If it is on the Internet then it must be true

I have had a couple of my readers call me out and say I was full of shit regarding the Cross Dressing Jogger from my SWINGING POST earlier this week. First of all, I am not full of shit (stop laughing), I am always sincere (I said stop laughing) when I post things on the worthless dribble of a blog. (I will wait for you to go clean up your screen on your monitor or tablet b/c you blew coffee all over the screen.) Yesterday when Mrs. Trumpet and I were returning from having a drink going to church I asked Bobby the Doorman if the cross dressing jogger had been by yet. He said no but it was very close in the hour for him to jog by in his boudoir attire and running shoes. And you wonder why the doormen in our building love it when I come walking up, you don’t know what you are going to get.

We were speaking with one of the other doormen (Bobby’s English is so-so) and Freddy was telling us the cross dressing jogger’s story. “Elegant” Elliot Offen was a regular on the Howard Stern show till he got banned from the Sirius building in 2006 for punching a hole in the wall. He lives up in the Upper East Side and prefers to jog in attire that is traditionally not associated with road races. He has been known to be somewhat abrasive and has yelled at people while jogging. This sadly has also led to a couple of altercations with people and naturally the media calls it a hate crime. Freddy also told me that he speaks to Elliot from time to time and he is a stand up guy. Granted Freddy and I do admit that that Elliot’s outfit are on the racy for a reason. Hey everybody has got to work out don’t they?

IMG_1350You go Elegant Elliot! You go on with your bad self in your red satin nightie, green gloves, black elbow sleeves and eye black. Its a jungle out there on the streets of the Upper East Side.

Now before anyone starts dialing me up saying that I am casting aspersions on cross dressing or anything like that let me stop you right now. I love that I live in a city that if you want to put on an outfit like Elliot and it doesn’t break any laws or civil codes then by all means have at it. As long as he or anyone for that matter goes about their day and isn’t vulgar or offensive to young children then go get you some. Personally I have to give Elegant Elliot props;

  1. He is jogging in the worst part of the day when there are all kinds of heat advisories going on.
  2. The long hair in this humidity, I would be wearing that shit in a pony tail if I were in his Nikes.
  3. His choice of clothing may be considered strange but I bet he will be singing a different tune if he is wearing the associated crotch-less undergarments with that red teddy. Talk about some swamp ass!

I hope you have a good day and have a good weekend.

 The Great Philly Smoke Out

BBQ – The art of cooking meat via indirect heat and smoked wood
Grilling – The art of cooking meat via direct heat over an open flame.

Now that we have gotten that out of the way….again! Let me tell you about a great weekend we had in Glenside. You recall the BOOGIE DOWN BBQ we had last year? Well this year we headed to Philly for the similar event. The Memphis, Atlanta and Ft. Lauderdale contingent all represented well and naturally I hitched a ride with the Asian Fireman from New York. The menu was Pulled Pork, Ribs, Beef Brisket, and Beef Ribs along with some great sides and drink.

It was great seeing everyone and to see how all of the kids have grown. We all know that the adults have grown…..out and it was great to catch up with everyone.

IMG_1323Trimming the Pork Butts

IMG_1318Working on the Ribs

IMG_1319The Scraps Pan – That will get thrown away! Sorry LB’s Momma

IMG_1330Oh get used to a lot of uncomfortable things there Asian Fireman!

IMG_1325Beef Ribs waiting to get juiced and covered

IMG_1336Good Thing that Lisa Marie is only in 6 inch deep water – No Lifeguard on Duty

IMG_1338And that is when it went downhill – The Kona Ice Slushie Cart

IMG_1322All shined up and ready to cook!

Good to see everyone!

You mean Pink Flamingo’s signal what?

