What’s in the Box?

If you have not seen the movie “Seven” I won’t spoil the fun. One of the many things that I have been trying to do is support the arts. When we moved up here we joined The Met for a year. Since then we kind of became homebodies but I have always been trying to do something.

The YMCA up on 92nd street in the UES had been doing a long lecture series that I have been keeping my eye on. Some were sold out before I could even buy tickets but when I noticed that Gwyneth Paltrow would be interviewing Evan Funke I circled the date on the calendar. Ok Truth – I have always had a little thing for her. I mean if you aren’t a fan of The Royal Tenenbaums then we can’t be friends.

Anyway if you are not a foodie you won’t recognize that Evan Funke is well known chef having worked at Spago and is a Pasta Making God in the restaurant world. The talk was great and many thanks to the Russian for being my date since Geranium was out of town.

It really was a good show.
Getting settled in our Seats
Crib Notes
Snapped this when the Picture Police had her back turned
They do a Guest Q&A and someone asked what would Evan cook for the President. He said that The Obama’s have eaten at his joint a bunch.

Robert De Niro is on the 7th of October. Hey UWS you want to be my +1? Geranium is going to be out of town again.

Pictures of the Week – We worked a Full Week this week and we lived to tell about it!

I was wondering why my ass was dragging this morning, then I realized it. Hell, this is the first time in the past 3 weeks that I have had to drag my ass into the city 5 consecutive days. For those of you who do read this worthless dribble and happen to be on Metro North, LIRR or NJT I expect you to fully tell me to “GFY CBT” I get it, you have a longer commute. (NON NEW YORK READERS) – I only have to take 1 to 3 subway stops to get into the city. Seriously, I have the easiest commute in the world.

So New Year, New Me right? Believe it or not, I am actually trying to clean up my act. I am nearing the 49 trips around the sun anniversary. After 50 trips I have to really be careful because I may break a hip or have to go to Canada for free healthcare. Ok enough silliness, here are the pictures that I have had on my iFoam for the past couple of days.

Can’t recall where I snapped this pic but I love that it is our former hood.
EGP is showing me her mad selfie skills.
Sent this to Mary Louise while she was in Spain on the 4th. Her comment back to me was “Did he die?” She isn’t a fan due to a long night Jam session one night at 595.
My Boss – You want to grab a drink? Me – Can’t I am studying for my Blood Test again. She then asked what day I was on my Juice Cleanse.
RJ and Fuck-Tard – You would love our building for obvious reasons!

Hope you have a good weekend and it isn’t as cold as it is going to be here. We are heading to Northwest Arkansas this weekend to see family and friends.

Also Shout out to the Pirate/Beatnik and Time Square Performer who happen to read this worthless dribble. They just completed an important milestone in their ‘remodeling’ project.

The New York City Marathon 2018

What the? Carbunkle is posting on a Sunday? Hell, that fat fucker hasn’t posted in a week and now he is posting on Sunday? Ease up folks, we have been busy.

When we moved from 1st Ave btw 71st & 72nd to Brooklyn I realized that we were losing a prime Marathon watching spot. Thankfully I just found out we are a block from the Marathon route so I may swing by and yell for complete strangers in a couple of hours. I can’t hang all day because I have a prior engagement this afternoon. Don’t judge but I am attending a 7 year old’s birthday up in the Bronx so I will miss a lot of the Marathon shenanigans today. If you are wondering what I am talking about, please peruse this worthless dribble post.

Before I start to drone on. Best of luck to Mary Louise’s former work buddy J(squared) aka “Jolly Pocket” and my work buddy Kai who are running today. I am sure that there are others running but best of luck to the both of you. I ran a half marathon one time and I still am still limping because of it. 26 miles on these shitty New York Streets….You Da Real MVP!

