Street that still to this day makes my mouth water. I need to get back up there.
  • During the Christmas season we put veils over our heads so that the man upstairs could not see our faces because we dined on fancy butter and had great company too!
  • We also dined at Red Rooster in Harlem not once but 3 times, ate over in Brooklyn at a steak joint called Peter Lugar and celebrated our 19th anniversary at another steak joint downtown called Delmonico.
  • To finish out the fancy meals we made a trip to Tarrytown to eat a bunch of veggies, drink some wine, but most of all have great company at Blue Hill

Great Friends we have met/relationships rekindled

  • I would be remiss if I didn’t open that with our move to NYC we got the Three Musketeers back together. The Musketeers would be Mrs. CBT, Myself and our NYC Consigliore Maria. If you read this worthless dribble you notice that I use funny nicknames or initials when I refer to people other than the two of us. I do it for a number of reasons in that I try to protect the innocent but that it may detract from the story. Maria on the other hand, she gets full billing.  Anyway one thing that we both were excited about in this move that we would get to spend more time with her. Oh and once we get some stuff handled, look out Belize!  If you forgot how we know Maria and some of the others that I mention by names here is a post to catch up.
  • We got to see some old friends and got to meet some new ones over in Long Island this past July.
  • Mrs. Trumpet joined a wine club that I am not sure if there is much discussion of wine going on but she likes it. We need to start a Cigar and Good Booze club on the nights that the ladies get together.
  • I will close with this famous saying. They say that you can measure a person’s wealth by the number of good friends that they have. If that is the case then Mrs. Trumpet and myself are some Rich Mudda Feckers.

See you on Friday!

 

 

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Carbunkle Trumpet & Mrs. Trumpet go to see “The Neighbor” & A squared in AC

We are dumbasses. Now pipe down Big Al, nobody is jerking your chain. We have lived here almost 1 full year and we finally went to the beach. I mean we are an hour away via subway and our first trip to see the ocean was almost 1 year after moving up here, that’s pretty poor if you ask me. One of our favorite beer slingers at Baker Street takes the A out to Rockaway Beach every weekend. She was telling us how easy it is and yet when haven’t made it out there to check it out. Our friend Baby lives on Long Beach and has a condo overlooking the beach and we haven’t even ‘told’ her that we were coming for a visit. So yes, we are dumbasses.

You guys remember The Damn Neighbor when we visited her back in December? We were able to figure out our schedules and decided on reuniting this past weekend. Rather than head back to New York on Sunday, we stayed over to enjoy Sunday-Funday with her & her husband and then headed back to NYC early Monday morning. We arrived on Friday evening and got to see The Neighbor, A squared, our Vegas friend KJ and my main man crush J while rubbing elbows with Guy Fieri who was in town for his Chop House at Bally’s.

Fast forwarding to Sunday, after some retail therapy at Brooks Brothers (S/O to Ba, JD, CD & J-Bob for the gift cards) we headed over to the Nanny’s house on 21st street in Longport. We visit with Nanny, pack the coolers with some beer cold drinks and load up our Tommy Bahama beach chairs and umbrella and then head to the beach. It has been a while since I was slung up in a beach chair with my ass in the sand and toes in the water. Granted we did that in Mexico this past June but that was different. With having to load up your own gear and schelping it to the beach you work up a different thirst compared to walking to a lounger and having Habib fetch you beers all day.

Now here is where hanging on Longport’s beach kicks ass – After a couple of beers and half of my cigar the neighbor & A squared’s nephews bring us our sandwiches for lunch. You know how great it was to eat a Philly cheesesteak on the beach? You can’t get that kind of service on the beaches of Destin I tell you. Here is a news flash for my 6 readers; I have been known to drink a couple of ice cold beers. I know that it is a shock for some of you but here is something that I have learned over the years. There are 3 certain places that beer just simply tastes better. One is on a hot summer day as you are riding up to the 18th green and you are laying 2 on a par 5 hole. The next is when you walk into your favorite 1st Avenue bar after baking in the sun all damn day wearing a suit that most certainly will end up going to the dry cleaners. The last would be as you sit on the beach on a Sunday shooting the shit with good friends  in Longport New Jersey. Seriously, I forget how much I love just sitting by the water with a cold drink in my hand and not a care in the world. We should have been doing this all along!  A Good Times were had by all and next time we will be back! Thank you Neighbor and A squared.

IMG_1857This does not suck at all! Next time I am making my minions carry my stuff for me. We ‘had’ to empty that cooler before we walked back home I tell you. Thank God A squared was there to help me!

IMG_1852I made the Stock Girl’s day when she was the only one who would help me because the other sales reps were too busy. She rang up 2 suits, 6 dress shirts, 3 ties, 4 pairs of socks and a pair of cufflinks. That will teach the sales reps to never underestimate the hungover Southerner who wants to know where the 46 regular suit jackets are located.

12472491_10154589531004928_5349011178104153423_nSo if I am taking the picture where is “The Neighbor”? #pooping #roboisintrouble

Thank you to the Allison’s for the hospitality and to Nanny who let me slide down the slide a couple dozen times at her pool. We shall be back!

 

 

 

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Pictures of the Week

It has been a good week and this weekend will be even better. We head out to Atlantic City to annoy our former neighbor and see which one of us can resemble a Christmas Tree the best. Have a good one folks.

IMG_1805“Excuse me, do you know how to get to 19 Bowery ?”
“Sure you go down this street and hang a left at the Unicorn on the Fire Escape!”
That man wasn’t lying when he said Unicorn on Fire Escape!

IMG_1794Let’s play a game, can we see how man sweaty tourists we can get to stand on the corner of Broadway and 34th Street.

IMG_1813Apologies to my favorite Hippo loving,  Todd Rundgren singing, Not for Profit working Jessie W if this song gets stuck in your head. #Robocares

IMG_1814Who knew that so many of my friends were Radio Head fans.

IMG_1818It really doesn’t suck being in a suite in the Garden.

IMG_1822Kind of cool having a 19K person sing-a-long!

IMG_1823I am not sure if I should be excited or offended that my client gave me this. I think she saw the sandwich I ate yesterday on Instagram.

IMG_1826Got to love the 3 dollar shoe shine joints in the Financial District

FullSizeRenderGet ready former Neighbor to raise your hand because you heard the same story from yesterday. Oh and you too KJ and JD! It is going to be on!

 

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Got to love My Friends.

So Sunday afternoon after the cruise we decided to have a cold beer before heading back to the Upper East Side. Since we were very close to work I knew a couple of beer joints that we could grab a cold one on a very hot day. I learned from very early on that during a heatwave you have to abandon conventional establishments and seek subterranean low lighting bars that are cooler than street level bars. I learned that nugget of information from my trips to NOLA, where one can get swamp ass in a matter of minutes.

As we were sitting at a W4th street establishment my cell-u-mar foam rings as I get a text message it is from my friend “Double Birds” who sends me a picture of the South Bluffs Pool with the caption that read “Current View!” I respond with the only way that I know how, a picture of the bar that we are currently sitting saying “my current view.”  Man I really miss not having a pool.

IMG_1790Even the effing Dogs have a pool! I can only imagine the look of distain that Maya would give me if I took her to this doggie park.

IMG_1793Shout out to Mary M for the text message! Miss ya!

IMG_1792Pubs – Irish Sunblock and better than a cooling station too!

Makes you feel loved as we are nearing our 1 year anniversary of being New Yorkers.