I admit it openly, I am pretty naïve when it comes to a lot of stuff. Moving up here we have seen things that you quickly learn goes unfazed to a lot of New Yorkers. Case in point the cross dressing jogger of First Avenue. At first, it raised an eyebrow when Mrs. Trumpet and I were heading to our local drinking establishment. Now we worry if we don’t see her jogging in their slinky black dress and running shoes each day. You think that I am bullshitting you? Google First Avenue Cross Dressing Jogger! But don’t do it on your work computer. We need you still employed on Thursday.

A couple of weeks back some of our friends were vacationing in the Redneck Riviera well before our arrival. They posted a picture of some pink flamingos that they put into the sand to mark their beach chairs. Naturally since we had a large group heading with us, I visited Amazon and purchased a set (alcohol may or may not have been involved) for our trip. I posted the picture on Instagram and sent a pic on the group thread that a couple of us were on. Then it happened;

“All Signs Point to Yes” shot me a text on the group thread that his daughter informed them that a pink flamingo was the tale tail sign of swingers and we should watch out. Naturally I called crap and decided to GTS that to confirm. I mean Google is the official Non Fake News outlook of 47 year old men who have been married for 20 years. Sure enough there it was in black and white on my iFoam. “You may be a swinger if you have Flamingos in your front yard, white rocks around your mailbox, a black band on your right hand and some other things.” I passed it off and we kept on putting up the lawn art each morning so that our niece and nephews could find our beach chairs and we didn’t have any incidents. Sorry to disappoint our readers but we didn’t get propositioned but we did get some strange looks. You ever seen a beached whale under a beach umbrella chain smoking cigars? You get my drift.

IMG_1309I mean does this look like the face of a Swinger? Hell I just got enough money to afford those extra chins.

IMG_1277Can’t believe that someone put a Bud Light by our beach chair. The nerve of people!

IMG_1293Day 2 and from my vantage point under the umbrella all was good.

flamingoI promise that a bead of sweat rolled down my face when I started typing in “Are Flamingo’s the sign of a swinger?”

gnomeBut you know what also showed up as the sign of a swinger? Garden Gnomes! Be careful you swingers in Memphis. Exposure to RJ may result in pregnancy. AS – now feel free to judge me!

Keep it light folks and I hope you enjoyed the laugh!

Pictures from the Week – Redneck Riviera Style!

I have one more thing to say about this pasts week trip but I am behind the 8 ball and heading to Philly for the annual Northeast BBQ extravaganza. We missed the Philly Boogie Down 2 years ago because “we were busy packing for our move to New York City!” *that still feels weird typing that*

Anyway have a good weekend, wish me luck. I am going to be drinking with my boy RJ. If we get him juiced like a Ferrari we may find someone to perform that vasectomy this weekend.

IMG_1266Friday night before we left for LA we went to the Cyclones game

IMG_1269The Park out on Coney Island is nice

IMG_1278You can’t beat the beaches on OBA

IMG_1282No I didn’t take this pic to be a perv (I made Mrs. Trumpet take it) these girls came out at sunset for the perfect light and spent 45 minutes taking selfies and snapchats. Naturally I photobombed one of them and they wanted my Instagram handle. I declined because I didn’t want to be a hashtag. #creepyolddrunkguy

IMG_1287These guys took 1:45 to set up everything. I timed them as I smoked my morning cigar.

IMG_1292Want to make a 9yo talk to you. Take their picture, post it on Instagram and then they will ask you how many likes they got. *do me a favor, find this pic in my Instagram feed and like it would you? L(squared) will get a kick out of it if we top 100

IMG_1297J-Bob – “How Many Cigars you going to smoke Uncle CBT?”
Me – “How many times you going to ask me stupid questions kid?”

IMG_1259Kitty came in town before we left out and we got to spend some time with her.

IMG_1303If you look above the “R” in Pershing you see the blonde in the red top? UWS Holly was trying to play Paparazzi on the sunset. I saw it and texted it to her. I told her that this is what happens when you venture on the east side of 5th Avenue.

Have a good weekend and we will see you on Monday.