Earlier this week my buddy @Brizzyc was inquiring on the book of face about a good vantage point to watch the marathon. I referred her to a bar on 1st Ave at 63rd Street. I may have visited it a couple of times when we lived in the UES…… I further went so far as to recommend a “slinger of the spirits” to seek out at said bar. Hopefully Mermaid A will be working this Sunday. Christ, that woman has been out of the office more than Trump, Marsha Blackburn, or Brian Kelsey!

Brizzy, one of these days we need to grab a beer. Then again it is probably best that you and G-Man haven’t met up with Me and Mary Louise. The establishment that we were visiting probably would have run out of beer.

IMG_4591This is our slinger of spirits and also good friend Mermaid A. Don’t you hate her? Cute, can balance on a long board, but she can’t text “come to the bar for shots” that well. BTW Mermaid A. – when are you working again?

IMG_4590Finish the Race Kai and beat yesterday! you go this!

IMG_4588Go get them Jolly!

And as always, thank you to the Runners, The Volunteers, and all those who will protect the runners, the volunteers and the spectators.




Living The Rock Star Lifestyle Here

Clubs, 3 Michelin Star Restaurants, Partying till 4AM on a Tuesday Night/Morning what a week I have had this week….wait who am I kidding here? My ass starts wants to head to bed by 10:30PM each night. We had a busy week given it was a snow day on a Wednesday. On Friday night I met up with UWS Holly, Mrs. Trumpet and a school friend for some wine before they went to musical. UWS was heading to New Jersey and I was heading to the UES to do laundry. Yep Friday night and who do I have a date with? Tide Pods, Bounce dryer sheets and a good stiff Tito’s and Soda. I made that laundry my bitch by the way!

Saturday morning we got our Fresh Direct order so I was up early. After giving a shout out to “April the pregnant Crab in Baltimore” on the Book of Face I decided to do a little spring cleaning. Mind you it was a ball shrinking 30 degrees Saturday morning so any outdoor activity would require a lot of clothing and lets be honest – I AM FUCKING OVER THIS COLD WEATHER! I mean it is the friggin 12th of March, could we at least have mid 50’s for a high?

I took the dogs out, fed them, shaved my balls & back, I fixed breakfast for Mrs. Trumpet, then I decided it was time to clean out some closets. One of the great benefits of this 535 square foot apartment is that we have killer closets. It isn’t the walk in beauty that RJ and Mallory now have at 595 in Memphis but we are very lucky. Anyway I decided to tackle the entry hall closet, Shobo’s purse closet and then the attic (you wondering what the hell I am talking about) storage area. Yep it was a busy Saturday.

One would think that if you have already downsized one wouldn’t have to do it again for at least 5 years. Well nope, my goofy ass filled a suitcase that would cost over 200 bucks to fly domestic and I haven’t’ even tackled my own personal closet.

IMG_2808Wine Flights for 12 bucks at happy hour? Now I wonder why Mrs. Trumpet picked this place.

IMG_2812Pay no attention to the “Maintenance Wine” or my fancy La Croix bubbly water?

IMG_2813The Purse/Sweatshirt closet

IMG_2816The Attic/Back Room where we store all of our $hit. Yes those are gallons of water in the top right. We have to use distilled water for our humidifier (THAT WE STILL FUCKING HAVE TO USE IN MID MARCH!)

IMG_2817Since we just got rid of our larger suitcase we are now down to 2 carry on pieces of luggage.

IMG_2818The Office/Guest Luggage Storage/Beach Chair Storage Area/Monkey Head Bedroom

Bored yet? Yep, that was our Friday and Saturday. RELAX Folks, next weekend is the Super bowl of drunken drinking or as the Irish call it – St. Patrick’s Day. I have already spoken to my St. Patrick’s Day date and she is ready to drink with guys who have swords with me. This year is a bonus since this St Patrick’s Day falls on a weekend so Mrs.. Trumpet can join us this year for the whole drunken episode.

Sorry Folks, That is life in our Rock star lifestyle.


