Month: November 2018

Pictures of the Week

It was a good week this week. Here are some pictures from the weeks past.

This was the Small Pretzel. 
S/O to Nova for the Shirt. 
Deep Down I bet that LJZ wants one too
Whats the Fucking Point?
No they don’t have an Arkansas Club up here.
Mother Fucker could you please?
The Private Residences at The Plaza – Bougie AF
Love the Citizen App and No I wasn’t up there either! 
Getting ready for The Tree Lighting
Best Save The Date Ever! They got engaged at Disney Land

Have a good weekend folks! 

Advertisements

Snow In New York

We had some snow a couple of weeks back that took me by surprise. Actually that isn’t true, it took everyone by surprise. What was supposed to be a light dusting actually turned into about 6 inches in the city and over a foot upstate and in Westchester & Rockland Counties. Mary Louise was out of town in Japan (recall this POST) so it was me and the dog. I learned something about the loss of Monkey Head Maddy when it snows. Maddy didn’t really care about snow and would plow through it with reckless abandon and Maya would follow her steps. It appears that Maya is a fancy girl and does’t like snow on her undercarriage. 

I can’t really blame her but my dumbass was wearing probably the worst shoes next to flip flops when all of the snow hit. Rubber soled driving shoes. Yep my commute back to Downtown Brooklyn was wet sock filled.  The snow wasn’t just bad on my subway commute. My boss took her over 7 hours to get home and one of my work co-horts took 4 hours getting home. Thankfully the snow was melted by Friday morning and Flights got back to normal by Saturday for Mary Louise’s arrival home. 

Taken about 3:00PM
Taken about 4:30PM and you can see the snow is on the roads now. 
My shoes are already moist (don’t you just love that word) and I have a substantial snow storm to trek home in. I might as well enjoy my Cigar from my current perch. 
Thanks a Lot Uber. Way to Stick it to the folks. This is normally a $30.00 cab ride home. 
Beware of the Slushy Water. I had to George Costanza Jump to clear this. 
Like a Beacon in the Harbor My Favorite Store Was Open. I didn’t really need anything but you can bet your sweet ass I bought something.
No idea that what she is in for
Where is that White Dog when I need her. This sucks! 
Make a Deal with you. I promise not to pee in the house if you promise not to bring my ass down here again. 

Trust me when I hear that they forecast snow my ass will be wearing correct shoes. 

The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade 2018

We had some friends in town from Crime-Free Memphis and they had requested to see the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Do you recall back when we went to the Parade in 2015 as a guest of the Asian Fireman?  They were forecasting that it would be a cold Thanksgiving Day. Actually it was a record breaking cold day 19 Degrees Fahrenheit (-7 for you Celsius folks) and nothing sucks more than standing out in the cold with no bathroom. Oh, on the day we saw the parade back in 2015?  I think it was like 40 degrees so that was perfect. Thanks to Z(Squared) we were able to procure a proper viewing spot from his office to watch the parade. 

Trust me when you see the parade from that vantage point I assure you that unless I am on a mudder fucking float with the fat man himself there isn’t any going back. I did get a little warm in the conference room overlooking the Avenue of America’s but having that bathroom is what is really is all about. Thank you to Z(Squared) for the hospitality. We will have you over for the Fireworks on July 4th. 


Parade walks off at 9PM and by the time they get here it is about 9:45AM. These poor folks have probably been on line since 6AM
Always start with Thanksgiving Floats 
See the Lamp Post in the middle of the float? They had all the floats down low this year because of the winds
Ole Pillsbury Still Makes The Cut
Ok Here Is The Green Giant – It is Thanksgiving And the Creator Of The Green Bean Casserole Died This Fall. 

 

Not A Fucking Clue

 

Here Is RAB’s Favorite Float. What is your hatred of Him? What did he ever do to you? 
Olaf (There were some kids in the conference room and they told me) 
Diana Ross – I hope she played better than she did at Live At The Garden


Hey Santa – I will hit you up later on my wish list
Current Position – Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Float Carrier. I carry the Star that says “Believe.” 
5 Minutes after the Fat Man Went By They Crowd is Gone! I don’t blame them, it was cold on Thursday.

Again A HUGE THANK YOU to Z(Squared) for the sweet vantage point. I know that our guests loved it and we did too! 

The Little Bastid and The 25# Turkey in the Mirowave

Those of you who know that Mary Louise and I have a child always love to hear stories of his antics. The Little Bastid was up to no good the other day while he is in reform school upstate. Those of you who also have kids have probably been pranked by your children with the “How to cook a 25# Turkey in the Microwave” prank that is going around. The little bastid (he isn’t that smart) tried to get me….or was it the other way around. 