Get Up Boys, We Are Going To Dine At An Epicurean Institution!

So I returned from The Redneck Riviera the other night. The trip was fun and it was great spending time with family and seeing some friends while in LA (Lower Alabama). One morning I awoke and decided that it was time to broaden the gastric horizon of my two nephews. I slapped them on the leg as they lay on the couch and told them to get dressed as we were going to have breakfast. One of the nephews wasn’t sure what the hell I was talking about but they both agreed since I told them that they didn’t have a choice.

Now you have heard my past foodie exploits here in New York; Dinner at Per Se (twice), Blue Hill at Stone Barns, Peter Lugar (twice), and a number of other great eating establishments. Now sadly New York does not have the Gastric destination that you can find everywhere south of the Mason Dixson line (or I haven’t found it yet) that is pretty much a staple in the Gulf Coast. The destination that I speak of you ask…..Mudda Effin Waffle House!

One cannot become a food snob without a deep admiration for the Waffle House. I mean just look at the cult classic move “Tin Cup”;

Molly: I’ve got money from the bet. Let’s go somewhere fancy and celebrate.
Roy: There’s nothing to celebrate. Besides, these are my people. I’m a Waffle House guy. Got to stay in touch with that.

Who can’t argue with that logic? I mean they serve Waffles, Eggs, and have a secret code for ordering hash browns. So I take the boys for Waffles and naturally I take control and order some Pecan Waffles for the table as an appetizer. They look at me like I have 3 heads. I order my breakfast of 2 eggs medium, side of bacon, toast, hash browns scattered, smothered and DOUBLE covered for my entrée. Shout out to the Neighbor on telling me about double covered (extra cheese) on my hashbrowns.  Naturally I can’t leave the table without a proper dessert so I order a big ole glass of Ice Cold Whole Milk.

*Pro Tip – It helps having 2 teenagers with you so you don’t look like the gluttonous pig that you really are because they only ordered simple breakfasts.

maxresdefaultYou have to appreciate that Bourdain ate at a Waffle House

IMG_1289I mean who doesn’t love a menu that also doubles as your placemat

IMG_1290I have no shame, I ate the entire effin meal!

 Have a good one and if you are near a Waffle House swing by and pour some syrup out for those who can’t eat there.

Pictures on a Thursday?

Yeah I get that I haven’t done much this week in terms of blogging. I have been kinda busy and trying to sew up some loose ends. We leave out for the Redneck Riviera very soon. For those readers who live in Memphis you know where I am talking about don’t you? The mention of this location to my fellow New Yorkers comes with many puzzled looks and or questions.

  • Q – Why don’t you just go down to Miami or Orlando?
  • Q – Aren’t you afraid of getting eaten by a shark?
  • Q – Why do you call it the Redneck Riviera? Why don’t you just call it the pan handle?

For my Northeast readers let me let you in on some information regarding our beach destination. According to Mr. Google the Redneck Riviera is roughly 5 counties along the coast in the Panhandle area. I traditionally have always considered the Redneck Riviera starting at Pascagoula, MS and ending in Panama City. What makes it be called the Redneck Riviera you ask?  Think beer bongs, spring break destination, naturally Jimmy Buffett and trashy girls wearing confederate flag or Budweiser logo’ bikini tops. Pretty sure I am going to catch some shit from my 30-A reader Chase the Chihuahua lover for that comment. For those of you wondering why I am trashing it I want to keep some of the best beaches to myself.  Anyway we will be in Orange Beach near the Florida/Alabama state line. Or for those of you who are familiar with it. The World Famous FloraBama Bar. Talk about Dive Bar heaven! I promise to have some good stories when I get back.

IMG_1233Mudda Effin Duane Reade ran out of my favorite Hillbilly Ale on July 4th.

IMG_1242Snapped this the other day after a bad afternoon rain storm

IMG_1235Cost a small fortune to get this chub of Bologna.