The things you see running the marathon

Like I said earlier this week if you have never witnessed a Marathon it is a special time. The New York Marathon is a huge and as Katherine Switzer said; “If you are losing faith in human nature, go out and watch a marathon.” She hit the nail on the head with that comment.  Below are some funnier costumes we saw this past Sunday.

IMG_2111The Blues Brothers braving the rain on 1st Avenue

IMG_2110Wizard of Oz runners. S/O to the St. Jude Hero in the back of the picture

IMG_2109Dude don’t fucking Marathon and Text! That is Rule 2 behind ‘get nipple guards’

IMG_2101Um ok, I get it Mario

IMG_2100Yo Luigi, you better get your ass in gear, you be running second

IMG_2112She.Is.Wearing.Flip.Flops.For.A.Marathon. Yes saw that too!

IMG_2098I can’t really give them grief because if I ran this far I would be wearing a Tu-Tu also

IMG_2097In the middle of the 2 yellow shirt runners is a blind person. How cool is that!

IMG_2088Viva France!

IMG_2081Ok, I will bite, I guess that the other superheroes took the day off

IMG_2079Didn’t know it was a formal affair!

IMG_2078Running Aztec or is he a Mayan.

IMG_2072Don’t mess with his Tu-Tu

IMG_2080He must have lost a bet

andi and joNow the 50K runners who finished the marathon got a medal but these two were the real MVPs of the Marathon. They kept us in ‘bottled water’ after the Quitter Bus went by. Love me some J & A!

Have a good evening, it is supposed to be cold tomorrow!

Things you learn in a Blizzard

What can I say, 2017 is a year of firsts for Carbunkle Trumpet. No I am not talking about the new president, that was yesterday. What I am talking about is this jacked up weather. Seriously would the person who called Mother Nature a Crack Whore please apologize? Earlier this year I survived the Nor’easter and let me tell you, that sucked. This week they were calling for ‘a significant snow event’ for New York and Long Island. They were calling for a blizzard or white out conditions in the city and we should seek shelter at times. I am sure that you are reading this in Memphis wondering what the hell that means. So did I until yesterday. Anyway here are some things that I learned yesterday during the Snowpocalypse.

  1. Forget that heavy wool coat, get that ski jacket out of the closet. Wet heavy snow and wool are not the greatest combination.
  2. Boots, Boots, Boots – If they aren’t waterproof you might as well wear flip flops.
  3. Seeing is overrated during a blizzard. I saw a bunch of people wearing ski goggles yesterday and it makes perfect sense. I may look into getting a pair.
  4. Some dogs love snow, our dogs…..not so much. I don’t blame them. The snow was high that they had belly rubbing.
  5. If one does not have children then you are instructed to head to the nearest bar. That actually is a law.

img_0269Maddy don’t care about snow, she has to poop!

img_0270This one however, what a diva!

rockyI knew that Rocky over in Park Slope would be a happy pup today!

img_0264Broke out the shit kickers earlier in the week when we had biblical rains.

img_0274Made it into the office for a couple hours so I could say that “I made it in” and promptly went to reward myself.

img_0275W41st street was not looking good. The sidewalk was fine but the street needed some help.

img_0272Wonder why I take Lipitor? This would be the reason.

img_0276Are you F’ing kidding me guys? Closed because of the snow? This would be a perfect day but no! Somebody has to be a P word and stay home.

img_0268I mean even the Chinese restaurant on 2nd Ave was open for Christsake!

img_0267Got to love that someone cross stitched this.

Have a good weekend. We are going to be meeting up with UWS Girl this weekend to go to a silent disco.

Remember this day folks

Because this is the day that a certain Brooklyn born resident’s head comes completely off and explodes! Yep after Maria reads this I expect to hear of an explosion in the Flatlands of Brooklyn on E43rd street.

You see my dear readers, I have known Maria almost as long as I have Mrs. Trumpet and if there is anything that I know it is that she absolutely despises 2 things. First thing that she skeeves is monkeys. We found that out in Belize one year during Thanksgiving. The second thing that she despises….Citi Bike Stations and bikes in general.