Happy Thanksgiving Week! 

Carbunkle Trumpet’s Friendly Suggestions for Tourists Visiting Gotham This Winter

Please note that I am trying to clean up my act because there is enough ugliness on Twitter right now. I mean would you have really clicked on this worthless dribble if the title were “You will probably get called an Asshole by a New Yorker if you do this.”  Do you recall way back to the first Holiday Season when I posted about some ladies who stopped short in Times Square? Sadly I have turned into more of a bitter New Yorker and Marathon Sunday was the tipping point. 

Marathon Sunday we were to venture up to Woodlawn in the Bronx for Wee Fi’s “Wizard of Oz” Seventh birthday. In order for us to get Metro North we have to get to Grand Central so we have to jump on a 4 Train at Nevins Station. Normally that isn’t a big deal but on this Sunday the 4 Train was packed tighter than a pair of pants at an all you can eat buffet. The train is full of Marathon Spectators who are in deep need of reading this list. Rather than have a full on Fucking-Come-Apart on a jackass who thinks that wearing a packed backpack doesn’t bother anyone else…..so I chose to come up with this list. 

Below is the short list of suggestions that I would like to extend to anyone who is thinking of visiting New York. AKA – Don’t be this Asshole or you may get yelled at.

  1. Walking on our City Streets, Subway Stairways,  and Common Area Walkways  – please remember these Two Fucking Rules; NEVER EVER stop in the middle of the above mentioned while in New York. I assure you will get run the hell over by a New Yorker who is walking at top speed. Second, and this goes without saying; LEAVE YOUR FUCKING PHONE IN YOUR POCKET! You don’t text and drive in your hometown, why do you you think you can text and walk up here? Too many people get yelled at on the streets for updating their Facebook updates. Step to the side if you have to text your cousin that you just saw someone famous. 
  2. While in cramped spaces (Subway, Elevator, walking into the Garden) take that backpack off of your back and just hold it in your hand. I promise that it may seem foreign reading this in Memphis or other parts of the US but it is a major No-No here in New York. Especially on the Subway! You will get yelled at. 
  3. While walking on our streets do us other people don’t walk side to side if you are a family of four. Want to really piss off some folks on the streets? Walk hand and hand. Oh and if you have strollers, you can only do that in Park Slope not in Manhattan during holiday season. 
  4. Asking Directions – Again this is going to seem foreign but try to know where you are going before you step out onto our streets. It isn’t so much about addresses it is the cross street and what direction is this sucker on the dividing line aka 5th Avenue. In other words know the lingo; East = East side of 5th Avenue. West = do we really have to do this? Uptown = North of 60th street. SoHo = South of Houston Street. Also Google Maps is your friend when trying to negotiate the subway. Trust me.
  5. Be a Boy Scout – aka – be ready to act. This applies to when swiping your Metro Card at the Subway Turnstile. You don’t want to be digging in your pocket while at the turnstile. Ordering a bagel at a bodega….let me tell you that you will get a Soup Nazi comment from the deli worker or a “Can you hurry the Fuck up” from someone standing on line behind you. 

 

Getting Around The City on Marathon Sunday Can Be Difficult
See The Disdain on the Face of The Woman Exiting The Subway? She is About To Break Bitch on These Picture Taking Tourists. Its a Fucking Coffee shop!
This Makes My Ass Twitch Every time I see it! I Want To Play Red Rover/Red Rover Send Carbunkle Right Over! 

Trust me when I say that It isn’t that New Yorkers are Rude, we are just in a Hurry. Hope that you had a good laugh and please don’t be “That Guy/Gal”!

The Week in Pictures – Marathon, Fi’s Birthday Party, & Dog Abuse

I have a couple of posts that I am working on so I will probably share them with you next week. Next week Mary Louise is ‘again’ leaving my ass. What does that mean for me and the dog? Couch time and farting in my BVD’s.

IMG_4573Whomever did this is my hero. This is perfect Ina and Jeffrey.

IMG_4556Hello A.S.P.C.A. I have a compliant to file

IMG_4593Good to know that we live on Mile 8 of the Marathon. We still miss living in the UES on Marathon day. Trust me when I say it is electric

IMG_4596Thunder Alley is so great. Come off of the Ed Koch Bridge where it is quiet and cold and experience Thousands lined up on 1st Ave and its loud! So much Fun!