IMG_1248Hey EGP he is young, wet behind the ears and no signs of being married

IMG_1234This warmed my heart when I saw it last week. Godspeed Keenan you were one of the good ones!

See you guys when we get back!

Pictures of the Week

Had some fun over the past weekend. Here are some that were on my iFoam.

IMG_1219One will ever know if these bike locks will be claimed

IMG_1218I mean those are two sexy words – Bar and Bacon! RAB this is in Hells Kitchen on 9th Avenue

IMG_1217Twas a Brave Man who first ate the First Oyster!

IMG_1216Was it Grey Shirt Day for Sunday Funday? I think so.

IMG_1215Yes J-bob Niketown is still here

IMG_1171I am going to shit in your shoes so hard – Monkey Head Maya

IMG_1160Snuck down to my Boys on Bleaker Street on Wednesday

As seen at the Cigar Joint on 2nd Ave

Have a good weekend.

 

 

World Famous Food Carts – Halal Guys on 6th Ave and 53rd Street

I have been slacking as of late and I apologize. You would think that all I ever do up here is eat fancy food and smoke expensive cigars. Sure I do that but not all of my meals are from 3 star Michelin restaurants. I mean some even come from food trucks. Now there are those who think that Food Trucks and Food Carts are disgusting and you risk getting food poisoning if you eat from them. Personally I don’t think that anyone serving food from a food cart would want to kill off their paying guests.

Back when we were in Mexico last summer. You know the trip I am talking about, it was the one that RJ knocked up Mallory. During the trip RJ and I were walking down the street and found a line of people at a food cart. I naturally get on line and RJ looks at me like I am crazy. I tell him that the universal sign of a good food cart is a long ass line. As far as the meal I ate in Mexico, it was damn good and pretty cheap. (Shout Out to my Boy RJ on the anniversary of him circling the sun. Lot of good shit has happened in 4 years since he turned 40.)

If you are ever on 6th Avenue at 53rd street you will find a similar line pretty much every damn day and at all hours of the day and night. This line that you wonder about? None other than The World Famous Halal Guys. The story goes that back in 1990 the majority of the cab drivers were Muslim and they were always looking for Halal Food Meat and Rice dishes. Traditionally the only carts in New York were Dirty Dishwater Dogs but 3 guys; Mohammed Abouelenein, Abdelbaset Elsayed and Ahmed Elsaka (yes I looked this shit up from the website) started cooking on the first halal meat food truck at 53rd and 6th Ave. Basically it was the first drive thru since the cars would pull up by the Hilton to get a taxi.  Demand was great and naturally this menu became a very popular late night drunk food (I have no idea what you are talking about) and next thing they knew Boom, the Halal Guy’s Food Mania was born.

Now while I was getting some backstory on this they actually have franchise rites so I will make a deal with someone in Memphis. If you talk to someone who would open up a Gus’ Fried Chicken Franchise up here I will help get 38103 a Halal Guys Food Truck. As far as the food from the cart. It is damn good. Even if you are stone cold sober on a Monday at lunch.

IMG_1163The line was relatively light on the day that I visited it this past Monday.

thg_foundersThe Founders and Owners

IMG_1164So good and only 8 bucks for a platter like this but a word to the wise – Go Easy on the Hot Sauce. It is burn your ass hot!

258sBeware guys, this isn’t your normal Hot Sauce. The White Sauce is pretty good too!

Have a good day and next time you see a food cart or truck go support them.

The Trumpets go to 161st street

One of the perks that Mrs. Trumpet has at work in addition to all the free office supplies she can steal is that she can get free New York Yankees tickets on occasion. This past Friday we got some tickets and invited the Asian Fireman and his family. This was the first Yankees game for Fee and C-Man and they were pumped to say the least. We headed up on the 4 train and were greeted with an hour and 45 minute rain delay. The kids were great and only cost their parents a couple hundred bucks with Yankees Swag, junk food and naturally cotton candy. The game was not much in terms of offense but the kids had a great time. We got to hang out with the Asian Fireman and Asian Fireman’s wife and catch up.