I am sure that you are wondering if I bumped my head. Care to guess what they installed on E71st street just east of 1st Avenue? A Citi Bike Station!!  Yep parking in the UES just got a little bit more challenging.

img_0246I didn’t walk the dogs yesterday afternoon so imagine my surprise when I saw this contraption last night.

img_0251Oh I can imagine that Maria will be cursing the rider of this bike very soon. I too will be cursing the rider when they drive on the sidewalk because they are a moron.

img_0250What is funny is that when they installed this bike stand they put the wrong sign up. Notice the sign how it says 2nd Avenue and E71 Street? That my friends in the background is 1st Avenue and E71st Street.

monkeyShe will not be amused. “Ok, Monkey, Nice Monkey, Pretty Monkey…Walter get this fucking thing off of me!”

Make sure you put Maria on your prayer list and have a chuckle. We will see her Sunday.


The Mean Streets of New York

Where Christmas Trees go to die….

So you recall earlier this season when we got our first standard New York Christmas Tree? It was a good tree; it didn’t fall down, it held the 800 lights that Mrs. Trumpet hung on it and it didn’t shed all its needles like a leper at leper colony. The downside to the tree was that it didn’t give us that “I smell the tree” when you open the door. Apparently the tree that we purchased wasn’t as aromatic and it was very fresh. In other words it wasn’t going to smell like the ones we had in the south who were cut down in August. It was a learning experience because we more or less told the tree hawker we wanted a tree that was 21 inches at its widest point. Still now that it is 12 days into the new year the trees that are on the side of the road are so aromatic and fresh smelling. Trust me when I say that you appreciate that walking down the street.

We decided to de-deck the tree the Saturday following Christmas on New Years Eve day. That day was the first day we had time and I had to keep with the southern superstition that trees have to be down by New Years Day. Before my Northern readership starts calling bullshit, I confirmed this with my fellow work cohort who also hails from the south that this tradition holds true in South Carolina. Then again we both agreed that this could be made up by parents so that kids have to help take the tree down before they head off to school. Anyway the tree was down and on the curb at E71st by New Years Day.

I walked by the trees on the street many times during last week taking the monkey heads out to pee. It wasn’t until this past Sunday that I noticed a spike in Christmas Tree carcasses. I was making my way back into the building from a trip at The Cigar Lounge Church that I saw 4 different people taking trees to the street. I asked the doorman why was everyone waiting till the 8th and they shrugged their shoulders. It wasn’t until a trip to get beer food that I found my answer. I asked an older UES W.A.S.P.’y lady walking on the street why everyone was waiting till this past Sunday to take down their tree. She, looked at me in her WASPey glasses and  remarked “My dear boy, any proper New Yorker knows that one does not remove their tree until after the tree in Rockefeller Center is down.” I thanked the woman with a “Bless your heart” and continued on my way with my 18 pack.

So there you go, New Yorkers are not allowed to take down their tree till after the tree in Rockefeller Center is down.

img_0176Tree Carcasses on E64th at Madison

img_0178Wonder when they do remove these suckers, anyone?

img_0182Lined up by our building

img_0183I bet that my former Asian neighbor still has her tree up! She had that sucker up in Mid August! But then again she had to live next to us so she did have to drink a lot of wine to cope.

I know, kind of a silly post but hey, it was a slow news week.

Funny Thing Happened at Work 1 Year Ago

“Carbunkle Trumpet there is a phone call for you.” stated the office manager who was eating bon-bons and drinking “coffee” that smelled of Kahlua *Oh I am so going to take some shit for that one*

Me – “Hello, this is CBT, what do you want?”

Mrs. CBT – “You always answer the phone that way?” *editor’s note – it is very uncommon for me to get a phone call from Mrs. CBT during the day. Text yes but phone call means something is up.

Me – “I saw your number on the caller ID and it was from your work. What’s up? You don’t normally call me in the office, who died?”