IMG_4600Poor Lightbulb (his nickname was already in place before he was born) done burned out at the party.

IMG_4602Fi &  C-Man watching “The Wizard of Oz”

IMG_4603Not sure if this practice was taught by The Asian Fireman or the Asian Real Estate Rep.  Anyway that was a virgin Mimosa aka straight OJ.

Supposed to be cold as balls this weekend. Time to break out the Canadian Goose Coat.

When in Red Hook Brooklyn…

Actually this isn’t a BBQ post because Hometown BBQ is located in the heart of Red Hook. Nor is this an Ikea post because Red Hook is where all of Manhattan goes to get their Swedish multi density fiberboard furniture.  Nope in Red Hook is a Fairways Grocery where one can get pretty much all that you need when formulating a grocery list. Due to space and size limitations lots of grocery stores can’t carry everything on your shopping list. Take our local Brooklyn Fare grocery store 3 blocks from our apartment. Great selection but we can’t get a lot of the ‘southern’ fare items due to space restrictions. Trust me when I say that I have been searching for dried Black Eyed Peas for weeks.

For you Non-NYC readers let me give you some comparisons. Fairways Grocery in terms of Memphis grocery stores; Remember the old Seessel’s then Schnucks Grocery Stores? Well add Charlies Meat Market Butcher and then Destin Seafood for fresh seafood. That is what Fairways Red Hook is for you Non-New York folks. Anyway after an hour visit to the grocery store I loaded up my “Old Lady” cart and decided that I needed to bring back lunch to Mary Louise and crew.

You may recall my post way back when we landed here back in August of 2015. As I walked out of Fairways I remembered Defonte’s Sandwich was here back when the Asian Fireman took us there. On that Saturday we were experiencing a wonderful Nor’Easter so I was looking forward to getting me a chicken cutlet Red Hook Sandwich. Trust me when I say that this Italian Sandwich Shop didn’t disappoint at all.

56235645640__7C6025D2-F9CD-483C-A29E-B39575373CC1Success! I got me some Black Eyed Peas. Now if I can get Glory Brand…

IMG_4558“What you need a menu? You can’t read the wall?”

IMG_4560The smells coming from this steam table can’t be described.

IMG_4562Pretty Much every cast member of the Soprano’s has eaten here and left an autograph

IMG_4563Center of the pic, yep that is the cast with Christopher in the center.

IMG_4564Reminds me of the old pictures of Ronco Pasta

Sorry I have been busy with no posts last week. I was busy.

The New York City Marathon 2018

What the? Carbunkle is posting on a Sunday? Hell, that fat fucker hasn’t posted in a week and now he is posting on Sunday? Ease up folks, we have been busy.

When we moved from 1st Ave btw 71st & 72nd to Brooklyn I realized that we were losing a prime Marathon watching spot. Thankfully I just found out we are a block from the Marathon route so I may swing by and yell for complete strangers in a couple of hours. I can’t hang all day because I have a prior engagement this afternoon. Don’t judge but I am attending a 7 year old’s birthday up in the Bronx so I will miss a lot of the Marathon shenanigans today. If you are wondering what I am talking about, please peruse this worthless dribble post.

Before I start to drone on. Best of luck to Mary Louise’s former work buddy J(squared) aka “Jolly Pocket” and my work buddy Kai who are running today. I am sure that there are others running but best of luck to the both of you. I ran a half marathon one time and I still am still limping because of it. 26 miles on these shitty New York Streets….You Da Real MVP!

Earlier this week my buddy @Brizzyc was inquiring on the book of face about a good vantage point to watch the marathon. I referred her to a bar on 1st Ave at 63rd Street. I may have visited it a couple of times when we lived in the UES…… I further went so far as to recommend a “slinger of the spirits” to seek out at said bar. Hopefully Mermaid A will be working this Sunday. Christ, that woman has been out of the office more than Trump, Marsha Blackburn, or Brian Kelsey!

Brizzy, one of these days we need to grab a beer. Then again it is probably best that you and G-Man haven’t met up with Me and Mary Louise. The establishment that we were visiting probably would have run out of beer.

IMG_4591This is our slinger of spirits and also good friend Mermaid A. Don’t you hate her? Cute, can balance on a long board, but she can’t text “come to the bar for shots” that well. BTW Mermaid A. – when are you working again?

IMG_4590Finish the Race Kai and beat yesterday! you go this!

IMG_4588Go get them Jolly!

And as always, thank you to the Runners, The Volunteers, and all those who will protect the runners, the volunteers and the spectators.