19424438_10155475772549764_179133934817604610_nNeedless to say there were some upset Philly Fans by this picture. Wee Fee also graduated from Kindergarten earlier in the day and had her first Subway ride in the day too!

IMG_1166The Tarp was still on the field but thankfully Mrs. Trumpet got our tickets out of the elements.

IMG_1170Play Ball!

19420845_10155584014923783_8798188607574298526_nHeading home. C-Man and Fee had a blast. And for those of you wondering, we are National League fans so being a Yankees fan is ok. Unless the Cubs or the Cardinals play the Yankees then it is game on!

 

 

What do you do for groceries?

You would be surprised how many times we get asked that question. I swear that some people think that just because we don’t have a car or Kroger in Midtown we are starving up here. Granted we do have a grocery store right across the street but I am not a fan of Anal Rape and don’t like paying 100 bucks for 4 items that should cost 20 bucks in the suburbs.

We do have Fresh Direct and Peapod food delivery services but they don’t carry everything so we are forced to go out to hunt and gather. The Morton Williams across the street is ok for things you need in a pinch but they cost more than Whole Foods or a bodega and I prefer Fairways Grocery. A couple of weeks back my former boss, Ernie Mellor, posted a Grilled Corn and Butter Bean summer salad that we used to enjoy. I was craving that so I decided on Sunday morning I would venture up to E86th Street to get provisions. Now the Fairways is about 18 blocks away and schlepping groceries isn’t the easiest in New York if you don’t have a buggy. I bought one a couple years ago and it is great for carrying stuff to and from.

I jump on the Q to E86th street and thankfully the store wasn’t mobbed as one would normally expect. I credit this to lots of people being out of town and that it was rather early in the morning. I get my groceries and lug my cart back to the apartment and get to work on grilling some corn and make the salad. Dinner was excellent by the way.

IMG_1172Here is the recipe for those of you New Yorkers who wish to have something different.

IMG_1179Here is my little Cart while we wait for the Sunday Subway schedule

IMG_1180Fairly Quiet on E86th Street this morning.

IMG_1181Front of the store on E86th Street

IMG_1182Prepared Fruits Section

IMG_1195I knew that the little clip I picked up at Home Depot would come in handy. I can hang my buggy on the shopping cart.

IMG_1196The Produce Section is killer here.

IMG_1197Anybody need 40 pounds of Garlic?

IMG_1198This joint has a serious Butcher and Fish Monger Station.

IMG_1199Not going to lie there are about 20 different species of fish that I am not familiar with when I come here

IMG_1200A Casino Clam?

IMG_1203Went with Crab Cakes in honor of some former Memphian’s that are now new Baltimorean residents

IMG_1202Oh Look, the Gluten Haters have their own section.  Yep, I am going to take some shit from UWS Holly for this one. I have always poked fun of Gluten Free people and or Vegetarians saying that they were the new Al Qaeda because people used it as the new diet. UWS Holly actually is gluten intolerant and can’t digest it. Personally that sucks because who doesn’t love Jiffy Cornbread? Oh yeah, I am getting a text message for this one.

IMG_1201They love some Goya Canned Vegetables up here. Would it kill you to carry the Glory Brand?

IMG_1210Joker is packed to the gills ready to head back to E71st Street.

IMG_1211Here comes the Q Train

IMG_1212Just one subway stop. There were lots of people heading to Midtown to the Pride Parade

IMG_1213Taking Stairs with this cart is a pain in the ass. Thankfully they have lots of escalators on the new Second Avenue Subway line.

IMG_1214Finished the Corn and Butter Bean Salad (used a different version of cherry tomatoes to give it a different color)

Note to self – You are a fool if you don’t use one of the grocery delivery services for having bottled water, mixers or other heavy ass items delivered to your door.