Mrs. CBT – “I was calling you to tell you to turn in your 2 week notice to EM, I got the job in New York City!”

Me – *butthole clinches a little tighter upon hearing those words “You mean the job that you just interviewed for and they said it would be 2 weeks before they made their decision?”

Mrs. CBT – “Yep!”

And there it is folks. One year to the date that this whole adventure began. I look back and still I can’t believe it has flown by that quick. From accepting the position to getting our apartment the next day, which was paramount I might add. Then telling all of our friends and family that we were “moving on up to the Upper East Side” and finding a renter for our joint on South Main. Let’s don’t forget that 1600-mile journey with me, momma and a poodle in a U-Haul that had a restrictor plate on it so we could only go 75 miles per hour to now current day. It has literally flown by. I look back on this time and still pinch myself because we certainly have accomplished a lot and I say beat the odds.

Backing up some – If you were to ask me 6 years ago when I was at a very low point in my life that could I ever see myself living in New York City, I would have told you that you were crazier than hell. I had just finished working as a carnie for MIM and went back to being unemployed but yet still had bills to pay. In those 6 years; we both made career changes, the wife got diagnosed and then kicked the shit out of breast cancer, we downsized into a condo and then we uprooted it again and moved to the city that never sleeps. Wow! That is some crazy shit you know?  This road has been bumpy at times but if you were to ask the both of us if we would do it over again I know the answer would be yes. At least for me, I bet that momma would like to avoid all that chemo and neuropathy stuff.

You have heard me reference my US friends who live in Belize and St. Thomas and how I have always admired them for what they did by moving to an island. They left the comfort of home, their friends and went down a path that wasn’t so worn. I have a deep admiration for two special friends down in Belize and their story. These two ladies left Indianapolis, left family, children & friends and started all over again in a foreign country to run a Bed and Breakfast. We met them a number of years back and have become great friends and try to see each other at least once a year. #FuckShobo (inside joke)

It wasn’t until we received an email from RDD or Shuffles that they admired what we did and how our move to New York was very similar to them when they moved to Ambergris Caye Island. I recalled looking at those words and it then hit me “Shit, why didn’t we find an employer that Momma could work for in the topics?” I am kidding by the way. I really was honored and respected those words. I never really thought about it like that.

There are a couple of you who have asked me why I refer to NYC as “that island called Manhattan” it for the above reason. We went out on a limb together and stuck our big toe in a very big pool of water. I can say that this experience has been exhilarating and scary at the same time for the both of us. Much like our friends in Belize it brought us closer to each other and made us better people.

Changing gears now – The first two months that we were living here we would both say to each other “I can’t believe that we live here in New York!” It wasn’t until the third month that it changed into “Why the Fuck didn’t we do this sooner!” Sure there are a ton of things that we miss by moving away from friends and family and it hasn’t always been smiles and dive bars. There have been some tears shed along this path but (I promise I am getting to my point) what are you waiting for? Why not do something as we say at work “Let’s turn this bitch on its head and see what happens?” I am not suggesting you move to a different city on whim, but start small instead. I am challenging you to do what you have always wondered “What if?” Let’s be honest, we all know the worst thing that can happen is that you fail. But if never try then do you always fail?

I will end this deep Hallmark post of a blog with the words of Steve Buscemi from Con Air; “Insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting different results.” Go do something insane folks, who knows what will happen.

FullSizeRender_1I do love that woman! Even if I have to stand on a curb to see eye to eye with her!

IMG_0579And that night a friendship was born. Love you RDD and Shuffles!

IMG_0580I mean seriously Mrs. CBT – Why couldn’t you get a job on this island for me to sell my wares? Is that a FedEx drop box I see next to that Palapa?

mugNipped this off the internet and it speaks volumes.

What are you waiting for?



New York Friendships

“Wait you are going to Philly for a One Year Old’s Birthday? You have more friends here in New York than I do and you moved up here in August!!” explained someone when he asked me what I was doing this past weekend. I don’t really know how to explain it, does this mean that Southerners are more social than people from the North? Let’s get to that debate a bit later. So how did two people uproot from their home town of 20+ years, move 1600 miles, start new jobs, and yet still have a great social life away from work? Well first of all, when we made the decision to move up to Gotham we both knew that we had a helluva friend and family network already in place. From our NYC Consigliore and all of her St. John’s classmates to the Asian Fireman and all of the NYFD buddies to even more new friendships, we really are lucky to have such a great circle of friends.

To give proper backstories way back some 22 years ago Mrs. Trumpet and OTB were drinking frozen boat drinks in Magen’s Bay in St. Thomas USVI while on a cruise. These two Brooklyn knuckleheads are trying to work their magic on these ‘southern belles’ and things were looking promising until Mrs. Trumpet looks at McNick and informs him that he has a booger hanging from his nose. Yep that was the start of the friendship with all of the St. John’s gang. On the cruise the Memphis girls meet Maria and it was on like Donkey Kong from then. We would vacation with the New Yorkers on Cruises, in Belize, New Orleans, Memphis, we even came up here for a cruise to no-where for a couple of days. I won’t mention all of the names for fear of missing one but we really are blessed to have this group of friends.

The other set of friends that we have was thanks to the guy who now lives in my old house in South Bluffs. You see RJ moved from Willow Grove Pennsylvania to be a tour bus driver at Graceland. With him came a whole bunch of ‘characters’ that I could at best could describe them. Hey Papua New Guinea Mike – Don’t worry the fountain picture is safely stored in a plastic container in the basement of our rental condo downtown. Thankfully the group of malcontents grew up, got married, started having babies and while we left RJ, Mallory, Baby Lisa Marie in Memphis we get to hang with all of his friends and expect him to start making some trips up here this summer. Again I won’t go into detail as I would probably leave one out and we know how bad one gets butt hurt when someone ‘swipes left’.

So you are thinking “hell, you guys got two great groups of friends, you are set” but it doesn’t end there. Now here is where I get two different distinct thought processes and opinions. You recall Miles from The Australian and the post I did about the people of New York? Of course you do, I still get the occasional text from my Bar Wife or Chef Stalker to see if I have been back to that bar and more importantly if he is still working there. For those of you wondering what I am talking about, from that post I reported that New Yorkers are stereotyped as cold, reserved and non-social and that isn’t the case. New Yorkers are instinctively friendly after you get past the first layer of puffy coat.

Since that post I have encountered some New Yorkers who do play the stereotype and are reserved and non-committal. With these people you have to really work in finding a common ground to build a relationship. Case in point is my Cigar haven on E73rd Street. I normally go in there to read the paper, watch a game and try not to engage in the political chat because it is like wrestling with a pig; you both get dirty and the pig likes it. We do get into some pretty good discussions there after you realize “Hey that guy who smokes $50 cigars and makes 2.4M/yr also thinks that children should say Mam/Sir to adults too.”

Sadly there some New Yorkers who won’t let you in or as I say “get up, go to work, come home & repeat” I don’t know it seems strange but I think it was a comment that one of my work cohorts once said to me that hit home. “You know CBT, New Yorkers are normally not ones to open up and keep to themselves unlike people from the South.” I took his comment with appreciation but I have to disagree. Mrs. Trumpet joined a wine club (BTW – Memphis you are doing Wine Club Wrong) and she enjoys it. I have begun friendships with some of my work cohorts and let me tell you, it is refreshing to talk about something other than work when you are grabbing a beer or bite to eat. Like I have said before a couple of times, we really are lucky to have such great friendships up here considering we are still less than a year in living here.

I leave you with an oldie but goodie saying that I have said many times before “A good friend will come bail your ass out of jail. But a great friend will be sitting next to you in jail saying “Holy Fuck that was fun!”  Keep it light and have a good day!